dating another person with sa?

[MoniqueNS]

I'm just wondering what you think the advantages would be for dating someone else with SA? Also what you think the disadvantages would be? Is it something you would do?

I personally have come to a point where I think I would almost prefer. I want to be in a relationship with someone who really understands and loves me for who I am. And being socially anxious is a huge part of me. I'm working on recovering from it as much as possible, but its been a major aspect of my life. Therefore, I think only someone else with this issue can truly understand me.

 

[kristina303]

I have always thought about this. I would love to be with a guy that has sa. It would be soooo much easier and they would understand because they're going through the same thing. I've never met anyone with sa though

 

[***deleted***]

this would be a dream guy for me

 

[thegunners21]

Hello ladies *cocky nod*

 

[CosmicNeurotica]

Having SA is in no way correlated to interests.
I'd much rather meet a girl who is NOT in my position, but has the same interests as me, and can accept me for who I am.

The fact that we all are afraid of being around people has little merit at all on having something in common.

We're all still very very different people at our cores.

 

[userremoved]

Advantages: Don't have to worry about them talking too much during your favorite movies.

Disadvantages: They finally open up and talk your head off during your favorite movies.

 

[Tiercel]

Of course he would thoroughly understand what you are going through. But would the two of you work to overcome your anxieties together, or isolate yourselves from the rest of the world?

That being said, I can definitely see the appeal in wanting someone else who suffers from SA. She'd just have to live up to the rest of my ridiculously high criteria. Or at least be able to play Paganini's Violin Concerto No. 1 on violin. The day I meet a woman who can do that, I'm proposing immediately. Consequences be damned.

 

[thegunners21]

sorry about my earlier response, i was too tired to type anything constructive

coming back to your question, i guess it would depend what kind of relationship(short term or long term) and how serious your SA is.

If your SA is very serious, and you can't take any social interaction then i would guess it would be advantageous to have a partner who is socially anxious. He/she would understand your situation better, and would know what you go through. Having an outgoing partner might create a rift in your relationship.

If your SA isn't that serious, then perhaps it would be advantageous to have an outgoing partner who might be able to give you that push that you need to get rid of your SA.

This is just my opinion and you shouldn't choose your dating partner just on my suggestion. I would say try dating someone and see for yourself.

 

[Feathers]

This reminds me of some discussions over at HSP forums - would it be better to have a non-HSP or HSP partner? (HSP='highly sensitive person')

Some women reported they were happily married to guys who were not exactly HSP, but nice and 'mildly sensitive/perceptive', they were also caring and accepted them as they were... One was with a guy who was healthy but his mom had some problems, so he was also very considerate etc.

I think it's much more important that you are compatible in other ways, than just whether you both have sa or not, and to what degree... It's probably better if at least one of you is possible to function somewhat well enough so you can survive in the society as it is... (unless you guys are rich enough to order in all the time or such )

Degrees of sa or other health problems can change: what if you or your partner got better - would you split up then?

If you are recovering and working on it, at least you'd need someone who's also working on it and recovering.. (so as to not 'drag you down' or close you into the bubble, I guess.. some 'healthy' guys can manipulate and isolate girlfriends/partners/wives too..)
At least he needs to be willing to work on things... and to be willing to learn about constructive problem-solving and more effective ways of communication etc, if the present ways would not be sufficient..

Dating someone 'extremely outgoing and too self-confident' could maybe be stressful for a sa girl, though if that person would also be nice and caring, who knows? If someone dragged you out every day three times a day, or wanted you to go partying every night, while you'd prefer to stay in, these are lifestyle preferences... (Some people grow out of 'partying' some don't... )

Also don't have illusions about people with sa or HSP or whatever: some can be mean too, or annoying or too wrapped up in own problems etc. He at least needs to be man enough to stand by you when you need him and not run away at first sight of problem etc. (Which is what you find out as you get to know a person slowly.. )

I think you want your guy to be CONSIDERATE and SUPPORTIVE and UNDERSTANDING, and the rest are perks?

 

[matthew_]

I'm just wondering what you think the advantages would be for dating someone else with SA? Also what you think the disadvantages would be? Is it something you would do?

I personally have come to a point where I think I would almost prefer. I want to be in a relationship with someone who really understands and loves me for who I am. And being socially anxious is a huge part of me. I'm working on recovering from it as much as possible, but its been a major aspect of my life. Therefore, I think only someone else with this issue can truly understand me.

Like everything in life, there are pros and cons. (not that I would actually know, but life has taught me this much about friendship at least)

+ Social phobia tends to have different causes, which in turns leads to different ways of dealing with the same problem, this could clash.

+ Someone might have a completely different personality, be an extrovert, be an introvert, or just be completely different.

+ One persons way of improving social phobia, might not be in line with another persons. One person might actually find that being around people without it may let them grow, whereas another might find comfort and growing room from within the safer environment of having a partner also have it.


Or it could be really simple, and go really well. Only way to find out, is to find out. I guess.

 

[ek2611]

Well, I think finding a loyal, honest and genuine person should be top priority. It is correct that if your partner has SA, it will be more easier to understand each other, but at the same time it does not guarantee that the relationship will be successful.

 

[MsBuzzkillington]

Advantages of dating someone with SA they understand you.

Disadvantages of dating someone with SA would be that you both will probably keep each other down. Recovery would be a lot more difficult with someone who will allow you to keep avoiding your fears and not challenge you to face your fears.

 

[Feathers]

Advantages of dating someone with SA they understand you.

Disadvantages of dating someone with SA would be that you both will probably keep each other down. Recovery would be a lot more difficult with someone who will allow you to keep avoiding your fears and not challenge you to face your fears.

Hm, with some people you actually ENCOURAGE each other to go places you wouldn't by yourself... (This has happened with female friends ) I'm not sure how it would be like with a guy though... hmm.. It depends if he'd be willing to work on things and go places/do things, or not..

 

[matthew_]

Perhaps if you have extreme social phobia, then someone with mild would be the best of both worlds, encourage you, and also understand you. If you had mild social phobia, someone who had some form of anxiety would probably be best.

 

[MrJones]

I want to be in a relationship with someone who really understands and loves me for who I am.

The rest is complementary

That person can have or not SA, the important thing is exactly what you said. Yes, SA is very important in our lives but I'm sure you're something more

 

[emre43]

Personally, I couldn't care less whether someone has SA or not. If they understand, caring and loving why would it matter?

I would me more than willing to date somebody with SA.

 

[Section_31]

this is interesting.

My wife and I both have S/A, but to varying degree's. Her's is more pronounced than mine, and we both have different triggers for things. I get more angry than anxious, although sometimes i do have an anxiety response. Whereas she just has pure anxiety. We compliment eachother in that, what bothers me, doesnt bother her, and vice versa, we caoch eachother, help eachother through, and understand eachother, and communicate very well on an emotional level.

In short, i for the most part hate people, and she says shes afraid of people.

I was with a girl once who was amazing but just didnt understand why i hated social engagements or being around other people or why i was so quiet all the time. Its nice to have someone who understands, and even though we sometimes have our moments of argueing, id never change anything. Id rather be single than be with anyone else if she wasnt around.

 

[AsTimeBurns]

You probably have met some, they just don't broadcast it.

 

[T T T]

I personally belive that if you fall in love with someone, SA or not, it shouldn't matter how they are able to tackle social situations, it should be about how they make YOU feel. If they comfort you in a way that brings out your emotions and personality, then fantastic; and this can be done by anyone, as long as they care enough to listen to you.

From experience I would say however, a relationship is certainly easier, and the chances of your SA becomes less serious, in most cases, is if you date someone who is out going and confident, yet still excepts you for who you are, understands you and dosen't push you into anything.

But as I said before, none of this should matter. You will know they are right for you when you see them, social phobia or not.