A wider view of more than one (girls can play too!)

would you ever consider taking more than one lover at a time?

  • yes and I've done it

    Votes: 6 8.0%
  • yes I haven't done it but I'd like to

    Votes: 6 8.0%
  • no I've done it and regret it

    Votes: 2 2.7%
  • no it's never an okay thing to do

    Votes: 30 40.0%
  • no but I'm okay with my partner doing it

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • no but I'm okay with other people (not my partner) doing it

    Votes: 18 24.0%
  • maybe under the right circumstances

    Votes: 6 8.0%
  • only as a menage a trois

    Votes: 6 8.0%
  • only if my primary partner never found out about it

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • only if it were with Monica Bellucci / the old spice guy

    Votes: 1 1.3%

  • Total voters
    75

Aletheia

Well-known member
People of either gender: would you ever consider having more than one lover over the same period of time? Why or why not?

If you would, how open would you be about it? Would you want all of the partners involved to know? Would you tell other people? What would you tell them?

Whether you would or you wouldn't, what's your attitude to polyamory in general? How about polygamy?
 
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WeirdyMcGee

Well-known member
Oh, thanks Alethia

I'm asexual, so the thought of having one lover doesn't really interest me
I've known both men and women who have multiple partners at the same time and only in one case; did the guy tell his girlfriends that they weren't the only person he was dating. (then he ended up with zero girlfriends)

I think that if you're going to do it, you should be open about it; otherwise, people you are with will more than likely assume you are monogamous and it will be a nasty surprise for them later.

I feel like there's more risk for spreading illnesses and diseases when you have multiple partners; and staying open and honest with your partners could help prevent the spreading of any such ailments.
Either way-- always use protection with new partners.

Personally, I wouldn't want to share my time, my energy or my germs with more than one person at once and I wouldn't want to be sharing my partner with other women or men.
 

MrJones

Well-known member
Well I can't even imagine myself having a partner, as a start.

In an hypothetical situation where I could have 2 or more lovers at the same time, I would never do it. If I'm ever with someone is because I love her, and I couldn't stand being with other people.

Other people who are not me or my imaginary girlfriend can do what they want, though, I dont care.
 

MikeyC

Well-known member
only in one case; did the guy tell his girlfriends that they weren't the only person he was dating. (then he ended up with zero girlfriends)
Ha, oh my.

I probably would have more than one, but having to hide it would be tiresome and I'm sure girls wouldn't be too keen on sharing me, so morally one at a time is best.

If I was married, then no, not at all.

I think that if you're single and you're not engaged or have a girlfriend, there's nothing wrong with going on multiple dates. Once you've got a partner that needs to be reigned in.
 
Only one at a time for me.:)

I believe in trust and dedication between a couple, so that does not fit into having multiple partners.

In my opinion you can't really form a close and truly intimate mental bond with a partner when their heart and mind is only partly concerned with you.

Thats just what I want in life though. I know others don't want such things. Each to their own :)
 

Rembrandt Broam

Well-known member
People of either gender: would you ever consider taking more than one lover at a time? Why or why not?

If you would, how open would you be about it? Would you want all of the partners involved to know? Would you tell other people?

Whether you would or you wouldn't, what's your attitude to polyamory in general? How about bigamy?

No but I'm okay with other people (not my partner) doing it

It's up to other people how they want to conduct their personal lives. If it works for them, then that's great. Nothing wrong with polyamory as long as everyone involved is happy with that situation, though it's interesting that most people seem to associate it with one man having multiple female partners rather than the other way around. In fact, I can't think of any societies that are known for having one woman with multiple male partners. It always seems like a situation that suits the guys better than the girls, but then I suppose that's something that applies to many aspects of most societies.
 

this_portrait

Well-known member
Nope, wouldn't do it, and I don't really agree with the whole concept. I feel like the whole polyamory lifestyle is just a candy-coated version of promiscuity.

I would, however, consider going on dates with more than one guy, but only to broaden my horizons for a potential partner, and I wouldn't be romantically involved with them (I'd save that possibly for the one I end up in a committed relationship with).
 

DeadmanWalking

Well-known member
I've had the thought of having a polyamorous relationship before, but I'd never entertain it. I want to dedicate myself wholly and completely to one woman. Balancing multiple partners would be a headache and I don't have the patience for it::p:. On the rare (and I mean rare) occasion that I do end up in a polyamorous relationship, I want both of them to know the other partner and for both of them to be completely okay with it.
 

Aletheia

Well-known member
In fact, I can't think of any societies that are known for having one woman with multiple male partners.

"Polyandry in human relationships occurs or has occurred in Tibet; the Canadian Arctic; northern parts of Nepal; Nigeria; Bhutan; parts of India (Kerala; Ladakh; Zanskar); the Nymba; Sri Lanka; and some pre-contact Polynesian societies, though probably only among higher caste women in this last. It is also encountered in some regions of Yunnan and Sichuan regions of China, among the Mosuo people in China, and in some Sub-Saharan African such as the Maasai people in Kenya and northern Tanzania and American indigenous communities. Polyandry has been practised in several cultures — in the Jaunsar-Bawar region in Uttarakhand, among the Toda of South India, and the Nishi of Arunachal Pradesh. The Guanches, the first known inhabitants of the Canary Islands, practiced polyandry until their disappearance. The Zo'e tribe in the State of Pará on the Cuminapanema River, Brazil, also practice polyandry. In other societies, there are people who live in de facto polyandrous arrangements that are not recognized by the law. Saskatchewan Canada is the only jurisdiction in North America to have 'judicially sanctioned' polyandrous unions at a family law court level."
 

KiaKaha

Banned
No - its not really for me. Each to their own though. I am proud to say I have never cheated on a girl...and I dont tolerate being cheated on...its happened to me before and I know just how incredibly awful it feels.

Of course - if its with consent and in the open then thats not really considered 'cheating' - but its still not how I like to do things.
 
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Aletheia

Well-known member
I've always been squarely in the camp of "it may work for some people and more power to them if no one gets hurt but I can't do it because my partner always becomes the centre of my universe".

But I'm starting to question that. Making one person that centre, loading everything onto him, may not be fair to him nor me.

I'm not at all drawn to promiscuity (though that may work for some people and more power to them if no one gets hurt) because it suggests a degree of casualness that I have little interest in. But polyamory and promiscuity are different things.

Depth is what is important to me, and I think that it's possible to develop deep meaningful relationships with more than one person at a time. After all, no one questions having deep meaningful friendships with more than one person at a time, do they?
 

coyote

Well-known member
i think it depends entirely on how you define "lover"

for many people that simply means "sexual partner"

for others it means someone with whom you have a deeper emotional connection to

and then there's the whole thing about committed relationships and marriage vows, etc.

there's obviously a difference between "having more than one sexual partner at a time when you're casually dating" and "cheating on a spouse"

if you're not in a committed relationship, can you have an emotional and physical relationship with more than one person? - absolutely

if you ARE in a committed relationship, can you have an emotional and physical relationship with someone else? - absolutely

is it "wrong"? - i think that's up to the individuals involved to decide
 

Entangled

Well-known member
My boyfriend and I have decided on this: If it is ok with ALL parties involved (no secrets!), then it is ok. Also the second lover must be approved by the first/current before anything can happen.

Please note: This has not happened yet!! XD Maybe it is all just a dream...
 

KiaKaha

Banned
is it "wrong"? - i think that's up to the individuals involved to decide

Exactly - and thats all there is to it. In my view, its a matter of individual perspective. Its no one elses business to decide on how two people can relate to one another or with how many - its not an issue of morality, its an issue of individuality and of consent.

If there are no secrets, no mistrust and everything is out in the open - then there is no harm - but so many people do it in secret - and if they do it in secret, then there is an issue with what is accecptable and not acceptable within the confines of the relationship.

I am more traditional in my way of thinking though - if I am with someone, who I care about, someone who I have developed a bond with, then I dont share - I see it as a sign of respect and love toward who it is that i am invloved with. I dont need to be the end all and be all of someones world though, that is unhealthy and its unfair.... but if I am capable of sharing my innermost thoughts, developing trust, friendship and sincere desire to protect and care for one other human being... then call me old fashioned i guess.

Personally - I dont believe you can get to that level of love and depth with more than one person, (but I am not saying that you cant develop any kind of depth either) but perhaps thats just me.....its hard enough just getting one person to be interested in you at all let alone many.
 
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Kiwong

Well-known member
That is getting a tad ahead of myself.

0 number of partners in my life.

I'm not looking like breaking the duck any time soon.

I have no trouble with other people doing it as long as no one gets hurt.
 

twiggle

Well-known member
If there are no secrets, no mistrust and everything is out in the open - then there is no harm - but so many people do it in secret - and if they do it in secret, then there is an issue with what is accecptable and not acceptable within the confines of the relationship.

I agree with this.

Maybe it's just me but I don't think the idea of being with more than one person at a time is particularly practical, and I don't really see the point in it. I couldn't 'love' more than one person at a time and I'm not that bothered about whether or not I'm having sex.
I'm not even overly bothered about having A partner let alone several.

But each to their own. As Kia says provided there are no secrets then it can't be that harmful. My worry would be that the feelings and emotions would intensify for several people at once, could make things difficult.
 
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