Don't care about what other people think! Yeah, right.

[Social@nxietyMaster]

"Don't care about what other people think." Why do most people I get advice from about my social anxiety keep telling me this garbage when they don't even live up to it themselves. So I'm going to break it down for each and everyone of you clueless users on this site that you do indeed care about what other people think. For example, say you have a job interview for a job that you really wanted and you had to make a good impression, what would you do? I will tell you. You would make sure that you have something nice to wear, make sure that you smell fresh, and you will also make sure you present yourself as confident, so they won't think that you are unqualified for the job. Another example would be, say for an instance that I said "I think your mother is a B*#ch!" What would your reaction be? You all would most likely want to rip my head off and deem me as a a**hole; but notice that I said I think your mother is a B*#ch, I didn't say that she was. People I'm not trying to be a smart ass here, I'm just telling you the truth. YOU DO CARE ABOUT WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK!!!

 

[Remus]

Not any more no. Maybe that's the first step to improvement?

As for the tone of your post. A week in the cooler

 

[coyote]

I'm having the perch basket

it's delicious!

 

[Mickery]

I cannot imagine why he is having trouble getting along with people.

It may not be particularly helpful advice, but the people who say it are just trying to help. It seems rather mean to be so angry with somebody whose intentions are good.

 

[MsBuzzkillington]

Just because I care about what people think, doesn't mean I don't know I shouldn't. Also, I can give the advice to everyone on here that they shouldn't care about what other people think... because we shouldn't. Just because I do doesn't mean I can't try and help others get passed it. (I am really trying to fight the same battle myself)

There's a big difference between making a good impression for a job interview and socializing. I really shouldn't be concerned about doing the wrong thing or what they will think of me if I do this or that or whatever.

Also people think things about everyone, people think things all the time. The whole point of "not caring what they think" is just that. So what if the person thinks I am weird because I want to wear knee high hot pink socks and a neon green mini shirt? I want to wear the socks and skirt, darn it! So screw them!

Again, a difference between thinking something about someone and not caring what that someone is thinking about you. People always are going to think things.

 

[CosmicNeurotica]

So what if the person thinks I am weird because I want to wear knee high hot pink socks and a neon green mini shirt? I want to wear the socks and skirt, darn it! So screw them!

You tell em Buzz.

 

[Tripolar]

It depends on who the poeple are, whether or not I care.

 

[Kiwong]

Of course I car about what people think. I'm insecure and sensitive. Lately I don't think I have been listening as much to those really negative voices, the one that label me as lazy, shallow and dishonest, which my low self esteem and anxiety feeds off. Becaue I know through my actions I am not.

 

[MollyBeGood]

everyone cares what other people thing. I try my hardest not to care...but I believe it impossible not to care because we are social animals weather we want to believe it or not and because of that, we have to be concerned with the opinion of others. It's hard-wired into us, biology. my sentence structure has gone to sh**.

 

[Minty]

There's a difference between caring what others think and obsessing over it to the point that anxiety develops. So, you can say everyone cares, but the truth is they only care enough to help with their survival. It's something evolution came up with. It's a trait that helps with survival. The person who cares enough to dress nice for a job interview will likely get the job and their chances of survival will increase.

People come up with cliches when you're having problems because they really don't understand your problem. They're not qualified psychologists. We really shouldn't expect too much from them. At least they're trying, ya know? Go to them for a problem you're having that they know intimately about, like a break up they've had in the past, and chances are their advice will be more practical, less idealistic. Because their advice is something they've learned about in the past that proved to work for them.

That's just the way life is. You can't apply high standards to other people--you shouldn't even apply them to yourself. Focus on the experiences you're having in the present and stop organizing the future. Nothing is in your control and be thankful for that.

/ramble

 

[userremoved]

I think you took that way out of context.

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

haha

sorry... I just have to laugh,
I agree with you, minty!


I envy people who don't care what other people think but I don't see how it's possible for me to ever think that way.
I guess as long as I think; 'people are people- I'm no better than anyone else'- I'll always care what other people think.

 

[EscapeArtist]

Oof, there are so many things I could say to this.

Imagine if you were to meet a very strong-willed Christian on a planet where all other Christians have been wiped out. Do you think they would care whether or not the Athiests hate them for being Christian? Do you think they would convert, or even take notice? They'd probably take it so lightly that it doesn't even affect them, what would affect them is the realization that there are not more Christians to share their love, they would still be negatively affected by what the Athiests think of them of course because it's a reminder of the absence of harmony that exists! So yeah, we care.

To take something personally is a whole 'nother issue. First of all, to be a person who takes things personally is to be a person that has themselves in focus because they are lone. When I say this I mean that there is no true support system or interconnected faith of any kind to the things in this world. When you are only focused on yourself you separate yourself from the world and all things that man connects to, and now you are a whole, versus being a part of the whole of a group or the whole of the earth...etc. With the threat of something so enormous as any characteristic at all being rejected, as each part of you is a lot more important when it's all that you have, you are going to question it simply to expand to the rest of the world again, to feels safely connected and less in focus, as you are alone and that is not part of our nature

Mizz's pink sock's example. If you are a lone person, with no support (which first requires complete truth to people, also), or spiritual connection (and i'm sure there are more connections) then if you walk out in pink socks and somebody laughs at you for it, you immediately feel very alone and unsafe, and then question whether or not you should switch your socks so that you feel safely connected to a support, if even so minor.

Did that make any sense... I can never tell if i'm just rambling

Yeah, I do care, but because it highlights the absence of those who will accept me and makes me feel like a piece misplaced from the rest. I'm still learning to lean that way and not take fault as I struggle to maintain the belief that a 'rest' exists, actually

 

[Iseesky]

I'm caring less and less about what people think and my anxiety is slowly going away.

 

[The Observer]

Well I certainly don't care about you or what you have to say in future thanks to your aggressive post here

 

[EnigmatiConduit]

When people say they don't care about what others think.. this is not necessarily a general statement... Everyone cares about something. I can say i don't care what others think of me in the regard that i do not drink and don't like to watch movies.. But i do care about what people think of me in other regards... it's a grey area statement

 

[hoddesdon]

You are right insofar as someone who is completely unconcerned about everything that absolutely everyone else thinks is a psychopath. If everyone were a psychopath, then everything would be impossible. In the example of a job interview you cite, however, there is a valid, practical reason for an opinion to be formed by someone who is qualified to do it. If the person is qualified to do it, then it is more likely to be accurate. So if you are qualified for the job, then there is nothing to worry about. If someone's opinion has no valid purpose, or is made by an unqualified person, or may possibly not be adverse, then no consequences flow from it, and there is no need to worry about it.

 

[TheFurryConfused]

I must have missed some controversy on this site somewhere?

Um, yea, of course I care about what other people think, that's one of my biggest issues, I often tell myself that they are thinking things about me that they most likely are not.

I tell myself that I don't care, frequently, sometimes I genuinely don't, most of the time I do.

 

[fitftw]

If I didn't care what people thought, I'd wear black eyeliner and hardcore goth clothes. But I don't need the ridicule and weird looks that would bring...so instead, I go to the gym and wear plain clothes to fit in with the masses because setting myself apart would put my anxiety through the roof and I'd become SO paranoid that I'd kill myself.

 

[Error]

I know that sounds cliché. I think people already mentioned this, but everyone cares (and they should!) about what the others think. But if you care too much, it's really bad for you! That's the message they are trying to convey.

In fact there is not a thing in life, that when there is too much of it, won't be bad for you. (Well, except health, money and happiness.)