Sorry to provoke any negative emotions and this is probably a thread several times over, but i need some help.
Basically this avoidant personality, just makes me feel weak. Why can't i just open my mouth and say something... It's just frustrating. I mean it's like easy. All of this is in my head. All i am doing is making myself miserable... If i could make a few friends my life would be great.
But then do people actually wanna be my friend. Maybe i am annoying and boring and irrating and stupid and in actual fact it's not in my head. In actual fact i am just a loser quiet simply.
Then another thing that has just made me feel like **** today is the fact my mum wants to come and visit me at uni> I told her no. NOT because i am ashamed of her. But because i am ashamd of myself. Because i am not living the 'uni' life tht i want to live. Because i am not at the centre of things or even have any cool friends. I don't want her to realise what an actual loser i am.
Sorry for this post. But well i just need to get this out...
I understand where you're coming from, there are a lot of occasions where I have refused to let my family take note of how miserable and lonely my life is. Heck, I even feel ashamed whenever they pass by my room knowing that I've spent most of the time there just bumming around...
My life at college isn't that great either. I get the feeling that people "Hate" me over there, for the way I act. I mean they've been nice towards me at the beginning but thanks to my social phobic "Leave me alone" unintentional "attitude" they're driving themselves away from me, from my inhospitable character...
You are definitely NOT a loser. You have a good reason that "justifies" the condition of your life. AvPD is NOT an excuse. it's a reason. So what might seem like you are thinking of yourself as a loser is just your brain playing tricks on you, telling you that other peoples opinions matter when they don't. Because whatever impression people get from you is FALSE. They don't have the right to judge you like that, as if you're some sort of "loser".
AvPD is a learned condition. You must have gotten it from somewhere. Like everyone else here, your past life. It's an aftermath of how shi**y this world is, they have caused it to you, not the other way around. So it' not your fault. Nobody is a loser unless they deliberately cause misery to themselves and others.