Do you guys go out?
- Thread starter veggielover
- Start date
iamthenra
Well-known member
If and when you guys go out with friends, how do you feel?
For example, I was out with my friends the other night and throughout the night i kept thinking "man, why am i here? i'd feel better if i were by myself"
a lot of people ended up coming to the house we were hanging out at, and it was a bunch of people from high school that i never ever talk to so i just felt really uncomfortable and tried not to show it, but I just stayed quiet the rest of the time. Looking back, I could have tried to make conversation, but I was just worrying to much on what I should say and how stupid I would make myself look if I said the wrong thinggosh how horrible it is to be this way.
Having social phobia is the worst possible problem anyone could have, it's just us being incredibly stubborn, but we can't get rid of it.
sorry if that sounded really mean, but i get really angry at myself for not being a social person like all my friends and i try too hard to fit in, i just cant be myself around most people....
I also think the same thing as SCRABBL, that you need to take baby steps. Like someone else posted, just the fact that you went out to a party, is a big step all in it's own. Like all my therapists and shrinks have said, the only way to fight fear is to face fear.... So just setup some small "baby" steps that you feel that you can accomplish each time you go out try to increase the amount of "discomfort" you feel, but not too much. Be prepared for some set backs, and you will encounter those too. But don't be discouraged. Start over again at a point where you feel comfortable, and try once again to make progress in socializing with others. Also, have a "CAN DO" attitude. If you tell yourself you "CAN't" then you have already failed... Try to be possitive in setting your goals. You "CAN" do this!!!
i only go out if i really have to, i went on a pub crawl for 5 days or so last month, i love drinking it takes all the anxieties away (at the time)
i was on my own but i had a good laugh with the locals, i dont think they had met someone like me before!
i think i was at 5 or 6 pubs, i bet im banned from them all now haha
"i will walk alone" or stagger alone im my case
i was on my own but i had a good laugh with the locals, i dont think they had met someone like me before!
i think i was at 5 or 6 pubs, i bet im banned from them all now haha
"i will walk alone" or stagger alone im my case
iamthenra
Well-known member
..............
That's the funniest thing I have heard in a long time!!! Thanks for the laugh!
Rheves
Well-known member
If I go out to socialize its usually with friends/work mates to a pub or bar. I didnt do anything for a year or so, suddenly started going out again recently. A few beers really does help with SA to an extent. Although you can get to happy to quickly, then get really sick lol. When I'm surrounded by all the ppl the anxiety can kick up at times, i just try and think of anything else possible, a movie, book, anything. Or try to just stay focused on what people are saying and jump into it. Say anything. Anything is better than nothing. Who cares if it makes no sense.
I miss house parties too Doesit. T_T
Good ol under age drinkin lol.
I miss house parties too Doesit. T_T
Good ol under age drinkin lol.
Besides going to the store or running errands or going out to take my dog for a walk, I really don't get out too much. I've never been to a club or bar. I can't even picture myself at a club. I would be a pitiful site, like a deer caught in the headlights. Unfortunately, my socializing skills have really suffered due to how much I isolate myself, but I am doing a little better than I was at one point, at least.
Richey
Well-known member
i dont really click with my friends all that well, i simply hang around with them and interact but i'm not close with them really, i just spend time with them which is great, but generally if i go out to a club i feel uncomfortable and i find the surroundings very intimidating, i find that certain types of people are more adaptable to it, and i dont really feel sexy or comfortable in my own skin like certain people do, that swagger i dont feel like i have that at the moment either. so dancing is a rarity as well.
the music is generally not my cup of tea either. most of the new music i like is never played at clubs, its generally commercial dance or pop that is played there which i dont mind sometimes but its not the sort of music i'm interested in, i like indie/alternative and some mainstream pop/rock but not the music of the this decade so much, except for "hey ya!" outkast which is honestly the last mainstream single i remember enjoying from this decade, clubs dont play the raw stuff now days.
i notice people just want to have fun for the sake of having fun or to show off and they force it/fake it really well, because they want fun and joy, i can't blame people for behaving like that but i find it difficult to be that way, to force myself to be cheery for instance
i do believe that there are people out there that i could be more suited to friendship wise but its a dime a dozen really.
if you've ever seen control, a film about joy division and ian curtis, i sort of feel like him, i may come across as cool but really i'm quiet and uptight socially but sometimes i'll hide it better then other times while my friends will do most of the talking and joking around. so i can be moody and placid and then i'll have a spur of inspiration and energy that'll last an hour or two then die off.
the music is generally not my cup of tea either. most of the new music i like is never played at clubs, its generally commercial dance or pop that is played there which i dont mind sometimes but its not the sort of music i'm interested in, i like indie/alternative and some mainstream pop/rock but not the music of the this decade so much, except for "hey ya!" outkast which is honestly the last mainstream single i remember enjoying from this decade, clubs dont play the raw stuff now days.
i notice people just want to have fun for the sake of having fun or to show off and they force it/fake it really well, because they want fun and joy, i can't blame people for behaving like that but i find it difficult to be that way, to force myself to be cheery for instance
i do believe that there are people out there that i could be more suited to friendship wise but its a dime a dozen really.
if you've ever seen control, a film about joy division and ian curtis, i sort of feel like him, i may come across as cool but really i'm quiet and uptight socially but sometimes i'll hide it better then other times while my friends will do most of the talking and joking around. so i can be moody and placid and then i'll have a spur of inspiration and energy that'll last an hour or two then die off.
Last edited:
Avery
Well-known member
Same here, on all counts. I'm not going to speak for others, but as for me, going out clubbing or whatnot is totally incompatible with my social anxiety. If I could walk into a bar or a club without roiling in self-consciousness and anxiety, I'd pronounce myself cured.
Other than picking up food or running errands or attending class (all of which I do awkwardly and self-consciously), I don't go out. I'm not sure if I regret having behaved this way for these years or not -- I'd like a bit more social success in some areas, but my personality will simply never allow for me to be the outgoing type.
i've got mixed feelings right now. atm, i don't really feel like doing much at all, even walking to the gym the past few times i've been, i've felt a bit uncomfortable.
small steps at a time, it's an achievement for you that you've gone out, hung out with people. so don't put yourself down, think positively
small steps at a time, it's an achievement for you that you've gone out, hung out with people. so don't put yourself down, think positively
..............
That's the funniest thing I have heard in a long time!!! Thanks for the laugh!
lol, it wasnt funny for me, theres no money left in my bank account, someone must of stole my card. actually thats a lie, my card is here, i must of spent a fortune! but the thing is i never felt any anxiety or depression or ocd, i was drunk for a week, it was fkn great, i had a laugh
im glad i made you laugh too iamthenra
Last edited:
Justas
1
Do what?
Well it was long time ago. Now I'm staying at my parents house so I haven't seen any friends for a month I think... I haven't contacted with them too. Anyway earlier when I was more outgoing I almost everytime feeled bad. Always thinking when it's going to be over. Too much thinking about everything and I don't feel relexed. A lot of times I'm sitting in the corner and keep silent. Nobody wants to go out with me.
Well it was long time ago. Now I'm staying at my parents house so I haven't seen any friends for a month I think... I haven't contacted with them too. Anyway earlier when I was more outgoing I almost everytime feeled bad. Always thinking when it's going to be over. Too much thinking about everything and I don't feel relexed. A lot of times I'm sitting in the corner and keep silent. Nobody wants to go out with me.
Blue Teardrops
Banned
If and when you guys go out with friends, how do you feel?
For example, I was out with my friends the other night and throughout the night i kept thinking "man, why am i here? i'd feel better if i were by myself"
a lot of people ended up coming to the house we were hanging out at, and it was a bunch of people from high school that i never ever talk to so i just felt really uncomfortable and tried not to show it, but I just stayed quiet the rest of the time. Looking back, I could have tried to make conversation, but I was just worrying to much on what I should say and how stupid I would make myself look if I said the wrong thing
Having social phobia is the worst possible problem anyone could have, it's just us being incredibly stubborn, but we can't get rid of it.
sorry if that sounded really mean, but i get really angry at myself for not being a social person like all my friends and i try too hard to fit in, i just cant be myself around most people....
Once in a blue moon I go out. All the other times when I'm all by myself with nothing to do on the Weekend, I feel like crap. But then, when that once in a blue moon does come and I do go out with people, I regret it the whole entire time because I know I'd feel better not having anxiety if I were alone instead.
Gees, social phobia sux.
Last edited:
LycraPantiies92
Well-known member
^Same.
How can i go out when there's nothing to do. and i'm alone. it won't change.
i've never really had pals.. ehhh wtf is wrong with me !?? i just have 2 ask cos something is.
how can you go thru school for 5yrs and meet no1? ]':
from today i've also realised there's no point actually trying anymore cos people always reach same conclusion about me so you know fkn what, i give up.
bye.
How can i go out when there's nothing to do. and i'm alone. it won't change.
i've never really had pals.. ehhh wtf is wrong with me !?? i just have 2 ask cos something is.
how can you go thru school for 5yrs and meet no1? ]':
from today i've also realised there's no point actually trying anymore cos people always reach same conclusion about me so you know fkn what, i give up.
bye.
HidingOnThe4thFloor
Active member
Yeah, you lost me at "with friends."
Darkened
Active member
I don't "go out" and even I hadn't SA I wouldn't go out. Basically I don't "drink", so that's a big waste of time right there to start. I also don't dance, so there's two. I don't like noisy environments... three. ::
I entered a disco/bar with a colleague once to wait for someone and it was probably the biggest waste of time of my life. It's just pointless...
I have a friend that goes out some nights with some of his friends, just to drink something, sometimes he invites me, but I always say no. I just don't like those places where young people hang out.
What type of "go out" I like/tolerate: I kind of like dinners at a normal/small restaurant with civilized people, either friends or family... although I don't feel 100% comfortable because of SA, specially if there are kids around or young people.
When I was at school, at the end of each year, it was normal to arrange a dinner with all the class students. I used to go to these ones when I was younger, it was actually nice. But the following years were quite bad... some of them used to get drunk and make it a circus, including some damage to the restaurant stuff and things like that. Some considered it "cool" to tell how that went, I considered it a disgrace and a childish freak show.
I don't go to the cinema either. If I want to see a film, I'll watch it in my 20" TFT monitor... good enough for me and nobody bothers me. I also don't like going to the beach...
So, yeah, even without SA I would be quite a boring person anyway... That's why I don't seek for a girlfriend... I would be a lousy boyfriend. ::
I have a cousin (does not have SA, not even close) that is currently doing those things that he never used to do either (beach, disco, cinema...), but he's doing it because he's reaching his 30's soon and he desperately wants a girlfriend. It's like a man on a mission. I find it ridiculous, he even has a second mobile phone to send and receive SMS all the time with some girls from work and Hi5, despite none of them showed any interest on him. Yes, I find it funny. He's not a bad person at all, we used to spend vacations at his house, but he's always kind of bothering/making fun of me because now I don't go out and I don't talk much. In a joking tone he says I'm anti-social, although I'm not. Sometimes I even feel very close to give him a bloody kick in the nuts. Maybe someday I'll loose my temper... Anti-social? Let's how that works.... take that, you lonely bastard.
:I entered a disco/bar with a colleague once to wait for someone and it was probably the biggest waste of time of my life. It's just pointless...
I have a friend that goes out some nights with some of his friends, just to drink something, sometimes he invites me, but I always say no. I just don't like those places where young people hang out.
What type of "go out" I like/tolerate: I kind of like dinners at a normal/small restaurant with civilized people, either friends or family... although I don't feel 100% comfortable because of SA, specially if there are kids around or young people.
When I was at school, at the end of each year, it was normal to arrange a dinner with all the class students. I used to go to these ones when I was younger, it was actually nice. But the following years were quite bad... some of them used to get drunk and make it a circus, including some damage to the restaurant stuff and things like that. Some considered it "cool" to tell how that went, I considered it a disgrace and a childish freak show.
I don't go to the cinema either. If I want to see a film, I'll watch it in my 20" TFT monitor... good enough for me and nobody bothers me. I also don't like going to the beach...
So, yeah, even without SA I would be quite a boring person anyway... That's why I don't seek for a girlfriend... I would be a lousy boyfriend. :
:I have a cousin (does not have SA, not even close) that is currently doing those things that he never used to do either (beach, disco, cinema...), but he's doing it because he's reaching his 30's soon and he desperately wants a girlfriend. It's like a man on a mission. I find it ridiculous, he even has a second mobile phone to send and receive SMS all the time with some girls from work and Hi5, despite none of them showed any interest on him.
Yes, I find it funny. He's not a bad person at all, we used to spend vacations at his house, but he's always kind of bothering/making fun of me because now I don't go out and I don't talk much. In a joking tone he says I'm anti-social, although I'm not. Sometimes I even feel very close to give him a bloody kick in the nuts. Maybe someday I'll loose my temper... Anti-social? Let's how that works.... take that, you lonely bastard. 
pandamonium77
Well-known member
I go out a little bit, not so much though
When ever i hear the doorbell ring it feels like its judgement day or something... holy crap
Some friends come over and say we're going out and i usually either go, or make up some random excuse about how im not feeling well or have to do a project
It's pretty lame
When ever i hear the doorbell ring it feels like its judgement day or something... holy crap
Some friends come over and say we're going out and i usually either go, or make up some random excuse about how im not feeling well or have to do a project
It's pretty lame
Errordotocx
Well-known member
I usually go out when my friends ask me to go with them. Plenty of times I really don't want to go but I force myself cause thats the only way I see of overcoming the problem. So i'm out probably once or twice a week and even though it's only once or twice a week i'm still out to the gym three days a week and since I live in an apartment now with two other people theres always almost someone here all the time. So I really don't get a whole lot of alone time anymore. Some times I really want it but i'd rather be with my friends.
I go out but when i do i can only enjoy myself for awhile, eventually i get really exhausted and mentally drained and have to be on my own to recharge. If my friends have a busy week going out everynight i will often have to make excuses not to go. i think they often feel that i do this because idont like them. other times I will force myself out because i like my friends and i dont want them to think i dont enjoy their company.
I tend to do a lot of actvities because i dont like sitting around but i usually do them alone, things like going to the gym or going walking or even travelling. I couldnt face
spending more than a week traveling round with someone and having nowhere to be alone.
i cant spend too long on my own though because i eventually start craving company but then when i do start socialising again i quickly get exhausted. I just wish i could find a balance that suits myself and my friends social demands.
I tend to do a lot of actvities because i dont like sitting around but i usually do them alone, things like going to the gym or going walking or even travelling. I couldnt face
spending more than a week traveling round with someone and having nowhere to be alone.
i cant spend too long on my own though because i eventually start craving company but then when i do start socialising again i quickly get exhausted. I just wish i could find a balance that suits myself and my friends social demands.
