Emotional manipulation

[gustavofring]

Is there any way to tell these warning signs before starting a relationship?

I have a feeling with people like this it usually only surfaces after they've let their "mask" down I find.

 

[dottie]

i think the warning signs in the beginning are if it seems too good to be true and if it progresses too quickly. but it is still hard to tell.

 

[Unspoken]

Oh boy, do I relate to everything I do being cause to feel guilty no matter what I do or how small of a misstep I make.

 

[A friend]

Those signs of an emotional manipulator...it sounds just like my biological mother.

 

[BlackPuma]

I'd like to be on my guard always..

Be he only lets me ride his shoulders for so long. Good staff is hard to find. >:C

 

[Justlikeme]

That is exactly the kind of person that one of my ex's is. I know that she was manipulating me through how I was feeling at the time to get me to come back. I fell for it three times and damn near fell for it again recently.

 

[hoddesdon]

I saw this article just today, which is on a cognate subject:

By Korin Miller

"Left"
Sure, sometimes 'left' is the only word you can use in a situation, but there's some kind of drama involved when he uses it in place of another word that will do (think: "I left the bar at six" vs. "I went home at six"). It could be due to his desire to "leave" the lie behind.

"Never"
The big thing to look out for is when he says "never" when "no" will do. It's a sign he's overcompensating. For example, if you ask, "Did you just look at that girl?" (small edit here) and he says, "Never!"

"That"
Like never, it depends on how he uses it. If he puts "that" in front of a noun, like "that woman" or "that money," it's a subconscious attempt for him to distance himself from the word. This is a common trick of manipulators.

"Would"
If he skips "no" and goes straight to "I would never do something like that!" when talking about a past event, be wary. For example, "Are you still talking to your ex?" "I would never do that to you!" "Would never" suggests that he plans to do it in the future.

"Yes, ma'am"
If your guy is a Southern gentleman, then this doesn't apply. But if he suddenly says "ma'am" to you out of nowhere, be cautious. It's a sign that he feels like he's feeling stressed and knows he's in trouble.

"By the way…"
Liars use phrases like this to try to minimize what they say next-but usually it's what's most important to the story. Pay extra attention to what he says afterward.

"But"
Liars usually try to downplay what they say with this word, so pay attention when he says something like, "I know this is going to sound strange, but…" or "I know you think I'm lying, but…"

"Why would I do that?"
It's a favorite stalling line of liars, so they can buy a little time to work out what to say next. These phrases also fit the bill: "What kind of person do you think I am?", "Are you calling me a liar?", and "I knew this was going to happen to me!"

Read more at Cosmopolitan.com!

Source: 8 Words that Most Liars Use | Love + Sex - Yahoo! Shine

 

[cowboyup]

Good article, thanks Remus.

Scary to think both my parents fit the bill.

 

[hoddesdon]

Is there any way to tell these warning signs before starting a relationship?

I have a feeling with people like this it usually only surfaces after they've let their "mask" down I find.

One way is to look at how they treat other people. It is best to do that when they do are not aware of your presence, but sometimes you can see a difference when they know you are there. If they are not trying to con or fool that other person, then (sometimes) their true character is apparent.

 

[awkwardamanda]

I dealt with a lot of this kind of crap from my ex too. And since I hadn't (and still haven't) ever dated anybody else, I really didn't know any better. Things made sense later on and I know what not to put up with again. He was needy. Pretty much any time neither one of us was at work or at school, it was assumed we would hang out. I had to do a lot of my homework at his place. I lost touch with some friends. The little time I had to myself, I needed mostly for homework. If I was called and asked to pick up a shift at work, even if we had nothing specific planned, he got mad at me for accepting. I sat there, bored out of my mind, and watched as he played video games, read sports blogs, and chatted with people on MSN or facebook. And yet, he had the nerve to tell me I was boring. I never made him watch me do stuff I liked, and I didn't have much time do those things on my own either. Any time we fought, I was to blame. My side of the story never seemed to matter. He always found some way to turn it around and make it my fault. I remember once or twice, he threatened to kill himself when we were arguing about hell knows what. I should have walked out then and there and told his parents he's their problem and I won't be responsible. Drama llamas know exactly how to guilt you into sticking around. My parents thought he was controlling but I was too stupid to figure it out at the time. He had no respect for my privacy. I told him things that should have been kept secret and he blabbed to his friends and thought nothing of it. I should have gotten out of that far sooner than I did.

And like Hellhound said, it is very difficult to trust people now. (Due to other experiences as well.) You have to be so careful with anybody. Most of the time, it isn't worth trusting people, and if you can't trust anyone, you'll never get close enough to anyone to know if they're trustworthy. And so I continue down the lonely road. It's safer there.

2. An emotional manipulator is the picture of a willing helper.

I wish I weren't speaking from experience here, but I'd like to warn people that sexual predators like to pull this stunt.


(For the record, I'm talking about different people here.)

 

[jaim38]

I'm glad I'm not in any relationship at this time. I've been living with an emotional manipulator and that's already a handful.

 

[EscapeArtist]

Good post, I knew somebody like this. thanks