Ever get brave enough to take yourself out at night alone?

[TableFor1]

I was chatting with my sister about SA, she also suffers with it. Sadly, we live far from each other and don’t get to see each other much. Sometimes we deal with our anxieties by laughing at ourselves. I know it’s not for everybody, but it works for us – can be a stress reliever with someone that truly understands. She's really animated and we laughed last night, because one night she decided to give it a go and was going out no matter what! She found herself at a bar and said she felt like she had a spot light on her with a sandwich sign that said, “Please talk to me, but don’t even talk to me!” She had one drink, turned around and left. It’s an awful feeling, but kudos to her for trying! Do you think those mixed signals are obvious??

 

[jaim38]

I rarely go out alone at night. If I do, I need to bring mace and cell phone. I used to live in neighborhoods where going out alone at night can be risky, esp as a girl.

 

[mikebird]

Never alone

But the last time it happened, last year, I had a clash with bouncers who wouldn't let me back in

 

[hexagon_sun]

I like to think that people are able to pick-up on those subtle "mixed signals" but MOST people are not on the same wavelength if you know what I mean... But if your lucky, there will be someone who is and will be brave enough to approach you (because they will likely have SA as well).

I vaguely remember some study done on that. Whether people are able to read someone's body language in the noise and confusion of a bar type setting to guess their emotional state. The results were rather weak.

As far as saying f** it I'm going out! I've done it a few times myself. I've gone to see bands, gone to bars and movies by myself. I make no effort to interact with anyone, but at least I don't feel couped-up. Sometimes I just get tired of being afraid and want to feel like a human. It's rare these days that I go out since I've been unemployed for a year but it looks like that's going to change next week! ::fingers crossed::

 

[onehandclapping]

I used to do it more in my 20's and always found it difficult, but these days I rarely go out to social places like bars and clubs or pubs.
trouble I had is just finding something to do, buy a drink and just nervously sip it every now and then, distract myself with my phone pretending to do something important (and actually not doing anything much at all!) go outside for a cigarette... I just run out of options and would leave as soon as my drink was finished. everyone else is talking to each other and in groups or paired up. sometimes I used to talk to the barman or barmaid if I had talked to them before ,got along with them and they made me feel comfortable. but that wasn't always an option.

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

I once went to a bar alone. I didn't talk to anyone, I just sat and drank my beer.

 

[gustavofring]

I don't understand it. Why would anyone go out somewhere alone?

First of all it's not fun because everyone is interacting but you, secondly you're setting yourself up for scrutiny. Not saying this will always happen, but there are some nasty people out there.
I've tried it, going to the cinema alone, and going to a coffeeshop alone but I didn't feel comfortable and missed having someone to talk to so I just awkwardly checked my phone all the time. I guess it's just not for me.

 

[GraybeardGhost]

I don't go out very much, but when I do, it's usually at night and almost always alone.

Why alone?

'Cause there ain't nobody else. :idontknow:

I don't go to bars anymore, but there is one place down by the river where I used to go a lot. Sometimes, I'd go with other people, but most of the time it was just me. I'd sit at a table off to the side, order a drink, and friendly girls would come over to talk to me. I was always surprised by the depth of conversation one could have there, in spite of the loud music, the flashing lights, and the sight of all those beautiful, naked, gyrating . . .

OK, so it was a strip joint, and the girls were just hustling me, but it felt good to get even that mercenary kind of attention from those attractive young women. It wasn't something that happened anywhere else. I usually left there feeling a good deal lighter in spirits . . .

. . . and in my wallet.

 

[spearhunter]

It's boring anywhere alone, better with a friend or 2 , at least there is someone we can talk with.

 

[selon]

I sometimes go to cafés just to sit there, have a coffee and read a book. When I don't feel like reading I'll look at people. But bars alone... dunno. You can't really do there anything by yourself and (as someone else wrote) you're just pretending to be busy with your phone or go for a cigarette every few minutes.

 

[ForeverTheWeirdKid]

I go out at night to places I'm comfortable being at.

 

[skins]

you see there are plenty of guys (confident guys) that will go to a bar alone and just read a book and drink..you talk yourself out of it by saying nobody does it, ppl do it trust me, i've seen them.

 

[Richey]

Not really.

If i lived close to the city i probably would go out more, because there would be so much choice. alot of restaurants, corner cafes. concert halls, events etc.

so it all depends on location.

again, where you live can have a big influence on your life, immediate environment etc.

 

[TableFor1]

PRE-SA Me
I think that because it was always in far away towns it was surprisingly comfortable and I always felt so confident. Makes me wonder if my SA would be existent on holiday.

Wow, this is so true! When I travel, I feel like a different person, completely uninhibited. What is that about? It makes no sense at all. Time to win the Lotto and live on the road!

 

[Lamb]

Yes, there are some people who can pick up on mixed signals. There have been strangers who would walk up to me and ask me what I'm doing out alone some nights.

It depends on what you're doing, whether or not it can be deemed boring. Live music or watching a movie can still be enjoyable solo dolo. Unfortunately, going to a bar alone ends up being a drag most of the time. Still, it's something I'd like to tackle, hoping it will allow me to feel liberated.

 

[TableFor1]

I’ve experienced a bit of what you all posted. A couple summers ago, I used to take my bike to the beach for a ride on the boardwalk, maybe stop into a pub or two along the way, met some nice people and off I went. Now days, not so much. At some point the light burnt out and I can’t find my replacement bulb (and Home Depot claims to have everything). At some point fear and insecurity set in. I know it has always been there, but way in the back… One day it pushed forward - full force! I think by taking a chance on going out alone, that maybe, just maybe one day something might click… Like Skins said, “ppl do it.” To be continued I suppose.

 

[A Many Splendored Thing]

Wow, this is so true! When I travel, I feel like a different person, completely uninhibited. What is that about? It makes no sense at all. Time to win the Lotto and live on the road!

I think it's the pressure of getting to know people that is the problem.

At least, if it's the same way I feel.
----
I go out alone sometimes, but it's hard to get myself to even get out. I think it's silly that people worry about being alone somewhere.

That's the logic in me, but I do feel the same -awkwardyness- of being alone somewhere. But it really does seem silly to me.

There is a voice at the back of your brain telling you it's wrong. And others may even get that voice when they see you alone. It's not like there is something wrong with it.

 

[TableFor1]

Oh yeah that...

 

[PhantomPod]

Very rarely do I work up the courage to just go out alone. I've never been to a bar or club alone before and can't imagine going someplace like that alone. I've gone to the movies alone and that was fine.

One time I actually did go to a concert alone. It was a group of bands that I absolutely loved and finally I just said "f*ck it!" and I bought myself a ticket and went alone. Honestly though, it wasn't all that fun. It would've been way more fun if I actually had a friend to go with. Instead I mostly just stood there feeling uncomfortable and noticing all the people around me who were having fun with their friends and wondering if they noticed me by myself and thought I was a weirdo being there alone.

 

[rosewood]

I talked to my twin brother about this. He said I should go to a restaurant with a bar so I could eat facing just one or two people intsead of a whole roomful. He also said to take along a book and a cell phone so I could have something to distract myself and look like I am "busy" with my own life. Whether they are used in earnest or just props to get you through the meal, it helps. This way for myself at least I can be closer to people, even if I am not exactly interacting with them as much as I would hope.