Do you keep other people at a distance?
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worrywort
Well-known member
I think for me I feel like, once people see the real me, with all my issues and weaknesses exposed, they won't like me. I feel like society pressures me to be a certain type of person, to live up to a certain standard, to dress and look and behave a certain way, because those that don't conform get mocked. But when a person finds out how weak I feel inside sometimes. That I'm not the strong confident man I'm supposed to be. When they find out how weird and cowardly I am in social situations, or how my thinking has led me to view the world quite cynically and unromantically. I'm just convinced they'll run a mile. I used to be quite proud of my thoughtfulness and sensitivity. I used to feel they were attractive parts of who I am. But I think as the years roll by and you seem to get more negative feedback than positive it just makes me doubt my worth and attractiveness.
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DeLasDudasInfinitas
Well-known member
I wish it all the time. In my case it's because I'm afraid to disappoint them. I can't stop thinking that when they know me, trully know me, I won't be enough. It's a stupid thought, but I can't get it out of my head and it's what makes it difficult for me to try having more meaningful relationships.
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Trust issues... And the fact people usually git bored bein' around me efter a while.
theoutsider
Well-known member
For me, having been betrayed and judged by others in the past keeps me from getting close to people anymore.
Selenio
Active member
the same but i'm trying to open me to others also if it hurts
Argentum
Well-known member
I have a tendency to because I hate feeling vulnerable. If people can affect me emotionally by being too close to me, then I can never be sure of having inner peace or predict when something's going to seriously upset me.
Some people have a way of getting under my guard, though. I've been talking to someone online who used to be very reserved, but spent a few years in customer service and now has a very engaging personality. I suppose it helps that we're similar to begin with, because other people might not see it the same way or understand.
Some people have a way of getting under my guard, though. I've been talking to someone online who used to be very reserved, but spent a few years in customer service and now has a very engaging personality. I suppose it helps that we're similar to begin with, because other people might not see it the same way or understand.
Pacific_Loner
Pirate from the North Pole
It's a mix of what has already been said so far. Trust issues, fear of disappointing and fear of being betrayed. I don't considere myself as a very interesting person so I don't really see why I would annoy people with my presence. Also, I have the impression that people who we call "normal" start thinking I'm a weirdo as they get to know me better. I guess I do have 1, maybe 2 meaningful relationships though, with fellow weirdos.
TreeBones
Well-known member
I felt like that all the time when I actually went to school and had friends. I only had genuinely good relationships with a few people... I kind of secretly disliked everyone else.
I don't know what it is now but I try to avoid people at practically all costs.
squidgee
Well-known member
I'm a very reserved and guarded person, so I never talk about my personal life with anyone. Even questions like "What are your plans for the weekend?" is digging too deep into my interests, and I just reply with some dismissive and vague answer. Because of this, I don't have any meaningful friendships with anyone. I don't really make an attempt to do so either, it's just all so tiring and difficult. I have this one classmate in particular who is very insistent on asking about my personal life. He probably thinks I have some sort of big secret that makes me someone more exciting, but I don't. I'm just unhappy and I'd feel terribly ashamed if I finally admitted it. I'm sure they already know it, I'd just confirm their suspicions.
Stressball
Well-known member
Yes. I've attracted too many sociopaths and narcissists for my liking over the years. I was not aware of it until fairly recently. I realized my desperation to be liked and accepted due to social phobia, to be kind and generous all the time despite how little consideration certain people showed towards me, has made me really leery and much more guarded with people now. My soul is just tired. I feel like being the introverted, sensitive type is not the type meant for this world of self promotion and narcissism we live in today but at the same time one has to be the change they want to see.
I realize you can't keep walls up forever if you want the opportunity to make good friends and improve social skills...but I think you need to be fairly calculating about it if you don't wantto be devoured and spit out by people who couldn't give a damn.
I realize you can't keep walls up forever if you want the opportunity to make good friends and improve social skills...but I think you need to be fairly calculating about it if you don't wantto be devoured and spit out by people who couldn't give a damn.
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PugofCrydee
You want to know how I got these scars?
I really don't know what happens to me but 99.99% of people I know and meet I just...don't have an interest in what they talk about. I try to be interested - I put on that social mask so I can fit in at work etc- but I find it difficult to hold conversations that they would consider "normal" in a social sense. This leads to it being difficult in forming more meaningful personal relationships.
MotherWolff
Banned
I want to have a deeper and more meaningful relationship with my oldest sister and one of my sister-in-laws. But I think what's stopping me from doing that is a fear of rejection and failing at trying to build those relationships. I still have the urge to give it a shot though.
awkwardamanda
Well-known member
I prefer to keep people at a distance. I'd rather not have close relationships and deep connections with people.
worrywort
Well-known member
I wonder whether the solution is simply to have more faith in ourselves. Maybe we should try turning off that negative voice in our head that tells us we're not good enough for others; that we're inadequate and broken and not worth knowing; and start turning on a more positive voice. Maybe we should remind ourselves of our positive qualities; our strong points and abilities; the things that make us unique. Maybe we should be kinder to ourselves about our weaknesses. Are they really as shameful as we think? Wouldn't anybody else do the same if they were in our position and had lived in our shoes? Maybe we should remind ourselves that other people are not as secure as we think they look. Everybody has weaknesses and hidden demons that feel just as shameful to them as ours do to us. Everybody is insecure, we all just deal with it in different ways. Maybe we should remind ourselves that our perceived "weaknesses" may well be quite endearing to others, just as other people's foibles are often endearing to us. Our quietness, our awkwardness. Even our darkest depressions are nothing to be ashamed of. Depression is the most common mental illness in the world. Almost everybody will either experience depression in their lifetime, or know someone who has. Maybe we should start seeing ourselves as a person truly worth knowing. Maybe the world is missing out!!!
YellowBird
Well-known member
i guess i'm allergic to intimacy,my therapist kept telling me over and over.."you're afraid that if you get attached,you wont be able to detach yourself",i guess it's related to dependant personality disorder.
kiraraider
New member
I wrote a novel than deleted it cuz ppl don't want to hear ur shit ...I have found there r certain personalities that have few friends but they r close n some that have tons of friends but not as close. There is nothing wrong with that it is how we r made. Also if u r artistic in anyway this can add to the misunderstanding of us as ppl. Our shyness is viewed as aloof n stuck up most ppl won't take the time to know u but we don't need everyone just a close circle. What to do if u don't have a circle ....idk. I have been attending a church n I get together with one girl to hangout but she works a lot n is married ....everyone is married at my age. So I don't hang with anyone. Idk how to handle not having a circle. Its been 4-5 yes since I had a good friend to spend time with.
One reason we could not have anyone close at least in my case this is true....I had a lot of uhem unpleasant baggage I was dealing with (in fact its still here) and ppl have their limits so maybe it is to much.
Maybe we r all like Tesla van Gogh Einstein n the like so ppl just don't get us.
Perhaps some of us r trying to b like the masses n we r not.
CK to c if u r INFP on the personality social style test. This could help u understand u
Also. It is harder to make close friends when u r depressed.so just accept where u r n life n take things one item, situation, etc at a time. At least we know we r not totally alone because of this site!!O
One reason we could not have anyone close at least in my case this is true....I had a lot of uhem unpleasant baggage I was dealing with (in fact its still here) and ppl have their limits so maybe it is to much.
Maybe we r all like Tesla van Gogh Einstein n the like so ppl just don't get us.
Perhaps some of us r trying to b like the masses n we r not.
CK to c if u r INFP on the personality social style test. This could help u understand u
Also. It is harder to make close friends when u r depressed.so just accept where u r n life n take things one item, situation, etc at a time. At least we know we r not totally alone because of this site!!O
kiraraider
New member
@pugofcrydee. U must b a deep thinker. Do u write. This could not only b a release for ur thoughts but it would draw deep thinkers to u. As u publish your words that is if u write. Or maybe paint. Just a thought
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