Coping with loneliness.

SmileMore

Well-known member
I've always been a loner and liked my own company but when i was a kid i still went out with friends and played outside etc so i wasn't really ever lonely. Now that i'm older and the few people that i am friends have children or are getting married i feel completely alone. The one female friend i do have has a 2 year old son now so obviously he's her main priority. When we do meet up it's only for a few hours because she has to get back for him. We met up today and were talking then out of nowhere we saw her boyfriend walk past. She called him over then said to me "i'll text you later" and just walked off home with him. I was like "oh ok then" and walked home.

I just feel totally isolated and alone. It feels like everybody else is living their lives and i'm just stuck and not going anywhere. I can't imagine me getting married or even having a boyfriend because my anxiety is so bad and i don't go out anywhere to meet people. I'm just really upset.
 

polishgirl

Well-known member
I completely understand you. My friends may not be getting married yet, but I still feel like they go on with their lives, forgetting about me. But the only thing I can think of to cheer me up is to just invest in new relationships.

I know it sounds so hard, but maybe you have some friends that you wish you knew better? Text them and suggest going out for a drink Friday. It may sound hard, I fear rejection too, but honestly, there is nothing worse than feeling lonely. And this may get you closer to some great people, and what is more, convince you that reaching out is not bad.
 

Lamb

Well-known member
I'm in a similar situation and it's been weighing heavy on my mind lately. Tea? *hands you some*

Not sure if you want advice or just need to vent. Feel free to message me if you'd like to talk.
 

JuiceB

Well-known member
I just feel totally isolated and alone. It feels like everybody else is living their lives and i'm just stuck and not going anywhere. I can't imagine me getting married or even having a boyfriend because my anxiety is so bad and i don't go out anywhere to meet people. I'm just really upset.

I really don't know what to say to you but stay strong and be courageous.

I never had friends as an adult so I can't truly understand where you're coming from. The last time I met some old friends of mine were negative experiences which had me feeling like maybe I never had any to begin with. I do understand the isolation though.
 

MikeyC

Well-known member
SmileMore, think about what you enjoy doing. You say you met up with your friend, so I'm going to assume it was at a cafe or similar. There's no reason why you can't go there on your own. I have broken that wall and do things like that all the time. Just because you're alone doesn't mean you have to completely isolate yourself from everyone. Sometimes it's nice being alone with a whole lot of other people (and eating delicious food!).

I won't deny the loneliness sucks, but if you pursue what you enjoy, that will fade when you meet people through your hobbies and interests.
 

LoyalXenite

Well-known member
SmileMore, think about what you enjoy doing. You say you met up with your friend, so I'm going to assume it was at a cafe or similar. There's no reason why you can't go there on your own. I have broken that wall and do things like that all the time.

I admire you for being able to do that Mikey, i haven't been able to do anything like that, the closest is once i wagged school (going back about 10 years now) and went to the movies alone, the only time i ever really did anything on my own just for my own enjoyment. Unfortunately the movie was full of couples and it was incredibly uncomfortable initially, but it wasnt too bad once it got nice and dark :giggle:
 

planemo

Well-known member
I've always liked my own company because when i'm on my own i'm less ashamed of myself. so i have to be lonely in order to not feel ashamed and lesser amongst people. so in many ways loneliness is already a blessing, but i guess it does get boring and i do so wish to feel as worthy as everyone else.

that's when loneliness becomes hard to bear. even though i've been a loner pretty much all my life, i don't think i've really ever learnt to cope with it. i can go many days and weeks being on my own and i can survive, but i'm not sure if i'm truly happy or not. for me knowing that i'm avoiding a worst feeling of being ridiculed makes me accept being alone, but i don't think i absolutely love it. it makes me feel trapped, like i'm living in a cage or a fort because the outside world is too dangerous for me. that's the hardest thing that loneliness brings on you. it makes you feel weak and incompetent.
 
I understand how you feel SmileMore. I have always been a loner since maybe after my first year of college. I was ok with accepting that this is just me and I would always say it's better to be alone than in bad company or around people you don't want to be around, so that's how I justified it. There is such a thing as too much alone time tho I come to realize. My Uncle is a total hermit, has no social life whatsoever, doesn't date or go out to do things besides the grocery store and the gym. I worry that I might end up like that which scares me a bit so I have to do something about it because while I don't mind the alone time, it's necessary and preferred, I do need some kind of social activity just so I can keep the very little people skills I have already just for survival. I agree with MikeyC about pursuing your interests and finding people that share those interests, that is where you will find people that will be easier to talk to because you have something to talk about :)
 

MikeyC

Well-known member
I admire you for being able to do that Mikey, i haven't been able to do anything like that, the closest is once i wagged school (going back about 10 years now) and went to the movies alone, the only time i ever really did anything on my own just for my own enjoyment. Unfortunately the movie was full of couples and it was incredibly uncomfortable initially, but it wasnt too bad once it got nice and dark :giggle:
Going to the movies alone is awesome. You can eat all the popcorn you want to buy and get it all over yourself, and there's nobody next to you to scold you! :giggle:

It did take a few weeks to finally get through my anxiety of eating alone, and I still get it sometimes, but it's not so bad now.

There is such a thing as too much alone time tho I come to realize.
Absolutely! :thumbup:
 

slowmotiondaydream

Well-known member
it sounds like me but at most times i actually like being on my own. I can focus on myself and plan days out without intervention and ruining things. BUT then i get lonely. you cant win
 
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