Do you feel like a loser?

[theslowesthand]

For sure (i didn't choose my username for no reason!)

Yes. What keeps me going is that I know that I have the potential to not be a loser. The only problem is that I have been saying that to myself for my entire life, yet I still can't break the cycle that I am in

I have this contradiction also. But overall, in spite of having some "winner" qualities, i still feel like a loser. Maybe i think too negatively, but that's how i feel.

And of course society has had a fairly significant bearing on this belief of mine, as well as helping me to turn out like this. But at this stage of the game, most of it's due to my own habits, ways, personality, lifestyle - which i deem to be (probably rightly so) to be "loser" qualities. Society i think just adds the "icing to the mud cake", but since i have virtually no contact with the outside world these days, only my past experiences of society effects me as such.

The term "loser" is very much a subjective label. To be one, you just have to feel like one - that's all there is to it.

 

[Rembrandt Broam]

No.
I think that societies term "loser" was only created to make people spend as much money as possible to keep/prevent other people from calling them one.

True. I also think that people who frequently use the term 'loser' probably have a lot of insecurities themselves. Why else would they care what other people do, and feel the need to reassure themselves that they are so much 'better' than the people they're labelling as 'losers'?

 

[theslowesthand]

Jake, I'd just like to point out that you were given every opportunity to succeed

Indeed, so having become a "loser" must therefore be due to, primarily, our mind/thoughts/beliefs (being a "loser" --> having "loser" ways, viewing ourselves as "losers", attracting only "bad luck" into our lives, etc)

 

[theslowesthand]

everything I am isnt good enough

Part-and-parcel of being a Kiwi. I tell you, we're BLESSED!!! ::

 

[theslowesthand]

when we're there at the bottom of the well
we can choose to do one of two things...
lay face down and continuing staring at the bottom
or turn over and look UP
up is the only way out
(it helps if we then start climbing)

A couple tweaks i have made to this,
to turn your words into the Roald Dahl of the SocialPhobiaWorld abyss...

when we're there at the bottom of the well
we can choose to do one of two things... i can tell
lay face down and continuing staring this way
or turn over and look UP ... up is the only way

 

[theslowesthand]

I apologise for the repeat posts, not trying to be centre of attention, but simply am replying to all which i see fit, and obsessively, as i do...

Nobody is a loser unless they deliberately cause misery to themselves and others

I've always been "my own worst enemy" (ie seeming to deleberately cause suffering for myself). So i guess thats further proof i am loser.

 

[coyote]

A couple tweaks i have made to this,
to turn your words into the Roald Dahl of the SocialPhobiaWorld abyss...

when we're there at the bottom of the well
we can choose to do one of two things... i can tell
lay face down and continuing staring this way
or turn over and look UP ... up is the only way

oh, nicely done! :]

 

[theslowesthand]

I'm a 25-year-old virgin and I've only had one serious girlfriend that ended after a little over 2 months due to my shyness

I'm basically the "40 year old Virgin".

 

[Feathers]

Aww, Kiwong, that is soo sweet of you... almost made me cry Ahh, guess I'm emotional these days...

The term "loser" is very much a subjective label. To be one, you just have to feel like one - that's all there is to it.

Actually, tsml, I'd recommend you go take a look at any book or website about CBT, eg I liked The Feeling Good Handbook by Dr David Burns: they specifically say NOT to imply from your feelings!!
Feelings are flighty and can change... they are not 'objective reality'...

Also, maybe it would be good to read some biographies of people you admire... or people who accomplished great things.. many had doubts and insecurities too... or even clinical depression/bipolar or such... Would you consider Abe Lincoln or Winston Churchill 'losers'? And yet they felt crappy sometimes... so, huh?
Mother Theresa and many other great saints or religious important people from history were 40+ virgins too, were they all 'losers'?? huh??

 

[theslowesthand]

I think i should ellaborate...

If somebody else labels or views you as a loser, it is not so much about you "ticking certain boxes" in the "loser inventory" (ie objective), but it is that to them you FEEL like a loser (ie subjective) - and they just use whatever (objective) facts they want or can find, to "prop-up" that argument/label.

If you label/view self as a loser, similarly it is due to you FEELING like a "loser" (whatever that means to you). Sure, objective facts CAN cause you to develop this feeling, but in the end it is THAT FEELING of being a loser, that you can't shake off, which is doing the damage (making you see self as a "loser" .. which usually also has a number of other misbeliefs which come as "baggage" with that label).

Things (unhealthy beliefs & behaviours) that can arise from maintaining this "loser" self-image, are things like:
- Believing that nobody really gives a toss about you, nor wants to become your friend
- Never attempting to develop a "social life" due to above (& believing that most people would reject you, due to being a "loser")
- Feeling all alone in life, due to seldom having any real human contact, due to above
- Etc, etc, etc (kind of a "viscious circle" really)

That's kinda my take on it anyway.

 

[bsammy]

i dont feel like a loser really as i work and do other normal things but i feel invisible...i feel like an alien on this planet...i dont think i fit in anywhere..

 

[theslowesthand]

Well i feel BOTH like a LOSER and an ALIEN ... if i had to choose between being (feeling) either of these, i'm not really sure which one i'd go with, as both are equally as bad imho...

 

[Marionette]

Yes, I've never won anything in this life. I've simply failed in everything I have ever tried to do right. I know that nothing will change if I don't change myself, but I'm unable to do it. Loser forever..

 

[KnuffleBunny]

The brain is a complicated thing. Sometimes I do feel like a loser because of factors in my life, however I'm trying to escape it by learning a trade, so I guess I'm NOT a loser. I just feel like it because of what I have so far. But since I'm trying to get out of my situation by learning something, which is turning out to be something I'm not bad at and like, then. . .No, I'm not a loser. I've only just begun the race.

 

[MrJones]

I've noticed that I am unable to change those things that could make me a loser, which makes it even worse. If only i had the courage to become someone better...

 

[Aletheia]

I don't feel like a loser, I am one. Certifiably.

(And an alien.)

 

[bsammy]

god to be honest i cant lie to myself anymore.despte what my therapist taught me, i admit im a loser by societys standards, no doubt about it.very little motivation to do much of anything, i rarely can ever find a reason to leave the house, i dont enjoy much, no friends or gf.

 

[EscapeArtist]

Your problems are not your fault... I know that's hard to come to terms with, but being unable to open your mouth and say something, or being unable to genuinely connect with another human being or enjoy conversation is not your fault. The only time anything is your fault is when you decide to do nothing about it. Then it is your fault that you are doing nothing about it. Still not your fault that you have it.

But yes I feel like a loser. Only around other people. Especially my family. They rate people based on school, money, and friends. I rate quality of life based on level of enlightenment, and self improvement, and friends. So while I see myself as less of a failure than a lot of people that think they are happy in society, I still feel like a loser to them because their "life quality" rating system is so different and I am very influenced by other people's opinions. Around people with similar 'rating system's, I still feel like a loser but much less of one, and my social anxiety is down a lot, but I still put a big wall up.

 

[bsammy]

^i understand i have a mental disorder but in the 'real world' that simply doesnt matter you see.i would guesstimate about 95% of people will judge you based on social status, money or education, looks..thats is just the way it is, good or bad.thats whhy being avoidant is extremely hard in this world.

i was extremely shy growing up and couldnt talk but now that i can, it still feels hollow and empty, it takes alot of effort to be social.the payoff never seems to be worth it to be honest.

aristocrat-society does judge people based on things i mentioned above.whyever that is it doesnt matter..it simply is..so going by those guidelines i am a loser, a social misfit at best.bottom line.

 

[man on the hill]

I deffinatly feel like a loser, but in reality I dont think any of the people that really know me think that that I am. But I have no one to blame but myself for feeling like a loser. I have missed out on so many different opportunities earlier in my life because of how socially "backwards" I am and its all my fault for feeling like I do now. I know its not to late for me, but still it feels like ive missed out on so much stuff in life that most people have already done, it just makes me feel more and more like a loser the more I think about it.