Do you keep other people at a distance?

[Earthcircle]

Do you ever wish you could have deeper, more meaningful relationships, but can't seem to make it happen? What do you think it is that keeps you from getting closer to other people?

That's the 64 dollar question. I don't know.

I'm not sure how much of it is anxiety, how much is a fear that I might be toxic and that people are better off without me, or how much of it might be my acting in a mentally ill sort of way which puts people off. I think there may also be a deeply ingrained tendency to avoid people, even when there is no anxiety. Years of psychotherapy, including years of psychoanalytic psychotherapy, didn't really illuminate anything. People are quick to blame this on me, and I want to make it clear that I do not deny that the failure in therapy is my failure and my failure alone.

 

[Kiwong]

I like my own company, that's where I am happiest, and most at peace.

I might start to get along with someone, but with anyone you meet, even good people, the difference between us becomes more evident. The disagreements, complications, expectations and disappointments are sure to follow.

That is what you have to learn to overcome in a relationship, and for someone as old as me, someone as comfortable on my own, I don't think the effort is worth the pain.

 

[Angel11]

Yes, I would like to make more meaningful relationships with others. For me, I think my obstacles have a lot to do with being introverted and having a scattered brain. It's very difficult to motivate myself to change since I usually have trouble focusing on the things I want to get accomplished. Also, I just don't have that social drive to go out and do things, unfortunately. And when I do talk to people aside from my best friends, I mostly feel emotionally detached from them, and I get bored.

I think it's just a matter of meeting the right people, though.

 

[Angel11]

I wonder whether the solution is simply to have more faith in ourselves. Maybe we should try turning off that negative voice in our head that tells us we're not good enough for others; that we're inadequate and broken and not worth knowing; and start turning on a more positive voice. Maybe we should remind ourselves of our positive qualities; our strong points and abilities; the things that make us unique. Maybe we should be kinder to ourselves about our weaknesses. Are they really as shameful as we think? Wouldn't anybody else do the same if they were in our position and had lived in our shoes? Maybe we should remind ourselves that other people are not as secure as we think they look. Everybody has weaknesses and hidden demons that feel just as shameful to them as ours do to us. Everybody is insecure, we all just deal with it in different ways. Maybe we should remind ourselves that our perceived "weaknesses" may well be quite endearing to others, just as other people's foibles are often endearing to us. Our quietness, our awkwardness. Even our darkest depressions are nothing to be ashamed of. Depression is the most common mental illness in the world. Almost everybody will either experience depression in their lifetime, or know someone who has. Maybe we should start seeing ourselves as a person truly worth knowing. Maybe the world is missing out!!!

Well said!