9yrs old and he wants to die.
- Thread starter Agent_Violet
- Start date
Agent_Violet
Well-known member
How is this even remotely helpful? honestly.
Hamelech
1
Simple: people always take advantage of weak and kind-hearted guys.
Agent_Violet
Well-known member
So you're saying teaching my little boy to be a sociopathic psycho is the way to go?
Falkor
1
Violet, I have been the same... A sensetive kid saying those things. And I know from experience it is horrible, as a kid, the world is so big, all people bigger than you if you are sensetive, and also it's hard especially for you, as a mom, and his dad, of course. I know his father is being all tough about it, but it's a good thing, I would say. 
but love, and care... Is so important.. just a balance between two, this is mostly cause for psychological problems too, a lot of parents can't find the balance so they make the kid feel alone and unheard or make them feel it's too easy to manipulate, hey? So it's kinda weird, how it goes.. lol
I mean, if he doesn't have a parent saying to be tough about it, he will always be the sensetive guy, I mean.. Being tough isn't a wrong traint, it's good to say You are wrong! You cannot hurt me! You can't fool me. If your son knows how to show this attitude, people would not try to hurt him, if he just has this attitude, I mean, your son looks like a caring person, just like you
You are a proud mum. You like to be caring and share true kind of love and respect, no violence and hurt. Why? That is a good question, it's a part of humanity.
The badasses are picking the sensetive ones, so only pretend to be tough is a good way of covering yourself and not let others get close to you.
Of course, only to people you really can trust, and share your life story with.
My advice: Assertive classes for youth. There are many, believe me. My brother used to be there too. He got bullied too.
About wanting to die, I used to say it too. Still do sometimes. :: I know it's just that I cannot handle the situation at the moment, it's not that I really would like to be away from this world, it's beautiful. Tell your son the beauty of life and also ask him what is so difficult for him the exact situation, and let him cry, to process the feelings and also let him know it will be okay if he just keeps his head up.
You know I always wanted someone to understand me, when I was saying those things, but they always got in fear themselfes too, and were helpnessness and I didn't had a sholder to hang on. So this is still making me feel hurt, these days. But It also made me strong at same time. Your son is so blessed with you.
You are doing the right thing Violet, you are wonderful to let him know you are there for him, my parents sure support me with love but more likely said to just be tough about it.
but love, and care... Is so important.. just a balance between two, this is mostly cause for psychological problems too, a lot of parents can't find the balance so they make the kid feel alone and unheard or make them feel it's too easy to manipulate, hey? So it's kinda weird, how it goes.. lol
I mean, if he doesn't have a parent saying to be tough about it, he will always be the sensetive guy, I mean.. Being tough isn't a wrong traint, it's good to say You are wrong! You cannot hurt me! You can't fool me. If your son knows how to show this attitude, people would not try to hurt him, if he just has this attitude, I mean, your son looks like a caring person, just like you
You are a proud mum. You like to be caring and share true kind of love and respect, no violence and hurt. Why? That is a good question, it's a part of humanity.
The badasses are picking the sensetive ones, so only pretend to be tough is a good way of covering yourself and not let others get close to you.
Of course, only to people you really can trust, and share your life story with.
My advice: Assertive classes for youth. There are many, believe me. My brother used to be there too. He got bullied too.
About wanting to die, I used to say it too. Still do sometimes. :
: I know it's just that I cannot handle the situation at the moment, it's not that I really would like to be away from this world, it's beautiful. Tell your son the beauty of life and also ask him what is so difficult for him the exact situation, and let him cry, to process the feelings and also let him know it will be okay if he just keeps his head up. You know I always wanted someone to understand me, when I was saying those things, but they always got in fear themselfes too, and were helpnessness and I didn't had a sholder to hang on. So this is still making me feel hurt, these days. But It also made me strong at same time. Your son is so blessed with you.
You are doing the right thing Violet, you are wonderful to let him know you are there for him, my parents sure support me with love but more likely said to just be tough about it.
Last edited:
Agent_Violet
Well-known member
Violet, I have been the same... A sensetive kid saying those things. And I know from experience it is horrible, as a kid, the world is so big, all people bigger than you if you are sensetive, and also it's hard especially for you, as a mom, and his dad, of course. I know his father is being all tough about it, but it's a good thing, I would say.
I mean, if he doesn't have a parent saying to be tough about it, he will always be the sensetive guy, I mean.. Being tough isn't a wrong traint, it's good to say You are wrong! You cannot hurt me! You can't fool me. If your son knows how to show this attitude, people would not try to hurt him, if he just has this attitude, I mean, your son looks like a caring person, just like you
You are a proud mum. You like to be caring and share true kind of love and respect, no violence and hurt. Why? That is a good question, it's a part of humanity.
The badasses are picking the sensetive ones, so only pretend to be tough is a good way of covering yourself and not let others get close to you.
Of course, only to people you really can trust, and share your life story with.
My advice: Assertive classes for youth. There are many, believe me. My brother used to be there too. He got bullied too.
About wanting to die, I used to say it too. Still do sometimes. :
You know I always wanted someone to understand me, when I was saying those things, but they always got in fear themselfes too, and were helpnessness and I didn't had a sholder to hang on. So this is still making me feel hurt, these days. But It also made me strong at same time. Your son is so blessed with you.
You are doing the right thing Violet, you are wonderful to let him know you are there for him, my parents sure support me with love but more likely said to just be tough about it.
thank you so much for the response Saskia...i truly appreciate it.
Falkor
1
You're welcome, Violet. I edited my post, added something to it. Just wanted to say. Wishing you good luck
Agent_Violet
Well-known member
i know what you mean about balance. i think it's a very good point to bring up. i really loved your post. thank you so much
coyote
Well-known member
being "tough" is a mental and emotional state that has nothing whatsoever to do with violence or aggression
it is quite possible for someone to be caring, sensitive, and kind-hearted, and still be tough as nails
being tough is not about avoiding, fighting, or inflicting pain - but rather about accepting pain and withstanding it
and the key to being able to withstand pain is love
the more you love and are loved, the greater the amount of pain you can take from other sources
love of self, of others, of family, of friends, of country, of comrades, of god, etc....
love always wins out over hate and pain - as long as it is present in sufficient strength
it is quite possible for someone to be caring, sensitive, and kind-hearted, and still be tough as nails
being tough is not about avoiding, fighting, or inflicting pain - but rather about accepting pain and withstanding it
and the key to being able to withstand pain is love
the more you love and are loved, the greater the amount of pain you can take from other sources
love of self, of others, of family, of friends, of country, of comrades, of god, etc....
love always wins out over hate and pain - as long as it is present in sufficient strength
Agent_Violet
Well-known member
and now you've made me cry with a moving,understanding post. first the coffee on my monitor and now this.
you're lucky I admire you like crazy
Agent_Violet
Well-known member
I think everyone has given better advice than I ever could, so I'm just popping in to wish you luck on changing your son's views.
aww thank you so much Mikey! i was hoping to hear from you because you're always so positive and upbeat.
MikeyC
Well-known member
It's a struggle at the moment, but thank you. You're doing the best you can for your son, and I can understand it's tough for the both of you during this.
You sound like an exceptional mother and you should be proud of yourself.
vj288
not actually Fiona Apple
I think LazyHermitCrab makes a good point here, if you're not already doing so I would recommend it. With the questions he's asking you he sounds like a very curious child, which is great. The internet is a terrible place for a curious kid though, and if not already being done be monitored. The things he could find about death are infinite, and contribute further to misunderstandings about it.
BlueDays
1
I feel the same way. I was severly bullied in school which caused my SA. It has totally ruined my life.
My mother did nothing to stop the bullying. It is sooooooo important for the parent to be a responsible parent and do everything possible to STOP the bully ruining their childs life.
As a child who's mother did nothing to stop her life being ruined by bullying I can only stress how important it is that your son knows and sees you sticking up for him and doing everything you can to help stop this bullying your son is suffering through Agent_Violet. This has the potential to ruin his whole life.
I'm sorry that you and your son are going through this, Agent Violet, it sounds very painful. I have a nephew who has been very sensitive all his life, has been bullied at school, and started talking about suicide at a very young age---it was very alarming and heartbreaking.
The only other input I have to give is that I was involved in martial arts for a number of years as an adult, and it did wonders for my confidence and self-esteem. And since his father doesn't seem like a stellar role model, from what you described, your son's martial arts instructors may give him someone more virtuous to look up to.
The only other input I have to give is that I was involved in martial arts for a number of years as an adult, and it did wonders for my confidence and self-esteem. And since his father doesn't seem like a stellar role model, from what you described, your son's martial arts instructors may give him someone more virtuous to look up to.
Agent_Violet
Well-known member
i wanted to stop by and give an update and give my thanks to those who supported me without judgment.
the meeting went well. Apparently the other boy is suffering from emotional issues bc of his parents splitting up.While that doesn't excuse him, it certainly helps my son understand why it's happening. Since he's a very sympathetic person, he seemed to feel noticeably better knowing there's a real cause for the other boy lashing out...he seemed to want to reach out to the other boy to support him.
I think it's going to be ok between them. I'm keeping a close eye on the situation and communicating with the boy's mother. My son seemed to have been pulling a 'woe is me' moment when he said he had no friends because he has a lot of friends according to the counselor. So we're working on figuring out why he still feels isolated and hopefully we'll figure out the answer and the solution for that.
I feel hopeful for him and I'm appreciating the fact that when it comes to him, I can be optimistic...even if I can't feel that way for myself.
the meeting went well. Apparently the other boy is suffering from emotional issues bc of his parents splitting up.While that doesn't excuse him, it certainly helps my son understand why it's happening. Since he's a very sympathetic person, he seemed to feel noticeably better knowing there's a real cause for the other boy lashing out...he seemed to want to reach out to the other boy to support him.
I think it's going to be ok between them. I'm keeping a close eye on the situation and communicating with the boy's mother. My son seemed to have been pulling a 'woe is me' moment when he said he had no friends because he has a lot of friends according to the counselor. So we're working on figuring out why he still feels isolated and hopefully we'll figure out the answer and the solution for that.
I feel hopeful for him and I'm appreciating the fact that when it comes to him, I can be optimistic...even if I can't feel that way for myself.
DeadmanWalking
Well-known member
Sounds nice and thanks for the update; the situation worried me a lot. Conflict resolved, I believe? You can handle the rest, I think, but if you need advice, you know where to go to.
? You can handle the rest, I think, but if you need advice, you know where to go to.Agent_Violet
Well-known member
Sounds nice and thanks for the update; the situation worried me a lot. Conflict resolved, I believe
thanks
i feel silly for panicking about it originally. I feel a lot better now. It just really throws you for a loop to hear things like that coming from your young child. scary stuff!