MikeyC
Well-known member
That's better than a no, at any rate.lol... i don't really know. ::
the "whatever" journal
- Thread starter w*n*c*a*m
- Start date
That's better than a no, at any rate.
or maybe i just don't wanna sound pessimistic? :
:
MikeyC
Well-known member
Perhaps. You can contact me privately if you don't want to be pessimistic here.or maybe i just don't wanna sound pessimistic? :
me-tan
Member
Not sure what to write, it's the whatever journal. I have a plate sitting next to me from diner last night and the sun is beaming in... (it's so bright and sunny) The plants in my window look so nice today in that nice afternoon sunlight. I can hear the sound of the fan by my bed, such a nice relaxing sound. My god man, the pain on the walls in this room are a ugly colour.... though oh well, not like it matters in the great scheme of things. I look to my right and i can see the wifi thingy on my desktop computer blinking awaly, even though it hasnt accessed the internet in many hours... forgot to shut down that thing last night... As I type i keep hitting the touch pad with my palm and the insertion point keeps randomly wandering up into the paragraph. I'm only using the notebook computer to play with ubuntu linux because I must learn it... it's pretty cool... so easy to use considering it's linux... though i dislike a lot of it's interface because it's very macintosh like.... so oh well.... figure no one reads my posts around... so yeah i go now.
just a thought:
ahhhh... my ever popular boyfriend. I sometimes wonder what it feels like to be in his position. I'm just glad that he's there to back me up always. Especially when it comes to stuffs like 'getting in touch with the world'.
And OMG, upon browsing some threads here. I just saw that somebody actually quoted and gave credit to the start of this journal thing... and it's for me! I made a journal trend without realizing it! Makes me feel like someone "significant' for a change! LOL
Thanks vj288.
Let's have more journals coming!
ahhhh... my ever popular boyfriend. I sometimes wonder what it feels like to be in his position. I'm just glad that he's there to back me up always. Especially when it comes to stuffs like 'getting in touch with the world'.
And OMG, upon browsing some threads here. I just saw that somebody actually quoted and gave credit to the start of this journal thing... and it's for me! I made a journal trend without realizing it! Makes me feel like someone "significant' for a change! LOL
Thanks vj288.
Let's have more journals coming!
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dyingtolive
Well-known member
hi wncam, nice to see another from the same country, nice that you still drop by and still post sometimes.
Im also only here sometimes. All the best
and great job on the journal
Im also only here sometimes. All the best
and great job on the journal
MikeyC
Well-known member
Filled with lots of money and beautiful women, of course! :
:And so I'm back again. I just wanna update my journal. I used to make this as my ranting space and when I've back read my entries, it gives me an impression of a girl full of drama, no fun at all, depressed and anxious all the time, full of frustrations etc... And yes, that's me but it's only a side of me that people know here. And I guess it also applies to others who post on this site. Some of us (like me) only show the depressed side of us. And so to break my pattern, I'll write a journal entry that is more like a typical journal. I really just wanna write something. I am so random.
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I am so busy with work and studies these past few days. What I hate most is the tons of essays that I should finish. I've just recently finished two papers: a 2500 words essay and another 2000 words essay. Now I am starting the 1500 words essay which is due 2 days from now. This is making me crazy. Once I finish this last paper, then I can celebrate.
Since I'm still a newbie at work, I am still familiarizing myself to all the routines. Of course there are bitches and power tripping , but there will always be bitches anywhere so I just shrug them off. Now some of my colleagues are criticizing my body built coz they see me as too skinny. They keep on offering me food and they look at me like I'm starving or anorexic. This made me a bit confused and conscious because AFAIK, I'm not that too thin. My built is just fine for my height. And I admit I'm on the thin side but not too thin as what they are saying. Now I asked another colleague and she said I'm perfectly fine and probably they are just jealous. Well, I don't know. Sometimes I find their concerns a bit insulting because I keep on telling them that I'm fine but they insist their food to me and I just accept it or else they will really suspect that I'm anorexic or something. But hey, being "skinny" is just the opposite of "fat". So if a person's fat, do you insist that she takes a diet pill or exercise over and over again? Oh well, the ironic thing is at lunch they're talking about their diet regimen and in my mind i was like "what the heck are you dieting for? you people have normal built." So they still want to diet, does that mean they want to achieve a skinny figure? and they're the ones who keeps on encouraging me to eat eat and eat more. lol.
the weather is getting so cold... i think winter is coming and i soooo hate it. taking a bath is such a torture and my face is full of zits. I thought it's just a normal PMS thing but it's almost a month and my pimples are getting worse. now I remember it only happens during winter. So i have no choice but to buy some acne cream. I really hope it's effective coz i dont wanna go to the doctor, it's such a hassle.
i am so busy i've got no time to eat a decent meal. my diet consists of fish and chips, coke, egg, rice, chicken, bread, sausage, water, nuts, noodles, and canned tuna. that's it.
im having fun reading fights in facebook. Some adults they are... exposing private matters just to bash each other. But hey, Fb would be too boring without those people. lol.
my careless self did something stupid again. i combed my super dry hair with a roller comb and the strands got stuck. The bad thing is im in a hurry for school. i tried to put lots of conditioner on my hair to pull it out but didn't work. So I've cut it, now i have an uneven hair. good thing mine is long so it's not that noticeable in a ponytail... but I plan to have a haircut soon.
so that's all the random stuffs. tah!
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I am so busy with work and studies these past few days. What I hate most is the tons of essays that I should finish. I've just recently finished two papers: a 2500 words essay and another 2000 words essay. Now I am starting the 1500 words essay which is due 2 days from now. This is making me crazy. Once I finish this last paper, then I can celebrate.
Since I'm still a newbie at work, I am still familiarizing myself to all the routines. Of course there are bitches and power tripping , but there will always be bitches anywhere so I just shrug them off. Now some of my colleagues are criticizing my body built coz they see me as too skinny. They keep on offering me food and they look at me like I'm starving or anorexic. This made me a bit confused and conscious because AFAIK, I'm not that too thin. My built is just fine for my height. And I admit I'm on the thin side but not too thin as what they are saying. Now I asked another colleague and she said I'm perfectly fine and probably they are just jealous. Well, I don't know. Sometimes I find their concerns a bit insulting because I keep on telling them that I'm fine but they insist their food to me and I just accept it or else they will really suspect that I'm anorexic or something. But hey, being "skinny" is just the opposite of "fat". So if a person's fat, do you insist that she takes a diet pill or exercise over and over again? Oh well, the ironic thing is at lunch they're talking about their diet regimen and in my mind i was like "what the heck are you dieting for? you people have normal built." So they still want to diet, does that mean they want to achieve a skinny figure? and they're the ones who keeps on encouraging me to eat eat and eat more. lol.
the weather is getting so cold... i think winter is coming and i soooo hate it. taking a bath is such a torture and my face is full of zits. I thought it's just a normal PMS thing but it's almost a month and my pimples are getting worse. now I remember it only happens during winter. So i have no choice but to buy some acne cream. I really hope it's effective coz i dont wanna go to the doctor, it's such a hassle.
i am so busy i've got no time to eat a decent meal. my diet consists of fish and chips, coke, egg, rice, chicken, bread, sausage, water, nuts, noodles, and canned tuna. that's it.
im having fun reading fights in facebook. Some adults they are... exposing private matters just to bash each other. But hey, Fb would be too boring without those people. lol.
my careless self did something stupid again. i combed my super dry hair with a roller comb and the strands got stuck. The bad thing is im in a hurry for school. i tried to put lots of conditioner on my hair to pull it out but didn't work. So I've cut it, now i have an uneven hair. good thing mine is long so it's not that noticeable in a ponytail... but I plan to have a haircut soon.
so that's all the random stuffs. tah!
dyingtolive
Well-known member
hello wncam,
welcome back,
people feeding you thing sucks! Ive had my share of that.
welcome back,
people feeding you thing sucks! Ive had my share of that.
AsTimeBurns
Well-known member
@ dyingtolive>> I appreciate their concern. it's just that they were too persistent that it was kinda offending already. Anyway, i only meet them like thrice a week so it doesn't really matter.
@Srijita52>> Yeah I am perfectly happy with my figure. This is one of the few things that I'm proud of. The cream works I think but sometimes I get too lazy to apply it again. Sigh. And my hair? I've cut it short in the salon and people said I look good with my new hairstyle. Nice eh?
@AsTimeBurns>> lol. whatever
@MikeyC>> Thanks much I definitely won't be gone although I am now more of a lurker
@Srijita52>> Yeah I am perfectly happy with my figure. This is one of the few things that I'm proud of. The cream works I think but sometimes I get too lazy to apply it again. Sigh. And my hair? I've cut it short in the salon and people said I look good with my new hairstyle. Nice eh?
@AsTimeBurns>> lol. whatever
@MikeyC>> Thanks much
I definitely won't be gone although I am now more of a lurker
Srijita52
Well-known member
I'm glad you're happy with your figure.
lol I can relate with your laziness.
That's awesome!!
People are noticing my haircut. And I receive plenty of compliments from that. So I keep on saying thank you. Now, some are so persistent with their fondness of my hair. And I can't help feeling self conscious. I like the praises but I so hate the attention. I effing hate that I blush a lot!!! I like my hair, I really do. I am so vain that when I am alone, I look at the mirror and just stare at myself and drown in self admiration (which I always do whenever I have a new haircut anyway lol). But when I'm with others I pretend that I don't really mind because I'm always worried that people will see the vainness in me and start criticizing me and say something like "Pfttt. She feels like she's beautiful"... (which actually happened when I was in College). I've read a lot of advice about "not minding what people think of you", but it is so hard to apply.
Sometimes I laugh at myself coz I realize how pathetic I am, that I even start to admire myself of my new look, because I'm used to looking fugly. Sometimes I think that if I'm not lazy and boyish, maybe I can pass as attractive. But I don't see how typical girls get the energy of constantly combing their hair, applying lotions and creams, and shopping. I love doing those stuffs but only occasionally or when I really have to like attending a wedding. So usually I'm the same flat haired pony tail girl wearing jeans, shirt and sneakers, just a touch of nude colored lipstick and blush (if im not lazy), and a brown bag that I use everyday. Now the only difference is i have a short layered hair.
Whoever reads this, thanks for reading about my simple vanity. If you find a hint of bragging, I am sorry... I'm just sharing the proud side of me. lol. I am too honest in this site.
Sometimes I laugh at myself coz I realize how pathetic I am, that I even start to admire myself of my new look, because I'm used to looking fugly. Sometimes I think that if I'm not lazy and boyish, maybe I can pass as attractive. But I don't see how typical girls get the energy of constantly combing their hair, applying lotions and creams, and shopping. I love doing those stuffs but only occasionally or when I really have to like attending a wedding. So usually I'm the same flat haired pony tail girl wearing jeans, shirt and sneakers, just a touch of nude colored lipstick and blush (if im not lazy), and a brown bag that I use everyday. Now the only difference is i have a short layered hair.
Whoever reads this, thanks for reading about my simple vanity. If you find a hint of bragging, I am sorry... I'm just sharing the proud side of me. lol. I am too honest in this site.
They say human is a social being... so am I only half human? LOL
Kidding aside, I sometimes think that my SA originated from my lack of interest with people. My problem is not really me craving for social life but "knowing how to act in a social situation". If I have a choice, I can have a quick chat with people and stay invisible the rest of the day and I won't mind. But that doesn't happen because sometimes I really have to socialize like in work or in a gathering and that is the awkward part because I can't force myself to say something just so I can start a conversation. Unlike others,chatting seems natural for them.
I'm not saying that I can live without friends. I'm just happy with my small circle of friends and meeting acquaintances that I can relate with. I don't care much about people besides those that I've mentioned.
The advantage of a typical social person is that he/she can be flexible interacting with different people. In my case, I'm very selective and I would look snob or shy when I don't respond to them. So I am forced to do some socializing which appears awkward.
What if I don't go out with people? It doesn't make me a loser because I am here by choice. I want to stay home and this is what I want to do. If I really really want to go out, I can always ask my friends and in their surprise, they will simply approve. Why is it that wanting to stay home seems to be a "disease". If there's an outgoing type of person, wouldn't it be obvious that there's a homebody type like me.
PS
Sometimes I wish I can be like Grenouille (character of 'Perfume') where I can be invisible whenever I want to.
LOLKidding aside, I sometimes think that my SA originated from my lack of interest with people. My problem is not really me craving for social life but "knowing how to act in a social situation". If I have a choice, I can have a quick chat with people and stay invisible the rest of the day and I won't mind. But that doesn't happen because sometimes I really have to socialize like in work or in a gathering and that is the awkward part because I can't force myself to say something just so I can start a conversation. Unlike others,chatting seems natural for them.
I'm not saying that I can live without friends. I'm just happy with my small circle of friends and meeting acquaintances that I can relate with. I don't care much about people besides those that I've mentioned.
The advantage of a typical social person is that he/she can be flexible interacting with different people. In my case, I'm very selective and I would look snob or shy when I don't respond to them. So I am forced to do some socializing which appears awkward.
What if I don't go out with people? It doesn't make me a loser because I am here by choice. I want to stay home and this is what I want to do. If I really really want to go out, I can always ask my friends and in their surprise, they will simply approve. Why is it that wanting to stay home seems to be a "disease". If there's an outgoing type of person, wouldn't it be obvious that there's a homebody type like me.
PS
Sometimes I wish I can be like Grenouille (character of 'Perfume') where I can be invisible whenever I want to.
Some people say that I am nice, polite, warm, kind etc. especially when taking care of my clients.
I say 'thank you' for the compliment but it gives me an uncomfortable feeling.
I can't describe if it's guilt, shyness or denial... and this is confusing me so much.
I sometimes think that maybe I'm just shy and I don't feel comfortable receiving compliments.
I sometimes think that maybe I'm just denying that I have those positive attributes in me... that I have the capability to show genuine warmth and kindness to other people.
But what I suspect more is that maybe I feel guilty because I know that those compliment are all lies. That I know I'm not really nice and kind, but I just keep my negative opinion about others to myself. And I act that I care much to my clients just because I want to do my job very well and I don't want to get any negative criticisms from other people. That I only do those 'nice things' because I'm a people pleaser and not really because I have the passion to do it.
I say 'thank you' for the compliment but it gives me an uncomfortable feeling.
I can't describe if it's guilt, shyness or denial... and this is confusing me so much.
I sometimes think that maybe I'm just shy and I don't feel comfortable receiving compliments.
I sometimes think that maybe I'm just denying that I have those positive attributes in me... that I have the capability to show genuine warmth and kindness to other people.
But what I suspect more is that maybe I feel guilty because I know that those compliment are all lies. That I know I'm not really nice and kind, but I just keep my negative opinion about others to myself. And I act that I care much to my clients just because I want to do my job very well and I don't want to get any negative criticisms from other people. That I only do those 'nice things' because I'm a people pleaser and not really because I have the passion to do it.