Arohanui - Ake Ake KiaKaha's Journal

[Rembrandt Broam]

Ok - so moral of the story is if you go on a date and she flirts with you, kisses you etc it doesnt necessarily means she actually likes you. Got it. It just means she holds all the cards and can throw you to the curb if and when she wants all the while as you get your hopes up.

Thanks for clarifying. Makes perfect sense.

This particular girl's actions seem very strange. If a girl isn't interested in you "in that way" then I would think that kissing or any other kind of physical intimacy would be out of the question from the start. I honestly don't know why she would do that, and then give you the "let's just be friends" line. It's understandable that you feel you were messed around by her. Sorry this happened to you. ::

 

[twiggle]

It's true that men and women cuddle/sleep together etc without commitment all the time, but it only works when the feeling is mutual and when both parties are aware of the way things stand.

When this is not the case, it's just unfair. It's as Beleza put it, why do people act in a way to others that they wouldn't tolerate suffering themselves?

Kissing and cuddling would be harmless enough if this wasn't a date and you'd known each other for a while - but the fact it was a 'date' completely changes this.

But. It could be that this girl woke the next day and then, as often happens when we're unsure of our feelings, simply felt differently about you than she did the day before. That doesn't make her a bad person; it just proves how complex feelings and emotions can be.

I can see both sides of the argument here but to me it all just proves again the importance of honesty. This upset would have been avoided if she'd just been honest with you from the start - even if it meant she contradicted herself occasionally (because of those wavering emotions) at least you wouldn't be spending all your time wondering 'why?'.

 

[coyote]

Thank you, Beleza! I'm glad I'm not the only one who is apparently living the "Disney" version of life. I thought it was called "common courtesy", but what do I know...

i'm not justifying, rationalizing, promoting, or condoning certain behavior

i'm simply acknowledging that it exists

again, this goes back to holding beliefs about how we think the world "should be" and then being all disappointed that it doesn't turn out that way we want

 

[MollyBeGood]

Again, just ASK her why she friend-zoned you.

and lets be honest here...men for years and years push women to have sex with them (prematurely)and have no intention of having a relationship with them so it's just evolutionary that women like to cuddle and kiss etc... or sleep with you just because... Men have been doing it to us forever.
pay backs a bitch.

either way you might just put the dating thing aside and let someone come to you naturally like in the produce isle not on those cattle-call dating sites..seems like a horrible place for anyone to put themselves who has any feelings.

 

[Starry]

Thank you, Beleza! I'm glad I'm not the only one who is apparently living the "Disney" version of life. I thought it was called "common courtesy", but what do I know...

I second this!

We should always treat other people with respect and decency, not lead them on and use them to fulfil our own selfish desires!

Thankfully, not everybody is so selfish!

 

[1BlackSheep]

i'm not justifying, rationalizing, promoting, or condoning certain behavior

i'm simply acknowledging that it exists

again, this goes back to holding beliefs about how we think the world "should be" and then being all disappointed that it doesn't turn out that way we want

I disagree. We *should* hold on to what we feel is right and believe in, and not just accept the poor actions of other people.

 

[coyote]

I disagree. We *should* hold on to what we feel is right and believe in, and not just accept the poor actions of other people.

well that's fine in determining what your own behavior will be - but that doesn't change the way other people behave

you can hold yourself and others to a higher standard - i applaud the desire to set an example and lead the way to brighter future for everyone

but that doesn't mean you can't recognize that other standards besides your own do exist out there - whether you approve of them or not

and if someone is looking for answers as to why people behave the way they do, it doesn't help to pretend that people only behave according to your own standards

that would be like a modern, wealthy, western-educated, white, devoutly christian anthropologist studying the ruins of an ancient civilization in africa, and drawing conclusions about their culture based upon his own current world-view

we've spent much of the last century trying to revise all the mistakes made by people like that so that we can try to understand the world a little better

 

[coyote]

And yet there are guys like Kia, who seems like he would make a very emotionally supportive partner, who get repeatedly knocked back. You can see why he gets so frustrated? ::

and while it seems to us that Kiakaha would be emotionally supportive of her, we don't know whether she felt the same way, or whether she felt like he in turn might need a lot of emotional support from her and she wasn't ready to provide that

i guess that was more the point of what i posted before

it would help if we could go along on one of these dates to observe everything

 

[MollyBeGood]

LoL @ coyote-can we do a hidden camera on him to observe? seriously I would rather eat glass than be dating. It could be a simple as having bad breath or opps.. passing gas then you're out of the game. Maybe her other bf got back into town even?

 

[1BlackSheep]

well that's fine in determining what your own behavior will be - but that doesn't change the way other people behave

you can hold yourself and others to a higher standard - i applaud the desire to set an example and lead the way to brighter future for everyone

but that doesn't mean you can't recognize that other standards besides your own do exist out there - whether you approve of them or not

and if someone is looking for answers as to why people behave the way they do, it doesn't help to pretend that people only behave according to your own standards

No, it doesn't but it also doesn't mean that you should just bend over and take it because "that's how it is".

No point in going round and round with you on this because we clearly don't share the same values and beliefs.

 

[coyote]

No, it doesn't but it also doesn't mean that you should just bend over and take it because "that's how it is".

where did i ever suggest that?

 

[Lea]

What seems to me weird is that she went with you to the sex shop on the first date. Why?? Why didn´t she go by herself is she needed something. Even more if she intends to be only friends with you. Also, she seems quite inconsistent in what she says and does, why did she cuddle with you if she only wants to be friends. Either she´s manipulating you for some reason or cannot make up her mind. Find out if she isn´t a bit mentally labile.

 

[MrSunday]

I am not looking for someone to tell me what I want to hear.

Then I'm looking for someone to lie to me everyday.

 

[kilojoule]

Theres a hotbed of activity in here this evening.

l like cake.....sorry just wanted to have a bit of input

 

[coyote]

l like cake....

i'm appalled - what is the world coming to?

 

[kilojoule]

i'm appalled - what is the world coming to?

I dunno but I just opted for a bag o' cookies for dinner lol so lazy an option the 'of' doesn't even deserve an 'f' so nyom though!!!

 

[KiaKaha]

Man there is a lot of personal values masquerading as fact in some of these responses.
I will address each one as I have time.

Coyote, I always appreciate the responses but could you please tone down the condescension. Cheers.

 

[coyote]

Coyote, I always appreciate the responses but could you please tone down the condescension. Cheers.

i did not use a single condescension emoticon in anything i posted

 

[KiaKaha]

*sigh* it's not about emoticons.
Am I really going to have to point it out?
I know you mean well, and I am sure it is not intentional - but sometimes - you can talk down to people a fair bit. It is very condescending.

I will let it slide. Moving on.

 

[coyote]

I know you mean well, and I am sure it is not intentional - but sometimes - you can talk down to people a fair bit. It is very condescending.

i do mean well, and it's not intentional

i wonder if you aren't reading something into it that's not there

i'm sorry it comes across that way to you or anyone else