Hi, so I'm from France and I'm 17.
So If I had to resume a little why I am here. Let's begin with the story. Well, as far as I remember, I was always someone very shy but that was alright, I got some friends ( and some were giiiiiirls Yeah
) but the problem begun when I was 9 I think. Well, I got a memory from when I was 8 and I couldn't answer to a question and so, I was very stressed and I same cry but it's at 9 when the things really get worse, I got MANYYYY Panic Attack but after 3 years, It calm down. Fast Forward, I'm 13 which wasn't a bad year, Obama become President and the awesome Dark Knight come out, but very sadly, everything wasn't awesome. You know, there was that girl, blabla who during a boring lesson send a paper where it was write " I love you" and I just didn't respond and after, during the year, she give me kick in the back, saying I was gay, blabla, that kind of things ( So I got some friends who told me that this was because she loved but seriously, I think that's bull**** because I'm not the kind of guy who would interest those girls ) and so, I didn't respond with a punch or anything else because that thing is like screaming, I feel like what I am doing isn't right, it's not me, like if someone else was controlling my body. A very strange sensation and this is NOT because she was a girl because the " a man should never hit a woman" or same the equality between the gender is bull**** to me ( And I'm not a sexist. I just think that we should treat everyone as the same, if a man or a women is hire just to had 50% of women and 50% of man in a company, it's discrimination ). But very surprising, it is note a very stressful moment but it says a lot about my problem. Everything, I take it. You insult me ? I will say nothing and take on me. You hit me ? I will say nothing and take on me ...
So, we continue, fast forward, blabla some bully me by putting a pencil in my ear, throw me things like stone and some other things and I still take on me. Seriously, I never said anything about that, It's not even being a nice guy ( and that's what I really am. Well, as far as I remember. I wasn't the best friend to be with because I'm not funny and all but I was the most careful I think ). It's just being a stupid toy.
So, after, I'm 14. It's time for the result from the school. So, I never talk, it's bad, blabla ... and I am the only of my class who can go to the general. So, let me explain a little how it works. In France, we got two high school. The general who is the same that in america and the pro which is nice way to says " you're not smart so we put you here" but I wanted to do general because I wanted to had more possibility in the future for the work.
So, It bassicaly do my 9th grade once again but this time. I do all the years with no friend and everybody would make fun on me,... and I take on me, it was all alright until the school says to me " Sorry dude, you're not good enough, the general isn't for you " and I just snap. That was it. A massive panic attack but when I says massive, it was really massive and same today where it's like I can't control my body ( with my hands, I had to catch something like if I was going to fall and my feet had to hit something ), it wasn't that scary. So now, I got that stupid SAD and I also got a incredibly low self esteem of me ( thanks school who just like jail is still block in the 14th century ). For exemple, if you give me a lesson that I don't understand, I will cry for 30 minutes
So I'm here and I think that being here could help me
And sorry if the writing of the text is bad (especially because I don't had a great english )
