30 and never had a girlfriend

[lurknomore]

It's not like I expect a website to solve my problems. This place is helpful to me as a way to get my daily dose of "human interaction" and "community". lol.

Agreed. This is a place for "support," not "come here to completely cure your problems." Ultimately, it's up to the individual to find their own cure or way of managing. This place is good for the community, and to know (as the banner says) that you are not alone.

 

[Septor]

To the people that think this place is such a waste of time why bother even posting here then?

 

[Kat]

It's not like I expect a website to solve my problems. This place is helpful to me as a way to get my daily dose of "human interaction" and "community". lol.

Agreed, and although I don’t believe in god, I thought the moral of qwerty 103 advice was really good. For, the people that aren’t willing to communicate the conventional way and still expect results, maybe you could look into learning sign language.

 

[DeathMetal]

Agreed, and although I don’t believe in god, I thought the moral of qwerty 103 advice was really good. For, the people that aren’t willing to communicate the conventional way and still expect results, maybe you could look into learning sign language.

That's a little insulting. You make it sound like it is really easy to talk to women. Hold on, let me throw my social phobia and other issues out the window and go talk to some girls.

 

[Kat]

That's a little insulting. You make it sound like it is really easy to talk to women. Hold on, let me throw my social phobia and other issues out the window and go talk to some girls.

Well, it seems like people want to be told their stuffed, the results your wanting requires action. You can’t help the impossible.

 

[DeathMetal]

Well, it seems like people want to be told their stuffed, the results your wanting requires action. You can’t help the impossible.

I think all the guys who posted in here realize that. All I am saying is it isn't easy, especially for people with SA. I don't expect to ever get a girlfriend without any effort on my part.

 

[Kat]

I think all the guys who posted in here realize that. All I am saying is it isn't easy, especially for people with SA.

yeah, I realize that as well never said it wasn't that's not what I meant, all I was saying is don't give up trying, there's still hope, but if you look for negatives you will find them.

 

[Dronee]

yeah, I realize that as well never said it wasn't that's not what I meant, all I was saying is don't give up trying, there's still hope, but if you look for negatives you will find them.

Yeah I agree. Except that the negatives may have hands and try to force your eyes open and gang up on you. But generally agree. The site is useful in one way for me.

I know that I have a problem. And I'm not the only one with this brand of problem... I'm not "uniquely bad" if that makes sense.

 

[Felgen]

If it makes any love-shy men feel better, a guy at another message board I'm registered at (Wrong Planet) had his first girlfriend at age 44. I've also heard a story of a man who lost his virginity at age 50 (and it wasn't with a prostitute).

People who say "just be yourself", "talking to girls is easy" and so on, should put themselves in the shoes of a man who has social anxiety.

 

[shyguy83]

If it makes any love-shy men feel better, a guy at another message board I'm registered at (Wrong Planet) had his first girlfriend at age 44. I've also heard a story of a man who lost his virginity at age 50 (and it wasn't with a prostitute).

People who say "just be yourself", "talking to girls is easy" and so on, should put themselves in the shoes of a man who has social anxiety.

I am 26, and I actually managed to have a girlfriend for about 5 months last year. In that time I managed to courage to kiss her just 2 times. She dumped me through a text message three days before Christmas because she felt like I wasn't really interested in her. Now that some time has passed I come to find out that she is actually kind of slutty, for lack of a better term. So I have now idea how i'll ever get anywhere with a girl if that's all I could manage with her.

I have only been on a date with like 3 total people, all met through eHarmony. Getting dumped like I did after I tried SO hard to be "normal" really took away any shred of confidence I may have had.

 

[iamthenra]

If it makes any love-shy men feel better, a guy at another message board I'm registered at (Wrong Planet) had his first girlfriend at age 44. I've also heard a story of a man who lost his virginity at age 50 (and it wasn't with a prostitute).

People who say "just be yourself", "talking to girls is easy" and so on, should put themselves in the shoes of a man who has social anxiety.

I'm in the same situation... I'm 41 going to be 42 this year, never had a girl friend either... I've tried the eHarmony thing, and I did find 3 ladies to date and 66% of them were out of my state and as far away as 1500 miles from me. I guess it shows just how desperate I am to find someone to love me.... Nobody wants a 41 year old virgin guy... As far as this website goes... I just come here to perfect my whining skills....

 

[Felgen]

The guy I'm talking about lived on the other side of the Atlantic Ocean as his girlfriend and met her on the internet.

 

[Island_chic]

Beauty fades....It's about what's inside of you. I don't ever date and have been single all my life. I'll be 30 on my next b'day. Just remember that there are chics out there with S.A. who feel the same way you do..miserable. Miserable weither they look attractive or not!! *hugs* to you

 

[Waybuloo]

To the OP, if you seriously, deep down, know that you are ugly (even though we know that most of the time ugly is subjective... one woman's treasure another's trash etc..), know that it won't stop you from having a gf.

There was a guy at uni who was butt ugly but he had two girlfriends already when I knew him at 21. This is someone who my cousin actually told me was very ugly when she met him (mean though as that was), so it gives you an idea.
I was very surprised when he displayed a very confident persona (whether fake or real) and even more so when he rejected a girl because she didn't have enough self confidence. He was very talkative and friendly, and made advanced towards me. He was the worst case scenario in the looks department but he was confident nonethelss. It made people focus on what he was as a person rather than his face.

Now, if you are just being negative and think that blaming the lack of a gf on being ugly (because it is easy to do) rather than face the music and focus on your skills, hobbies, interests, knowledge, and above all, confidence, then you know where your problem lies...

 

[Felgen]

Beauty fades....It's about what's inside of you. I don't ever date and have been single all my life. I'll be 30 on my next b'day. Just remember that there are chics out there with S.A. who feel the same way you do..miserable. Miserable weither they look attractive or not!! *hugs* to you

If that's you in the avatar, then you're very attractive.

I think most people with anxiety are aware of the fact that there are also women who has never had a long-term relationship.

 

[madness_lover]

OP I'm 22 and I have never been in a real relationship. I got real close to having one 2 years ago and dated someone briefly for a couple of months but neither went anywhere. All my life I blamed my lack of dating on my looks, it's hard not to. But my two dating experiences (the last being someone most people would consider waaay out of my league) taught me that it is kind of a 50-50 situation. Appearance is important in the sense of having a good hygiene, I might not be that great looking but I took care of myself, tried my best to look presentable and the other 50% is personality, yes you read that correctly.

I have a friend that, if you want me to brutally honest, is not attractive at ALL. Face, body..nothing. She is rather unfortunate looking yet she's had more boyfriends than most of my beautiful female friends. Do you know why? Because she has a very outgoing attitude. She's very assertive, a risk taker and more importantly..FUN to be with. I envy her confidence quite a bit.

See when dating, people just want someone who is interesting and fun to be around. That is what you should focus on, it's all about marketing yourself. Read, get fun hobbies, learn a joke or two, smile..make yourself interesting and in time someone will bite. Unless you have a lot of money to afford plastic surgery your looks are not going to change, so whining about it it's not going to help you in any way.

It's not easy and I have a long way to go but I figured 'If I got the first then I'll get the second, If I got the second the third will come around'..that kind of thinking has helped me a lot.

 

[KingBoBoBaBo]

It's not that big a deal guys...having a gf doesn't drastically change who you are, and neither does getting laid. Keep holding out for someone special, and never forget that you are who you are. Sure it's nice to have someone, but only you can define who you are. No amount of riches or affection can do that.

 

[not2sure]

Don't worry! i'm 35 and never had a boyfriend in my life! Guys have shown an interest but i'm too scared to have a relationship. I don't have any friends either so i'm afraid that guys will think I'm a bit weird.

I don't think I'm ugly though - just completely lacking in confidence.

 

[chin ho]

i am 30 and never had a girlfriend, girls just hate my face, i am just so ugly, i dont know wht to do, i think its only me in this world a big loser, i wish i wasnt born, i just hate my life.

I'm 22 but I can totally relate to what you've just said.....some days I just can't leave the house because I look like ****...this is why I'm on a medical leave of absence

 

[Felgen]

It's not that big a deal guys...having a gf doesn't drastically change who you are, and neither does getting laid. Keep holding out for someone special, and never forget that you are who you are. Sure it's nice to have someone, but only you can define who you are. No amount of riches or affection can do that.

Both getting laid and having a girlfriend will improve one's self-esteem. When most other people older than their mid-to-late twenties are married, it hurts like hell when you've never had a serious relationship.