Does your weight affect your self worth and how social you are around people?

[squidgee]

I voted yes, but not for being overweight. Rather I'm severely underweight (not even sure if I'm at least 50kg) and struggle to gain any weight. Being stick thin makes me look childish in anything I wear. It doesn't help that there's this expectation that all guys need to be muscular dudes. It's because of this that I tend to feel inadequate around groups of other guys. Even if I was at a perfectly healthy weight though, I'd still feel anxious. There are other factors at play, but the way I perceive my physical appearance is one of my main reasons.

 

[voodoochild16]

Yea that is irrational and now I get you now. Sorry but you didn't answer when I said what diet and what workouts do I need to do to loose weight?

I've done many things to try to lose weight, many of which are not healthy. The first thing I did was the yo-yo diet in around grade 7. That actually changed my life and you really notice how much attention you get from people (and the girls). Any ways, it was a stupid move in the long run because I only gained all the weight back in just a few months. I guess it was good while it lasted. But I got SA in grade 9 so i basically was over 230 lbs then, and later on after i started working i got down to 170 lbs, from the physical exercise from working and biking to work.

So recently I've gone back up to 190 lbs and I'm thinking about eventually trying to lose weight. And how I will be doing that is a lot harder than the yo-yo diet but of course I learned my less from the past there.

Someone I know who is much older went through the same thing as us, and the way he lost weight was working out for 2 hours a day, eating healthy and staying away from fatty foods. It took a few weeks, but it worked for him. The confidence builds up and as long as you reinforce the good thoughts in your head to replace the bad (negative thoughts), and do some relaxation stuff, you can eventually gain the confidence you want.

Wait, I feel a bit lost. Do you want to loose weight? Or you feel like you must, but people say you don't need to?

So yeah, I totally do want to lose weight, the reason I created this thread was to find out how many other people out there go through the same thing. I'm glad I did make this thread, I really am.

Last but not least the way I plan on maintaining the weight is by working out for 45mins to an hour every other day (almost every day) and that should hopefully keep me safe from gaining the weight back, and ill also remember how hard I worked to lose all the weight to stay motivated to not gain weight again. I know people that live like that, so I think I can do the same. It's the only way. I believe what we suffer from is Body Dysmorphia.

 

[Marc7]

I've done many things to try to lose weight, many of which are not healthy. The first thing I did was the yo-yo diet in around grade 7. That actually changed my life and you really notice how much attention you get from people (and the girls). Any ways, it was a stupid move in the long run because I only gained all the weight back in just a few months. I guess it was good while it lasted. But I got SA in grade 9 so i basically was over 230 lbs then, and later on after i started working i got down to 170 lbs, from the physical exercise from working and biking to work.

So recently I've gone back up to 190 lbs and I'm thinking about eventually trying to lose weight. And how I will be doing that is a lot harder than the yo-yo diet but of course I learned my less from the past there.

Someone I know who is much older went through the same thing as us, and the way he lost weight was working out for 2 hours a day, eating healthy and staying away from fatty foods. It took a few weeks, but it worked for him. The confidence builds up and as long as you reinforce the good thoughts in your head to replace the bad (negative thoughts), and do some relaxation stuff, you can eventually gain the confidence you want.

What is a yo-yo diet? Um what type of attention? How did you gain all the weight back in grade 9?

How did you get down to 190 lbs? your lesson (not trying to be the spelling police lol).

Well I just have to loose my stomach and chin. Yea I do try to counteract my negative inferior thoughts and to this day I still struggle with them. Eating consist of what and what exercises should I be doing?

 

[voodoochild16]

What is a yo-yo diet? Um what type of attention? How did you gain all the weight back in grade 9?

How did you get down to 190 lbs? your lesson (not trying to be the spelling police lol).

Well I just have to loose my stomach and chin. Yea I do try to counteract my negative inferior thoughts and to this day I still struggle with them. Eating consist of what and what exercises should I be doing?

Damn i just typed a whole paragraph and by acccident lost it all, (hit the refresh button). Okay so, in grade 5 i was skinny, grade 6 i got fat, grade 7 lost the weight by starving myself (not the right thing to do), grade 8-9 gained it back, mid grade 9 i got SA, then started home schooling (got even more fat), then by the time I was almost 18 i started working. I was riding my bike to work and eating strict lunches at work and I could not buy food, so it worked great, and went from like 230 lbs down to 170 eventually. I still wanted to lose 20 lbs and be at the lower part of my BMI (I am 25 right now and 6"2). I actually was at 170 for a good 3 years before I gained weight because of my new job which I've worked for one year now (and I am always around food so). That's how I got to 190.

The workouts are basically (for me) just going to the gym, doing cardio (running on the treadmill), and using any other machine (free weights are the best). Overcoming the gym was hard, but after I got past that it was all good from there. I see people I know there sometimes but I'm used to it. But it takes like 2 hours a day, for many weeks, and eating strict and healthy diets to lose weight. Try drinking more water than anything else as it has no fat in it. This is a life dedication kind of thing, and I have heard of people losing 50 lbs in 3 months, or 2 months. It's doable, and the only way. Keeping it off is maintaining that devotion. Any ways, this is the only way for me to get there... I am thinking of doing it, just need to make 100% sure that I will be able to not change my mind again like I've done a million times already. If you have any more questions feel free to ask.

A yoyo diet is where you starve yourself for days and lose a ton of weight, the. After feeling relieved you get too comfortable and gain it all back. It's a "yo-yo" effect. I gained all the weight back in grade nine because I was just so addicted to food (and still am, but it's ruining my life). I've learned my lesson now though, and this time I'll make it right.

The kind of attention i mean is compliments from friends or random people about how I look and because of that I had a much better attitude and was more outgoing. Also I got more attention from woman (like alot!). It was worth every millisecond spent losing that weight in grade 7 but I didn't know the weight could be regained so fast. Because of those experiences I had (from getting more attention) I feel like life is so much more worth it than ever before. I just can't give up that chance again. I lost everything but I'll get it all back.

 

[Subpop]

No. I was very fit until my early 30's and I was still a recluse. I have gained 14 kg's in the past 2 years but have become more social in some ways. I want to lose the 14 kg's because I have become paranoid about Diabetes. I am getting help from a therapist to alleviate my fear. I really don't care what others think of me.....it is what I think of myself if that makes sense?

 

[Bronson99]

I'm a thin guy, always have been. So I don't feel self-conscious about that, it's not like I'm not ultra-thin or anything. But I have a similar problem in terms of getting attention from the opposite sex. This is now a fact: most American women do not find a thin build appealing.

Over and over it's the same story, when I send a picture to some girl online.. whether they like my looks or not, I always hear "too thin." So it's not always peaches and cream to be thin, either.

I realize this is definitely not the same issue the OP is talking about. My social difficulty is caused by very different problems--it has nothing to do with my weight.

 

[LadyWench]

Absolutely. I've always hated my body. Over the years, I've gained weight due to a hormonal imbalance. It makes me hate myself even more. I have zero self-esteem.

 

[voodoochild16]

I'm a thin guy, always have been. So I don't feel self-conscious about that, it's not like I'm not ultra-thin or anything. But I have a similar problem in terms of getting attention from the opposite sex. This is now a fact: most American women do not find a thin build appealing.

Over and over it's the same story, when I send a picture to some girl online.. whether they like my looks or not, I always hear "too thin." So it's not always peaches and cream to be thin, either.

I realize this is definitely not the same issue the OP is talking about. My social difficulty is caused by very different problems--it has nothing to do with my weight.

Yeah being already thin with social anxiety is a completely different thing in my opinion, than my case. But your also right about being "thin", the face has to go with it, and after all the looks it's just the personality. But I got the face too, so that's not an issue except the weight for now.

Absolutely. I've always hated my body. Over the years, I've gained weight due to a hormonal imbalance. It makes me hate myself even more. I have zero self-esteem.

I used to be completely fine with the way I look, even when I weighed just over 200 lbs in grade 9. I was super outgoing, had lots of friends, and always looked forward to going to school. No psychiatrist or therapist I have seen knows what I mean when I say "being overweight controls how I feel on the inside". They just say "you look fine", or, "just accept yourself". I have tried, it doesn't work.

No. I was very fit until my early 30's and I was still a recluse. I have gained 14 kg's in the past 2 years but have become more social in some ways. I want to lose the 14 kg's because I have become paranoid about Diabetes. I am getting help from a therapist to alleviate my fear. I really don't care what others think of me.....it is what I think of myself if that makes sense?

Being paranoid about diabetes is a good thing to be worried about , but I guess your case is beyond regular fear?.

It is the same for me though, it's how I think of myself, but also a little bit of what others think. But 90% myself. Even if someone yelled at me and told me i look fine, i would walk away still thinking the same thing. I actually don't want to accept myself too, I just want to lose weight. period.

 

[Marc7]

Damn i just typed a whole paragraph and by acccident lost it all, (hit the refresh button). Okay so, in grade 5 i was skinny, grade 6 i got fat, grade 7 lost the weight by starving myself (not the right thing to do), grade 8-9 gained it back, mid grade 9 i got SA, then started home schooling (got even more fat), then by the time I was almost 18 i started working. I was riding my bike to work and eating strict lunches at work and I could not buy food, so it worked great, and went from like 230 lbs down to 170 eventually. I still wanted to lose 20 lbs and be at the lower part of my BMI (I am 25 right now and 6"2). I actually was at 170 for a good 3 years before I gained weight because of my new job which I've worked for one year now (and I am always around food so). That's how I got to 190.

The workouts are basically (for me) just going to the gym, doing cardio (running on the treadmill), and using any other machine (free weights are the best). Overcoming the gym was hard, but after I got past that it was all good from there. I see people I know there sometimes but I'm used to it. But it takes like 2 hours a day, for many weeks, and eating strict and healthy diets to lose weight. Try drinking more water than anything else as it has no fat in it. This is a life dedication kind of thing, and I have heard of people losing 50 lbs in 3 months, or 2 months. It's doable, and the only way. Keeping it off is maintaining that devotion. Any ways, this is the only way for me to get there... I am thinking of doing it, just need to make 100% sure that I will be able to not change my mind again like I've done a million times already. If you have any more questions feel free to ask.

A yoyo diet is where you starve yourself for days and lose a ton of weight, the. After feeling relieved you get too comfortable and gain it all back. It's a "yo-yo" effect. I gained all the weight back in grade nine because I was just so addicted to food (and still am, but it's ruining my life). I've learned my lesson now though, and this time I'll make it right.

The kind of attention i mean is compliments from friends or random people about how I look and because of that I had a much better attitude and was more outgoing. Also I got more attention from woman (like alot!). It was worth every millisecond spent losing that weight in grade 7 but I didn't know the weight could be regained so fast. Because of those experiences I had (from getting more attention) I feel like life is so much more worth it than ever before. I just can't give up that chance again. I lost everything but I'll get it all back.

What do you mean refresh the page because you lost your paragraph? At grade 6 how did you get fat? When you worked you gave yourself strict lunches or your job told you?

At least you tried to loose weight in the past, I tried to loose weight but then I stopped though.

Oh. So your addicted to food still but your coping with it right?

Yea that the attitude you need to have because nothing is worth not being here ever again and plus you seen how loosing weight makes you treated and how you felt better about yourself.

 

[voodoochild16]

What do you mean refresh the page because you lost your paragraph? At grade 6 how did you get fat? When you worked you gave yourself strict lunches or your job told you?

At least you tried to loose weight in the past, I tried to loose weight but then I stopped though.

Oh. So your addicted to food still but your coping with it right?

Yea that the attitude you need to have because nothing is worth not being here ever again and plus you seen how loosing weight makes you treated and how you felt better about yourself.

lol, well i refreshed the page and lost my paragraph, the other way around, sorry lol.

From birth to grade 5, I was naturally skinny but ate alot still, and it caught up to me eventually in grade 6. I have a friend who was skinny all his life, and when he turned 20 and started an office job, he got fat, that shit just catches up to you sometimes.

My work didn't tell me to eat the way I did, I just couldn't buy anything so I on purpose only brought certain foods. And I also slept during the day, which sometimes was in excess of 10 hours (without eating anything during that time).

In grade 6 i tried losing weight by riding my bike for an hour every day but I only ended up gaining muscle, that was the first experience I had with trying to lose weight. That's before I started the yo-yo diet.

I'm pretty much still addicted to food, and I work with food (making progress with avoiding it at work recently).

Yeah if I do eventually lose weight I'll finally be able to function again. My past *good* experiences are really the only things giving me motivation right now.

I also tried losing weight when I was going through the first stages of SA, like running in the morning at 6am to avoid people. I could only run by a highway, and getting up early sucked so I really hated it, and never maintained it. The gym is the only place I can work out and be comfortable to a certain degree with working out.

So I assume that your weight has been an issue for you for awhile?. What age did you get SA at?.

 

[Bronson99]

Yeah being already thin with social anxiety is a completely different thing in my opinion, than my case. But your also right about being "thin", the face has to go with it, and after all the looks it's just the personality. But I got the face too, so that's not an issue except the weight for now.

Not to sound abrasive, but did it somehow seem that I was implying my face is unattractive? For me, I don't think that is the case, I have had attention from girls before and some of it when they didn't even know me, I have occasionally been told I have a photogenic look, so I don't think that's the case, IMO anyway.

But I am often reminded of how thin I am, and very often I hear the advice that I should bulk up/work out or at least wear tighter clothing. I wear loose clothing because I don't feel right doing otherwise, I'm not some "show-off" or anything. And then, we all know that women will take a strong build over a thin one any day, it's undeniable despite reassurances to the contrary. For men, "thin is not in." At least not in these parts. In Asia, for example, I don't think it matters half as much.

 

[voodoochild16]

Not to sound abrasive, but did it somehow seem that I was implying my face is unattractive? For me, I don't think that is the case, I have had attention from girls before and some of it when they didn't even know me, I have occasionally been told I have a photogenic look, so I don't think that's the case, IMO anyway.

But I am often reminded of how thin I am, and very often I hear the advice that I should bulk up/work out or at least wear tighter clothing. I wear loose clothing because I don't feel right doing otherwise, I'm not some "show-off" or anything. And then, we all know that women will take a strong build over a thin one any day, it's undeniable despite reassurances to the contrary. For men, "thin is not in." At least not in these parts. In Asia, for example, I don't think it matters half as much.

I didn't mean you specifically, i just meant some people but I am not pointing fingers and it's all genetics any ways, its just the way woman judge us, by our looks if they are interested in us or not.

I actually tried wearing tighter clothes when I had lost a ton of weight from my stupid yo-yo diet, and it was because i just wanted to appear as skinny as possible (not to the point where I was unnatractive).

But I mainly know that it's not all about looking built, and then again it's not all about being skinny. So I am not the kind of guy to work out to look like the hulk or anything, I just like to look alot more tone.

 

[Marc7]

lol, well i refreshed the page and lost my paragraph, the other way around, sorry lol.

From birth to grade 5, I was naturally skinny but ate alot still, and it caught up to me eventually in grade 6. I have a friend who was skinny all his life, and when he turned 20 and started an office job, he got fat, that shit just catches up to you sometimes.

My work didn't tell me to eat the way I did, I just couldn't buy anything so I on purpose only brought certain foods. And I also slept during the day, which sometimes was in excess of 10 hours (without eating anything during that time).

In grade 6 i tried losing weight by riding my bike for an hour every day but I only ended up gaining muscle, that was the first experience I had with trying to lose weight. That's before I started the yo-yo diet.

I'm pretty much still addicted to food, and I work with food (making progress with avoiding it at work recently).

Yeah if I do eventually lose weight I'll finally be able to function again. My past *good* experiences are really the only things giving me motivation right now.

I also tried losing weight when I was going through the first stages of SA, like running in the morning at 6am to avoid people. I could only run by a highway, and getting up early sucked so I really hated it, and never maintained it. The gym is the only place I can work out and be comfortable to a certain degree with working out.

So I assume that your weight has been an issue for you for awhile?. What age did you get SA at?.

Oh

So how come you couldn't buy food and why did you sleep for 10 hours?

Good luck! with avoiding food, what company do you work for?

You're saying you can't function with you being overweight?

Yea the gym would be comfortable because other people come there to loose weight as well.

No this year weight has become an issue for me. I think I got social anxiety like preschool I think I'm not sure.

 

[SmileMore]

I'm actually (apparently) slightly too thin for my height but when i was bigger i hated it. Mind you, i 'm still not happy with my weight. If i see that i've lost a few pounds it does make me feel better, at least for a while. I have a lot of issues when it comes to my weight and appearance though.

 

[voodoochild16]

Oh

So how come you couldn't buy food and why did you sleep for 10 hours?

Good luck! with avoiding food, what company do you work for?

You're saying you can't function with you being overweight?

Yea the gym would be comfortable because other people come there to loose weight as well.

No this year weight has become an issue for me. I think I got social anxiety like preschool I think I'm not sure.

When your sleeping during the day you tend to oversleep, because the body just isn't used to it when there is daylight. The only way to get used to that is to sleep a stright 8 hours every day, which never worked for me.

I can't function socially, I just don't feel like being social, and I tried forcing my fears while being at the weight I'm at now, and I just let go of all the effort I put in and collapsed (stopped pushing myself to be social and kept to myself). It's just not something someone can tell you to "get over" and do.

But trust me I've talked to many other people online that have this weight issue, and no professional mental health expert will understand what your talking about. They just might nod and say "I understand" like some people do just to be nice.

 

[Marc7]

When your sleeping during the day you tend to oversleep, because the body just isn't used to it when there is daylight. The only way to get used to that is to sleep a stright 8 hours every day, which never worked for me.

I can't function socially, I just don't feel like being social, and I tried forcing my fears while being at the weight I'm at now, and I just let go of all the effort I put in and collapsed (stopped pushing myself to be social and kept to myself). It's just not something someone can tell you to "get over" and do.

But trust me I've talked to many other people online that have this weight issue, and no professional mental health expert will understand what your talking about. They just might nod and say "I understand" like some people do just to be nice.

So sleeping 8 hours in the day didn't work for you?

You mean with family, friends, acquaintances, or strangers? I didn't say to get over it or your just saying that in general? Well it makes me more self conscious not only because of my weight also for my skin as well.

Um I never said that a professional mental health expert will understand or you were talking about in general? Um I think talking to a therapist would help but they will only say to exercise and eat healthy.

 

[voodoochild16]

So sleeping 8 hours in the day didn't work for you?

You mean with family, friends, acquaintances, or strangers? I didn't say to get over it or your just saying that in general? Well it makes me more self conscious not only because of my weight also for my skin as well.

Um I never said that a professional mental health expert will understand or you were talking about in general? Um I think talking to a therapist would help but they will only say to exercise and eat healthy.

Yeah, because I would work 11PM-7AM and get home at 730, fall asleep at 8, sleep until 12, and I couldn't fall asleep again because I just couldn't. I tried staying up until 12 after getting home, and sleeping straight until I had to go, but then I lost my evening. It was impossible to sleep from 8am-4PM.

Mainly with people at work, and of course strangers. And that's where it matters, I wish I just had a job that I could work with only 2-3 people and have no one else around, ever, the whole time. I know you didn't tell me to get over it, but yeah I just feel extremely self conscious and not even close to feeling good about myself, ever, pretty much.

I know you never said that a professional mental health expert would understand, no worries, a therapist, well, 50/50. They all have their opinions. Most of the time they are just being nice outloud, and disagree with you but keep to themselves.

 

[Marc7]

Yeah, because I would work 11PM-7AM and get home at 730, fall asleep at 8, sleep until 12, and I couldn't fall asleep again because I just couldn't. I tried staying up until 12 after getting home, and sleeping straight until I had to go, but then I lost my evening. It was impossible to sleep from 8am-4PM.

Mainly with people at work, and of course strangers. And that's where it matters, I wish I just had a job that I could work with only 2-3 people and have no one else around, ever, the whole time. I know you didn't tell me to get over it, but yeah I just feel extremely self conscious and not even close to feeling good about myself, ever, pretty much.

I know you never said that a professional mental health expert would understand, no worries, a therapist, well, 50/50. They all have their opinions. Most of the time they are just being nice outloud, and disagree with you but keep to themselves.

Oh

For me it is more my anxiety and not knowing how to converse than my weight but I feel self conscious every time I talk to people who are the opposite of me, I feel are superior to me, or a girl.

Why would a therapist understand just 50/50? What do you mean by they are nice out loud but disagree with you but keep it to themselves?

 

[voodoochild16]

Oh

For me it is more my anxiety and not knowing how to converse than my weight but I feel self conscious every time I talk to people who are the opposite of me, I feel are superior to me, or a girl.

Why would a therapist understand just 50/50? What do you mean by they are nice out loud but disagree with you but keep it to themselves?

My anxiety is alot like yours but my weight prevents me from reaching my fullest potential of conversing with people and having no problem with doing it (with some anxiety still involved).

So with me feeling overweight now, I feel like "I don't want to be social, I just want to avoid", instead of if I was skinny "I am confident with myself and feel a bit of anxiety but I can do this".

Well, like everyone has their own opinions and most therapists have not gone through SA themselves, the instinct way of their thinking is that if someone feels less of themselves because of their weight, that therapist is to tell them to "get over it", as that is possible with some outgoing people, that's just looked at as someone really letting themselves down all for something that they just want and would "only would be nice" to be.

But for me, all my life of going from SA from the age of 14. It's always been my weight holding me back. 170 lbs was nice, but I still wasn't all there. I forgot to mention that when I reached 170 lbs, I did lose even more weight and got down to 156. But I was starving myself again, and not working out completely. I was very happy there and felt more confident. So I have been there, and have felt the confidence. It's just I got to get there with a healthier way of working out, and a plan to stay there and to maintain it.

 

[THeCARS1979]

my height bothered me first then the weight after. i was 205 and i lost 35 37 pounds cause if i measured myself i was a mere 5.7.2. I decided I was going look up how to get taller. I took height tablets for 6 months and I actually gained about a inch and a 1/2 which is huge. I felt better about myself after that. Even though i took something for it when i get up and measure myself it will say 5'8.7