Are you afraid of members of the opposite sex liking you?

[Flowers-Of-Bloom]

I'm too afraid of relationships, because of my paranoid fears. Like I won't be accepted. On top of that, who wants a girlfriend that has trouble leaving the house?

So I just don't do relationships anymore. The only reason I'm afraid of men liking me is because when/if they ask me out... I have to say no. And I hate hurting peoples feelings. It makes me feel terrible. It feels almost as bad as it does for them, especially when they're my friend.

 

[dead24]

When some girls are kinda liking me, in my mind i think that they either have
a bad taste,they have a poor eyesight, crazy or stupid.
They are gonna hate me when they get to know the real me.

 

[recluse]

Not really,I find it very hard to believe a girl could like me in that way anyway,but friendship wise i prefer females..I just seem to click easier with girls than guys and feel more secure around them.

I find a lot of guys to be too aggressive and 'alpha male' which makes me feel weak and intimidated. It seems that a lot of guys are too competitive and are anxious to appear cool and macho, so i do actually prefer women to men just that i'm too shy to interact with them::

Then again a lot of people say that women are bitchy and prefer to be friends with men, but from experience i've worked with some bitchy men!

 

[Kinetik]

Maybe I'm oblivious to it, but I never feel like women like me. In every relationship I've had, I've done all the legwork to get it to that point. I never get hit on/flirted with, and I don't get looks when I'm out and about (I tend to tell myself that women are just much more subtle with their checking out... yeah, right). On the rare times I do, I feel like it's because there's something wrong with me. I'm not even being self-deprecating (I don't really endorse that) it's just the way things have always felt to me. A lack of experiences and validation is definitely eating away at me the older I get. It's not even that I'm bad with women, I actually do fine once I feel I'm in the zone, as it were. It's always getting my foot in the door that's the problem.

 

[Rodox]

I find a lot of guys to be too aggressive and 'alpha male' which makes me feel weak and intimidated. It seems that a lot of guys are too competitive and are anxious to appear cool and macho, so i do actually prefer women to men just that i'm too shy to interact with them::

Then again a lot of people say that women are bitchy and prefer to be friends with men, but from experience i've worked with some bitchy men!

I agree also,girls are much more understanding specially older ones,with guys its always who gets more girls or about being the biggest asshole.

 

[lyricalliaisons]

I'm the same way, only for me it's with girls (I'm a girl, myself). On the rare occasion a girl seems interested in me, I freak. I want her to be, but at the same time, I'm terrified. It's a horrible feeling & it makes me even more worried about my future. I'm already 27 & I worry it will be like this forever.

 

[PunkRotten]

Yeah I find it difficult to read people sometimes. I have wondered when I get stares if they are good looks or bad looks. I dont know, I guess I shouldnt think too much about it, maybe think its neither good or bad, and just go about my business.

 

[Freedom_dreams]

I don't think I want guys to be interested in me. I don't think I have the capacity to love someone back and the thought of them being intimate with me even on the most basic level terrifies me. I feel so much pressure from my friends and family to find a partner but how do I tell them that I am too messed up to handle a relationship with someone. I don't know what to do. I am a freak

 

[thor01]

I find a lot of guys to be too aggressive and 'alpha male' which makes me feel weak and intimidated. It seems that a lot of guys are too competitive and are anxious to appear cool and macho, so i do actually prefer women to men just that i'm too shy to interact with them::

Then again a lot of people say that women are bitchy and prefer to be friends with men, but from experience i've worked with some bitchy men!

I agree, exact same for same for me!

I've never seen a girl looking at me in that that way, so even though I wouldn't be able to take it further myself, being noticed would be something.

 

[sleepysparrow]

Bisexual ?
But seriously I assume you have a b/f / married so therefore once you have that you don't look at people the same way.
I find it difficult if I think someones attracted to me. Like most people said my self esteem is so low that I never think thats possible.

I'm separated from my husband, almost divorced. It's terrible being alone. I want to be loved and feel I need to be in a relationship, but at the same time I always think there is so much wrong with me, i'm so insecure about my appearance and I end up being too obsessive and depressive and needing space that I feel anyone will end up hating me.

 

[gio289]

Im very wary of girls liking me when I like them back the same way. I feel like wen theny get to know the real me, with all of my issues n wat not, I just feel like they arent goin to like me anymore and maybe find sumone else. Thats why i try my hardest not to like anybody too much, so that there is less of a let down when they do start to like sumone else

 

[Danfalc]

But i guess i know where you're coming from, i have such low self esteem, i find it hard to believe that anyone would like me...meh at SA hehe

You should know I like you ::x

 

[Fighter86]

I'm the same way, only for me it's with girls (I'm a girl, myself). On the rare occasion a girl seems interested in me, I freak. I want her to be, but at the same time, I'm terrified. It's a horrible feeling & it makes me even more worried about my future. I'm already 27 & I worry it will be like this forever.

Actually, I'm the same. Some years back, a person I liked liked me back, and I wanted the person to be interested in me, and yet at the same time I was terrified. Needless to say, nothing happened between us, and he's now attached, which is just as well since we are completely opposites and the relationship wouldn't have a good ending anyway.


But to response to the orginal question of the thread, nope I'm not. I would love it if someone actually showed an interest in me, I would be delighted, but no one has, and I just realised the person I sort of have a crush on is attached to this supposedly really intelligent girl who is in a very good school and on the dean's list too. I was so listless for hours after ::

 

[TooShyShy]

Hmmm so should men or women who are interested in a very terrified/anxious/shy person just not bother at all, is it a waste of their time in the end? Should they just find someone else who wants to give love and to be loved back and just forget about the person completely?

Is that what you all want...to be left alone?

 

[UnimportantOne]

For low self-esteem, it helps to know that she also has problems. If so, it is hard to imagine she would ridicule me.

I also prefer women. It just feels natural when a woman is nice to me, with men it feels odd. (Men are expected to be more aggressive.) True, this is a gender stereotype, but I can't help it.

 

[TooShyShy]

Yes he knows i im interested and is even shyer now towards me..he freaks out everytime he sees me, if he's feeling good about himself he will intiate a hello or good morning, i don't say it first anymore...he has days where he can't even make eye contact with me, yet he stares still a lot and watches me from AFAAAAAAR and stuff like that.

A few times he has been caught by a few coworkers watching me walk in the parking lot, through a window in the cafeteria.


He just seems scared and fragile whenever i am near him so i have backed off completely...he's completely fine with everyne else, he is actually quit funny until he sees me and then he gets all nervous and awkward..he iwll actually stop talking and laughing when i walk in the room..he looks like he may faint or take a crap or something!

 

[TooShyShy]

iT IS VERY PAINFUL!!!!!!!

WHICH IS WHY I HAD TO BACK OFF..I LET HIM KNOW IN A VALENTINES CAY CARD HOW I FELT AND HE JUST GOT ALL RECLUSIVE AND HIGHLY AGGITATIVE AROUND ME AS HE WAS WHEN WE FIRST MET (HE HAD IMPROVED ABIT AS THE MONTHS WENT ON WHERE HE COULD INITIATE A HELLO AND BE AROUND ME WITHOUT LOOKING LIKE HE MAY FAINT!!!!!

THEN HE GOT THE CARD AND GOT REALLY AVOIDANT WITH ME..BUT YET HE STILL KEPT COMING AROUND ME AND LOOKING AT ME, STARING..AS IF HE WANTED ME BUT JUST COULDN'T GET IT TOGETHER ENOUGH TO EVEN TRY!

HE WOULD SIGH ALOT TO WHEN HE WOULD SEE ME..SOMEONE EVEN ASKED HIM "WHATS WITHTHE SIGH...?" HE ALMOST DIED, HE'S LIKE I DIDN'T SIGH, I'M FINE!!! BUT IT WAS SO OBVIOUS...HE HAD DONE THAT BEFORE WHEN I WAS AROUND BUT NO ONE EVER CALLED HIM ON IT BEFORE.

WHY SIGH??? YOU'RE NOT INTERESTED SEEMINGLY, SO WHY HAVE YOUR HEAD DOWN AND SIGH (LIKE I WOUNDED ANIMAL) WHEN YOU WALK BY ME..OR IF YOU SEE ME WHEN YOU ENTER A ROOM IF YOUR FINE?

HIS BEHAVIOR HAS ALWAYS BEEN ODD AROUND ME..HE IS GREAT WITH EVERYONE ELSE, HE WILL TALK, LAUGH, JOKE AROUND BUT THEN HE GETS AROUND ME AND HE SHUTS DOWN, GETS ALL SHY AND QUIET..AND AT TIMES HIGHLY ANXIOUS, NERVOUS AND ANTSY..BUT HE STILL NEVER GOES AWAY.

THEN I WILL TRY TO INITIATE SOMETHING AND HE GETS EVEN MORE SCARED AND RUNS AND HIDES..BUT THEN HE COMES BACK AND SEEMS TO WANT MY ATTENTION BUT THEN CAN'T HANDLE IT WHEN I GIVE IT..SO I DON'T ANYMORE!

ITS JUST TO DIFFICULT..AND SAD TO KEEP DOING THIS! I FEEL SO MUCH FOR HIM, SO BADLY THAT HE IS SUFFERING, BUT...AT THE SAME TIME I FEEL BADLY FOR ME

Its so heart breaking on many levels!!!! I know when a man wants me, i can see it, feel it but i have doe everything i can..i am very shy myself but he has social phobia bad... OBVIOUSLY and can't do anything about it..i also feel having no experience with women romantcally (i assume sexually as well) and little self esteem IS a factor. He's older..almost 40 and i feel has no clue about women, dating, romance, etc!

He's tall, attractive, good hearted..always does things for me when i ask, but yet will give everyone else in the building a hard time NEVER TELLS ME NO...its just me, he's just different (AND EXTREMELY NERVOUS) around me plain and simple.

Someone told me i am the perfect (to him) sweet, ''girl next door'' type and he probably feels that he's not good enough..unworthy, incapable, inexperienced. etc!!!!

It makes me crazy..i hate that, when people would tell me that i'd get upset!!!!!

So, i don't know what else to assume..he needs help i know..i can't do it for him so i had to walk away..as much as i can, seeing him everyday at work, like i said i do not initiate anything anymore i keep my distance.

 

[TooShyShy]

Lure him into a dark office and make passionate love to him LOL!!!!!
THAT HAS CROSSED MY MIND ON MORE THEN ONE OCCASSION



Okay, i can accept that he doesn't feel the same way BUT if he doesn't like me then why treat me SO differently then everyone else he knows? Why act so frightened and awkward with me..and why watch me all the time..staring from afar, looking when i walk, gazing out windows at me? People have caught him doing it..and so have i!


He is VERY comfortable (funny & talkatvie) with all the other women in the building; married, single, pregnant..he talks to all of them and he's fine...its just me he can't seem to remain calm & relaxed around..like he may pass out SIGGGGGGH!

 

[PhantomPod]

Yeah, I'm afraid of a guy liking me. Because I do not know how to act. And when it comes to anything sexual, I have no clue about it and would be worried he'd have loads of experience or something! I'd rather be with a guy who is also shy and who also doesn't have any or much experience in the relationship area, so that we could learn together. If only. I have never noticed and guys who seemed to be interested in me.

 

[becc]

Yeah, sometimes I will go to the effort with my appearance, but when a guy tries to talk to me I get scared and run away. Its illogical, I'm afraid of the attention I really want. Its like I cannot take a compliment, and I actually sometimes even feel guilty for wasting a few seconds of their time and effort to talk to me.