Am I overreacting?

[SweetCupcake]

So today was my mother's day off of work. She told me this morning that we could spend some time together baking etc. Well, she went out with her boyfriend and I baked by myself.
She has done this many times before and it makes me feel second-best. A few times she has gone to the pub with her bf and promised to come back to watch a DVD with me. I end up pinning all my hope on that and she never returns from the pub until 2am, drunk. Am I overreacting about all of this? I actually don't have an issue with her having a social life but rather the fact that she known i have NO-ONE and i'm always in the house on my own, and she makes these promises and always breaks them.

 

[MsBuzzkillington]

Definitely not overreacting at all. Your mom should be a mother first and put her social life second. That's sort of the number one rule of being a parent. She's being really selfish.

She has broken a lot of promises to you and that's not fair. You have a right to be upset. I am sorry she is neglecting you like that.

 

[mismeek]

I have the same issue with my mom. Just tell her how you feel and set a specific day for just mom/daughter time and if she tries to plan something else, then just remind her "well mom we were suppose to hang today remember?" Usually that works with my mom.

But sometime you just have to take their promises with a grain of salt and not get your hopes up. it lessens the disappointment...

thanks for the money advice! I got 50 bucks saved WOOT.. i should spend it to celebrate!!

 

[BlackPuma]

No, you're not overreacting. When she say she's going to bake- or watch a movie (or any other shared activity) with you she should follow through with it. Everyone should. The only reason it could be blown off is when something big of priority happens. Just going out is not really something of priority.

What she did is quite selfish. I'm not saying she can't go out, not at all. But when plans are made, especially when the plans regards a parent and his/her child, shouldn't just be blown of.

If she wanted to go out, she shouldn't have promised to do something with you. Your frustration is, in my opinion, justified.

 

[Feathers]

Hmm, can you make plans with someone else? A friend/classmate/relative/cousin/aunt/Granny...? Or go to a course or some low-key library event or something?

It doesn't sound very reliable, she may have troubles with time management (like my mum) or a bit ADD/distracted... It's still not really an excuse.. I'd probably stop making plans with her until she gets better at this.. Really like mismeek's idea too!!

Sounds a bit like a friend's mom too (she didn't go out to get drunk, she just had tons of things to do and accomplished a lot, no way everything though, often bailed on the friend who was at times quite upset with her too... That friend is now married, with her own family.. So maybe it's best to start looking for your own circle of people, and not rely on mom that much..)

Maybe she doesn't understand what it's like to be in the house all alone..
I can understand if you feel upset.. Maybe you can work on getting your own support system in RL though too?

 

[SilverRain]

No, as everyone else has said, I don't believe you're overreacting at all, your feelings are perfectly understandable given the situation.

The only thing that makes me wonder is exactly how serious your mum assumed those plans were. I know that technically if you promise to do something with someone, you have an obligation to keep your promise - and I don't disagree with this at all - but from my own experiences there have been quite a few times when me and another family member have mutually agreed we'd do something together, but it's been more of a casual "yeah we should do that sometime" than an outright promise, and we've both ended up forgetting about it later. Do you know for sure that your mum realized how much importance you placed on those arrangements?

I don't know in general how the relationship is between you two, but would it be possible for you to take your mum aside sometime and tell her exactly how you feel about this? I'm not suggesting any arguments or anything of the like, but just a heartfelt convo for clarity's sake. If she knew how much her broken promises really hurt you, perhaps she'd reevaluate her attitude towards you and make amends? This isn't a sure thing of course, and you're not in any way at fault for feeling the way you do about this, as it's your right to want some bonding time with your mum, but sometimes it can be less about people being intentionally dismissive of you and more that they're just oblivious to what they're putting you through. Not that this completely nullifies their wrong doing mind, but it does make a difference as to where your relationship really stands and what can be done about it. One of the issues that comes with having SA is that we don't often feel up to confronting people about what they've done and although this is perfectly understandable, it can cause the problems to be recycled over and over without the other person even realizing their part in it. I just don't think it's healthy for anyone to have a lot of bitter feelings or pain build up where it may be potentially avoidable, that's all.

 

[Luke1993]

You should ask her why she makes these promises if she doesn't follow through (after she's sobered up) tell her how you feel about it I'm sure she'll understand.

 

[Kato]

It is my belief in this situation that your mom is definitely being selfish and disrespectful to you and your mother daughter relationship which is a very special bond. She should feel some empathy and apologize. Then, do what she promised. For your sake, I hope you can better work it out together.

I feel you are unhealthily reacting against yourself. Maybe I am wrong but if you are excessively hurt by her actions you could be the only one feeling anything. I would be hurt too but I would still need to deal with my feelings.

It seems to me that what you feel about this situation is what you are dealing with in your mind and here at this site. You speaking your mind, figuring what is true about how you feel and then accepting what you feel is all that you can trust to ease your mind. What the two of you do or say would be secondary.

I wish that lately I was reacting as well as you among my life’s difficulties.

 

[Blaze]

No, your not overreacting at all. I believe you should have a discussion with her about how you feel regarding the situation. Try your best to explain without getting upset or your mother might take it the wrong way (if she is anything like my father, lol).

 

[deleted user 1]

She obviously has no appreciation for you, perhaps you don't voice your concerns thus she feels that it doesn't matter whether or not she keeps her promise. Either way, she needs to get her priorities together! Stuff like this really from parents really infuriates me.

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

So today was my mother's day off of work. She told me this morning that we could spend some time together baking etc. Well, she went out with her boyfriend and I baked by myself.
She has done this many times before and it makes me feel second-best. A few times she has gone to the pub with her bf and promised to come back to watch a DVD with me. I end up pinning all my hope on that and she never returns from the pub until 2am, drunk. Am I overreacting about all of this? I actually don't have an issue with her having a social life but rather the fact that she known i have NO-ONE and i'm always in the house on my own, and she makes these promises and always breaks them.

Your mom is unreliable and can't be counted on. If you keep expecting her to keep her word, you will keep being hurt and disappointed. If she tells you you're overreacting or otherwise tries to turn it around, recognize this as typical bullsh*t and don't accept that it is your fault.

 

[SweetCupcake]

Thanks for the replies. She left a note on my bed last night saying 'i love you' because she could see i was dissapointed/upset.

 

[Falkor]

Hey SweetCupCake ,

this happens a lot between my mom and me too.
I would love to spent time with her, but some of the promises will get canceled, Especially for watching a DVD together, mostly she's going to a friend or chatting on the notebook when We're about to do that.
But every Friday it's our market/shop day
Maybe you should plan a day together with your mom, like a day to go shopping, swimming, watch a tv soap/show, go hiking.. or anything like that.
Like make a day planned for that every week , and you can remind her the day before.

Like today, I'm gonna text my mom, if she's still in for that =D
Because tomorrow it's friday

But I know what you mean, maybe you should come up with more activities, maybe she wants to do something different. Many things to do

and no, you are not overreacting, it's just feeling dissapointed, because you was looking forward to doing fun things, talk about it, that will help you

 

[Lea]

Your mom is unreliable and can't be counted on. If you keep expecting her to keep her word, you will keep being hurt and disappointed. If she tells you you're overreacting or otherwise tries to turn it around, recognize this as typical bullsh*t and don't accept that it is your fault.

Exactly. (msg too short)

 

[Remus]

locking this up to remove insults and give people infractions

 

[Remus]

OK, reverted thread to before it kicked off, keep it nice or it's a week in the cooler.

In future if you have a problem with a member, what they say or spot an insult, report it and do not retaliate. back on topic now thx

 

[PunkRotten]

No you are not overreacting. Hate to say this but sounds like your mom doesn't care. Sounds like she's a bit selfish too. IMO after reading some of your previous posts your mom contributes alot to your problems. (criticizing)


I have had friends treat me like this too and after awhile I gave up on them.