Anyway - I am going to leave SPW for a while. I need time out. I keep trying to get away, but it lures me back, mostly because of my lack of real life socialization, and because it enables me to vent and express myself, which I feel I cannot do in the real world.
I think with forums like this its important to ascertain an appropriate amount of time, or depth of emotional investment, that we put into it. It's a great forum and it's very useful but when all is said and done - it's the internet, and it's how we behave in real life that needs to be our main focus. So I can understand your wanting to take a break for a while. As Mikey said, you've got to do what feels right for you. But... come back, ok? :
:
I get the feeling, that I am quite bland and uninteresting... I just get the feeling that people see me as a bit of a joke, and I need to avoid feeling like that because I can feel it in myself that I am just going to get more and more wound up as time goes on.
As somebody who feels the same way about myself, I know that no amount of people telling you that it's not true is going to make you believe it isn't. Our mind has been conditioned into thinking that nobody really likes us. I think it's even harder on the internet, because you can't tell the tones of messages sometimes. It's much easier to tell what people really think in real life, where you can see facial expressions and sense meanings more easily. Spend some time gaining confidence in real life social situations and then the new confidence will transfer over to internet social situations too.
I think people, just dont really see anything particularly viable within me to bother with... merely undesirable. There is always...always someone better.
Everybody has people who are better than them in every single way. But there's only one YOU. When people like other people, it's for the whole package, everything that makes them who they are. Everybody has flaws. Everybody has strengths. It's not a game of trumps in which the one who has a bigger amount of charisma is more desirable than the one without. Those figures don't matter. It's about YOU and how you connect with others, and you seem to connect with many others on here. Mikey is even going to visit you, I'd feel so honoured if somebody from here came to see me :
:
Even right now, as I type - I feel like a total idiot, I imagining that people all over the world who have bothered to read this far is thinking "this guy is total idiot - he has no idea about anything" or "get over yourself"
Personally I'm thinking, 'how anybody who cares and gives so much to others, feels this low about himself, is very upsetting'
So anyway - I just need some distance. I need to be more selfish, more uncaring and to conform - to play the game to fit in, and not cause a fuss. To let the man grab me by the shoulders and give me what for.
I am going to leave for a while, sort my life out. Get some money, get laid - and generally be indifferent about other people - because look how far caring has gotten me so far....
Do what you feel you must, but never change who you are as a person. Never change your morals and values to 'fit in'. You'll only end up feeling more confused, and disappointed in yourself for giving in.
You're a really good guy, Kia. Take a break as you need to, but don't be gone forever. You offer a great opinion on these boards. It's not always an opinion I fully agree with at first but as I said to you once before, when you explain your reasons for your opinion, I always find myself nodding in agreement behind the computer.
Take care and come back soon