Am I obsessed with love?

[aien89]

During christmas I broke up with my girlfriend after nine months together. I really felt that she took my love for granted. It was very hard accepting that she would now be gone from my daily life and I couldn’t think on anything else.

Then I starting internet dating and on the 31th of December, I started chatting with a girl and she asked for my phone number. Since then we’ve been texting during the day and webcaming during the nights and it was lovely because we really had alot of things in common. And for that reason she asked me to come see her in her city, which I did yesterday. Even though I have SAD, I really managed to do well and we ended up being together for two hours outside in her city. On the way home in the train, she texted me to ask if I wanted to meet up with her again. And I wrote that I had a lovely time and that I would like to see her again. She agreed and said that we also had alot of chemistry, but she had doubts because she thought I was ”too soft” and lacks ”edge” apparently.
It really made me sad! I told myself before hand not to have any expectations at all but the date went so, so well and still she rejected me. I spoke to my parents afterwards, and they told me that I should never get so emotionally attached after only meeting her once. But we just had so many things in common so I thought she was the right girl for me. And since yesterday I’ve just been feeling very sad and lonely. But why do I get so emotional? Does it have anything to do with my SAD?
Girls: Can you also get so emotionally attached in that short amount of time?
In some way it seems like, I need to be with a girl and feel her love. Without love I can’t concentrate on anything else in life and I just don’t know why. I’ve got love from my family and friends, but it’s not enough for me! So am I obsessed with love? :S

Thanks for listening

 

[joyce]

no your not obsessed with love you sound very nice most people are cold so don't ever think its a bad thing to love.

and I hope you find some one new.

 

[Sea Bass]

When love in our eyes seems unlikely to be, we obsess over it.

 

[aien89]

no your not obsessed with love you sound very nice most people are cold so don't ever think its a bad thing to love.

and I hope you find some one new.

But how come I get SO bloody emotional and sad about the fact that I don't have a girl who loves me or thinks about me? I shouldn't be this way. I should be out drinking and having fun with my friends and girls who I don't even know. But that's just not the way I am. I want to find love and settle down with her forever. But it seems like I'm going to be quite miserable till that time comes.

Can you also get so emotionally attached to a person in that short amount of time as I did?

 

[aien89]

When love in our eyes seems unlikely to be, we obsess over it.

If we really think love is so unlikely for us, why don't we just give up and stop crying about it?

 

[Remus]

I think you need time to get over the last relationship before dating again, takes time to heal and you will not be at your best.

 

[JamesSmith]

I wouldn't use the word obsess for this situation. Obsession is when something dominates your mind all of the time. I believe your problem is that you are over-thinking this issue.

With what this girl said to you, calling you soft, that's great that she was being honest with you, but man, she should have thought about a nicer way to say that. Women should never call a guy an effeminate term like the word "soft," especially when she is telling you she doesn't want to see you anymore.

My guess is the reason you got so emotionally attached is because you haven't been in many relationships before? Another reason is because you want love too much. If love exists, it's supposed to just happen, and this girl you met with obviously wasn't "the one." The bulk of why you are so upset is in the last paragraph of your post. Know this, you don't need to be loved by a woman. I would think being in love is a blessing, and unfortunately not everyone gets to experience it. If love from family and friends isn't enough, I would say you think you need more than you really need. There are some people who don't even have family, and then there are people like me who don't have friends. You should be grateful for everything you have.

 

[aien89]

I wouldn't use the word obsess for this situation. Obsession is when something dominates your mind all of the time. I believe your problem is that you are over-thinking this issue.

With what this girl said to you, calling you soft, that's great that she was being honest with you, but man, she should have thought about a nicer way to say that. Women should never call a guy an effeminate term like the word "soft," especially when she is telling you she doesn't want to see you anymore.

My guess is the reason you got so emotionally attached is because you haven't been in many relationships before? Another reason is because you want love too much. If love exists, it's supposed to just happen, and this girl you met with obviously wasn't "the one." The bulk of why you are so upset is in the last paragraph of your post. Know this, you don't need to be loved by a woman. I would think being in love is a blessing, and unfortunately not everyone gets to experience it. If love from family and friends isn't enough, I would say you think you need more than you really need. There are some people who don't even have family, and then there are people like me who don't have friends. You should be grateful for everything you have.

You have alot of great points, and yes I've got family and friends, which some people don't ever have. But should that make me happier? The fact that there are people, who are even more sad and lonely, than I am, is just sad to think about.
I don't think you can be too greedy when it comes to love. I know I'm very, very lucky compared to many of you guys, but that shouldn't lower my expectations or goals of life. Just because I have family and friends, it doesn't mean that I like coming home to my empty apartment and love being alone after seven o'clock every single night. Family and friends are very, very important! But in the end of the day we all go our seperate ways. My parents are together, my brother is with his wife - who do I have? no one.

 

[mmmm]

I think many of us with SA are just naturally obsessive people who need something to fixate on. If this is true in your case then I cannot think of anything better to obsess about than love. I would love to be obsessed with love instead of blushing!

 

[Horatio]

Anxiety disorders such as SP often mean that one over analyses social interaction that they have.

While a minor comment of disapproval would be water off a ducks back for some, and a minor event for others without anxiety issues, for people like us we can latch onto that comment and mull over it.

I don't think you are over-attached, I just think that SP makes one more sensitive to any kind of rejection. To be honest I don't think you've even really been rejected, it sounds like she did enjoy spending time with you and while she has some doubts she has by no means written you off. Good luck!

 

[DespairSoul]

Hello,

I think your emotions are stronger because u have anxietyand we take almost everything like rejection as was sayed above me. Dont feel sad about what she told u, many people really dont care and are cold hearted, being soft isnt a sinn. I know u are a mann a manns arent soft?No, no manns can be soft why not. We watch maybe to much movies that mann should be real mann and not crying. Me personaly if mann cry i think he is great person if he can show his feelings,and not hide under his hard skinn. I dont think so u obsses with love. Your emotions are stronger and you are more sensitive. U will find miss right one. Time heal pain and patience will bring u what u are longing for. If u are courage for love with SA like that i think u have to look forward Good luck!

 

[aien89]

Hello,

I think your emotions are stronger because u have anxietyand we take almost everything like rejection as was sayed above me. Dont feel sad about what she told u, many people really dont care and are cold hearted, being soft isnt a sinn. I know u are a mann a manns arent soft?No, no manns can be soft why not. We watch maybe to much movies that mann should be real mann and not crying. Me personaly if mann cry i think he is great person if he can show his feelings,and not hide under his hard skinn. I dont think so u obsses with love. Your emotions are stronger and you are more sensitive. U will find miss right one. Time heal pain and patience will bring u what u are longing for. If u are courage for love with SA like that i think u have to look forward Good luck!

Thank you very much - it means alot!

And also thank you to the rest of you for your answers!

 

[JamesSmith]

You have alot of great points, and yes I've got family and friends, which some people don't ever have. But should that make me happier? The fact that there are people, who are even more sad and lonely, than I am, is just sad to think about.
I don't think you can be too greedy when it comes to love. I know I'm very, very lucky compared to many of you guys, but that shouldn't lower my expectations or goals of life. Just because I have family and friends, it doesn't mean that I like coming home to my empty apartment and love being alone after seven o'clock every single night. Family and friends are very, very important! But in the end of the day we all go our seperate ways. My parents are together, my brother is with his wife - who do I have? no one.

I hear you. You are right, you shouldn't lower expectations in life just because other people are suffering worse than u, i get that. Could you give me some more information though, such as why are you alone after 7 oclock every night? Are all your friends going out with their spouses? Why couldn't you hang out with your friends at that time you feel lonely? And so what if your brother has a wife? Why does that mean you need a wife or g/f?

 

[DespairSoul]

U are welcome

 

[punklove]

First of all to answer your question no for me personally it takes a bit of time to get emotionally attached to someone (but that's just me.)

It didn't really sound like she "rejected" You since she does want to see you again! xD

I think like 75% Of the world feels the same way you do about love.. It's not being obsessed it's just wanting someone to fill that empty space in for you But honestly (As Cheesy and unoriginal as this may sound) I truly do believe that love will find you when you least expect it (It happened to me) I hope it happens for you too soon Just try to be patient ^^

 

[RolloTomasi]

People with anxiety typically fall in to two camps; they're either very sensitive or they're ice cold(but that's really just a defense mechanism so they won't be hurt or disappointed). Anyhoo, you fall squarely in the former camp. I wouldn't get too bent out of shape about it, but you also need to work on not taking things like that too personally. As another poster said, it wasn't a flat-out rejection. She wasn't exactly sensitive to your feelings with what she said, but it's always good to be able to brush things like that aside.

You might also keep in mind what your motivation is in dating. Too many people are needy and attempt to cling to others because they don't want to face themselves in their solitude. There's a lot of time for self-analysis when you're alone. So if you're wanting to be with someone just for the sake of not being single, I'd say you're heading down the wrong path. Don't get into a relationship for selfish reasons and don't jump in too soon. And don't mistake infatuation for something deeper. That never ends well once the "puppy love" wears off.

Apologies for the novel. Short version - You're cool, don't stress over it. Just try to have realistic expectations and try not to take things too personally. Keep in mind that not everyone of the opposite sex has to be a potential date. Sometimes you may just end up with a good friend out of it. Cheers.

 

[JamesSmith]

You might also keep in mind what your motivation is in dating. Too many people are needy and attempt to cling to others because they don't want to face themselves in their solitude. There's a lot of time for self-analysis when you're alone. So if you're wanting to be with someone just for the sake of not being single, I'd say you're heading down the wrong path. Don't get into a relationship for selfish reasons and don't jump in too soon.

Isn't that a reason why everyone gets involved in a relationship though? I mean besides sex, people don't want to be alone with their own thoughts, they want to share their thoughts with someone else. I thought people get into relationships so they don't have to face themselves in solitude. How is that selfish?

 

[RolloTomasi]

Isn't that a reason why everyone gets involved in a relationship though? I mean besides sex, people don't want to be alone with their own thoughts, they want to share their thoughts with someone else. I thought people get into relationships so they don't have to face themselves in solitude. How is that selfish?

Because you aren't interested in the person. Your interest lies in trying to escape from yourself. A relationship should be mutual enjoyment of one another's company. If you're unable to live with yourself, any relationship you have won't last long. If all you're interested in is sex, well you have other issues.