Despite social anxiety, do you still crave social interaction?

[phil91]

I most certainly do. Despite having that horrible feeling inside me when I have to meet someone new, or the panicky feeling when the inevitable awkward silence comes, or that draining "why bother?" feeling when in a large group of people, I can't stand not being around other people. That's why I hate having SA so much. I'm an extrovert at heart, but this disorder just stops me from being who I want to be. I want to be the guy that everyone wants to be around because he's so fun, the guy that will say "right, i'm going out tonight" and everyone will want to go just because he is, the guy that can become friends with anyone, the guy who can start up a conversation about anything and keep it going for hours.

Yeah, it's unrealistic I'll ever be that person. But you know what? I'd actually be happy just being someone that can say something without having "does that sound right?", "i might sound stupid", "i will blush", "what if i offend someone?" "what if they don't get the joke?" running through my head.

 

[Krista]

I know how you feel dear. It is very hard to move past that feeling and it's never good focus or try to live up to the unrealistic expectations you have for yourself(not that you couldn't be that guy! It'll just take a lot of hard work). But with some effort you can slowly become the guy who people enjoy having around, they'll invite you places and eventually it'll become more easier for you.

You just have to really want it and not let anything get in your way. To me, it seemed impossible to think I could do that. You allow yourself to be let down or have a plan of action and give up just because you feel you know the outcome already. Your anxiety is like a mean spirited person who wants to keep you down, it will tell you that you can't do this but you actually can.

At least that's how I see it lol ::

 

[Tempus35]

I am in the same boat, I crave social interaction, but I fear it to much as well. That combined with the energy drain of depression is a killer loop. One I hope I can get out of someday.

 

[combat]

I can't stand not being around other people.

Same here, I know exactly what you mean.

 

[Emily_G]

oh definitly...I want that one really good friend that I can talk to about anything, stuttering or not.

I'm really hopeing to make more friends when my baby is born...play dates and such. The baby gives me a reason to go out and meet ladies from my church, and hopefully I'll make some friends that way.

 

[Pink_Paula]

I definitely do, i ecently went out with a load of people i used to hang out with before my SA kicked in and it made me realise just how much i miss interacting with people! i mean i talk to people online all the time and that used to be good enough for me, but seeing my old mates again made me realise just how much i do miss actual human interaction! it made me feel very depressed for a few days!

 

[DebbieDowner]

I most certainly do. Despite having that horrible feeling inside me when I have to meet someone new, or the panicky feeling when the inevitable awkward silence comes, or that draining "why bother?" feeling when in a large group of people, I can't stand not being around other people. That's why I hate having SA so much. I'm an extrovert at heart, but this disorder just stops me from being who I want to be. I want to be the guy that everyone wants to be around because he's so fun, the guy that will say "right, i'm going out tonight" and everyone will want to go just because he is, the guy that can become friends with anyone, the guy who can start up a conversation about anything and keep it going for hours.

Yeah, it's unrealistic I'll ever be that person. But you know what? I'd actually be happy just being someone that can say something without having "does that sound right?", "i might sound stupid", "i will blush", "what if i offend someone?" "what if they don't get the joke?" running through my head.

Yes, definitely. When I'm comfortable (at a friend's party or when i've had a drink or two, etc lol) I can be a complete extrovert. I love getting to know people and being in social situations because I can always make people laugh and lighten the mood. I just hate being in a social situation where I don't know ANY of the people or there's some kind of pressure to perform (like at work). I constantly have the negative or self-defeating thoughts running through my head when I'm first getting to know someone. But for me, instead of "i might sound stupid" or "i will blush" it's ALWAYS "they're going to think i'm weird"

 

[phil91]

I know how you feel dear. It is very hard to move past that feeling and it's never good focus or try to live up to the unrealistic expectations you have for yourself(not that you couldn't be that guy! It'll just take a lot of hard work). But with some effort you can slowly become the guy who people enjoy having around, they'll invite you places and eventually it'll become more easier for you.

I wish I had your optimistic views! My parents pessimism is contagious. ::

Your anxiety is like a mean spirited person who wants to keep you down, it will tell you that you can't do this but you actually can.

At least that's how I see it lol ::

haha, it's an interesting way of explaining it :: It does make sense though. I just find it hard to ignore the mean spirited person telling me "you can't do it" and push myself out of my comfort zone.

 

[AimeeSP]

I'm an extrovert at heart, but this disorder just stops me from being who I want to be.

Me too. I love being around people, i actually feel really depressed and lonely when i'm by myself, but feel so shy and awkward around people. So many worrys, and expectations of myself to be seen as 'normal'. ::

Even when i have a few drinks i have them worrys! Can't seem to escape from SA. Grrr.

 

[phil91]

Me too. I love being around people, i actually feel really depressed and lonely when i'm by myself, but feel so shy and awkward around people. So many worrys, and expectations of myself to be seen as 'normal'. ::

Even when i have a few drinks i have them worrys! Can't seem to escape from SA. Grrr.

Yep, the exact same thing happens to me. I'm in the flat on my own, nobody else is back at uni for another week. Not going to be my best week is it ::

I know what you mean with the drinks thing. It helps a bit with people I'm comfortable with, but with strangers the worries just make my brain stop working.

 

[Silvox Black]

I suffer from such a fate as well. Always wondering what it would be like to experience being one of those damned, uppity "normal people" for a day. Yet when the opportunity presents itself I find myself excluding my thoughts from the conversation. I honestly wonder what the use of it all is.

 

[Shift]

I love people and I get terribly depressed when I'm alone. But then, when I'm around people my SA kicks in sometimes. It's kind of sad.

 

[Hellhound]

I do, but not all the time and I would not like to be with a lot of people. I would be ok around a few close friends only.

 

[nopark]

I don't crave social interaction because of SA-subdued extraversion. I'm an introvert through and through. I'll always be a "stay at home and read a book" kind of guy. Rather, I just crave the ability to be social when I want to -- even if those times are few and far between.

I think the human animal needs some sort of companionship. SA doesn't change that.

 

[Noca]

I enjoy socializing for a while, usually once or twice a week. After I socialize i need about 3-5x the time back in alone time by myself to recover.

 

[Tweak]

I enjoy socializing for a while, usually once or twice a week. After I socialize i need about 3-5x the time back in alone time by myself to recover.

This describes me too. I do like to get out and see my friends some, but I need to know that I have plenty of alone time waiting for me when I'm done.

 

[phil91]

I do, but not all the time and I would not like to be with a lot of people. I would be ok around a few close friends only.

I think I would prefer a few close friends rather than a lot of distant-ish friends, but I really try to avoid 1 on 1 interaction with people because I hate those damn awkward silences so much. If there's more people around, there's less pressure for me to have to keep the conversation flowing.

 

[Anomaly]

I'm an introvert and if I'm going to have face-to-face interaction, I'd rather it be in as small a group as possible.

After I socialize i need about 3-5x the time back in alone time by myself to recover.

This is fairly consistent with how I am, though I wouldn't limit it to any specific period of time.

 

[philly2bits]

I don't crave social interaction because of SA-subdued extraversion. I'm an introvert through and through. I'll always be a "stay at home and read a book" kind of guy. Rather, I just crave the ability to be social when I want to -- even if those times are few and far between.

I think the human animal needs some sort of companionship. SA doesn't change that.

I've never been a very social person. I don't think I would want to be either. I've seen very social people before and to me it seems like a chore to keep it up.

I too would like the ability to be social when I want. I feel stuck because even if I did think of something I would want to do, I would probably brush it off instead due to SA.

 

[Kat]

Sort of but not really at the same time the internet works somewhat good for me because I can keep people at a distance but choose to participate when I want. I guess I feel it more in certain situations like at school or at a job. You feel pretty lonely and like an outsider if you can't fit in an interact with anyone.

Part of me does but at the same time I couldn't be bothered maintaining a friendship because I am more of a house bound person and I think without sa, I would still be like that because a lot of my interests don't involve going out.

I am content with just having a partner. The one person I can do things with. And it’s kind of using to just to have a friend in certain situations just so you don't feel lonely in that particular situation.


I still crave wanting to be likable but if I am not willing to put in the effort to maintain a friendship, you have to go with out. I will be friendly with people but most the time in real life they just stay as acquaintances.