Being pressured into casual sex I don't want to have...

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chrisjurban

Well-known member
This may sound weird, because I'd bet that a lot of males with social phobias fantasize about getting casual sex.

A friend of mine has this female friend from Venezuela who has been looking for a casual sex partner in the Americas. She saw me, found me attractive, and my friend set us up together.

She's been calling me for the past few days looking to set up a "date." My friend has also been bugging me, telling me to call her back.

1, I get tremendous performance anxiety during sexual encounters. I'd prefer to keep my sex confined to long term relationships. 2, I just broke up with my LT girlfriend and really want to spend time alone and doing what I enjoy doing, discovering myself, without incessant performance anxiety.

However, I set up the date. I feel like if I suddenly decline I'll lose face with my friend. This girl has been hurt before by casual sexual encounters, and I feel like if I fail to perform she will be hurt again. I really don't know how to refuse it...
 
F

Feathers

Well-known member
Well if she was hurt before and you don't want to keep it just casual, maybe take time to get to know her, and maybe something else could develop? Or is she going back home soon/has fiancee or arranged marriage at home or what?

Tell her that you think she's interesting (if you find her so - this must be genuine!) and that you'd like to get to know her better? You might even say that you're not really into casual things and what you told us here...?

Even if it might be casual you don't have to jump into anything right away, especially if it's with someone that you don't like so much or if you aren't sure about it... Even casual partners may understand 'hey I don't know you so well yet...', no? Or you could say, 'Hey, I'm a little bit oldfashioned, I don't do this this way or just with anyone, I need to get to know the person better...' or such...

A friend met someone on FB and met up with him and then just left, saying she can't do this lol...
Things like that happen...

If you REALLY want to spend some time alone, maybe just be honest with her (and the friend)?
It will hurt way less now than after setting up expectations or becoming more intimate...
'Sorry, I thought I could do it but it's way too soon after my recent break-up' is something any woman could understand, I think... Maybe she'll be a bit resentful now (and your friend might think you're 'crazy') but it's your life and ultimately they'll both 'survive'...

If they don't care about your feelings, what kind of friend or maybe-partner is that then anyway??
Even if it would be a casual partner, I think you'd want someone kind and understanding, no?

If she has been hurt by casual encounters before, why would she want that again??
Maybe she really wants a caring LTR too, and might just have low self-image or too many own problems and maybe thought you wouldn't be interested in her? Or is she in love with someone else who she can't have and wants to forget? It might be good to find out why she'd just want things to be 'casual'... Just because it's 'fashionable' or maybe she thinks that's what men want?

Or maybe she doesn't even really know what she wants?

(Some) men want casual sex with women 'all the time', it may be a bit annoying to turn them down, ultimately they survive though... Sometimes such situations turn into more than casual (a couple was on TV, to be married, when they met he just wanted to have sex with her... and it didn't go the way he wanted at the start, but they stayed together and lo and behold! all sorts of things can happen...)
There are even 'manuals' written on how to go 'from casual to committed'... (haven't read any, just saw it online, that such a thing exists...)

If she really just wants 'casual' and you really don't want it, it's your choice to go about it in a way that you will be happy with your life... in that case honesty is the best, I think...
 
Newtype

Newtype

Well-known member
chrisjurban said:
A friend of mine has this female friend from Venezuela who has been looking for a casual sex partner in the Americas. She saw me, found me attractive, and my friend set us up together.
Click to expand...

So this girl travels the Americas, from Nunavut to Ushuaia, searching for casual sex partners? They don't even have crazy scenarios like that in porn movies...
 
miss_amy

miss_amy

Well-known member
If she is going around looking for casual sex partners then getting knock backs or being used or hurt is part of what she should expect from that kind of life style choice. She isn't your problem. Stick by your morals and your own needs and leave her to it.
If your friend is a true friend then they won't think bad of you for choosing to not do something you feel uncomfortable with.
 
Section_31

Section_31

Well-known member
dude, dont go for it. This sounds like trouble. as hot as she is, if shes looking to hook up that easily, who knows who shes been with and what she may have.

Stick to your guns. If your friend is really your friend he will lay off and drop this.
 
D

da_illest101

Well-known member
lol @ coyote

but seriously dude drop it. It never end good when you or someone else presure you into doing something
 
MsBuzzkillington

MsBuzzkillington

Well-known member
Tell your friend (and the girl) you aren't interested in casual sex and you want to decline the offer.

If your friend gets annoyed at you because of this, she isn't a very good friend anyway.

There's absolutely no reason you should compromise yourself and your beliefs simply to please a crappy friend. Well it's dumb to do it to please others anyway, but especially for someone who is a crappy friend.
 
R

Rembrandt Broam

Well-known member
Does your friend look anything like this guy?

kramerPimp.jpg


:rolleyes:

As others have said, don't do anything you don't want to do. Does your friend not even know you well enough to know that this kind of casual sex isn't your thing?
 
MrJones

MrJones

Well-known member
MsBuzzkillington said:
Tell your friend (and the girl) you aren't interested in casual sex and you want to decline the offer.

If your friend gets annoyed at you because of this, she isn't a very good friend anyway.

There's absolutely no reason you should compromise yourself and your beliefs simply to please a crappy friend. Well it's dumb to do it to please others anyway, but especially for someone who is a crappy friend.
Click to expand...
This is it. Explain them your reasons. If they understand, great. If they don't, you will have done the right thing. They can't force you, you're free!
Rembrandt Broam said:
Does your friend look anything like this guy?

kramerPimp.jpg
Click to expand...
Aaah I remember that... good days :rolleyes::D
 
MrJones

MrJones

Well-known member
Newtype said:
Are you in the business of importing/exporting women with Art Vandelay? If so, that's human trafficking o_0
Click to expand...
Of course not!

.... unless you're interested ....

:rolleyes:

Edit: we better stop talking about human trafficking in this thread, I don't think we're helping the OP XD
 
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WeirdyMcGee

WeirdyMcGee

Well-known member
I'm a girl, so maybe what I say doesn't really hold much weight but...

If you don't want to do it, then don't.
She can find someone else to be her toy.
You can *always* say no to sex if it doesn't feel right to you. Don't do it just because 'if you don't then you're not a man.' You ARE a man. You are a person and you deserve to have your decision respected when it has to do with your body.
If your friends think you're any less of a man for not doing it- that's too bad but there are plenty of reasons why a guy wouldn't want that type or relationship.
There are guys who can do the casual sex scenario no sweat-- and guys who just can't.
If it doesn't suit you, then don't force yourself to do it or you'll just end up damaging yourself/your ego/ your emotional state/possibly your body.
 
drganon

drganon

Well-known member
Hell, I'd love a friend that would hook me up like that. The only thing the few friends I've had done for me was lend me video-games.:mad:

Kidding aside, you shouldn't do anything you don't really want to do. Aside from the emotional aspects, there are also health risks to consider since I'm assuming you don't know who else this girl has been with.
 
rustyrus303

rustyrus303

Active member
maaaan... im lookin for casual sex, i just broke up with my LT gf too. but ima remedy that by movin in with two young lesbian/ bi hoties next week! nd hopefully i'll get my first threesome, cos i know if i can get it once i'll keep on gettin it... =)
 
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