Do you need social validation to feel good about yourself?

planetweirdo

Well-known member
#1
Would you still be able to feel good about yourself even if most other people thought of you as a worthless loser, or hated you?

How much do you care about the opinions of people that don't like you? How much do they effect you?
 
#2
Would you still be able to feel good about yourself even if most other people thought of you as a worthless loser, or hated you?
The reality is that most other people do not have much, or any, opinion of us. The ones that do have negative opinions of or hate us are a small minority. The one person who gives us the hardest time when it comes to opinions is ourselves - we are the person to be most wary of.

How much do you care about the opinions of people that don't like you? How much do they effect you?
We shouldn't worry or let it affect us, but that may not be easy depending on the circumstances
 

Kiwong

Well-known member
#3
The opinions of others effect me a lot. Some people do dislike me. This is balanced by some who are kind beyond expectation.

Most importantly I care. I try to see myself as a human being in need of help. I will never give up, and I believe I am worth fighting for.

I have done a few things that make me feel good about myself regardless of what anyone else thinks. Finishing a marathon was one, the landscape photos I take are another. I have even has some validation from others of these achievements. They keep me believing.
 

MikeyC

Well-known member
#4
The reality is that most other people do not have much, or any, opinion of us. The ones that do have negative opinions of or hate us are a small minority. The one person who gives us the hardest time when it comes to opinions is ourselves - we are the person to be most wary of.
This is great. :thumbup:

I'd like to add that I think all people need some degree of social validation. We are a social species and to have that validation from others - basically them saying that what we're doing and thinking is okay - is a necessary and positive part of life. Becoming too dependent on validation is maladaptive, but using it as a push to keep you heading in the right direction is good.
 

hidwell

Well-known member
#5
I think other peoples perceived opinion of me is the main reason that I have isolated myself, I am not a people person and I do not forgive easily. So for me social validation is an alien concept.
 
#6
I think other peoples perceived opinion of me is the main reason that I have isolated myself, I am not a people person and I do not forgive easily. So for me social validation is an alien concept.
Ah guess am the same as you, in many ways, Hidwell. Though, ah think the perception of me is that am apparently skilled in the art uh sayin' funny things. And that's a comedian, innit? :bigsmile: Ah've kinda been give a reputation that ah cannae live up tae.

Ah've never felt the need fiur social validation since, huvin' a physical disability, kinda makes ye a sorta "outsider" in many ways - which ah've grown to accept, now that am a bit older. Even though, ma family still believe there's summit terribly wrong wi' me psychologically.
 

planetweirdo

Well-known member
#7
The reality is that most other people do not have much, or any, opinion of us. The ones that do have negative opinions of or hate us are a small minority. The one person who gives us the hardest time when it comes to opinions is ourselves - we are the person to be most wary of.
Good point.
 
#9
bad

Of course I would never feel good knowing that everyone thought I was a worthless loser. I care way too much about the opinions that others have of me, even though I honestly don't know what that opinion is the majority of the time, if any. I automatically assume any opinions people have of me are extremely negative. I'm sure I'd still feel uncomfortable with positive social validation anyways, I'll never be comfortable socially.
 
#10
This is great. :thumbup:

I'd like to add that I think all people need some degree of social validation. We are a social species and to have that validation from others - basically them saying that what we're doing and thinking is okay - is a necessary and positive part of life. Becoming too dependent on validation is maladaptive, but using it as a push to keep you heading in the right direction is good.
Yeah.

I am skeptical of anyone who claims they don't need any validation whatsoever, or don't care at all about the opinions of others. Unless you are a psychopath (I've brought up psychopaths a lot lately :question:), other people's opinions of you affect you to some degree and you spend more time than you think trying to curry favor. Which sounds bad, but it's true if you think about it. Too much is bad, but a certain amount is normal.
 
#11
Would you still be able to feel good about yourself even if most other people thought of you as a worthless loser, or hated you?
It would depend on the person, their values, and why they thought that. If I had everything I wanted and some rich ******* told me I was a failure for not putting more energy into making 100k+/year, I wouldn't care.

Actually, I don't think the kind of person who would call me that would give me the impression they should be taken too seriously-- but I think if I f----ed up and caused a lot of hurt/damage to someone who was really nice and they hated me for it, I would feel terrible.

How much do you care about the opinions of people that don't like you? How much do they effect you?
Nobody likes being bullied, especially if the person who is bullying you has power over your job situation. I don't care if they hate me as long as they don't do anything about it.

Being a teacher, I've been exposed to a lot of different types of people and I never felt outright hated... I've had people think I was a joke or not good at my job, but it only really hurt me when I did in fact need to improve and I knew it. But if you're always doing your best and putting effort into being the better person, it's a lot easier to dismiss those kinds of people-- and just wait for them to get over it.

Toxic friends are much worse than enemies, I think... but if you're isolated at work that's pretty horrible/hard to deal with because then it's up to you to climb out of that hole. Or you can just quit. But I can't think of too many situations I've been in where nobody liked me, even when I wasn't exactly charming/outgoing/relaxed... even in school, there were always people who thought I was nice enough to hang out with.

I think to be a total paraiah you would have had to do something to make your own situation worse, beyond just being super nervous or awkward... I guess if the bullies are running things and you're their target that's about the only situation I can think of where paraiah status isn't self-inflicted. Most people are good, I think... in every group there is at least one who you should be able to connect with/who doesn't think you're a loser.

Haha what a rant.
 
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jaim38

Well-known member
#12
Having some validation helps.
I think that's why it's so important to find people who are positive, friendly, and supportive of you. When you surround yourself with such people, they become your support network so that when bad things happen to you, you can count on your support network for help and healing.

It's important to be yourself. Let's face it, not everyone is going to like us for who we are. The key thing to remember is figuring out who matters and who don't in your life.
 

Lavinialuna

Well-known member
#13
I am way to sensitive about what others think of me. In fact I HATE IT when someone dislikes me. It drives me crazy. If someone is even mad at me I ruminate about it. I had a fight with my BFF and she was really mad, I basically barricaded myself away from her for almost 2 years! It's horrible!
When I was a kid of about 8 people started making fun of me. Middle school was tormenting as they seemed to rip apart every detail of what I wore, said or did and I think that is why I am this way. I am always afraid people will think I am stupid or ugly. I never feel I fit in, even when I do. I don't want to care what others think, but I have been bred on so much negativity surrounding my person I just can't seem to get comfortable with myself. I feel I always need to apologize for my inferiority.
 

jaim38

Well-known member
#14
^You remind me of the me many years ago. I made the mistake of going to college away from home. I knew next to nobody in one city I lived in. Basically, I was surrounded by people who hated me - at school, at home, around home. I could not go a single day without being recognized by some hater and being reminded of how unpopular I am. Moving back home is probably the best choice I've made.

Thinking back, I think it's important to get help from people who can make a difference. What I noticed is that outspoken people (aka extraverts) are the ones who wield the most influence, regardless of right or wrong. At the sound of their words, they could get everybody in class to avoid you. I also think the environment you're in really does matter. You have to ask yourself questions such as "do I really want to attend this college, live in this city?" Do more research!
 
#15
I don't need it, but it sure helps.

With the number of people who can't, say, find Google answers to simple questions, I don't think the rest of the world is in any place to dictate my worth to me.
 

S_Spartan

Well-known member
#16
I look at sites like Facebook and Twitter as being not so much in the social media business but rather they are in the social validation business.
 

SmileMore

Well-known member
#17
If you don't like yourself it doesn't matter if everyone thinks you're wonderful. I've spent the majority of my relatively short existence worrying about what other people think about me. It's a form of mental torture, i think.
 

planetweirdo

Well-known member
#19
Re: bad

Of course I would never feel good knowing that everyone thought I was a worthless loser. I care way too much about the opinions that others have of me, even though I honestly don't know what that opinion is the majority of the time, if any. I automatically assume any opinions people have of me are extremely negative. I'm sure I'd still feel uncomfortable with positive social validation anyways, I'll never be comfortable socially.
I also automatically assume that any opinions people have of me are extremely negative. I don't know if this is true or if I am just being paranoid. I'm afraid to meet new people because I'm afraid that they wouldn't like me.
 
#20
Would you still be able to feel good about yourself even if most other people thought of you as a worthless loser, or hated you?

How much do you care about the opinions of people that don't like you? How much do they effect you?
Of course I care about the opinions of people that don't like me. They do affect me. But I tend to agree with them.

One of my main problems is that I don't feel good about myself even if people *do* like me. Positive opinions don't tend to make me feel better. Although it does bother me if I create a bad impression in others, I think this is only part of the fear. Ultimately, if I feel I've got things wrong, it doesn't comfort me if others disagree.

I don't think my negative view of myself is particularly disproportionate, and I don't think I assess myself very differently than I assess others. I also don't think my social fears are irrational. This makes therapy very difficult.
 
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