EasySkanking's "Thinking Locker"

EasySkanking

EasySkanking

1
^What?? Why not? hehe

I forgot to mention that all that "disconnect therapy"/hypnotherapy does is stop your subconscious mind from automatically replaying old/useless feelings. However, if you still have a problem with yourself, right now, consciously, this will help but you'll only return it[your sub-mind] back to its previous state because you'll still be experiencing haunting social experiences.

You have to work on your "conscious" part of your problem too: Feel confident consciously - for example, feel confident about the way you look (work out/wear nice clothes/etc.), become knowledgable (if you feel your stupid), (realize the things about you that are amazing and be confident/proud about them).

SA is hard to beat, and it takes work!! But it's possible :). Right now, I'm mostly working on the conscious part of it - gaining confidence... stepping forward to experience things I have never experienced before... getting out of my comfort zone to do this... having goals... etc.

And thank you, Despair <3
 
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EasySkanking

EasySkanking

1
How about some actual "journal entries" huh? Yeah good idea, Easy! :rolleyes:

Well, yesterday I was bored and lonely as **** that I decided to drive 2 and a half hours just to go paintballing :rolleyes:. With the way gas prices are right now, it cost me a fortune just to drive to/from there lol. Not only that, but being the dumbass that I am, I decided not to eat in the morning and "just head out" - well I was hungry for the rest of the day even though I was eating small snacks (tons of them), fast food and such... Which now I am suffering from the ulcers that I get about once a year from my stomache having too much acid and eating itself (doesn't help that there was no real "food" in there for the acid to eat instead).

Anyway, I had a pretty good time there (did a badass flank during one game which I came up behind the team and took out 5 guys =D) and another one where I took out the whole team on my own (was towards the end of the game and I took out 5 of them)... oh and this little kid that was playing didn't know what "surrender" meant. [When you come up behind them and are closer than 10ft and it's not considered nice to shoot them]... I didn't want to shoot the kid so I yelled out "surrender!" He turned around scared as hell and started shooting me like 5/6 times @ 3-4 feet away lol... I was "hey don't shoot!!" Anyway, he didn't hit me once... so I didn't get mad, but still funny as hell. Still, getting shot is scary (hurts like hell when wearing just t-shirt/jeans) but it gets my adrenaline pumping and makes it more real (more enjoyable). All that adrenaline gets one pretty tired so at the end of it, I had to drive home, worn out as hell with little energy and in the rain!! I so did not enjoy that... especially since I had to work today and I got home like at 12:30am...

Oh another reason I went is because I started working out again and I wanted to have this as my "cardio" - except it would be smarter to wait and go to a closer field about 40 mins away than to drive ~3 hours just to do it lol.

Which brings me to my biggest problem right now - not having that special someone to spend my time with and enjoy life together. I feel like I need that... must be part of being a human being... but I struggle pretty bad with that still - women aren't easy! :mad: Heh. I'll get better I guess, and eventually "get it". But for the meantime, life really sucks being lonely ::(:...

Not feeling to good right now, got some personal problems going on and on top of that, that "loneliness stench" still lingers... We'll see! :)
 
Sial Axetder

Sial Axetder

1
EasySkanking said:
How about some actual "journal entries" huh? Yeah good idea, Easy! :rolleyes:

Well, yesterday I was bored and lonely as **** that I decided to drive 2 and a half hours just to go paintballing :rolleyes:. With the way gas prices are right now, it cost me a fortune just to drive to/from there lol. Not only that, but being the dumbass that I am, I decided not to eat in the morning and "just head out" - well I was hungry for the rest of the day even though I was eating small snacks (tons of them), fast food and such... Which now I am suffering from the ulcers that I get about once a year from my stomache having too much acid and eating itself (doesn't help that there was no real "food" in there for the acid to eat instead).

Anyway, I had a pretty good time there (did a badass flank during one game which I came up behind the team and took out 5 guys =D) and another one where I took out the whole team on my own (was towards the end of the game and I took out 5 of them)... oh and this little kid that was playing didn't know what "surrender" meant. [When you come up behind them and are closer than 10ft and it's not considered nice to shoot them]... I didn't want to shoot the kid so I yelled out "surrender!" He turned around scared as hell and started shooting me like 5/6 times @ 3-4 feet away lol... I was "hey don't shoot!!" Anyway, he didn't hit me once... so I didn't get mad, but still funny as hell. Still, getting shot is scary (hurts like hell when wearing just t-shirt/jeans) but it gets my adrenaline pumping and makes it more real (more enjoyable). All that adrenaline gets one pretty tired so at the end of it, I had to drive home, worn out as hell with little energy and in the rain!! I so did not enjoy that... especially since I had to work today and I got home like at 12:30am...

Oh another reason I went is because I started working out again and I wanted to have this as my "cardio" - except it would be smarter to wait and go to a closer field about 40 mins away than to drive ~3 hours just to do it lol.

Which brings me to my biggest problem right now - not having that special someone to spend my time with and enjoy life together. I feel like I need that... must be part of being a human being... but I struggle pretty bad with that still - women aren't easy! :mad: Heh. I'll get better I guess, and eventually "get it". But for the meantime, life really sucks being lonely ::(:...

Not feeling to good right now, got some personal problems going on and on top of that, that "loneliness stench" still lingers... We'll see! :)
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It will linger. Humans are social creatures for the most part. Fill it with what you are doing. Get out and do stuff. Any kind of stuff. Nicely fun stuff.

Paintballing, eh. This I do. Err, did, rather. I tend to do a lot of camping when paintballing. I am not too fast with a botched knee and now ankle. Thankful for the flatline barrel. Getting hit is not too bad. But it depends where. The knuckle shots I find the worst. No, I don't wear gloves. Too distracting and in the way.

I am certain women could say the same thing about men.

It has been nice to read about all your successes. Don't get stuck now. Deal with the bad, step forward. The good will wait and be ready once the bad is out of the way. (Hope that makes sense)
 
EasySkanking

EasySkanking

1
^Thanks man :D, appreciate it. Wish you were closer to me - we could go paintballing together 8).

You supress them while I flank or attack them :D. OMG, don't tell me you have an a5? Nice!! Been wanting to get that for a while now, but still deciding on the details. Don't think I'll get the response trigger or e-trigger since only semi-auto is allowed anyway. Could use a red-dot sight, apex or flatline barrel.... dont know about a stock (with the tank in the way and also the mask). What do you think? :) Yeah getting shot in the fingers hurts lol... And so does getting hit bare-skin 5 feet away (I like to attack - they don't expect that :D). Yup, that's how I get my "kicks" lol

Hmm, I'm feeling a little better. I've decided that I'm going to do something about this current stressful state instead of just letting it be and wait it out. I have to.... I have to get in the habit of attacking my problems... it's part of overcoming this **** anyway - gotta be proactive, otherwise it may come back! :eek:

Thx again, Sial, your post made me feel better <3
 
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Sial Axetder

Sial Axetder

1
EasySkanking said:
^Thanks man :D, appreciate it. Wish you were closer to me - we could go paintballing together 8).

You supress them while I flank or attack them :D. OMG, don't tell me you have an a5? Nice!! Been wanting to get that for a while now, but still deciding on the details. Don't think I'll get the response trigger or e-trigger since only semi-auto is allowed anyway. Could use a red-dot sight, apex or flatline barrel.... dont know about a stock (with the tank in the way and also the mask). What do you think? :) Yeah getting shot in the fingers hurts lol... And so does getting hit bare-skin 5 feet away (I like to attack - they don't expect that :D). Yup, that's how I get my "kicks" lol

Hmm, I'm feeling a little better. I've decided that I'm going to do something about this current stressful state instead of just letting it be and wait it out. I have to.... I have to get in the habit of attacking my problems... it's part of overcoming this **** anyway - gotta be proactive, otherwise it may come back! :eek:

Thx again, Sial, your post made me feel better <3
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No worries. You've got this all figured out. Do what must be done.

Nope, not an a5. Just a Bravo1. Really basic. Gravity hopper, flatline barrel, that fancy red dot laser is nice for night woods ball. I can't think of getting another marker. This thing is like the ak47. Sand, water, dropped, kicked and still shoots. Stay away from CO2, use HPA. Nothing like getting a paint ball chilled then stuck while in the line of fire. AAAAA! I find a lot of people are scared to try things in paint ball, fear of getting hit. I fear having to taste the paint again. ick. It was yellow too.

As for your question about your marker setup, looks good to me. I don't do too many customizations myself. Simple is me. As long as I can fire that ball relatively straight, my HPA, jobs done.
 
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DespairSoul

DespairSoul

Well-known member
EasySkanking said:
^What?? Why not? hehe

I forgot to mention that all that "disconnect therapy"/hypnotherapy does is stop your subconscious mind from automatically replaying old/useless feelings. However, if you still have a problem with yourself, right now, consciously, this will help but you'll only return it[your sub-mind] back to its previous state because you'll still be experiencing haunting social experiences.

You have to work on your "conscious" part of your problem too: Feel confident consciously - for example, feel confident about the way you look (work out/wear nice clothes/etc.), become knowledgable (if you feel your stupid), (realize the things about you that are amazing and be confident/proud about them).

SA is hard to beat, and it takes work!! But it's possible :). Right now, I'm mostly working on the conscious part of it - gaining confidence... stepping forward to experience things I have never experienced before... getting out of my comfort zone to do this... having goals... etc.

And thank you, Despair <3
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Well, i didn't mean that "hypnotherapy" will not work because i was never on any and few people was saying here that was working but wasn't lasting for all the time only for short term. How many times u was trying it? I personal believe it that can influence u in some way for some time but i don't have clue if forever or just for a week and later i will get hard flashback to same triggers. {also isn't the cheapest too}

Well i was meaning "will not work for me" if is going about " "conscious" part exactly this is the hardest. ::(: Bravo for u Easyskanking u are brave, smart, i wish u the best man that u come to the last level of your progress and are happy as u could be if u reach "freedom".
 
EasySkanking

EasySkanking

1
^Thank you so much Despair, you are very sweet!!

I wish that someday someone shows you the type of kindness that you are showing me now. Thank you!

And indeed you got it all right about hypnotherapy/fight against SA. Keep tryin' girl - I think one day you'll get it :) - you seem very smart and good-hearted not to! ;)
 
EasySkanking

EasySkanking

1
Sial Axetder said:
No worries. You've got this all figured out. Do what must be done.

Nope, not an a5. Just a Bravo1. Really basic. Gravity hopper, flatline barrel, that fancy red dot laser is nice for night woods ball. I can't think of getting another marker. This thing is like the ak47. Sand, water, dropped, kicked and still shoots. Stay away from CO2, use HPA. Nothing like getting a paint ball chilled then stuck while in the line of fire. AAAAA! I find a lot of people are scared to try things in paint ball, fear of getting hit. I fear having to taste the paint again. ick. It was yellow too.

As for your question about your marker setup, looks good to me. I don't do too many customizations myself. Simple is me. As long as I can fire that ball relatively straight, my HPA, jobs done.
Click to expand...

Bravo1 huh? Yeah that's what I like in my marker - durable and dependable - cause I slide in the dirt.. do barrel rolls.. fall in mud - you name it :) lol. I'm crazy ::p:. Yeah I only use HPA, it's better :). Lol you got paint in your mouth? Nice!! lol... Well, I got hit in my right testicle once... while wearing sweat pants and going commando (no underwear), AND I'm proud of that lol... cause it didn't hurt and my testicle was still in tact - I must have balls of STEEL :eek:

Thx again Sial, appreciate your input - and you know that ;) <3
 
EasySkanking

EasySkanking

1
Wow, thank you Sial. Means a lot coming from you =). And I can definately use such a nice comment right now =).

Life's treating me pretty badly right now, leaving me "seeing stars" so to speak, and wondering where I am.

It's throwing "punches" at me from all sides, making it impossible for me to stop any of them. My financial life has come spiraling downward, stress is killing me because of this and there's not much that I can do about it besides "accept" it. On top of that, the worse problem of all (social anxiety) is doing the same as well.

I mean, I've tried... I've tried to "get rid" of my social anxiety, but I'm not sure if it is something I can take on my own. I've tried to improve my life in general and have gotten pretty far I suppose, but not far enough.

Thanks to all this stress and instability of my social anxiety, I am regressing and again becoming depressed and more anxious - sucks ::(:

Not sure if this life was ever meant to hold people like me (and like most of you)... has told me otherwise so far.

Maybe I'm trying too hard? Expect too much of myself? Gotta chill and re-evaluate things? Something tells me this is it, but depression and lack of motivation right now cause me to feel too lazy to do that haha (such is depression for ya).

I have concluded what my next step is though and have examined it from all angles - my only solution at this momment is to "escape"/get out of this life - meaning a drastic change in lifestyle... a complete new life that suits my personality, ideas, and morals more. Yup for sure, will definately do that. That's my only hope. I don't belong in this type of life, so why remain in it, if it is making me miserable? :)

Sorry for such a depressing post folks, but I have to let it out :). I hope that my posts here are an example for you for the way life is "out there" - it aint pretty - but I suppose one can learn to live with it. I just haven't had much luck with that, but others might.
 
Sial Axetder

Sial Axetder

1
I'd like to say welcome back but I don't think you're in for much of a liking to a welcome party.

I believe you will do what you must. You don't seem like one who would stay knocked down for long. Count to 8 and raise a victor before the knockout countdown is done.

No apologies needed. Have a look around. Lots more depressing around.
 
Deus_Ex_Lemur

Deus_Ex_Lemur

Well-known member
EasySkanking said:
Wow, thank you Sial. Means a lot coming from you =). And I can definately use such a nice comment right now =).

Life's treating me pretty badly right now, leaving me "seeing stars" so to speak, and wondering where I am.

It's throwing "punches" at me from all sides, making it impossible for me to stop any of them. My financial life has come spiraling downward, stress is killing me because of this and there's not much that I can do about it besides "accept" it. On top of that, the worse problem of all (social anxiety) is doing the same as well.

I mean, I've tried... I've tried to "get rid" of my social anxiety, but I'm not sure if it is something I can take on my own. I've tried to improve my life in general and have gotten pretty far I suppose, but not far enough.

Thanks to all this stress and instability of my social anxiety, I am regressing and again becoming depressed and more anxious - sucks

Not sure if this life was ever meant to hold people like me (and like most of you)... has told me otherwise so far.

Maybe I'm trying too hard? Expect too much of myself? Gotta chill and re-evaluate things? Something tells me this is it, but depression and lack of motivation right now cause me to feel too lazy to do that haha (such is depression for ya).

I have concluded what my next step is though and have examined it from all angles - my only solution at this momment is to "escape"/get out of this life - meaning a drastic change in lifestyle... a complete new life that suits my personality, ideas, and morals more. Yup for sure, will definately do that. That's my only hope. I don't belong in this type of life, so why remain in it, if it is making me miserable? :)

Sorry for such a depressing post folks, but I have to let it out :). I hope that my posts here are an example for you for the way life is "out there" - it aint pretty - but I suppose one can learn to live with it. I just haven't had much luck with that, but others might.
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This is - normal. I am going through similar. I want my last semester at school, in film, to be meaningful and me to do things I held back my whole time in film school and yada yada. But so many ups and downs, confidence breaking moments, good moments too, but... meh.

SO - FALLING DOWN - will happen. Getting back up. MUST HAPPEN NEXT. As Sial says. Unrealistic for me, to expect to garner enough momentum and motivation to not stop on my way out of SA so quickly. I dont know. Im depressed now too. Feel similar as you BUT YOU ARE THE TYPE EASY, TO GET UP AGAIN. Ain't nobody gonna bring ya down, ain't nobody gonna bring YOU DONW, OH NOOO you gotta keep it mooviin.

So realize you aren't alone Easy. But unlike your name, there's no "easy fix". There is an EasySkankin' fix tho :D::p: You are not one to stay down. You are one I know, who has the stuff to beat this for sure. *Jack Nicholson voice* You make me want to be a better man, (or lemur rather), Easy.
 
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BlackPuma

BlackPuma

1
Hey ES. Don't beat yourself up too much.

Not everyone likes to live in high-gear all the time. But, in terms of progress, we all have to face it sooner or later. This doesn't mean that is isn't okay to let yourself release and relax once in a while though. Especially you, you've been making an absolute EPIC turnaround. There's no such thing as trying too hard, but there is such a thing as pushing yourself over the limit.

There isn't a doubt in my mind that you'll make it. But you don't have to do it in one consistent go. It would be nice, of course. But it is by no means a requirement. Relax when you need to, there's no need to be Superman (though, I do have it on good authority that tights are quite comfortable). ;3

For all it's worth, all this time you've been out living your life, you've been a constant inspiration to me (and I imagine to a lot more people). Because I don't know if you quite realize this, but you're quite special. And I don't say that to a lot to people.

Just keep at it, slowly- or actively. You'll get there.
 
EasySkanking

EasySkanking

1
Sial Axetder said:
I believe you will do what you must. You don't seem like one who would stay knocked down for long. Count to 8 and raise a victor before the knockout countdown is done.
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Thanks man, and you're right! I don't go down easily - I tend to forget that while being down, so thanks for reminding me :). See, this is why I keep 'coming back' to this site - because of amazing people like you.

Deus_Ex_Lemur said:
SO - FALLING DOWN - will happen. Getting back up. MUST HAPPEN NEXT. As Sial says. Unrealistic for me, to expect to garner enough momentum and motivation to not stop on my way out of SA so quickly. I dont know. Im depressed now too. Feel similar as you BUT YOU ARE THE TYPE EASY, TO GET UP AGAIN. Ain't nobody gonna bring ya down, ain't nobody gonna bring YOU DONW, OH NOOO you gotta keep it mooviin.
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Wow... again, this is why I keep coming back to this site. Some pretty damn amazing people on here... incredible how good you guys' advice is when it's really needed. :)


blackpuma said:
For all it's worth, all this time you've been out living your life, you've been a constant inspiration to me (and I imagine to a lot more people). Because I don't know if you quite realize this, but you're quite special. And I don't say that to a lot to people.

Just keep at it, slowly- or actively. You'll get there.
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Again, I am amazed at how incredibly helpful you guys can be. I can't do much, except say thanks and be left a bit stupified (it's a good thing).

Thank you puma, I really appreciate it - I can only hope that what you say about being an inspiration is true, would mean a lot to me ;)
 
EscapeArtist

EscapeArtist

Well-known member
I agree! You have and still are an inspiration to all of us. You can't go full force and expect to never run out of steam, you'll be back on your feet. For now... Take it easy man. Treat yourself, reward yourself, be easy on yourself, nurture yourself. You deserve it all! It's OKAY to take a break, even from recovery! This is recovery from a disease spurred by perfectionism in the first place :p You wouldn't be defeating perfectionism were you to go about it "perfectly" and without stand stills.

Depression, I am sorry to hear it has grasped hold of you. Though difficult to come out of, it is it's own reason and has it's own motivation. There is no way you will be in this state for long. Depression may be there to make you re-realize where you want to be, as you said! Let it be and you will continue to move in the right direction... This is not a step back but rather a necessary hurdle in the right direction!

I recently re-discovered the value on the wonderful people on this site too. Glad to have you back that's for sure
 
Sial Axetder

Sial Axetder

1
I'm not amazing. I am who I am. Amazing am I not. Just me.

You, however, are quite amazing, my friend. A true representation to what others should strive for. Should strive to reach and try.

Lead the way.
 
EasySkanking

EasySkanking

1
^I think you are amazing! ;)

EscapeArtist said:
I agree! You have and still are an inspiration to all of us. You can't go full force and expect to never run out of steam, you'll be back on your feet. For now... Take it easy man. Treat yourself, reward yourself, be easy on yourself, nurture yourself. You deserve it all! It's OKAY to take a break, even from recovery! This is recovery from a disease spurred by perfectionism in the first place :p You wouldn't be defeating perfectionism were you to go about it "perfectly" and without stand stills.

Depression, I am sorry to hear it has grasped hold of you. Though difficult to come out of, it is it's own reason and has it's own motivation. There is no way you will be in this state for long. Depression may be there to make you re-realize where you want to be, as you said! Let it be and you will continue to move in the right direction... This is not a step back but rather a necessary hurdle in the right direction!

I recently re-discovered the value on the wonderful people on this site too. Glad to have you back that's for sure
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Indeed, thank you Escape :)
 
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