Boyfriend Sociopath?

[BlueDays]

How is he a manipulator?

Angelcat says that as soon as she confronted him with his behaviour he starts a mini rage and starts blaming her.
He is using anger to make her think twice about confronting him again and then deflects the attention off him and onto her by then blaming her.

Then makes sure she doesn't bring the topic back up again with the classic guilt trip that she is not paying enough attention to him.

I confronted my boyfriend on his lack of concern for the cat and he just gets in the weird mode, like a mini rage and starts blaming me. Then a few minutes later my boyfriend starts whining saying he is depressed and that I am not paying enough attention to him. Any opinions?
.

 

[angelcat]

Thanks for the comments all. He likes animals, but only ones that are healthy and well socialized. He would take our cat we got from the breeder to the vet in a heart beat. The only way the other cat would go is if we got into a big argument.

 

[coyote]

Thanks for the comments all. He likes animals, but only ones that are healthy and well socialized. He would take the our cat we got from the breeder to the vet in a heart beat. The only way the other cat would go is if we got into a big argument.

how would he feel about being neutered?

 

[Silatuyok]

i didn't think vets would neuter a human male

If he's really such a dog, they will.

 

[Hellhound]

Symptoms

Do you want to stay with him? If so, you need to put the effort in to make him feel valued. It's gonna be hard. If you feel this is too much for you, leave.

You need to give him a lot of attention. He needs to feel valued. It's likely he does not like your cat because it appears you are giving more attention to the cat. So try to give him enough attention and keep him happy. As a result, he will less likely to experience the symptoms above. Try to get him involved in different activities. Take him to the cinema, restaurant, ice skating and visit new places. Do different things together, that will keep his mind off sex/porn.

You have to understand that he is not thinking rationally. Put yourself in his position and see things from his perspective. This will help you to deal with him effectively.

I don't think that's fair to the OP.

 

[shakethelight]

That's a huge red flag. What difference does it make if the cat came from a breeder or not? An animal in need is an animal in need. To me, that's like saying if you adopted a child & also had your own biological child, & both got sick- does the birth child deserve better treatment?

I hope you don't take offence to this, but it sounds like your trying to rationalize his behavior. Saying "he likes animals, but only the healthy, well socialized ones." In order to maintain a "healthy, well socialized" pet you have to take care of its needs. There shouldn't have to be a fight about taking your sick cat to the vet. It's a defenseless creature that doesn't have a voice & needs you to be it's advocate.

I'd be seriously concerned if he doesn't have empathy for a sick cat, what does he have empathy for.

 

[Remus]

Maybe he's histrionic? You can always section him if he gets violent.

 

[Remus]

I don't think that's fair to the OP.

True, she's his GF not his qualified therapist.

 

[dragonoth]

We have been together for a while. He said he would get therapy and we would go to couples counseling.

Hope it all goes well for you guys. You obviously see something worthwhile in him so support him the best way you can. Don't expect things to suddenly change for the better; encourage him frequently to get better on his own.

 

[da_illest101]

Get him off porn asap. Porn addiction can cause disensitisation to every thing. Google your brain on porn and do research on how it destroyed life of many including my own

 

[angelcat]

The only thing that really bothers me about my boyfriend is his lack of empathy. I read more and his characteristics seem more like a mixture between narcissistic and histrionic personality, not sociopathic. I do not think he would ever want a animal to suffer, he is just insensitive and makes rude comments but would fix the problem if it came down to it.

 

[MrSunday]

Angelcat says that as soon as she confronted him with his behaviour he starts a mini rage and starts blaming her.
He is using anger to make her think twice about confronting him again and then deflects the attention off him and onto her by then blaming her.

Then makes sure she doesn't bring the topic back up again with the classic guilt trip that she is not paying enough attention to him.

Many people can get angry when they are confronted with an issue. Not many people like confrontation. Anger is a common response in personal relationships. Does not necessarily mean he is manipulating her.

It depends on how you think and anaylse the situation. I prefer not to assume the worst about people.

I don't think that's fair to the OP.

I was not being critical of her. I gave her advice so she can continue this relationship. I'm assuming she wants to stay with him. I told her that when your in a relationship with a person who has a personality disorder, you need to put the extra effort to keep them happy than compared to an ordinary person. It's not easy.

If she cannot cope with this, then it is best she leave.

The only thing that really bothers me about my boyfriend is his lack of empathy. I read more and his characteristics seem more like a mixture between narcissistic and histrionic personality, not sociopathic. I do not think he would ever want a animal to suffer, he is just insensitive and makes rude comments but would fix the problem if it came down to it.

He needs to visit a doctor to find out if he is suffering from an illness, though I doubt that's gonna be easy. Most doctors do not assume the worst unless there is compelling evidence to support it.

As long as he is not violent to you or your pets...or even property, then your fine. He sounds to me he is just expressing his frustration. If he gets worse and you feel you cannot cope, it is best to leave for your own safety.

 

[toiletworld]

you should try datinglikeme.com great place to meet people with social anxiety disorders. just a thought I did it for awhile

 

[Thelema]

Someone that doesn't show feeling for animals probably lacks feelings for humans too...why the heck would you want to be around someone like that :/

 

[Facethefear]

Angelcat,
Please keep us updated on your boyfriend's behavior - write a daily diary telling us what he actions and words are and make sure he doesn't know you are doing it. Do not tell him you are discussing him on an internet site and never use our responses to back-up any disagreement the two of you have. My advice is to delete the history on your computer and do not have this site in your favorites. Keep it a secret.
I have read your past posts and I am concerned about your reasons to be with this person. I don't know you and I never would want to hurt your feelings but you seem very vulnerable and that would be attractive to the kind of man who I have described in previous posts.
I wonder if you think being alone would be worse than living with him or are there financial reasons for this relationship? You started a topic to discuss your boyfriend's personality, gave us an overview and asked everyone to give their opinions, yet when we agree with your assessment of him; you back down and defend him and justify his actions.
You have explained it perfectly. He will say and do things that affect you in a negative way, but you just know he doesn't mean to be like that and it is your perception that is wrong. Now you backtrack and tell us the only thing you dislike is his lack of empathy. That is a big one : HE DOES NOT CARE! A person who loves you ....cares. That is the essence of love.
This your life: he hurts you and you get confused because you are alone, so you ask strangers to take sides based on your version of the events and we support you and life returns to "normal" so you try to erase it all until the next time because you doubt yourself. I hope I am wrong. Sorry, to be harsh but I speak from experience and I know the path you are going down and it leads to a dead end.