Don't tell people you have SA!

Acegame

Well-known member
Do never tell, or let other people tell vague acquaintances that you suffer from social anxiety...

Some time ago i told my mom she could tell people when they ask about about me that i have SA. I did this because my mom once told me she had a hard time talking about me when people were asking her about me (eventhough i didnt really want it...).

The result of this is that those people (usually friends/acquaintances of my parents) act completely different around me. They really dont treat me as an equal. They act like they are so sorry for me. And not in a way that they really care, but in a way that they try to be very nice and supporting so that they don't hurt me or something. I HATE THIS!

This week im watching the house of my parents because they are on vacation and i have to answer the phone and open the door for these people. Just a moment ago a neighbour came by to ask me if i want to join them for dinner tonight. She said she felt sorry for me i was alone and i have to cook my own dinner every night (something i do every night for almost 5 years but ok...). She didnt asked this in a way that they liked me to come but in a way to "save" me or something. Ofcourse its a nice gesture but i rather have dinner with people who want to have dinner with me and not because they feel sorry for me. I wish i could blow this of saying i have other plans, but that isn't very believable :D

This makes me feel even smaller than small and makes me never want to come back here again...
 
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snowcream

Well-known member
^ I know the feeling; just because I talk quiet people treat me like a kid or something. Their tone of their voice changes as if they have to explain everything to me like I'm stupid (its so annoying). Especially in public people begin looking over, this happened today when I went into town and I couldn't decide what colour top I wanted; my aunt asked me in a kiddy voice ' Are you sure thats the one you want'; uuuugh I just said to her why are you talking like a baby for? She shut up then lol=D
I get what you mean by people treating us different though; as if were fishing for sympathy or something. Don't they get we want less attention, not more drawn to us (dumbwits).. Sorry I'm in a bad mood today=P
 
^ I know the feeling; just because I talk quiet people treat me like a kid or something. Their tone of their voice changes as if they have to explain everything to me like I'm stupid (its so annoying). Especially in public people begin looking over, this happened today when I went into town and I couldn't decide what colour top I wanted; my aunt asked me in a kiddy voice ' Are you sure thats the one you want'; uuuugh I just said to her why are you talking like a baby for? She shut up then lol=D
I get what you mean by people treating us different though; as if were fishing for sympathy or something. Don't they get we want less attention, not more drawn to us (dumbwits).. Sorry I'm in a bad mood today=P

I get this all the time that people talk to me with a kiddy voice. This is very annoying.... and when i try to show people that i don't like it they will make it even worser sometimes:mad: then i just give in because i feel hopeless...
 

Phoenixx

Well-known member
Yeah I hate it when people treat me like a child sometimes too. I always tend to associate it because of my looks though (I definitely don't look 18), not always because I'm quiet (Just being quiet; Not telling them I have SA). But I'm sure both play a role for how I'm treated. I just wish I could speak up for myself more.
 
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alspacka

Well-known member
I've made the same mistake, now it seems like people only invite me out of pity instead of actually appreciating my company.

Well that's the case for friends/family at least. I'm rather glad I told my profs at college, at least now they understand why I almost never attend(ed) classes :rolleyes:.
 

KnuffleBunny

Well-known member
Sorry to hear about this happening to you hon. I agree that people you don't know well don't really have any business knowing about your social anxiety. I think people should save that for important people. When my boyfriend told me he had it, I wanted to learn about it so I could help him with anything he had issues with. Granted, not all bfs and gfs will be accepting of this, but if they can't then they just aren't right for you and not worth it. But people you hardly even know, no. I would suggest telling them 'I'm just shy' before going to straight to 'SA'.

Also, it pisses me off how people can treat others with SA like they have a disease. Makes me sick.
 

Srijita52

Well-known member
I know what you're talking about,this happens to me all the time.ppl behave like I'm a little kid,even my friends sometimes.They always make comments like,'Aww!look how helpless she is,I feel so sorry for her.'I mean I understand they're being concerned,but it gets really annoying at times.I just hate when ppl do that.I don't talk too much about my SA either,but ppl guess it anyway.
 
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redmatter

Well-known member
They'll likely find out anyway. Once it starts, it's all over. At least in my world, they'll stop at nothing to make sure you stand apart and alone at every turn.
 
if you honestly have SA, people can tell without you telling them. and they would treat you like a child because they can tell your too shy to make the move, so they do it for you instead. like someone i know would pour me tea, and grab me over to come join them. thats them knowing i have sa, without me saying single thing.
 

Section_31

Well-known member
I wont advertise it, but i wont deny it either.

Im proud of who i am, SAD/Hermitness or not. The way i look at it, the fact that many of us are thriving in some way or another in itself is remarkable, considering the hands we got dealt. Its not east, but we make it, and for me, thats somthing to be proud of. Many may and will disagree, but thats what keeps my head up.
 
What I've found is that people interpret it as antisocial behaviour, or just extreme quietness. Either way, the net gain, to them, is that you are no threat to them. Others just lavish you with pity, treating you like an invalid. But never has anyone correctly diagnosed my condition. Nobody who isn' a sufferer that I know (knew) would even know what SA or AvPD is.

I see your point, and i agree that is what people might view me as anti-social, because they dont understand. So maybe its not bad to tell them the real name of your condition. But i dont see a point of telling others, because what isit you want to happen from telling them you have social phobia? maybe they wont interpret you as being stuck-up or anti-social then, but you still have to make the effort to be social.
 
That's true. I suppose we're damned if we do, and damned if we don't, lol. How do you feel SA/AvPD would be were you male? Do you think there's a difference?

Well to know that, you have to know what its like for a female, then we can compare...thats a good question!

but in general, girls seem to be more confident than the guys. and most guys i notice seem calm and collected. but this is based on stereotype. So i wouldnt tell if a guy has SA or not, i would think all guys seem to be like that. So if a girl is shy and SA. She would appear as being a weak target and would look vulnerable, i think. But you tell me, what do you think you feel is you were a female with SA/AvPD? :)
 
I can empathise with both camps. I see women as being has having far more developed communication than men, so in that regard I can see how women would find it very difficult to gain parity with their peer group.

However, men are seen as being the initiators, romantically speaking, so that is added pressure. also, I find that people think it's strange if a man is single for too long. There are other things too. I actually think it's easier for women to feel isolated.

I can see your point now, and yeah.. that phrase "man up" ... but romantically speaking, its not really easy to approach someone you like if you fancy them, i think for alot of people in general. But it be nice if the guy makes the moves.

the single part, depends how long is too long. i think if a guy or a woman is a single 40 year old, then they both may be seen as someone with problems. not that is true, but to society may think that.

i think if they in the 30's they still have a chance. but maybe easier for a man than a woman.. because the 20's are more youthful looking, and its not easy finding a man who isnt shallow. i think.
 

Shant

Well-known member
I don't see much wrong with just casually saying "I tend to be a little socially anxious/phobic", though. Or even just "shy".

Unfortunately, I think that if you get serious and deep about it, others are more likely to try and feel sympathetic like that.

What makes it more complicated, is the alternate possibility of being made fun of for that.

Heh, things get pretty complicated.
 

nicole1

Well-known member
I tell some. They will think I'm weird as hell either way but when my awkwardness has a name to it, it'll make them think twice before treating me like isht. Some people don't know, like my family, b/c I truly don't care what they think. I just don't go to family events.
 

Acegame

Well-known member
Wow so many replies... i guess many people can relate to this.

Their tone of their voice changes as if they have to explain everything to me like I'm stupid (its so annoying).

Oh yes. Even my parents do this sometimes. Making me feel like im a child. Pretty embarrassing when it happens in public with other people around...

I just don't like it when people who know about it, treat me as if they pitty me and stop acting natural in front of me because they are affraid to say something wrong or because they feel superiour. And in a way i don't blame them because i think its hard to talk to someone who just lost a parent or someone who is handicapped for example. I only blame them if they feel superiour.

By the way, dinner with my neighbours went fine. I actually enjoyed it and they seemed to enjoy it as well. They just treated me normally and it was nice bringing back some old memories. So after all my judgement seemed to be wrong. I guess this happens to me more often. Somehow im so convinced that people don't like me as company that i can't believe they invite me out of free will. But surprisingly (and thankfully) some people still do. Or give me that feeling at least...
 

Helmaninquiel

Well-known member
Yeah at least people feel sorry for you, people around me act like I'm a big baby or something and I need to grow up cause there is nothing wrong with me even know I've been diagnosed with bipolar. I guess they think I'm weak or something.
 

Mickery

Well-known member
So after all my judgement seemed to be wrong. I guess this happens to me more often. Somehow im so convinced that people don't like me as company that i can't believe they invite me out of free will.

That's SA in a nutshell. You make predictions about what other people are thinking about you and assume the worst. Usually you're either exaggerating or wrong, or your obsession is what triggered their reaction to you in the first place. Once you eliminate both there's just you, a person like any other.
 

Srijita52

Well-known member
Has anyone been perceived as mentally retard before?I met a bunch of ppl today & I heard them asking my friends if I was mentally disabled!
 
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