dating confusion

[sullyS25]

stop trying to confuse this girl. the difference is she isn't going to call or text him like mad. she is just going to call one time to find out what's up. is that so unreasonable? what is this, jr high?

You must have anger issues dottie I was just telling her what hadnt worked with girls talking to me. I never said not to call or that it was unreasonable, chill out. I even supported her when she said she wasnt in the mental state to talk on the phone. The purpose of this forum is to get different perspectives from other people. She was having concerns about issues with guys and I am a guy offering my opinion. Just because I did not share the same perspective as you does not mean it was not helpful. Take a chill pill, everything worked out.

 

[dottie]

hahah ok buddy

 

[LazyHermitCrab]

Thanks for the perspectives, without this advice i probably wouldn't be doing anything tonight. PEACE

 

[Rembrandt Broam]

I don't even know what we are doing. I'm just going to try to be myself from now on and see what happens :zzzz

Being yourself is always a good plan.

Have fun tonight.

 

[LazyHermitCrab]

Being yourself is always a good plan.

Have fun tonight.

Thanks !

 

[mmmm]

He wrote: Sure. Im doing some work around the house and i have hockey at 5. So after that ok?
Me: Yeah

I answered about ten seconds later and now i'm scared to meet him tonight. I don't even know what we are doing. I'm just going to try to be myself from now on and see what happens :zzzz

This would be a big red flag to me. I know you like this person and it is normal to build people up in your mind when you find them attractive and want them to be a certain way.

LazyHermitCrab, This person made a wishy washy plan with you, left you hanging the whole day (you had probably made wardrobe plans and got conversation starters ready in your head) and then he blew you off. Not only did he blow you off, he openly admitted to choosing housework over you. This would not be acceptable to me. You say you don't even know what you guys are doing tonight. News flash: he probably doesn't know either. A guy who is really interested will give you a time and place. It sounds to me like this one wasn't sure what he would be doing this weekend so he kept you dangling just in case nothing else came up.

YOU DESERVE TO BE CALLED!!!!! YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE TO TEXT ANYONE AT THE URGE OF ONLINE PEOPLE YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW!!!!

You can do a whole lot better.

(I know this is probably an offensive post. I appologise for any hurt feelings but not for telling the truth as I see it. )

Wishing you only the best things in life!

 

[LazyHermitCrab]

This would be a big red flag to me. I know you like this person and it is normal to build people up in your mind when you find them attractive and want them to be a certain way.

LazyHermitCrab, This person made a wishy washy plan with you, left you hanging the whole day (you had probably made wardrobe plans and got conversation starters ready in your head) and then he blew you off. Not only did he blow you off, he openly admitted to choosing housework over you. This would not be acceptable to me. You say you don't even know what you guys are doing tonight. News flash: he probably doesn't know either. A guy who is really interested will give you a time and place. It sounds to me like this one wasn't sure what he would be doing this weekend so he kept you dangling just in case nothing else came up.

YOU DESERVE TO BE CALLED!!!!! YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE TO TEXT ANYONE AT THE URGE OF ONLINE PEOPLE YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW!!!!

You can do a whole lot better.

(I know this is probably an offensive post. I appologise for any hurt feelings but not for telling the truth as I see it. )

Wishing you only the best things in life!

you too (last line), but going to go out anyway since he wrote right back and our dates have been good so far :: Time will tell ! We were talking about going to the movies before which is considered a late activity and he invited me to his hockey game

 

[coyote]

K.I.S.S.

keep it simple, silly

 

[LazyHermitCrab]

K.I.S.S.

keep it simple, silly

Keep what simple?

 

[nicole1]

Some guys, even at 26 to 35 are weird about how a lady initially contacts them. I'm still careful because I don't know how to approach the situation. Quick texts are best shots to be sure. Who knows, maybe he was on the other end thinking the same thing?

 

[Rembrandt Broam]

Only a douche bag would do this, and it's not gender indicative. Also, there's a difference between playing games to gauge the other person's interest (which I agree is what Lazy's man could be doing here, especially if he's been the sole initiator all this time), versus being a douche bag.

I think it's easy to read too much into this one incident. It could simply be that this guy genuinely thought the arrangement was a casual one - more of a "maybe we could possibly get together on Sunday" rather than "we will definitely meet up for a date this Sunday". If he does this thing more frequently, especially as the relationship becomes more serious (I think LHC said that this was only the 3rd date) then it's probably more of a cause for concern.

 

[LazyHermitCrab]

I think it's easy to read too much into this one incident. It could simply be that this guy genuinely thought the arrangement was a casual one - more of a "maybe we could possibly get together on Sunday" rather than "we will definitely meet up for a date this Sunday". If he does this thing more frequently, especially as the relationship becomes more serious (I think LHC said that this was only the 3rd date) then it's probably more of a cause for concern.

How many dates=serious? Just curious....in your opinion lol

 

[MsBuzzkillington]

This would be a big red flag to me. I know you like this person and it is normal to build people up in your mind when you find them attractive and want them to be a certain way.

LazyHermitCrab, This person made a wishy washy plan with you, left you hanging the whole day (you had probably made wardrobe plans and got conversation starters ready in your head) and then he blew you off. Not only did he blow you off, he openly admitted to choosing housework over you. This would not be acceptable to me. You say you don't even know what you guys are doing tonight. News flash: he probably doesn't know either. A guy who is really interested will give you a time and place. It sounds to me like this one wasn't sure what he would be doing this weekend so he kept you dangling just in case nothing else came up.

YOU DESERVE TO BE CALLED!!!!! YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE TO TEXT ANYONE AT THE URGE OF ONLINE PEOPLE YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW!!!!

You can do a whole lot better.

(I know this is probably an offensive post. I appologise for any hurt feelings but not for telling the truth as I see it. )

Wishing you only the best things in life!

I just have to say that this is NOT a red flag. They made casual plans to hang out.

Want to do something this weekend?

Yeah I am off Sunday.

That's not exactly a marriage proposal, or even an official hang out. That is a suggestion to hang out.

If he had other things to do today, then he had other things to do. Just because was doing housework doesn't mean he "chose" housework over anything, it's just him getting things done that he needs to do before he goes out.

Some people are NOT planners. Just because he didn't say, YES let's hang out Sunday, 8pm, the movie theater, and we are going to see this movie... doesn't mean he doesn't like her and it doesn't mean he is being a flake.

This is the third date. I mean cut the guy some slack?

Adding this... If he wasn't sure what he was doing and wanted to keep her dangling, he would NOT have asked her to do something. He would have said "I am not sure what I am doing this weekend, but I will let you know."

 

[Rembrandt Broam]

How many dates=serious? Just curious....in your opinion lol

Five.

Seriously, it differs from relationship to relationship, but I think it becomes serious when you both feel that this is going to be a long term thing. At that point I think "dates" tend to be replaced by an understanding that you will spend a significant amount of time together on a regular basis...regardless of work to be done around the house.

 

[sullyS25]

I think it's easy to read too much into this one incident. It could simply be that this guy genuinely thought the arrangement was a casual one - more of a "maybe we could possibly get together on Sunday" rather than "we will definitely meet up for a date this Sunday". If he does this thing more frequently, especially as the relationship becomes more serious (I think LHC said that this was only the 3rd date) then it's probably more of a cause for concern.

Thank you for saying that, in my case it was only casual and ended up in me being bombarded with text messages and calls. I appreciate your comment

 

[Pacific_Loner]

I just have to say that this is NOT a red flag. They made casual plans to hang out.

Want to do something this weekend?

Yeah I am off Sunday.

That's not exactly a marriage proposal, or even an official hang out. That is a suggestion to hang out.

If he had other things to do today, then he had other things to do. Just because was doing housework doesn't mean he "chose" housework over anything, it's just him getting things done that he needs to do before he goes out.

Some people are NOT planners. Just because he didn't say, YES let's hang out Sunday, 8pm, the movie theater, and we are going to see this movie... doesn't mean he doesn't like her and it doesn't mean he is being a flake.

This is the third date. I mean cut the guy some slack?

Adding this... If he wasn't sure what he was doing and wanted to keep her dangling, he would NOT have asked her to do something. He would have said "I am not sure what I am doing this weekend, but I will let you know."

Strongly, strongly agree! ....

 

[LazyHermitCrab]

Five.

Seriously, it differs from relationship to relationship, but I think it becomes serious when you both feel that this is going to be a long term thing. At that point I think "dates" tend to be replaced by an understanding that you will spend a significant amount of time together on a regular basis...regardless of work to be done around the house.

5 makes sense to be the magic number though! His work around the house was painting a birdhouse.... very important ;p

 

[LazyHermitCrab]

Yeah, obviously I'm just agreeing with the plausibility of a particular theory, not saying, "This is how it is." lol. Give me a little credit, RB.

Having said that though, I do feel that if you're the one initiating things 9 out of 10 times (whether you've only had 2 "dates" or been together 2 years), it's only natural to wonder and be concerned about the other person's interest. As guys, I know we're supposed to be the initiators, but our egos aren't immune to being bruised if we feel like there's a (perceived) lack of enthusiasm by the other person. It feels like the person is only hanging out with you because they lack better options.

I know I've definitely felt like this before on a few occasions, and when I did, I took a step back and waited for the other person to show some initiative (i.e.; text ME, call ME, ask ME if I want to do something). It's just nice to have confirmation that the other person is actually a willing participant, ya know?

If someone says yes to a date it means i like you anyway. So either way. Why does it matter? I think after 5 dates then the girl should plan and date the date. Overall guys usually plan though....

 

[coyote]

Overall guys usually plan though....

my experience has been that women do most of the planning

men do most of the agreeing

it's a good arrangement

 

[coyote]

I've had women tell me they don't like that. But I've also had women (sometimes the same ones) complain that we only ever did things that I wanted to do... Thus, I'm a firm believer that as guys, we can't ever win.

yes - that's the age old dilemma, isn't it?

it usually goes something like this....

M: "Let's go out to eat. What would you like?"
W: "whatever you want is fine"
M: "ok, let's have pizza"
W: "uhh, I don't really feel like pizza"
M: "ok, where do you want to go?"
W: "really, where ever you want is fine"
M: "ok, how about chinese?"
W: "no, I don't really want that tonight."
M: "ok - then what would you like?"
W: "i don't care - you decide"
M: "let's go to that new place on the west side"
W: "I heard it's not any good...."
M: "Ok YOU pick the restaraunt then!"
W: "why do I ALWAYS have to plan EVERYthing?"
M: "where do we keep the rope?"

I can not even begin to count the number of times I've had that conversation - with several different W's. :]