Arohanui - Ake Ake KiaKaha's Journal
- Thread starter KiaKaha
- Start date
Lea
Banned
Well I think opinions of what is "sexual harassment" can vary. I´ve seen women making fuss about even quite innocent things, btw I also think if this happens it can be dealt with in a more friendly way, explain the boss that you don t like it without straight being aggresive. I think men are just trying what they can get away with.. and it´s up to the woman to show boundaries, but in a possibly friendly manner. Because I think who deserves agression just for trying to flirt? If you don´t like to be flirted with, say it.. If he´s touching you inapropriately, tell him that you don´t like it and you don´t want it to continue. Be assertive about it, but not aggresive.
But if I found him really disgusting or repelling for some reason, even if it was a subjective one, I would consider quitting myself.
As for slashing the tyres, it doesn´t seem to me right.. seems insidious.. I am for direct confrontation or if it´s not possible, leave it and move on. People should learn more forgiveness IMO.. To not be misunderstood, I am all for justice and fairness and standing up for your rights (which in fact everyone should do to stop spreading it further), but it needs to be differentiated when it is really necessary and appropriate/morally right or even moral obligation, and when it´s rather a matter of a bruised ego.
But if I found him really disgusting or repelling for some reason, even if it was a subjective one, I would consider quitting myself.
As for slashing the tyres, it doesn´t seem to me right.. seems insidious.. I am for direct confrontation or if it´s not possible, leave it and move on. People should learn more forgiveness IMO.. To not be misunderstood, I am all for justice and fairness and standing up for your rights (which in fact everyone should do to stop spreading it further), but it needs to be differentiated when it is really necessary and appropriate/morally right or even moral obligation, and when it´s rather a matter of a bruised ego.
coyote
Well-known member
so one man breaks the law, gets away with it, and it's unfair
another man breaks the law, gets away with it, and it's okay?
that's the problem with the whole "unfair" mindset
who ultimately gets to decide what IS fair?
Last edited:
dyingtolive
Well-known member
^
that certainly takes guts especially from someone with SA
and you could've got caught. of course you would face the consequences and you took that chance.
perhaps you already have it in you to be a 'not so nice guy'.
that certainly takes guts especially from someone with SA
and you could've got caught. of course you would face the consequences and you took that chance.
perhaps you already have it in you to be a 'not so nice guy'.
Last edited:
Lea
Banned
That´s why I don´t go to police in such cases. I could go to police and say "my father is bullying and beating me at home" but I have no evidence. They would also say "it´s witin the family, you have to resolve it yourself". As they once told me when I was 18 and my mother took away my passport. She had no RIGHT to do it, yet apparently not everything which is "not right" belongs to the police..
Btw Kia I guess you also didn´t witness the actual situation yourself, just listened to what your gf told you and acted on it..
WeirdyMcGee
Well-known member
Oh, man-- I couldn't begin to list the times I've been sexually harassed and assaulted by employers. I'd rather not work with them though-- 1 warning; 2 warnings, I'm uncomfortable-- I quit and get a new job because I'd rather not deal with it.
I have had some very good bosses, though.
Pretty much any job I've had for more than a week-- I had for YEARS because I'm choosy about where and who I work with.
Here's a good story:
I was working at a chain restaurant in college for a grand total of 3 days.
I came in to work one day with wet hair because I had to walk an hour to get there because I had no money for the bus- and it was raining out.
My manager said for me to take a couple minutes to 'put myself back together' before getting on the floor and serving; and directed me to the staff washrooms.
I went in and towel dried my hair off; reapplied some makeup and glanced up-- there he was in the washroom, locking the door behind himself.
He said: 'If you want to get anywhere in this business, you've got to know who to suck up to.'
I said: 'I'm equally respectful and nice to everyone. No one gets special treatment.'
he said: 'aw~ that's too bad... if you were willing to suck ' (pause) 'up to the right person, you could have a very comfortable position here.'
And he stood there and stared at me for a good 20 seconds until I reached my maximum uncomfortable capacity and said; 'I'm not comfortable with this situation at all. Why did you lock the door behind you?'
Needless to say, he just stared some more and brushed it off, saying 'it was a joke, a joke!'
He was testing me to see how far he could go. I know he was.
I heard from some of the other girls that he was having sex with one of the 16 year olds who were working there. She was head of waitstaff-- ABOVE the senior waitstaff made up of experienced 30-40 year olds who were married and had kids and she'd been working there for 4 months.
Stick to your guns-- draw the line CLEARLY and quit if it's not going to stop.
You can always find another job-- self respect is much harder to find once lost.
In the past, I've reported 3 of my bosses/managers for sexual assault-- for groping my breasts and telling me I had to 'do' something extra if I wanted to keep my job. 1 of the 3 was charged and put into some sort of 'program' through the company to 're-educate them'.
Anyone touches you inappropriately; you have the right to protect yourself.
Man or woman.
I have had some very good bosses, though.
Pretty much any job I've had for more than a week-- I had for YEARS because I'm choosy about where and who I work with.
Here's a good story:
I was working at a chain restaurant in college for a grand total of 3 days.
I came in to work one day with wet hair because I had to walk an hour to get there because I had no money for the bus- and it was raining out.
My manager said for me to take a couple minutes to 'put myself back together' before getting on the floor and serving; and directed me to the staff washrooms.
I went in and towel dried my hair off; reapplied some makeup and glanced up-- there he was in the washroom, locking the door behind himself.
He said: 'If you want to get anywhere in this business, you've got to know who to suck up to.'
I said: 'I'm equally respectful and nice to everyone. No one gets special treatment.'
he said: 'aw~ that's too bad... if you were willing to suck ' (pause) 'up to the right person, you could have a very comfortable position here.'
And he stood there and stared at me for a good 20 seconds until I reached my maximum uncomfortable capacity and said; 'I'm not comfortable with this situation at all. Why did you lock the door behind you?'
Needless to say, he just stared some more and brushed it off, saying 'it was a joke, a joke!'
He was testing me to see how far he could go. I know he was.
I heard from some of the other girls that he was having sex with one of the 16 year olds who were working there. She was head of waitstaff-- ABOVE the senior waitstaff made up of experienced 30-40 year olds who were married and had kids and she'd been working there for 4 months.
Stick to your guns-- draw the line CLEARLY and quit if it's not going to stop.
You can always find another job-- self respect is much harder to find once lost.
In the past, I've reported 3 of my bosses/managers for sexual assault-- for groping my breasts and telling me I had to 'do' something extra if I wanted to keep my job. 1 of the 3 was charged and put into some sort of 'program' through the company to 're-educate them'.
Anyone touches you inappropriately; you have the right to protect yourself.
Man or woman.
coyote
Well-known member
there's a distinction between civil and criminal law in this country
while sexual harrassment is unlawful - it is prosecuted through civil court - the person who is wronged sues the person who wronged them for redress, and the court decides how to resolves the matter
whereas damage to property (like slashing tires) - is a criminal offense - subject to arrest and incarceration by the police - the state brings charges against the offender on behalf of the victim (the property owner), and the court decides innocence or guilt, then punishment if found guilty
so really, not the same thing at all as far as the legal or justice system is concerned
Last edited:
Lea
Banned
Ok.. but who decides what sexual harassment really is? Someone can consider already tapping on a shoulder or whistling/catcall very offensive while other can put up with a lot more without considering it harassment.
coyote
Well-known member
hopefully, the law spells it out clearly, but that's not always the way it is - so it has to be decided by the judge or jury hearing the lawsuit whether the accused party actually broke the law or not - what they decide sets a precedent for the next such case and can be used to help determine the outcome, and so on
in this country, such laws are codified at the state or local level - there's not a national law about it. so it really varies from one place to another as to what is permissible under the law and what is not.
generally speaking, though, in most places, if she were fired for not returning sexual advances, she would have grounds for a sexual harrassment suit - i.e., she would have the right to sue her employer for some sort of compensation - either getting her job back, or getting paid for lost wages. the court could also decide to make him pay her a sum of money as punishment. no one would be arrested, no one would go to jail.
it would not give her (or anyone else) the right to intentionally damage his property in revenge - that would be a crime punishable by fine or imprisonment if she (or anyone else) were found guilty
Last edited:
Sorry you had to deal with all of that, WMG. I understand the frustrations from these situations though. I've witnesses disturbing cases and had things done unto me.
MrJones
Well-known member
WTF that is so sick.
I've seen so many things and I still feel nausea when I see something like that.
Those people should be punished according to what they do, which most of the times never happen and they keep doing it...
I don't really have much, if any faith in humanity anymore.
Dont know if its unfair but it really feels like he deserved
.I have an unrelated story,like the guy who is my "boss" kinda shoved me away,I didnt react at the time,but later I pulled him with a lot of force to where I wanted him to be and said "come here" like he was my bitch or something haha it felt so good,I will do how many times is necessary doesnt matter if I lose my job,guy likes to treat others like crap,I dont care if I get beat up or fired,I always try to not start anything but some people just dont get it.
Lea
Banned
This seems to be quite extreme case, to me this never happened at work, but I have been harassed in other places - many times actually. I was even attacked several times and once raped.
dyingtolive
Well-known member
Dont know if its unfair but it really feels like he deserved
I have an unrelated story,like the guy who is my "boss" kinda shoved me away,I didnt react at the time,but later I pulled him with a lot of force to where I wanted him to be and said "come here" like he was my bitch or something haha it felt so good,I will do how many times is necessary doesnt matter if I lose my job,guy likes to treat others like crap,I dont care if I get beat up or fired,I always try to not start anything but some people just dont get it.
yeah.. at first thought with KiaKaha's act of revenge, i had some mixed feelings. Still do becoz it is very grey... But i think i made up in my mind that it was a good thing to do as well... u regret what u don't do more than what u do, they say... right? some ppl just don't get it and there's no way of showing it to them unless u grab the bull by the horns
MrJones
Well-known member
I don't know what's wrong or what is right, but I'm not a person who likes the idea of revenge.
Never tolerate someone else treating you badly, go to the police if necessary. If that doesn't work... I wouldn't do something bad because someone did something bad to me.
Would it be fair? I don't know, but I don't want to do bad things, I would just become like them, somehow.
Never tolerate someone else treating you badly, go to the police if necessary. If that doesn't work... I wouldn't do something bad because someone did something bad to me.
Would it be fair? I don't know, but I don't want to do bad things, I would just become like them, somehow.
MikeyC
Well-known member
Srijita52
Well-known member
These are awful, I'm sorry you went through such things. People are really sick sometimes.
dyingtolive
Well-known member
^ im sorry too Lea & WMG (Also what u posted on the other thread)..
Lea
Banned
Good guy
. To me it doesn´t seem right either to revenge on someone indirectly without them even knowing that it was me who did it. But I don´t want to judge, even if someone does something which maybe isn´t "right", I don´t know their particular situation or the mindset they were in at that moment. I can remember this thread for example http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/i-saw-a-5-year-old-fall-out-of-a-window-and-i-17753/. I remember doing some silly things too when I was a kid which I wouldn´t do today, it is not the end of the world, we just should move on and don´t do it again.dyingtolive
Well-known member
a couple of years ago i would not entertain the idea of doing bad things as i was a different person. maybe in a year i will be different again as well. but what is good or bad is relative. what is revenge or not is also a grey area. if a parent grounds their kid, thats tough love.
in the same way, if someone does something to teach someone a lesson that no one else would, that can be seen in the same way.
i think wishing that the authorities punish someone can in itself already be a revengeful or hateful thought. if the country has a good rehab system, then good.. but most cases when one wishes someone to be behind bars, it is for revenge and the safety of other people. in the same way, teaching a scumbag a lesson can also help the safety of other people if it does help to teach him a lesson. if the law is not a bad thing, then taking the law in your own hands may not always be a bad thing, especially if the law doesn't work... but of course.. it is dangerous.. and easy to make an excuse of..
in the same way, if someone does something to teach someone a lesson that no one else would, that can be seen in the same way.
i think wishing that the authorities punish someone can in itself already be a revengeful or hateful thought. if the country has a good rehab system, then good.. but most cases when one wishes someone to be behind bars, it is for revenge and the safety of other people. in the same way, teaching a scumbag a lesson can also help the safety of other people if it does help to teach him a lesson. if the law is not a bad thing, then taking the law in your own hands may not always be a bad thing, especially if the law doesn't work... but of course.. it is dangerous.. and easy to make an excuse of..