coyote
Well-known member
true
clearly, some have other disorders/issues which may be more or less dysfunctional in society
true
clearly, some have other disorders/issues which may be more or less dysfunctional in society
LazyHermitCrab
Well-known member
Hmm never started one :/ Advice anyway would be to take that person somewhere where no one will listen in and give the message calmly and straightforwardly
B
Beatrice
Guest
Yes, I second this. Darkrider, you're certainly not treating another person the way I am assuming you would want to be treated as a sufferer of SAD. Besides, I was asking how people here deal with confrontations whether they have SAD or not, because even with SAD they may have useful tips they themselves use to cope, that work very well.
Death Rider
Active member
That's what I meant by my post
Sorry, I was in a strange mood. A borderline emotional state. I had just spent half a day with a person with problems, but he does not have SAD. I had a chance to do some comparing, seeing life from an others' perspective. I don't usually spend my time with other people so this was something special...
Kiwong
Well-known member
I think minimising confrontation in my life is a mature way of dealing with it. Nothing to do with SAD. Acting without thinking and therefore overeacting to situations had been a SAD way of dealing with conflict in the past. There is nothing wrong with living life with thoughtfulness and mindfulness. Thinking can work in your advanatge.
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Beatrice
Guest
Yes, I agree completely. But I always felt that if I DID take this approach it made me "weak". Now I realize: how does that make you strong if you just blow up at people and act like a jerk? That means nothing. I know plenty of people who are this way and are not strong people mentally at all.
Kiwong
Well-known member
I feel the same way. I have blown up at people and I feel horrible inside afterwards, I feel phycially sick and shaky. I think being calm in the face of confrontation takes a lot of mental strength. The times I have taken a step back and thought about how I should respond, if at all, I have felt better afterwards. The moment of confrontation is quickly forgotten. I do this to protect my own health.
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Beatrice
Guest
Yeah, I feel EXACTLY like that after I blow up on someone, too. Sick and shaky, and HORRIBLY guilty. And I'm glad you think it takes mental strength to be calm in the face of confrontation, because today I did just that
I'm proud of myself because, like many others on here, it's SO hard for me, but I just took a MAJOR step and I feel great about it Feel like there really is hope for my SA.
leave_me_alone
Well-known member
It is true, it takes a lot to not blow up on someone... I'v been in situation when i felt like yelling at person or even hit him in the face, but i managed to force myself to stay calm. I think of the consequences and ask myself, if it is really worth it - the answer is usually "no". I am glad i can think rationally in situations like this, but I am not sure if i agree that it makes a person stronger. I am afraid people will think i am someone without opinions and emotions, someone who doesnt care. However, I too feel very insecure and vulnerable, after blowing up on someone.
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Kiwong
Well-known member
Yeah, I feel EXACTLY like that after I blow up on someone, too. Sick and shaky, and HORRIBLY guilty. And I'm glad you think it takes mental strength to be calm in the face of confrontation, because today I did just that
Those moments are great, like my whole mind is buzzing with the possibility that my anxiety is getting better and it needn't be a life sentence.
LadyWench
Well-known member
I wish I had some tips on how to help you with this problem. I'm quite a shy and quiet person, for the most part. However, when it comes to arguing and confronting people, I have absolutely no problem doing it. I can quickly go into "b*tch mode" and say exactly what I'm thinking/feeling. I guess I've just always been that way. Plus, I hate the majority of people. If I'm in the store or something and someone is rude to me, I will shot a sarcastic remark at them. Which is odd, considering I'm normally rather reserved. :/ No idea where this comes from. I grew up with a mother that never speaks her mind and lets everyone walk all over her. Maybe I somehow made a decision to NOT be like that. Who knows?
Falkor
1
Confrontations are hard, but I just tell them ''Yeah I know'' cuz most of things they have been telling me before, people just want to make sure you hear them, but with angry loud people, who are confronting me, that's still hard to deal with. It's hard to handle. It's hard to just stay relaxed and not feel anything since my emotions shoot out to the highest mountain, but I have to tell myself I have to see it as a good thing to know, If I tell them that they got a point and give them the assurance that I heard them about the confrontation, they will be satisfied that I do something with it or listen to it. And not avoid it by ignoring it cuz I cannot deal with confrontations just trying to not sink into the deep water ya know.
Hoppy
Well-known member
Some advice from Miss Manners and people's stories on the Etiquettehell forums.
My favourite one being "What an interesting assumption."
Etiquette Hell - Index
My favourite one being "What an interesting assumption."
Etiquette Hell - Index
MollyBeGood
Well-known member
Hi
I try to actually remove myself from the situation if someone is going Off. If that isn't a option, sometimes it's not, then i really have to try Not take anything too personally and remember someones who's acting out in anger is really off their rocker so to speak And trying to get a rise out of me.
So I take great pleasure when I can, in not being effected at all. When I am able to not take someone's outbursts personally and see them for what they are, an annoying human being selfish and acting out, I try to remain cool and calm and get a few words in hopes that they might see how redicilious they look in acting like such a-holes.
Remember to breath deep through your nose too and not shallow belly breaths while you remain composed. Hope that helps.
I don't always do this, but when i do i really feel like I have a chance in this world aganist people who are rude, mean and demeaning.
Apotheosis
Well-known member
Actually, when I'm angry my SA completely flies out the window.
I have an extremely quick temper when it comes to people thinking they have power over me or that they're somehow better than me. I never visibly lose my temper though; I always keep a calm face and voice even when I'd like nothing more than to send a solid fist or two their way.
As for what I do: If I feel it's something relatively minor, I'll usually just attack any flaws in what the person has said until they go away. But if someone has truly pissed me off, I'll systematically break the person down using everything I know about them and their weaknesses.
I'm serious, I'm a terrible person. If there's one thing I'm good at, it's absolutely destroying another person's self esteem.
I'm especially canny when it comes to destroying my own.
=/
I have an extremely quick temper when it comes to people thinking they have power over me or that they're somehow better than me. I never visibly lose my temper though; I always keep a calm face and voice even when I'd like nothing more than to send a solid fist or two their way.
As for what I do: If I feel it's something relatively minor, I'll usually just attack any flaws in what the person has said until they go away. But if someone has truly pissed me off, I'll systematically break the person down using everything I know about them and their weaknesses.
I'm serious, I'm a terrible person. If there's one thing I'm good at, it's absolutely destroying another person's self esteem.
I'm especially canny when it comes to destroying my own.
=/