Did your parents "baby" you as a kid?
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Dronee
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There's a lot of truth in what you say. But it's a delicate balance that parents have to thread. On one hand, they can't allow their children too much freedom and they need to shelter their children from very real dangers. On the other, some parents go overboard and don't allow their children to do much of anything at all. It's even worse if they tell their children all manner of things to scare them away from living life.
Children also model a lot of their own behavior consciously and subconsciously on how their own parents (or caretakers) behave. A mother who lives life fearing everything... is likely going to pass that on to her children in one form or another.
Children also model a lot of their own behavior consciously and subconsciously on how their own parents (or caretakers) behave. A mother who lives life fearing everything... is likely going to pass that on to her children in one form or another.
I know there are some bad parents out there, but really, no one is perfect, and I think that most parents do the best they can with what they know and how they themselves were raised. I don't believe my parents "babied" me, but I think the fact that they were kind of passive and didn't really push me to do and experience a whole lot of things may have contributed to my current state of feeling like a child in many respects although I'm over 30. I don't blame them though, I know they didn't purposefully set out to "raise me wrong" as you like to put it. Everyone makes mistakes, even (perhaps especially?) parents- and with an undertaking as daunting as child-raising, expecting perfection (or anything close to it) is ridiculous. I would even venture that if parents feel the weight of this kind of expectation from their children and/or others around them, it may make them even more likely to stumble, and make mistakes such as being overly fearful and overprotective of their children.
Hellhound
Super Moderator
My mother kept me locked in my home for two years when I was a kid under the excuse of "you get sick easily". She told me that I had a facility to get infected by other people and I had an illness (she was refering to my asthma I guess). I didn't even go to school either during that time, I was homeschooled. The times i've been in school, she never allowed me to do any social activities like going to other kids houses or going out pretty much anywhere. I only could go out if it was her who took me out, like a dog. If wanted to do anything different, she would go psycho. Also, every time I'd catch a simple cold it meant being locked for about a month stuffed with medications and seeing multiple doctors. Other times she's just lock me for the sake of locking me, If i were bad or she was just in a bad mood. I was forced to stay in my room at nights (from 8Pm to the time i'd go to sleep) when the family was reunited, because I annoyed them, they didn't want me to be around them. I'm sure all of this f*cked me up somehow.
Now here comes something really funny. My "family" would make fun of me for not having a social life, they said I had problems and everybody hated me, I was stupid, weak and people rejected me for that. They said that everybody took advantage of me, etc, etc. Again, I don't get it. What the f*ck am I supposed to do? I wanted to do things but they would shun me, at the same time they would bash me for not doing what other normal kids do? Can anybody tell me if that makes any sense? I am truly confused... I never understood this attitude. They'd also whine because I was cold and didn't care about spending time with the "family", but the times I've attempted to, they would either leave and the reunion was over or they would send me back to my room. The few times I could stay with them, they just ignored me. I don't understand these people...
Now here comes something really funny. My "family" would make fun of me for not having a social life, they said I had problems and everybody hated me, I was stupid, weak and people rejected me for that. They said that everybody took advantage of me, etc, etc. Again, I don't get it. What the f*ck am I supposed to do? I wanted to do things but they would shun me, at the same time they would bash me for not doing what other normal kids do? Can anybody tell me if that makes any sense? I am truly confused... I never understood this attitude. They'd also whine because I was cold and didn't care about spending time with the "family", but the times I've attempted to, they would either leave and the reunion was over or they would send me back to my room. The few times I could stay with them, they just ignored me. I don't understand these people...
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evil feline space cadet
Banned
I think this should have a poll attached!! Great topic!
Chain Lighting
No, not at all. If anything, could do too much. Not like that meant anything though.
No, not at all. If anything, could do too much. Not like that meant anything though.
Lea
Banned
I can pretty well imagine that, you honestly try but still get shunned like a disease. This happened to me too in some families I tried to work in, or even some I just visited. I know it's because I am different, there is something "uncomfortable" or cold about me (or who knows what
). Well f*uck them, let them find their own kind... the best is to find a way to live alone if you can. Also, what you wrote reminded me of how I was in the hospital, not eating for 16 days (except of parenteral), because I was having surgery. So I lost a lot of weight. Then I kept getting told off by the nurses that I had anorexia and doctors were noting that into their papers
.
mrb
Well-known member
babied babied your having a laugh soon as i was 2 my mother had me doing the washing up the hoovering , when i was 3 she had me doing the dinner , 4 i was looking after her 5 i was dunno dont remember to much about that year , i was drunk most of the time 6 dunno still the same as being 5 drunk 7 drunk 8 drunk 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 drunk 22 drunk 23 drunk 24 drunk 25 drunk 26 went sober for 3 months then drunk again 27 drunk 28 drunk 29 drunk 30 drunk 31 sober 32 drunk 33 sober 34 sober 35 drunk 36 drugs 37 drink and drugs 38 drunk 39 drunk 40 drunk 41 drunk 42 drunk 43 drunk 44 45 sober and here i am all sober so you see i dont remember to much about my childhood but it wasnt all bad , um well i dont remember if it was or not really ..........
babied your having a laugh soon as i was 2 my mother had me doing the washing up the hoovering , when i was 3 she had me doing the dinner , 4 i was looking after her 5 i was dunno dont remember to much about that year , i was drunk most of the time 6 dunno still the same as being 5 drunk 7 drunk 8 drunk 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 drunk 22 drunk 23 drunk 24 drunk 25 drunk 26 went sober for 3 months then drunk again 27 drunk 28 drunk 29 drunk 30 drunk 31 sober 32 drunk 33 sober 34 sober 35 drunk 36 drugs 37 drink and drugs 38 drunk 39 drunk 40 drunk 41 drunk 42 drunk 43 drunk 44 45 sober and here i am all sober so you see i dont remember to much about my childhood but it wasnt all bad , um well i dont remember if it was or not really ..........
Hellhound
Super Moderator
I can pretty well imagine that, you honestly try but still get shunned like a disease. This happened to me too in some families I tried to work in, or even some I just visited. I know it's because I am different, there is something "uncomfortable" or cold about me (or who knows what
There's nothing wrong with you. Some people have a hard time accepting others if they aren't what they believe it's "normal". I call it ignorance.
Also, what you wrote reminded me of how I was in the hospital, not eating for 16 days (except of parenteral), because I was having surgery. So I lost a lot of weight. Then I kept getting told off by the nurses that I had anorexia and doctors were noting that into their papers
Well... Anorexia is a lack of apetite. Maybe they were refering to that and not the psychological version
But I don't know.
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My mother was no mother by any means, when I came to live with my grandma and Aunt that's when parenting began even though I was seven at the time. I think they did a wonderful job raising me, they're both strong and independent women.
It gave me a good head on my shoulders, the knowledge of knowing what I want for me and how to handle myself. I'm caring and compassionate but won't hesitate to kick your ass I thank them for it all.
It gave me a good head on my shoulders, the knowledge of knowing what I want for me and how to handle myself. I'm caring and compassionate but won't hesitate to kick your ass
I thank them for it all.findnemo10
Member
Yes my parents did, I was the youngest, with a much older (who was also protective) and more successful brother. They were overprotective and controlling. I couldn't do much. I was already shy to begin with and I think my social anxiety became worse with time because of the way my parents and brother treated me.
By my mom, yep. maybe that's why I'm seem to be more attracted by older males. My mother expected me to act like a miniature adult. punished for the littlest things even if it wasn't my fault, and the worst accusing me of lying when I was telling the truth.
my dad, otoh, was too passive to do anything related to parenting. occassionally, got yelled at by him and that was it. Heck, he was passive with everything unless it concerned him, like his career.
In the household, growing up, we really never had talks, discussed anything like important issues and was taught to be fearful of the world.
Vampayah88
Well-known member
Yes, my mom did and still does. Even now at 22 she's nervous to leave me alone at home for fear I'll starve and never feed myself, won't do house work and actually set it on fire, and because a bunch of black people might break in and rape me or something. I don't understand why she can never trust me, I was ALWAYS a responsible person regarding school and every day life. Just because i dont cook much and im **** at it doesnt mean i'll freaking starve myself!
Yes, I blame my mom for part of my sa because she sheltered me so fvcking much.
Yes, I blame my mom for part of my sa because she sheltered me so fvcking much.
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dyingtolive
Well-known member
^ same for me. burning the house was a serious concern of hers. leaving fans on, leaving the stove on, leaving heaters on. and i won't be able to feed myself (even if i never ate her cooking), very irrational stuff.
I do and did blame her for SA. I still do up to now. Sometimes I see the positive things in her and there were some times in the past where I really thought she was an amazing person for what shes gone through. It sucks but I do have a lot of frustration and anger towards her that its hard to forgive her for. i have alot of love for her and for my father but its deep within mixed with alot of hate as well. though i have forgiven my father more
Over here the culture is close families that see each other often. I often wonder when hearing stories of ppl's parents or families dying and how they are coping with it, or someone with both parents dying. Then i imagine what if both my parents died... and a part of me would be able to breathe.
I have moved away from my parents now but im not totally independent yet (i live with my brother now). Soon i know what i have to do is move awaytotally and then from there i will have more ground to start seeing her differently, and forgiving her
I do and did blame her for SA. I still do up to now. Sometimes I see the positive things in her and there were some times in the past where I really thought she was an amazing person for what shes gone through. It sucks but I do have a lot of frustration and anger towards her that its hard to forgive her for. i have alot of love for her and for my father but its deep within mixed with alot of hate as well. though i have forgiven my father more
Over here the culture is close families that see each other often. I often wonder when hearing stories of ppl's parents or families dying and how they are coping with it, or someone with both parents dying. Then i imagine what if both my parents died... and a part of me would be able to breathe.
I have moved away from my parents now but im not totally independent yet (i live with my brother now). Soon i know what i have to do is move awaytotally and then from there i will have more ground to start seeing her differently, and forgiving her
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No, not at all. My older sister was babied quite a bit, being their first and being that they had enough money to give her everything she wanted. When me and my sister came (we're only a year and a half apart) they could only afford to give us her hand-me-downs and they completely changed towards my sister, fearing they had spoiled her and using her as a bad example. So me and my sister were always encouraged to not be like her, to not ask for anything, really. To this day, it's really hard for me to ask anyone anything. I feel like I'm burdening them, even if it's assistance from someone working in a store.
Ironically, my oldest sister is the most out-going but as you can imagine, she has a lot of resentment towards my parents who made her feel like a black sheep after we came.
Ironically, my oldest sister is the most out-going but as you can imagine, she has a lot of resentment towards my parents who made her feel like a black sheep after we came.