Did you have a normal childhood/family?

[MikeyC]

Wow, there are some tough childhoods here.

Mine wasn't all bad. I had fun times and I know my parents love me. I also can't remember ever having a fight with my brother, who is about 18 months younger than me.

However, my mum did cause us some grief due to some of her issues growing up. I strongly believe her and dad stayed together because of my brother and I, when I think they should've divorced many years ago. Because of mum, I think that my childhood did suffer a little. She was always sheltering us, too, and now I feel like I can't accomplish anything (although I have spread my wings more in the last 4 years or so). My boss even commented that I have had a sheltered life some time ago.

Overall, despite my mum, I have no reason to complain compared to some of the other stories here.

EDIT: I should also mention that school was a particularly bad time for me, especially year 9 in high school. That has probably caused me the most damage of any year of my life, I reckon. So yeah, that was bad for me.

 

[Moo]

I had a good childhood overall. The only thing bad which happened was when my dad died suddenly when I was 5 years old (14 years ago this Saturday). I don't know if that has had much of an effect on my SA though. I remember being extremely anxious before even starting primary school from about the age of 3 or 4. I think it made things harder but didn't cause the problems in the first place. I miss my dad a lot but I still think I had a good childhood overall (at home that is, not at school). It must be awful having parents that don't get along. I'm "lucky" in the sense I have no memories of my parents ever arguing. I know that's a weird thing to say but it's always good to look for silver linings like that. My boyfriend's parents argue all the time and it makes him miserable. Anyway I hope everyone's situations improve.

 

[Shant]

It's funny, my father loved to pride himself on how unlike the rest of the family, the family he raised was actually normal, and that my childhood (and my brothers') were actually pretty swell. Because of this, I thought all my depression and problems were all my fault.

After a long time of introspection, in retrospect, I think I had the generic mildly disfunctional family set-up. Aggressive domineering father, overprotective and dependent mother.

The father was more verbally abusive than anything. He's more of narcissist - he's not incapable of be respectful of us. His arrogance is what causes him to think his bad actions are "good" (judging and demeaning us, for a light example), and thus just doesn't know any better. Time to let my repressed thoughts shine: He's a ****ing idiot, and the reason I want to move out is because I'm sick and tired of him, and I can't tell him this because he just wouldn't get it anyways, and resort to anger. And I've had enough of said anger. He's impatient, intolerant, hypocritical, and quick to judge. Without even thinking, he's told me to kill myself.

My mother's arguably co-dependent. When alone I get along with her, rather well, with exception to the occasional stressful moment, and her general over-protectiveness. Whenever he's in the room, she changes - she's either more submissive and doesn't really speak as much unless he's in a good mood, or just completely "switches sides" and demeans me as much as him. When my father virtually threatened to send me to the military, she joined in. When my father ridiculed my religious beliefs, my mother went from respectful and understanding to equally ridiculous.

I just want to get away from them... not even with two jobs can I afford to do so. And it's annoying when I can't afford to tell them just why being around them kills my mental health.

Outside this immediate family, it gets much worse. For one, my father's parents were physically abusive (father) and arguably manipulative (mother), and my mother's father was emotionally absent until the last few months of his life before dying. Outside all this, my father's side of the family has had a major divorce, and my mother's side of the family has a family that ends up going from house to house due to unwise financial decisions.

I can't tell whether I should consider my life lucky or unlucky, considering I had issues going on outside of the house as well.

 

[irish_bob]

no , one of my sibblings has a severe personality disorder which makes them violent and dangerous and my dad never gave a **** about anyone or anything except money

my mum is a good hearted person but is weak , i can identify with the above poster , my mum was supportive of me in private but would always take my dads side when the pressure was on

 

[LazyHermitCrab]

Eh sometimes I actually feel jealous when I go to someones house. Normally the family is very loving, even if the person is moved out. Like today went to chuch, had lunch with a family, and talked on the couch. It's not like I need to go to church, but very rarely will I have my own family cooked dinner, lunch, whatever. A lot of the time it's takeout or something instant from a grocery store and we're spread out on our laptops. We do get to go out to dinner once a week which is nice, but it's just not the same really. At home it feels cold and alone, except I did put a lot of effort into making my room comfortable. I feel like I would have real confidence if I had a loving family to back me up :/ I mean it could be worse, but still, security is something I always wanted...

 

[MikeyC]

And it's annoying when I can't afford to tell them just why being around them kills my mental health.

I read your whole post and it certainly sounds like you need to get out of that situation as quickly as possible before they do even more damage to you. Even living out of home on tiny amounts of money will give you the freedom you want. Can you move out at all? Maybe with a friend or something?

Eh sometimes I actually feel jealous when I go to someones house.

I get jealous with my friend's mum, who cooks him anything he wants at any time, and always does things for him. His home life was all good, despite him not following Christianity like the rest of his family. He has had the best upbringing of anyone I know.

 

[Shant]

I read your whole post and it certainly sounds like you need to get out of that situation as quickly as possible before they do even more damage to you. Even living out of home on tiny amounts of money will give you the freedom you want. Can you move out at all? Maybe with a friend or something?

I don't think my parents are as bad as I described; those are more like tendencies. If I watch my words, conflict with my father is avoided, who when not in "conflict mode" is usually fine (not to say I'll trust him, I won't give him another chance). My mother's fine for the most part, unless something as said before comes up, which doesn't happen all that often. Of course, I do have the tendency of belittling myself and my situation. As my father has told me his life's been far more difficult, and that I shouldn't think mine is difficult in comparison, I'm not inclined to really think I've had it that hard.

The thing is, I work two part-time jobs and do full-time classes in college, so I don't see them as much anymore - typically, only on a day off or at the end of the day. This is the next best thing. The problem here is that (for the moment), I've only made enough to pay for college, let alone moving out. I got a new job that pays a bit better, so perhaps sometime during Summer, when I have a lot more time to make money, I can finally move out. I really hate money and finances...

Friend? Well, that's the problem. :: I don't really have a friend I could think of for this. Social anxiety doesn't quite help. I am certainly planning my way to move out, though. I'm willing to take even the cheap apartment studio. Anything, for the most part.

I'm more busy 'existing' than 'living', clearly. I can hardly think of a major to pick during college, I can hardly focus on the future.

 

[MikeyC]

I don't think my parents are as bad as I described; those are more like tendencies. If I watch my words, conflict with my father is avoided, who when not in "conflict mode" is usually fine (not to say I'll trust him, I won't give him another chance). My mother's fine for the most part, unless something as said before comes up, which doesn't happen all that often. Of course, I do have the tendency of belittling myself and my situation. As my father has told me his life's been far more difficult, and that I shouldn't think mine is difficult in comparison, I'm not inclined to really think I've had it that hard.

I think that's unfair on you. That's like saying someone who was caught in a fire and suffered burning to his arms and legs has it better than someone who has had one leg amputated. It's two different scenarios and they both had it bad. You had it tough for different reasons and you shouldn't belittle yourself.

The thing is, I work two part-time jobs and do full-time classes in college, so I don't see them as much anymore - typically, only on a day off or at the end of the day. This is the next best thing. The problem here is that (for the moment), I've only made enough to pay for college, let alone moving out. I got a new job that pays a bit better, so perhaps sometime during Summer, when I have a lot more time to make money, I can finally move out. I really hate money and finances...

I guess if you're not seeing them often, pay for college first and then see what your options are for the future in terms of moving out. I hate finances, too, but what else can we do?

Friend? Well, that's the problem. :: I don't really have a friend I could think of for this. Social anxiety doesn't quite help. I am certainly planning my way to move out, though. I'm willing to take even the cheap apartment studio. Anything, for the most part.

Hopefully you do find someone and something so you can get out of your situation. It's obvious you're not happy at all and even seeing them on a smaller scale can be unnerving.

I'm more busy 'existing' than 'living', clearly. I can hardly think of a major to pick during college, I can hardly focus on the future.

Isn't that college life? I wouldn't know, obviously, but maybe you just need some time to focus on the future. You're younger than me so you've got all the time in the world. For the moment just try to enjoy the ride college is providing for you.

 

[Jegan]

my father died when I was 5 so my uncle adopted me.. I always missed my dad... I just kinda didnt understand what love was after my dad died. I was too attached to him. Its a tough age to loss a person who u look up to and help you grow to become someone..grow to become a man...and my uncle's family kinda abused me..beat me up..made me scared..that contributed alot to my SA. I still dont know the feeling of belonginess till this day.

 

[Shant]

I think that's unfair on you. That's like saying someone who was caught in a fire and suffered burning to his arms and legs has it better than someone who has had one leg amputated. It's two different scenarios and they both had it bad. You had it tough for different reasons and you shouldn't belittle yourself.

Well, the self-belittling is a problem like my low self-esteem, something I know I don't pay as much attention as I should. I am seeing a therapist (expensive college, but has quite a few resources like this) during one of the few time-frames I have available, which will hopefully give me some idea of how to make this a little easier. If I can stop defeating myself and find some ambition/motive rather than aimless perseverance, I don't know.

I guess if you're not seeing them often, pay for college first and then see what your options are for the future in terms of moving out. I hate finances, too, but what else can we do?

That's true enough. I'm tired of the way the world runs, but it really can't helped.

Hopefully you do find someone and something so you can get out of your situation. It's obvious you're not happy at all and even seeing them on a smaller scale can be unnerving.

If anything, I guess it does make me not at ease when having to return at the end of the day. While being busy with that much work actually hinders me to the point where I have so few opportunities to even think of where I could make friends for this, it is something I could at least periodically think about. Beggars can't be choosers, either.

Isn't that college life? I wouldn't know, obviously, but maybe you just need some time to focus on the future. You're younger than me so you've got all the time in the world. For the moment just try to enjoy the ride college is providing for you.

Well, perhaps some parts to it. I clearly could be having more fun in my college life, as after this academic year, I'll have wasted two years going through college with untreated depression, social anxiety, etc... and if I'm doing the four-year route, that means I'll have wasted half my college life.

In effect, I completely wasted every year of high school not doing things I wanted to do, so this doesn't bother me as much as it should. Maybe I can move out by summer, and actually enjoy the other half, better late than never. I might as well do something... if at all possible. While pushing through this for the sake of personal enjoyment feels like such a selfish thing, maybe that's not supposed to be that way?

My thoughts are too disorganized right now, I'm sorry. But thanks for the response.

 

[MikeyC]

Mate, it's great you're seeing a therapist and utilising all the tools your college is offering to you. After such an upbringing, and your current status, you're still fighting through with clenched fists and that's just great. Keep it up, dude, and you'll be successful in no time.

 

[1BlackSheep]

I strongly believe her and dad stayed together because of my brother and I, when I think they should've divorced many years ago.

Same with my parents. They argue constantly and don't really seem to like each other. I'd be fine if they went their separate ways because who would want to stay in such an unhappy relationship!

 

[MikeyC]

Same with my parents. They argue constantly and don't really seem to like each other. I'd be fine if they went their separate ways because who would want to stay in such an unhappy relationship!

Yet you can never tell them that, eh? Sorry to hear they argue all the time. It must make it hard for you.

 

[nafadda]

nope..not at all..had a horific childhood in an enchanted place,,so I tried to see the beautiful part of it and just closed off to the terrible part of it,
.

now I seldom dwell on it ,unless it's the good part because dwelling on the bad part would NOT be a good thing so why would I want to go there.

Kind of how I am with any bad relationship I had.I seldom speak of it because I don't want to relive it.On occasion I will talk about those things but tend not to talk too much or dwell on them...there is no point to IMO..can't change them now.past is past.

 

[Entangled]

I would not define my family as 'normal' at all! But we are happy and love each other.

My own personal childhood is a different story; most of my issues happened in school. I started out being VERY social and I could get along with everybody. But then I started hanging out with the wrong kind of people...and we got into some pretty serious trouble.

After that incident I stopped talking to people and isolated myself. That's when I believe my social anxiety really began, and that was about a decade ago :/

 

[1BlackSheep]

Yet you can never tell them that, eh? Sorry to hear they argue all the time. It must make it hard for you.

Thankfully I don't have to live with them! Individually, they are ok but I don't much like going places with them together. Makes me CRAZY!!!!

 

[MikeyC]

Thankfully I don't have to live with them! Individually, they are ok but I don't much like going places with them together. Makes me CRAZY!!!!

Yeah, getting a bunch of extroverted people in one area together can lead to crazy times. At least you don't have to deal with that too often.

 

[Fighter86]

if I ever have children I am NOT going to be overprotective !!!

Exactly. Do this and you are ruin your children's life. Because they would then grow older and realise they can't handle life's challenges. I had this type of horrid upbringing and will never subject my kids if I have any, to it ever.

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

Not normal compared to 90% of the families I know anything about.

I don't know if anyone can really call their family/upbringing/childhood 'normal'.
Normal is relative, isn't it?

 

[Feathers]

my parents seemed 'mismatched' many times too, but they refused to 'get apart' too!!

yeah, 'normal' can be relative - I think from outside we may have looked like a 'normal' family, there has been lots of stress on the inside though...