Today is my birthday. I let it drop at work a few days ago, because, well honestly, I was hoping for a birthday cake! I didn't expect anyone to do anything more than that. And I really love birthday cake!
But, someone I've been working closely with actually invited me out with him and his wife. I know he considers us to be friends. But this feels weird to me as I'm not used to having a) friends b)friends of the opposite sex. And then yesterday other people at work asked me what I was doing for my bday, in front of him. And I freaked out. I had no clue how to answer. One part of my mind whispered "sshh don't say anything about going out with him because he surely doesn't want anyone to know you hang out outside of work. Why would he, you're a mess!" Another part of my mind said "if you don't say anything he's gonna think YOU don't want people to know you hang out outside of work and he's gonna feel like crap" and yet another part of my mind said "people are gonna think you're involved. be careful here". We're not involved btw. All of this within a span of about 3 seconds!!! Arg!!! I finally spit out some awkward statement that summed up my plans and did mention him. But I know it was terribly awkward sounding and made people, including him, go "hmmm, what's going on?"
Well that's been bothering me since yesterday. But, now, I'm about to start getting ready to go out and I am really scared. I manage ok at work because there's always work stuff to talk about. But I don't know how I'm going to handle a conversation without that there to dominate it. And his wife, who I have not met before, will be there. And I don't do well around new people. And, again, I have worries that she will think we are involved. Again, we are not! But he's always so nice and so friendly, that sometimes I think he's throwing signals my way. But he's that way with everyone. But it still feels weird. And I'm scared of the dynamic it will make when his wife is there too. Although I'm sure she's already noted it with other people in their lives. Like I said, he's that way with everyone.
Anyways, I just needed to vent. I'm terrified. But I will get through it. Somehow. Hopefully without coming off as a complete weirdo.
But, someone I've been working closely with actually invited me out with him and his wife. I know he considers us to be friends. But this feels weird to me as I'm not used to having a) friends b)friends of the opposite sex. And then yesterday other people at work asked me what I was doing for my bday, in front of him. And I freaked out. I had no clue how to answer. One part of my mind whispered "sshh don't say anything about going out with him because he surely doesn't want anyone to know you hang out outside of work. Why would he, you're a mess!" Another part of my mind said "if you don't say anything he's gonna think YOU don't want people to know you hang out outside of work and he's gonna feel like crap" and yet another part of my mind said "people are gonna think you're involved. be careful here". We're not involved btw. All of this within a span of about 3 seconds!!! Arg!!! I finally spit out some awkward statement that summed up my plans and did mention him. But I know it was terribly awkward sounding and made people, including him, go "hmmm, what's going on?"
Well that's been bothering me since yesterday. But, now, I'm about to start getting ready to go out and I am really scared. I manage ok at work because there's always work stuff to talk about. But I don't know how I'm going to handle a conversation without that there to dominate it. And his wife, who I have not met before, will be there. And I don't do well around new people. And, again, I have worries that she will think we are involved. Again, we are not! But he's always so nice and so friendly, that sometimes I think he's throwing signals my way. But he's that way with everyone. But it still feels weird. And I'm scared of the dynamic it will make when his wife is there too. Although I'm sure she's already noted it with other people in their lives. Like I said, he's that way with everyone.
Anyways, I just needed to vent. I'm terrified. But I will get through it. Somehow. Hopefully without coming off as a complete weirdo.
