Deus_Ex_Lemur
Well-known member
When you put yourself out there and people say NOTHING at all. Like you don't exist. I'd rather have something negative said than nothing at all. (within reason of course 
10 things you shouldn't say to someone with social anxiety!
- Thread starter yeah_5
- Start date
Richey
Well-known member
the whole "get a life, "you don't have a life" phrase said in anguish is so damn patronising ..
i've had it said a few times to me and people say it with such ignorant forcefulness ...
well partly i agree, however its so rude to say it like that to my face as if your life is all roses and blooming yourself when clearly if you are willing to unleash such judgements compare your own life first and see if yours is alive and kicking at all before shooting stun shots at me, its a completely useless and unhelpful form of expression. for a start i have hobbies that you've just completely ignored i also go out to gigs and festivals, shops etc. sometimes. I do have people i know but i rarely see them now so i don't go out much these days ...
Yeah so my life might not be all that active but i'm working on it.
i've had it said a few times to me and people say it with such ignorant forcefulness ...
well partly i agree, however its so rude to say it like that to my face as if your life is all roses and blooming yourself when clearly if you are willing to unleash such judgements compare your own life first and see if yours is alive and kicking at all before shooting stun shots at me, its a completely useless and unhelpful form of expression. for a start i have hobbies that you've just completely ignored i also go out to gigs and festivals, shops etc. sometimes. I do have people i know but i rarely see them now so i don't go out much these days ...
Yeah so my life might not be all that active but i'm working on it.
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JamesSmith
Well-known member
Yes, it's almost insulting when you are talking to someone who claims everyone is as shy as you.
I had an annoying experience where a job interviewer was interviewing me and claimed she had a terrible anxiety problem. She sat comfortably back, relaxed as can be, and was obviously extremely outgoing. She said something to every person that passed our room on the interview. During the interview, she showed supreme social confidence and never stopped talking. Yeah....lol, real shy, huh? Not.
Not only did I not get the job, it was just belittling to see someone claim to be something they clearly weren't, and that thing they claimed to be (anxious) was an extreme problem I had that was a serious part of my life.
mikebird
Banned
That is a top list! Thank You!
A hate list of what people regularly say - with no meaning
which I will NEVER say.
around people who speak like this, I just can't respond. Zombies
I can't expand much further...
How are you?
You alright?
How you been?
I'm good
Good good
Hello
Thank you very much
Thank you very much, indeed
Bless you
A'right?
on the phone: Hello. Is that <your name>?
"to be honest..." This means that everything you ever said was an outright lie
you know
Say these things to Stephen Hawking, and he might not be particularly impressed. You might see that sneering smile, anyway
A hate list of what people regularly say - with no meaning
which I will NEVER say.
around people who speak like this, I just can't respond. Zombies
I can't expand much further...
How are you?
You alright?
How you been?
I'm good
Good good
Hello
Thank you very much
Thank you very much, indeed
Bless you
A'right?
on the phone: Hello. Is that <your name>?
"to be honest..." This means that everything you ever said was an outright lie
you know
Say these things to Stephen Hawking, and he might not be particularly impressed. You might see that sneering smile, anyway
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theslowesthand
Banned
Adding to that: ...Whether you "fight" what has been said. Fustration = pain. If you can somehow just "accept as-is" what has been said, irrespective of how innacurate/absurd/disgusting/etc you deem it (& the person) to be. Just "accept" it, whatever it may be. There's always at least a tiny bit of truth to it. And they have their real reasons/motivations/causes for saying such.
Try to glean the positives from such, as you certainly cannot stop people from saying such things. There are always positives in the negatives, whether they can be seen or not at the time.
This tactic is helping me a lot nowadays. Is a pity i never thought like this during my youth!.
Basically, what i'm saying is, if you stop "fighting" everything in life, then you can allow some "peace" into your life.
theslowesthand
Banned
That's "ignorance to a Tee". The epitomy of ignorance. Unfortunately the world is full of know-nothing know-it-all's...
razzle dazzle rose
Well-known member
Growing up I heard variations of all those comments listed. It was so embarrassing and I absolutely hated it.
This one incident from high school makes me cringe. One of my teachers decided she wanted to boost our self-esteem. Anonymously we were to write something nice about each of our classmates, like compliments, things they do well, things we might even admire about them; then she compiled a list for each of us listing all the things our classmates wrote about us. I almost broke my head trying to come up with sincere compliments for my classmates, so when I got my list, it completely broke my heart to see that the majority of my classmates wrote things like "you are quiet," "you are shy." Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. It made me so mad 'cause I actually wrote nice things when they were not particularly nice. What made me even more upset was that this teacher read those comments and still decided to pass them along...couldn't she have tweaked them?
These days I don't hear those things much. What I dread being asked now is what do I do for a living, what do I do fun, etc. etc. From my responses people will gather that I do not have much of a life, which will prompt them to think "she is such a loser." Ugh!
This one incident from high school makes me cringe. One of my teachers decided she wanted to boost our self-esteem. Anonymously we were to write something nice about each of our classmates, like compliments, things they do well, things we might even admire about them; then she compiled a list for each of us listing all the things our classmates wrote about us. I almost broke my head trying to come up with sincere compliments for my classmates, so when I got my list, it completely broke my heart to see that the majority of my classmates wrote things like "you are quiet," "you are shy." Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. It made me so mad 'cause I actually wrote nice things when they were not particularly nice. What made me even more upset was that this teacher read those comments and still decided to pass them along...couldn't she have tweaked them?
These days I don't hear those things much. What I dread being asked now is what do I do for a living, what do I do fun, etc. etc. From my responses people will gather that I do not have much of a life, which will prompt them to think "she is such a loser." Ugh!
MikeyC
Well-known member
Well, that sounds ridiculously awful! I'm thinking your classmates had as much trouble as you finding compliments for each other, so "you're quiet" and "you're shy" were the best they could come up with.
Still, I'm so glad I never had to do that in school!
Logical Anxiety
Active member
It really does piss me off when people just ask me rhetorical, sarcastic questions.
"Do you even know how to talk?"
"Do you know how to show emotion?"
"Why are you so emo?"
Pisses me off too when people refuse to cooperate. (eg. group projects, pairwork, etc)
"I don't want to work with her. She's...too quiet! She's uncreative!"
*looks disgusted* "ugh..."
*discusses about group roles* "...what about her?"
*looks irritated* "Go, go, go! Communicate with the others."
(who the **** uses communicate instead of TALK to a human? Am I an animal or something?)
But these hurt me the most:
"I swear talking to YOU is like talking to a wall!" - mother
"Your voice is so soft, it's no wonder that you don't have any friends" - father
Sad to say, the only two people who actually matter in my life are the people who have hurt me the most. They say alot of variations of the above quotes, since they get angry alot.
"Do you even know how to talk?"
"Do you know how to show emotion?"
"Why are you so emo?"
Pisses me off too when people refuse to cooperate. (eg. group projects, pairwork, etc)
"I don't want to work with her. She's...too quiet! She's uncreative!"
*looks disgusted* "ugh..."
*discusses about group roles* "...what about her?"
*looks irritated* "Go, go, go! Communicate with the others."
(who the **** uses communicate instead of TALK to a human? Am I an animal or something?)
But these hurt me the most:
"I swear talking to YOU is like talking to a wall!" - mother
"Your voice is so soft, it's no wonder that you don't have any friends" - father
Sad to say, the only two people who actually matter in my life are the people who have hurt me the most. They say alot of variations of the above quotes, since they get angry alot.
Vampayah88
Well-known member
"This is why everybody hates you u stupid b*tch, its because you don't know how to fvcking act, look at that stupid face of yours." - that was my mom a few minutes ago. I'm pretty much used to it by now, i hear that from her all the time.
Srijita52
Well-known member
Ouch! That was rude. I'm sorry she said that.
BlueDays
1
Thats verbal abuse.
Nobody deserves that from anyone especially your own mother.:
:((Hugs))
Rembrandt Broam
Well-known member
She has a bit of a nerve telling you that you don't know how to act, when she clearly hasn't the first clue how to act as a parent.
MrJones
Well-known member
Brain Juice
Member
"Don't you ever get lonely?"
"he's not going to answer you"
"Are you actually physically able to talk?"
It's the way they look at me that disturbs me. I can see the fear/confusion in their eyes.
It's a vicious circle. People act uncomfortable around me because they know I don't talk much....and I'm aware of this, so in turn it renders me incapable of talking to them as I feel as though I'm imposing on them. It's a trap I always fall into.
"he's not going to answer you"
"Are you actually physically able to talk?"
It's the way they look at me that disturbs me. I can see the fear/confusion in their eyes.
It's a vicious circle. People act uncomfortable around me because they know I don't talk much....and I'm aware of this, so in turn it renders me incapable of talking to them as I feel as though I'm imposing on them. It's a trap I always fall into.
KiaKaha
Banned
wow...that's just really mean and uncalled for... How can someone say something like that to their own child? I'm sorry that happened to you.