EasySkanking's "Thinking Locker"

EasySkanking

EasySkanking

1
Yup, thought I'd start one of these too - to keep the trend going and to perhaps be of help to others who suffer from SA by telling of my fight against it and how I go about it. Hope it helps or it at least is entertaining :). So bear with me:

Listening to Chopin Nocturne 20 - great song. I miss this place... why? Is it the "online connections" that I have made with people here? Is it because I have nothing better to do (can't be that, I got stuff to do) Or is it just for the escape? I think it's the "connections"... you guys are smart, caring, intelligent and understand me and what I'm going through - you also teach me a lot (and I love learning).

Hmm, doing better with my social anxiety.... it's weird. SA is so deeply rooted in us.... it's like trying to pull out an oak tree with your bare hands... you might work out to gain strength, you might learn the perfect technique to rooting out a tree and you might even get help with pulling it out - but in the end, it's still hard as hell to pull out... this is social anxiety - a deeply rooted set of misconceptions and unrealistic believes created by traumatizing events. We are freaked out - is the best way that I can put it... so even if we know that our social fears are silly, feel confident enough about ourselves, and know otherwise the opposite of every one of our negative believes - we automatically react "freaked out". Why? Is it the "neurological plasticity" that molded our brains into this "automatic freak out" shape? Why is it so hard to change (remold)? Are we really such primitive sad creatures that we cannot change our perception of something once we know that our current perception is wrong? Do we really have to keep thinking it and repeating it over and over just to reshape it? Bah

If you want, you can always get a "bulldozer" to help you pull the "Social Anxiety Oak Tree" out - medication... and that's all it is a "tool" to make the "battle" with social anxiety easier... it's not a solution (though it may be for some if their SA isn't as 'bad')... and it is not "immoral" or a "cheat" - it is using our intelligence to build a tool to help make things easier for us, this is why I don't see medication as something "evil" or "uneccessary" (though uncessesary it may be - one can still pull out that tree, it'll just take longer and be harder). If you get my analogy :)

When I realize that almost no one judges me and live by this realization I am social anxiety free... but this happens a couple times a week and only for a minute at most... when I do get to that "feeling" I get scared and think that I don't deserve it (it feels great) and I go back to feeling nervous.

I'm just bummed out that SA can be so hard to overcome :( :( :( :( *cries*. How I wish it was easier...............................

I know that:

Almost no one judges me
Those that do, I do not care about
I am good enough
I am deserving
So on and so forth....

Yet:

Sometimes I feel like everyone is judging me (you know that feeling - panic attacks ;). but no one is juding us, we only imagine it. And this I know yet I cannot accept it.

It's like SA forces me to care about those that do judge me...

Sometimes I think I am not good enough (thank you SA)

So on and so forth....
 
EasySkanking

EasySkanking

1
I did some serious thinking last night before going to sleep. I realized a few things:

I am getting old (yes my body is giving me small health problems now lol)

In 6 years I will be 30... and I can't just be like this, lonely and without having realized my goals.

Though I am getting older, I have all the time in the world to achieve my things, but I want to achieve them as soon as possible so I can enjoy them more.

I have to do something about my way of life NOW, I can't keep on waiting. and most importantly, I NOW want to do something about my way of life.

I think SA is possible to beat.... I now feel that I can beat this.... which is a great feeling of relief and hope.

I have one chance to live this life and do what I want... I cant waste it on worrying and waiting... it's stupid. I have to just 'live', just like everybody else. So what if I am worthless or not good enough? **** it, I'll just live... I want to live.

Work is going allright.... I'm starting to learn that the work experience all depends on yourself... you make it what it is. If I focus on my work and the positive things of it, at the end of the day I feel like I have accomplished something and happy. In an identical day, I can choose to focus on all the bull**** that goes on (which happens everywhere) and at the end of the day I'll feel depressed and exhausted.... gotta focus on being positive.

Something that I've done consistenly recently is work on SA on a daily basis, eve if it is just one miniscule piece of work.... something is something and it adds up over time.

Some things that I do to overcome my SA:

-Face my fears at least once a day... if I freak out about one social situation, I'll go ahead and do it... just to not give in to SA.

-Read books/information about SA and learn coping techniques from them.

-Before going to bed, I try to read to myself some realistic messages that I have written out to myself (CBT), such as:

"If I live well and stand for anything meaningful, some people will dissaprove of me sometimes and that's okay"

"I will not be left alone by getting close to attractive females"

I also relax myself using a couple of techniques, like contracting my muscles body part by body part for 6 seconds, focusing on the tension and suddenly releasing the tension by letting go of the muscle contraction and then focus on the relaxation that comes from that 'release'. I start with my toes, move to my legs, then to my stomache, to my back and chest and finish with my face.

Once I am relaxed, I imagine all the things that I want to accomplish and deep inside know that I can accomplish.... I feel this helps to imprint your subsconcious to make it easier for you to accomplish these things.

I finally believe that I can overcome SA.... I am looking forward to that day :):):)... I am getting old and I have to do it NOW. AND I WILL!!!!
 
BlackPuma

BlackPuma

1
Hey, ES! Firstly, it's great to hear from you again, buddy. :3

It's fantastic to hear that you've made so many realizations, and have made so much of a difference. Respect, man, utter respect. ;3

Keep up the great work.
 
F

Feathers

Well-known member
YAY!! :) EasySkanking, you're soo inspiring!!

I've made some New Year's resolutions myself, I think I'll add some of yours!! :)

You ROCK!! :)
 
Sial Axetder

Sial Axetder

1
WAIT!

I just read this whole page. That, as some may agree, is quite the feat. Usually it takes me a plethora minuets to hours. Noises and there is a movie moving on a screen.

Very well done, my friend. Muscle tension relaxation (MTR), will have to try.

Go get what you want. Just do us a favour, be safe about it. Walk straight, those stairs can be tricky sometimes.
 
EasySkanking

EasySkanking

1
Hello Everyone,

First of all, sorry for posting such an emotional and long post, but I feel this must be said. I feel deep inside me that I have to let this out and share it with everyone here - I believe it may be of help to someone out there.

Life is easy my friends - it is only us (everyone in "conjunction" and slightly individually as well, in my opinion.) that sometimes make it complicated. So keep this in mind when living your life - it's supposed to be easy, it's not mean to be complicated, hard, or depressing.

Realize that the things "Social Phobic"s fear is not real. You imagine that all people are judging you? Well that's not true - the truth is that most people do not care about you enough to judge you all the time - people in general have their own lifes, which occupies them more than thinking up examinations of a stranger. Imagine if we did that about every single stranger the average person saw in a day? We'd never get anything done! So know that - that most people (9 out of 10) do not care enough about you to judge you - thus, they do not judge you at all. By the term "judge" I am referring to "being seen in a negative/put-down light".

Also know that "Social Anxiety" is just a state of your mind - and our mind changes through "stages" alot during our lifes. In example, you think differently as an adult as you do as a child, as you do when you're a "young adult" and an older adult. etc. The mind changes - and this means that you can change the social-anxiety-state that your mind is currently stuck in as hard as that may be (and yes stuck because that's exactly where it is - *stuck*). And as we all know, getting things "unstuck" is hard! Hard but not impossible - know this too... overcoming SA is not impossible just possibly a very difficult and complex task. But worth the trouble!! Trust me... your life changes so much...

We are social creatures and how we "display" ourselves to others *greatly* affects our lifes, because we need "people" in order to life happy and fullfilling lifes. It's just not possible to do this w/o people, because we are not designed to be (you can't fight your DNA! ::p:)

So work on this, and you'll see how much your life improves being a true "social creature" as you were meant to be. You'll see that life is simple, beautiful, and enjoyable - and WORTH LIVING.

Anyway, 'bout me - I recently "stumbled" upon the last stepping stone on my quest to overcome this - it has given me great results - suffice to say that I think it has cured my Social Anxiety. I'm still figuring it out, so I'll see how it goes and share what I find and perhaps be able to help you out overcome it as well. I did this almost entirely on my own (and I was at an extreme limit in/of Social Anxiety "Disorder") and now I feel I am entirely free from it in general.

I'll let you know!

-EasySkanker ::eek:::cool:
 
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DespairSoul

DespairSoul

Well-known member
Awww that so brave and isnpiring, and a lot of true points!!!

Congratulation to you that u are able do it so much steps forward. I wish i could be so brave and find the motivation to do it just like u do it, keep doing what u are because i think your positivity and willing is the key.
 
panicsurvivor

panicsurvivor

Well-known member
LOL. This is great. But I am afraid it comes a absolutely no suprise here. When we were first becoming friends I knew that this wouldn't last for you. You are too smart and too good inside for negativity to rule you forever. Your struggle with SA has made you better. You are more understanding and wiser for having gone through it. I regret that you and I don't talk and share thing like we use to but at the same time I am happy that we don't because you are doing things more worthwhile than talking to a sociopath on the internet. LOL. Even though you don't appear to need it and hopefully you won't, I am still here if you need help or advice again. I hope in some small way I may have helped you get to where you are now. Some day a really lucky lady is going to stumble on to you and be amazed that she was so fortunate. ;) I hope it doesn't sound patronizing to say this, but I am very proud of you!!:cool::cool:
 
EasySkanking

EasySkanking

1
From the bottom of my heart, thank you Anti, Escape and Coyote:):)

DespairSoul said:
Awww that so brave and isnpiring, and a lot of true points!!!

Congratulation to you that u are able do it so much steps forward. I wish i could be so brave and find the motivation to do it just like u do it, keep doing what u are because i think your positivity and willing is the key.
Click to expand...

To steal tweetebird's signature quote - "it's not so much that I'm movtivated or inpsired, as much as I am stubborn" 8D The key for me has been to just keep going. Thank you DespairSoul :).


panicsurvivor said:
LOL. This is great. But I am afraid it comes a absolutely no suprise here. When we were first becoming friends I knew that this wouldn't last for you. You are too smart and too good inside for negativity to rule you forever. Your struggle with SA has made you better. You are more understanding and wiser for having gone through it. I regret that you and I don't talk and share thing like we use to but at the same time I am happy that we don't because you are doing things more worthwhile than talking to a sociopath on the internet. LOL. Even though you don't appear to need it and hopefully you won't, I am still here if you need help or advice again. I hope in some small way I may have helped you get to where you are now. Some day a really lucky lady is going to stumble on to you and be amazed that she was so fortunate. I hope it doesn't sound patronizing to say this, but I am very proud of you!!
Click to expand...

You have helped me dude! Thank you very much <3. Wish that somehow in some small way I have also returned the favor. Thanks man, will definately look for you if I need advice, as your advice is always great! Yeah, hopefully I can "stumble" upon a lady too - that'd really make me happy :).
 
DespairSoul

DespairSoul

Well-known member
"it's not so much that I'm movtivated or inpsired, as much as I am stubborn"

hahaha good borrowed signature:) Tweetie is amazing and smart. so unique as u are. Im stubborn as hell is taking me no where:D Maybe work only by someone?
 
EasySkanking

EasySkanking

1
For anyone that's wondering, I have to stop spending so much time/energy here - it is unhealthy. I'm trying to separate myself from this place as much as possible, so sorry if i do not come back. I'm still planning on keeping my promise to you though vj - dance moves video ;)

thank you all (you know who you are), that I have formed a special strong bond w/. i am thankful for having the opportunity to know you ;).

its just unrealistic to think that i'll find anything more here than internet pen-pals.

So thank you again a thousand times! I hope that some day I run into one of you again - it would mean a lot to me... you are all ****in awesome - and deep inside you all know that - goodbye <3


Best of luck to you all!

God, I almost feel like crying. But "real life" is calling me and I cannot ignore it this time.

P.S

I'm gonna be banned for 21 days, after which I plan to post a summary of how I overcame SA and that dancing video, which i promised I would do.
 
EasySkanking

EasySkanking

1
Alright guys, here I go again, so pardon me while I spill my guts out once again. I hope that it is of help to someone out there seeing how I struggle with social-anxiety.

Yup, social-anxiety. 'Cause that's all it is anxiety aroused from social interactions with people. I have learned that the term "Social Anxiety Disorder" doesn't fit well with giving a good representation of the true meaning of our experience(SA). Because it implies a "disorder" - as if something is missing or wrong in us - but it is not true. If it was, we would need something consistently that fills that lack of "whatever" we lack - such as medication. BUT WE DON'T. I have used St.John's wort, prozac, and fluoxetine(best by the way, and highly recommended if you need it), but only used them as tools to help me deal with social-anxiety... not to fill this "hole" that is caused by this so-called "disorder"... I eventually got better and no longer needed the meds. Now I am fully free from social-anxiety in general and I am not on any meds - in fact it feels much like it did when I was on meds except more "natural" and better.

The point is, that our "experience"(SA) is not a disorder - but an experience. An experience that is shared more by all humans more than you think :). A lot of people are afraid of being judged, seen negatively, not a approved of or thought of as ugly, stupid, not good enough. It is a common occurence.

Except that in our part, we make too much of it because we have been hurt dramatically in the past from such sa-inducing experiences. We are traumatized and often automatically recall those traumatic events and re-play the feelings of hurt we experienced then (even if the circumstances we currently experience do not suggest that anything bad would happen). Which is what needs to be worked on! The automatic re-playing of hurtful experiences.

How do we do this? Do we rationalize away and figure things out? Yes. Do we "go out" and find out how things really are and how they will stack up? - instead of imagining everything (seriously, who the hell knows that will happen in the future? NO ONE. lol, people with SA think themselves fortune-tellers :rolleyes:, sillies! ::p:. Yes ('exposure' therapy works well if done right). Do we consistently fight our thoughts and train ourselves to consciously think more realistically? Yes CBT therapy works great for this.

Either one of these "approaches" do not address social-anxiety entirely though and all have their ways of dealing with it - each "attacking" a certain part of it. But what they all have in common, is that what they all truly do is reprogram the subconscious mind (which is the part of our brains that automatically re-plays the old irrelevant feelings).

Whether you "rationalize" away and come to the conclusion of a certain problem/insecurity that you have - that experience created by your realization will cause an emotional reaction that will talk to the subconscious mind (that's the "language" of the sub-mind - emotions). Or if you do "exposure therapy" properly (face your fears in other words), you will see that you have nothing to fear of - that what you fear does not happen - or if it does, it really doesn't hurt as much as you think - that realization will affect you emotionally (bring up your spirits) and you will, once again, talk to the sub-mind - telling it that the experiences that you fear can bring joy/happiness not fear/hurt. It will listen! Anyway, you get my point :).

Which brings me to what I think is the "gold mind", in terms of being able to talk to and reprogram the subconscious mind = hypno therapy. (I dunno what to call it without automatically "stirring" emotions in people that will have them thinking "Oh no, controlling!, fantasy, etc."). Let go of the ideas that are given to you by movies/tvshows/etc... why would you believe something just because it's just told to you? It's silly! Find out instead... explore - get to 'know'. Anyway, hypnotherapy basically is designed in a way that it makes it easy for the person doing it, to talk to your subconscious mind and reprogram it. It's like the ultimate way to talk to it and have it understand! So I highly recommend it. It's what cured my SA, and has also done the same for missjess from here. And you know us, I think most of you (that know us) can trust that we are not lying to you or are "crazies" talking nonsense. Good luck!!

A good site (uh, INCREDIBLE site lol), is:

Rapid mental therapy you can do for yourself and others. - browse it, find out.

Now I can say "Good luck". lol :D Gooooooooood luuuuuuuuuuckkkkkkk =P

err ::eek::
 
DespairSoul

DespairSoul

Well-known member
Easyskanking amazing post, u are true inspiration do u realize it?? Well, i agree with all what u said in your post. Thank u even if will not work it for me:)
 
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