I talked to my twin brother about this. He said I should go to a restaurant with a bar so I could eat facing just one or two people intsead of a whole roomful. He also said to take along a book and a cell phone so I could have something to distract myself and look like I am "busy" with my own life. Whether they are used in earnest or just props to get you through the meal, it helps. This way for myself at least I can be closer to people, even if I am not exactly interacting with them as much as I would hope.
If you're going out alone, you definitely want to keep yourself preoccupied. That's what everyone does. A book, ipad, or magazine are good ideas. I like to going out to a restaurant when I want to get caught up on reading.
Yes Ive done plenty of this and i can do it. I went to Las Vegas alone, karaoke in Manhattan and Queens plenty of times, Coyote Ugly. Ive been to Phoenix Arizona alone 3 times because I flew there. I used to take trips Upstate NY. Im fine but Im still a little socially limited. Alcohol can help a little but its still hard
Technically yes. But not like you mean. I used to jog at night, ha ha. I think it was one of the first posts I ever wrote here. It was skurry! And funny. The stuff that goes through my mind, why they oughta make a movie out of it, they should.
I never go out like you mean. Though that's brave of your sis! I can relate to how she feels. As does most of us. Good on any of you for trying. It's such a brave thing for people like us to do. You have my respect! 🙂
This thread has been really good for me to read because I've been thinking about forcing myself to go to this bar alone but something inside keeps stopping me. I think that inside I know how it will play out. I'll just sit there feeling stupid and then leave. I just don't see a bar as a very welcoming environment.
I may still work up the courage and do it anyway.
This thread has been really good for me to read because I've been thinking about forcing myself to go to this bar alone but something inside keeps stopping me. I think that inside I know how it will play out. I'll just sit there feeling stupid and then leave. I just don't see a bar as a very welcoming environment.
I may still work up the courage and do it anyway.
Hi Spartan, Do you play pool or darts? That's a good ice breaker. I too have been trying to get up the nerve to go down the road and put my quarters on the table. Im OK at both, but I just need to go :shyness:
Technically yes. But not like you mean. I used to jog at night, ha ha. I think it was one of the first posts I ever wrote here. It was skurry! And funny. The stuff that goes through my mind, why they oughta make a movie out of it, they should.
I never go out like you mean. Though that's brave of your sis! I can relate to how she feels. As does most of us. Good on any of you for trying. It's such a brave thing for people like us to do. You have my respect! 🙂
I will look for your post on "your skurry jog" haha.
PRE-SA Me
I used to be a chauffeur/airport transfer driver and I would often go into a pub and have a shandy or one of those non-alcoholic beers then a coffee, sometimes a meal or a take-away. I was generally on a time limit so I never really tried to get talking to many girls except bar maids.
I think that because it was always in far away towns it was surprisingly comfortable and I always felt so confident. Makes me wonder if my SA would be existent on holiday.
I posted a similar question in the random thoughts thread a few weeks back. When I was travelling it was like my Avoidant Personality/SA traits were almost non existent. I am confident in this because I travelled for 4 months on 2 occassions. I would experience some anxiety but it seemed logical as I was in a different country surrounded by strangers and the anxiety didn't prevent me from striking up conversations etc with local people and other travellers. I have been thinking about this a lot lately...whether or not my SA and self confidence would benefit greatly from me taking my backpack and heading off for a few weeks on a shoestring budget.
I have been to see a couple of bands by myself, one last year and one about 16 years ago. I will often go and buy something to eat at a cafe and sit by myself and watch the world go by. I don't really feel that awkward or self conscious doing this. I don't think I could go to a bar though, although there is one about 800m from where I have very recently moved. I have this really bad stereotypical idea of a local bar that makes the though of entering one really confronting. Funny thing is I worked in a very popular bar for a few months many years ago before my SA took hold.
Hi Spartan, Do you play pool or darts? That's a good ice breaker. I too have been trying to get up the nerve to go down the road and put my quarters on the table. Im OK at both, but I just need to go :shyness:
I enjoy pool very much. I just can't imagine myself playing it with strangers. 😮
No, I never have gone to a bar or club on my own. I don't attract people, so I'd just be award in a corner till I go home. Also dinner in a restaurant on my own would feel awkward. I have done that once and I was glad there was a telly there to keep me occupied...
At university I tried to do this once. I got into the bar, looked around and left. I couldn't even get to the buying a drink part. Felt very relieved to be back outside. Freedom.
Hey at least she tried. That is all anyone can ask of you is to try. Congrats to her for taking a step in the right direction. Weather it helped in the long run or not, its still an accomplishment for people with SA.
been thinking about how i'd like to try going out again sometime soon, but not really to the same places I went to when I was younger, just somewhere sort of social but sa friendly?... i'm struggling to think what that would be though.
