Did any of you in here used to be somewhat popular?

[Tomasso]

I wasn't really popular, but in HS I was one of the best players on our soccer team and we won state 2/4 years I played (Not trying to brag, just trying to give you a small idea). I did have a good amount of friends and I went to parties and stuff and I also had a cute girlfriend.

But then I went to college and I realized right away that at my old school people only gave me attention because I was an athlete. I wasn't playing in college and nobody noticed me. I didn't make any friends and my girlfriend dumped me after seeing what a loser I was. Now I am in my junior year and friendless.

Anybody else used to be popular/have friends/ etc?

I think the worst part of being friendless for me is knowing that there used to be a time when I had friends and people approached me willingly to talk. I think it may have been 3 years since then.

 

[Waybuloo]

I was somewhat noticed in hs for looking pretty, but my personality never won me any attention due to me having a breakdown since childhood and never recovering. So no, wasn't really popular. People generally ignored me too, though I could entertain and made my few friends laugh with my wacky humour. I had more fun in primary school to be honest.

What so you were popular and had girlfriend and friends because you could play sport? I know you are good at it, but how shallow are those people. I don't have any real advice for you because nothing worked for me. People will tell you to join societies and clubs and bla bla bla, but personally if people ignore you anyway they are going to ignore you in those societies and clubs. The only brief comfort I had in uni(college) was from my counsellor. Just concentrate on something you like to do, perhaps joining a sports club might be the answer seeing as you were good at it in highschool and this was the reason you got friends.

 

[DeadmanWalking]

I'm not sure about this, but, from what one of my friends told me, every single person in my high school knew who I was. All I ever really did was read a book and hang out with my few friends and make anime jokes and references::! I guess my other friends who were in the sports teams kinda passed my name along.

 

[kihira]

I had a group of friends through school, at around 20 I started to not like hanging around with them. My social phobia kicked in about then, plus I wasn't into their interests anymore - football, cars, etc.

 

[Tomasso]

I was somewhat noticed in hs for looking pretty, but my personality never won me any attention due to me having a breakdown since childhood and never recovering. So no, wasn't really popular. People generally ignored me too, though I could entertain and made my few friends laugh with my wacky humour. I had more fun in primary school to be honest.

What so you were popular and had girlfriend and friends because you could play sport? I know you are good at it, but how shallow are those people. I don't have any real advice for you because nothing worked for me. People will tell you to join societies and clubs and bla bla bla, but personally if people ignore you anyway they are going to ignore you in those societies and clubs. The only brief comfort I had in uni(college) was from my counsellor. Just concentrate on something you like to do, perhaps joining a sports club might be the answer seeing as you were good at it in highschool and this was the reason you got friends.

It wasn't so much that being good at soccer made me popular, it was that people had a reason to start conversations with me that lead to more opportunities (ie "who are you guys playing tonight" "what are you guys doing tonight, come chill at our place", etc. And I was always bad at girls, my cute girlfriend I had been best friends with for the previous 2 years. Plus, my school only had 350 students, so it was a small world. And my girlfriend left me because once she got to college she realized that she was out of my league in terms of looks.

 

[Waybuloo]

You don't seem to lack any great amount of social anxiety or conversational ability, because you talked to people, went to parties, had a girlfriend. Those things occurred and you did not struggle with the social aspect of life. I think perhaps the problem is that things might have been handed to you on a platter, and now you have to look for friends yourself, using real social skills to befriend people, using initiative. Are you approaching classmates for a little chat here and there? That's how people make friends at college.

 

[Tomasso]

You don't seem to lack any great amount of social anxiety or conversational ability, because you talked to people, went to parties, had a girlfriend. Those things occurred and you did not struggle with the social aspect of life. I think perhaps the problem is that things might have been handed to you on a platter, and now you have to look for friends yourself, using real social skills to befriend people, using initiative. Are you approaching classmates for a little chat here and there? That's how people make friends at college.

Yes, I used to be a class clown ironically enough. What you say makes sense. I've always been shy, but playing soccer gave me the opportunity to not make the first move. I don't really have great social skills, I barely even feel like a man. I think part of it stems from my negative body image, I'm 5'7 and weigh 135 lbs so I am a very small guy and I used to get made fun of alot by my peers. Add that to having one sibling at Harvard and another at MIT, I feel pressure from pretty much all directions. So as you can imagine, I'm very insecure unless I'm comfortable. So to answer your question, no, the only chatting I do with classmates is asking them what they thought of the homework/quiz/test/professor. My interaction with humans does not leave the classroom.

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

I didn't have a friend until highschool. I was far from 'popular' though.
haha
Alot of people bullied me for living on the wrong side of the tracks, called my mom a whore because she 'got around' quite a bit in a small town. Anyone who knew my stepdad, knew him as an alcoholic drugdealer; though he was 12 years sober. I was called poor, dirty, slutty, etc.
Alot of judgements were placed on me based on who I was related to or where I lived.

I did have some level of popularity in college, somehow.
It was partially because I knew what I was doing-- so people who didn't know would gravitate to me, and partially because they didn't know anything about me so there couldn't already be any judgements put upon me based on who I'm related to or where I live.
I managed to make friends with people on the first day-- not orientation day; but the first class day.
I sat down and people sat around me.

There were also alot of people in the class of 250 that hated me; but I was already used to people hating me, so it didn't really bother me.

 

[Hoppy]

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

 

[MikeyC]

I can't remember any point in my life where I was popular. Year 11 and 12 at high school wasn't too bad, but I was never a popular person at any point in school.

It used to bother me but these days I prefer to be not known.

 

[Apotheosis]

I didn't have a friend until highschool. I was far from 'popular' though.
haha
Alot of people bullied me for living on the wrong side of the tracks, called my mom a whore because she 'got around' quite a bit in a small town. Anyone who knew my stepdad, knew him as an alcoholic drugdealer; though he was 12 years sober. I was called poor, dirty, slutty, etc.
Alot of judgements were placed on me based on who I was related to or where I lived.

I did have some level of popularity in college, somehow.
It was partially because I knew what I was doing-- so people who didn't know would gravitate to me, and partially because they didn't know anything about me so there couldn't already be any judgements put upon me based on who I'm related to or where I live.
I managed to make friends with people on the first day-- not orientation day; but the first class day.
I sat down and people sat around me.

There were also alot of people in the class of 250 that hated me; but I was already used to people hating me, so it didn't really bother me.

I grew up similar, but with some of the details completely flipped.

Both my parents were (and are) into drugs. Not dealing, just using, trying to snort and smoke away any responsibility they had as human beings.

When I was younger, my worst fear was that I'd turn out like them. We were the cliche'd dys****ed family.

But I got the opposite reaction in school - people just avoided me like I was cursed. I had no one from the beginning. 18 years of near-absolute solitude interspersed with drug hospitalizations, bloodied noses, and black eyes. I was and am a ****ed up kid trying to inject some sense and sanity into chronic madness, and that's more literal than metaphorical.

And now that kid's a sophomore in college.

I still don't know how to deal with people. Still have no friends at all.

And I'm looking for an answer to a question I don't yet understand.

But things are better than they were. I don't have that ancestral shadow of failure hanging over me any more.

Anyway, I don't really know where I was going with this...

Here's something I know works, simple as it is. When you're meeting someone and want to talk, don't approach them as being someone with anxiety - they don't know that, and very likely wouldn't care, to them you're just another guy - so when you introduce yourself, introduce 'that guy' - the you without anxiety. Do that often and eventually you won't be acting, just talking.

They say sociopaths, psychopaths especially, are often very charismatic. Communication and persuasion may be hard to grasp, but it does have it's own - exploitable - mechanics. All things follow logic patterns, esoteric though they may seem.

 

[ありがとう]

I never really thought I was popular as I never placed any importance in it. However I guess you could say I was popular in different environments and time. I think it depends if your charisma matches the environment you're in. You can be popular in some clubs but others you're not - and that's perfectly normal.

Looking back being popular were my happy moments, but eventually they all left a rather bitterness to it. Being favourites caused jealousy and having several acquaintances I never felt connected... These friendships were all superficial. Since then I kept my distant and nowadays I prefer small number of good friends.

 

[hidwell]

If you have social anxiety, it means you are shy, inhibited and reserved. Your not exactly going to be Mr popular !!!!!!!!!!

 

[MrJones]

Not at all. I come from a modest family so I always had cheap clothes and stuff. I've been called a lot of things, but never friend.

I thought once that, even though I was still unpopular, I had a couple of friends. It turned out they just wanted to use me, to forget about me later.

So no, I've never been popular at all.

 

[coyote]

...Here's something I know works, simple as it is. When you're meeting someone and want to talk, don't approach them as being someone with anxiety - they don't know that, and very likely wouldn't care, to them you're just another guy - so when you introduce yourself, introduce 'that guy' - the you without anxiety. Do that often and eventually you won't be acting, just talking...

i agree that this works

very good advice

 

[KiaKaha]

^^ in theory that works and makes sense, but that is a lot easier said than done. I dont think that that is the right approach for everyone because anxiety can be very difficult to masquerade, Its kind of like faking it till you make it. In my opinion anyway..

No I have never been particularly popular. I dont think I feel comfortable with popularity anyway, I am too much of a non conformist to feel ok with everything - popularity being part of that.

 

[this_portrait]

Only popular moment I ever had was when I was in the 5th grade. A group of girly girls surrounded me on the playground and were all admiring my (really long) nails, saying things like, "Oooh, you have such nice nails! I'm so jealous, I wish mine were that long! I always bite mine because I get bored, so I wear fake nails!"

 

[Invisibleman]

No I cant ever say I was popular. There was a time around middle school where I was friends with a guy who was popular so he would bring me to all his popular hangouts and although I wasnt welcome,because I was with him it was kind of like a backstage pass so to speak.

I wanted so badly to fit in just as I imagine many of you did, so over time I became kind of like their jester. I would do crazy sh*t so that they would like me, i would retrieve the road hockey ball from a yard with a rabbid,snapping dog almost getting killed, another time they told me to pour a glass of pop over another guys head at a party so thats what I did.

That went on for a while before and I bathed in the sensation of being liked for a while before I came to my sense and realized what the hell I was doing::

 

[Iluv]

I was popular in elementary school but after that those people who were popular along started to interact with different school and I didn't so therefore we drifted apart and stopped hanging out. When I hit high school I was lost, really because I befriended people who didn't want to associate with me anymore. I'm still trying to pick up the pieces.

 

[Thundercats]

I used to be very popular, and everyone was my friend...
then I took an arrow to the knee