Srijita52
Well-known member
I know how you feel but often its hard to see yourself in a positive way if you constantly think otherwise. Its same for me too. But if people are saying you're nice, polite, warm kind there must be some truth there too.
the "whatever" journal
- Thread starter w*n*c*a*m
- Start date
MikeyC
Well-known member
I don't think they'd all be lies. Our opinions of ourselves can cloud the good sometimes.
i hate it when somebody tells me that they have a big secret to tell me but they don't wanna say it for now. why tell me if they won't reveal it immediately??? are they thinking that i'll beg for it? no way! they can fudging keep their secret! i just hate that they've triggered my curiosity but they disappoint me afterwards.
Srijita52
Well-known member
I've a friend who does that, she does it just for attention though.
grrrrr... exactly!
why can't i be like my sister who's naturally nice. even if i'm the quiet and shy type and my sister the confident and expressive type, I'm fully aware that people see me as the 'time bomb' and my sister as the 'pearl gem'. it's because when something really irks me (which rarely happens), i act like a war freak and show them that i'm really mad and i don't care if others witness it. while my sister is always seen as the agreeable lady who doesn't know how to get mad.
i feel like all the negatives were given to me and the positive traits were given to my sister. I was the 'fire' and she was the 'water'. Where's the fudging balance?!
i feel like all the negatives were given to me and the positive traits were given to my sister. I was the 'fire' and she was the 'water'. Where's the fudging balance?!
MikeyC
Well-known member
Just because your sister may be more outgoing than you doesn't mean she's any more of a "pearl gem" than you are. We are all individuals in our own right.
God! So people like them do really exist. Working here filled with b&tches. They call it power tripping and I won't deny that they intimidate me so much. But I won't just let them crush me. For 2 days I had a verbal match with 2 different people. All they do is monitor me and make my simple mistakes much worse. Yeah I know I act too willing and clumsy and I do have my absent minded not know what to do moments and I truly accept that. But others also have their own moment too. And seriously why is that staff often connects "what im studying" to my current work.
It may be quite related but it is still completely different! If she'll criticize me, then criticize me in my current title and not my soon to be title. I think she feels threatened because when I graduate, I'll be in a higher position than her. Because if she;s not threatened then why would she relate all my flaws to what I'm studying. Even the fact that I was once late for 5 minutes, she has to remind me that I'm studying this! GOd!
And another thing, there's a know it all staff who's known to report any flaws that she sees, and blab it to other staffs. She assumes a lot. And when I defended my reason, she always finds some ways to justify her reason even other staffs agreed to me.
Oh yeah, she sees herself truly knowledgeable, coming from a person who said that we don't have to use gloves when handling people with MRSA as long as we wash our hands. This also applies when you clean an elderlies bum! The heck! She likes correcting other people's mistakes but she is so stubborn when others correct her! And she sounds like, you dont know that? I thought you;ve learned that from uni? The heck of course that's why I know! Oh well, she stopped so I stopped.
My mistake because I am too nice and submissive so I'm prone to bullying. But hey! You can't just bite me always! Grrrrr!
Anyway, if ever they do that to me again, I'll report them to the harassment office. And others said, I should stay in that place after I graduate so they'll have a nicer boss. Well I changed my mind because I know I still have to learn more so working with those "proud" bosses won't be a good environment for me, they'll just make my life miserable I'm sure... considering that it'll be my first real job in my chosen career.
It may be quite related but it is still completely different! If she'll criticize me, then criticize me in my current title and not my soon to be title. I think she feels threatened because when I graduate, I'll be in a higher position than her. Because if she;s not threatened then why would she relate all my flaws to what I'm studying. Even the fact that I was once late for 5 minutes, she has to remind me that I'm studying this! GOd!
And another thing, there's a know it all staff who's known to report any flaws that she sees, and blab it to other staffs. She assumes a lot. And when I defended my reason, she always finds some ways to justify her reason even other staffs agreed to me.
Oh yeah, she sees herself truly knowledgeable, coming from a person who said that we don't have to use gloves when handling people with MRSA as long as we wash our hands. This also applies when you clean an elderlies bum! The heck! She likes correcting other people's mistakes but she is so stubborn when others correct her! And she sounds like, you dont know that? I thought you;ve learned that from uni? The heck of course that's why I know! Oh well, she stopped so I stopped.
My mistake because I am too nice and submissive so I'm prone to bullying. But hey! You can't just bite me always! Grrrrr!
Anyway, if ever they do that to me again, I'll report them to the harassment office. And others said, I should stay in that place after I graduate so they'll have a nicer boss. Well I changed my mind because I know I still have to learn more so working with those "proud" bosses won't be a good environment for me, they'll just make my life miserable I'm sure... considering that it'll be my first real job in my chosen career.
Last edited:
Alright so there was another issue in our office. But it's not really about me. There was a heated debate earlier this morning between 2 staffs and it includes one of the btchy lady I mentioned before. Well, it's because Ms. Btchy nagged one of the colleague. The colleague apologized to her. But Ms. Btchy kept on nagging her. The colleague got irritated and answered back which started the verbal match. In the end, the colleague walked out. But Ms Bitchy nagged continuously. Well, I got a bit irritated because it seemed like they forgot that we have a client to tend and I end up being alone with the client because my partner (the colleague) walked out, and Ms. Bitchy is still nagging. And I can't do anything because I'm supposed to work with my partner because doing it alone will be dangerous for the client.
And I don't know if I'm just pissed with Ms Btchy's continuous nagging or because my client expressed anxiety about the scene but I suddenly blurt out "Stop!" and so Ms Btchy nagged me instead but I stayed silent.
Me and my stupid mouth.
And I don't know if I'm just pissed with Ms Btchy's continuous nagging or because my client expressed anxiety about the scene but I suddenly blurt out "Stop!" and so Ms Btchy nagged me instead but I stayed silent.
Me and my stupid mouth.
DeadmanWalking
Well-known member
That wasn't a stupid act. It was impulsive probably, but, sometimes, acting on our impulses is the best action. When we try to think things through, we sometimes think for too long and the situation has either already passed or reached a "point of no return". It's good that you told her to stop
. Stand up to her and show her that not everyone will bend over backwards for her. Maybe you could even report her and try to (legally, mind you: get her fired.That wasn't a stupid act. It was impulsive probably, but, sometimes, acting on our impulses is the best action. When we try to think things through, we sometimes think for too long and the situation has either already passed or reached a "point of no return". It's good that you told her to stop
lol. seriously, the moment i said that and she yelled at me... my mind suddenly went blurry and dreamy like things are not happening realistically. I can't describe it but it's really weird. I was like "Why the heck did I say that? Why didn't I shut my mouth instead? But I don't feel guilty at all. I actually felt glad even if this woman wants to get my head off for what I did."
And my colleague made a written report in the harrasment office and she made me and the client as witnesses. So i guess I'm really involved now.
i just have to write this down because I am so shocked. I can't believe it. My sister and her bf broke up!!! I've always portrayed them as the perfect couple. I even admire the guy's personality because he is smart, determined, confident, funny, religious, artistic, and despite his busy sched, he finds time to visit my sister at home. And when they're together they act so sweet and cuddly, sometimes too cheesy I wanna barf. They're were not a regular bfgf but an ideal couple who has a clear aim of being married in the future. It's like they're totally made for each other. They clearly gave us an impression that they're madly in love with each other and no one's gonna break it.
And so I can't connect when my sister revealed all the dark stuffs in their relationship. She said that all along, she acted like a martyr, ignoring all the signs that her bf was cheating on her.But she had enough so she ended it.
And I was like, whaaaaat? I was totally disillusioned. I was so disappointed with their break up, honestly.
And that makes me scared of me and my bf's relationship. What if he is not the person that I've known all along? What if he's actually a cheater, knowing that he had a history like most guys do. What if my prince is actually a beast??? Seriously, if my bf turns out just like my sister's bf, it will totally ruin my faith of the entire male population and I'll never ever fall in love again!!!! I'll see them as a sex tool and that's it!
I can't imagine not marrying my bf!!!
Yeah, it wasn't a perfect relationship. We had fights like when he forgets to call me on time, or when I find his jokes offensive, or when some colleague told me that my bf kissed this other girl at a party, or when some random girl suddenly message her on Facebook and wants to have sex and he just deleted it without mentioning to me until I saw the junk mail. Or When I admitted that I had a crush to this guy, or one time I flirted to another guy, or when I was just being unreasonable like getting mad at him when he shared how he cheated on his past relationship. etc
And all of those things were resolved even the major stuffs! Like, my bf talked to the guy who claimed that my bf kissed another girl. He was the same guy who said that my bf was effing gay!
And then the girl who sent a message for him to have sex, my bf said that it was some girl who befriended him on facebook and he just added without confirming if he knows the person, and suddenly the girl messaged her for sex and he was annoyed, he unfriended the girl and deleted the msg but did not tell me because he forgot and he didn't find it significant at all. Well, fair enough when I saw the junk messages, the only reply that my bf made was "Hu u?"
So I can say that he is still loyal to me. But now I'm doubting him again and I know it's unfair just because of my what my sister's bf has done.
Sorry if I'm being sexist but why are men like that?! Jerks!
And so I can't connect when my sister revealed all the dark stuffs in their relationship. She said that all along, she acted like a martyr, ignoring all the signs that her bf was cheating on her.But she had enough so she ended it.
And I was like, whaaaaat? I was totally disillusioned. I was so disappointed with their break up, honestly.
And that makes me scared of me and my bf's relationship. What if he is not the person that I've known all along? What if he's actually a cheater, knowing that he had a history like most guys do. What if my prince is actually a beast??? Seriously, if my bf turns out just like my sister's bf, it will totally ruin my faith of the entire male population and I'll never ever fall in love again!!!! I'll see them as a sex tool and that's it!
I can't imagine not marrying my bf!!!
Yeah, it wasn't a perfect relationship. We had fights like when he forgets to call me on time, or when I find his jokes offensive, or when some colleague told me that my bf kissed this other girl at a party, or when some random girl suddenly message her on Facebook and wants to have sex and he just deleted it without mentioning to me until I saw the junk mail. Or When I admitted that I had a crush to this guy, or one time I flirted to another guy, or when I was just being unreasonable like getting mad at him when he shared how he cheated on his past relationship. etc
And all of those things were resolved even the major stuffs! Like, my bf talked to the guy who claimed that my bf kissed another girl. He was the same guy who said that my bf was effing gay!
And then the girl who sent a message for him to have sex, my bf said that it was some girl who befriended him on facebook and he just added without confirming if he knows the person, and suddenly the girl messaged her for sex and he was annoyed, he unfriended the girl and deleted the msg but did not tell me because he forgot and he didn't find it significant at all. Well, fair enough when I saw the junk messages, the only reply that my bf made was "Hu u?"
So I can say that he is still loyal to me. But now I'm doubting him again and I know it's unfair just because of my what my sister's bf has done.
Sorry if I'm being sexist but why are men like that?! Jerks!
DeadmanWalking
Well-known member
Well, if you want me to be brutally honest, then, yes, you are being sexist. Women can and have done the exact same things (or worse) you've described to men (or other women). So, why are they like that? Well, you'd have to ask them. There are so many explanations that could fit from "just because" to "I was lacking something in my current relationship, so, when it was presented to me, I lost control of myself."
Now, if your boyfriend is cheating on you, there will be changes in his demeanor or actions. He'll probably have some marks of his infidelity on him as well. I'm not the one who you should be talking to about cheating though since I've never been cheated on (to my knowledge). Talk to your sister about signs of cheating. However, you should trust him more if you can't find any sign of cheating. If you really are finding it hard to believe in him, you should go to counseling and talk to someone about it.
Now, if your boyfriend is cheating on you, there will be changes in his demeanor or actions. He'll probably have some marks of his infidelity on him as well. I'm not the one who you should be talking to about cheating though since I've never been cheated on (to my knowledge). Talk to your sister about signs of cheating. However, you should trust him more if you can't find any sign of cheating. If you really are finding it hard to believe in him, you should go to counseling and talk to someone about it.
Well, I am pissed at the moment. That happens to me when someone I admire turns out to be "just like them". I know men and women are both likely to be cheaters. It's just that it seems men have a greater tendency to cheat in a relationship. It's like the majority of them actually. (well, atleast for my perspective) So I can't help but pinpoint men men men. And I know the answer, it's either their hormones, or they don't feel secured, or they were immature, they want this macho image, they fell out of love etc. And I totally understand!
What I hate about cheating is that, why not dump the person instead of two-timing. that's the main crime!. If you don't like the person anymore then say it and go, so you can be free! It's better to hurt a person that way than make him/her a fool for having false belief of loyalty.
Anyway, I know my bf is faithful to me. There is no sign of infidelity at all and he's still the same guy who never fails to message or call me everyday. The same guy who makes me laugh, the one who sets his alarm so he can wake up early and chat despite the conflict of our schedule and the person who waits for exactly 12:00 to greet me a "happy monthsary". So yes he's loyal and there's no reason to doubt him and I love him soooo much. It's just that I am a bit worried because of what happened to my sister. I don't want that to happen to us. And I was just ranting earlier. I wasn't seriously condemning my bf. Can't wait to talk to him soon.
Last edited:
I had a chat with my dad and he told me that the my little brother's (13 y.o) principal has advised them to send my brother to a psychiatrist as he is too 'quiet' in school.
I don't want to agree about this plan. I wanted my brother to give him a chance to adjust in school in his own pace. I don't want him to think that there's something wrong with him! If it's already half of the school year, that's the time that i would get worried. but not this early! I know they meant well but they piss me off.
And if ever my brother has social anxiety issues too, then it only confirms that it's genetic from my dad's side. That makes me more protective to my brother. I so hate it that I'm overseas and I couldn't guide him. I don't trust my parents because as far as i know, they have a sharp tongue, especially my dad when giving criticism. I used to defend my brother but now that I'm away, I'm wondering if they've said something that could lower his self esteem.
Not that I hate myself but I don't want my brother to end up like me. If I could, I'll do anything to teach him to be tougher. When I was young, nobody told me to be tough,,,, they only saw me as the smart girl who has social issues but not that big deal. I wasn't aware that my attitude is the main problem. All I know is that I'm shy but never have I thought that I should try to be more confident.
Now if I'm there for my brother, then I can give all the encouragement for him to do better. Not to pressure him but to say that it's alright to make mistakes, it's ok not to be perfect, it's fine to fight back as long as it's not done physically (or maybe he can do that too lol)... something like that. coz it's a **** life in the real world and he should know that it's alright to be a little bad sometimes.
I grew up following my parents and teachers and I think I overdid it. I became too nice. They said, not to be noisy in class. So I became quiet. They said be obedient. So I became the follower, never the leader. They said, do good in class. So I became a nerd. I grew up thinking that I'm the best because I'm the only kid who can do those things almost perfectly and the teachers liked me. That's bull****!
Parent's should teach their kids to be proactive and not just focus in good manners and right conduct. Not that I blame everything to my parents but they never emphasized the importance of having self confidence. they were too busy reminding me that I was too shy, they forgot to tell me the solution to my problem.
My sister who used to be the trouble maker for being too noisy in class, for not reading books, for playing a lot with friends at home... as a kid, my parents often told her to be like your big sister (me). And I believed that what I was doing was the right thing. That in the future, I'll be the successful young lady. But hooray for my hard headed sister. Now she's the confident pretty lady love by many. And she didn't do badly in academics too. I should have been born with the genes of "not being too obedient".
According to a psychological theory, a person's behavior is learned, even the faulty ones. And so I've learned the path for social anxiety almost perfectly, so I grew up being the people pleaser, perfectionist, quiet, follower, person that I am. the theory also said, we can unlearn it. But see, it's hard. It's like riding a bike, i've learned it so it becomes innate no matter how i try to forget it.
This end up like a ranting of my childhood. But in short, I want my brother to not be influenced by my overly traditional parents. I love them but I don't trust them as parents.
I don't want to agree about this plan. I wanted my brother to give him a chance to adjust in school in his own pace. I don't want him to think that there's something wrong with him! If it's already half of the school year, that's the time that i would get worried. but not this early! I know they meant well but they piss me off.
And if ever my brother has social anxiety issues too, then it only confirms that it's genetic from my dad's side. That makes me more protective to my brother. I so hate it that I'm overseas and I couldn't guide him. I don't trust my parents because as far as i know, they have a sharp tongue, especially my dad when giving criticism. I used to defend my brother but now that I'm away, I'm wondering if they've said something that could lower his self esteem.
Not that I hate myself but I don't want my brother to end up like me. If I could, I'll do anything to teach him to be tougher. When I was young, nobody told me to be tough,,,, they only saw me as the smart girl who has social issues but not that big deal. I wasn't aware that my attitude is the main problem. All I know is that I'm shy but never have I thought that I should try to be more confident.
Now if I'm there for my brother, then I can give all the encouragement for him to do better. Not to pressure him but to say that it's alright to make mistakes, it's ok not to be perfect, it's fine to fight back as long as it's not done physically (or maybe he can do that too lol)... something like that. coz it's a **** life in the real world and he should know that it's alright to be a little bad sometimes.
I grew up following my parents and teachers and I think I overdid it. I became too nice. They said, not to be noisy in class. So I became quiet. They said be obedient. So I became the follower, never the leader. They said, do good in class. So I became a nerd. I grew up thinking that I'm the best because I'm the only kid who can do those things almost perfectly and the teachers liked me. That's bull****!
Parent's should teach their kids to be proactive and not just focus in good manners and right conduct. Not that I blame everything to my parents but they never emphasized the importance of having self confidence. they were too busy reminding me that I was too shy, they forgot to tell me the solution to my problem.
My sister who used to be the trouble maker for being too noisy in class, for not reading books, for playing a lot with friends at home... as a kid, my parents often told her to be like your big sister (me). And I believed that what I was doing was the right thing. That in the future, I'll be the successful young lady. But hooray for my hard headed sister. Now she's the confident pretty lady love by many. And she didn't do badly in academics too. I should have been born with the genes of "not being too obedient".
According to a psychological theory, a person's behavior is learned, even the faulty ones. And so I've learned the path for social anxiety almost perfectly, so I grew up being the people pleaser, perfectionist, quiet, follower, person that I am. the theory also said, we can unlearn it. But see, it's hard. It's like riding a bike, i've learned it so it becomes innate no matter how i try to forget it.
This end up like a ranting of my childhood. But in short, I want my brother to not be influenced by my overly traditional parents. I love them but I don't trust them as parents.
and i wouldn't have improved if i've never seen this website. i never would have known that there's a name for this condition. i only knew that i'm a person with a f*ck*d up personality... that i'm totally different from the rest. But knowing this site, I've realized that i'm not alone, that I may have issues but at least i now know that i'm not the only one struggling, and that i can improve myself.
thanks srijita, i'll keep an eye to my brother and to my parents. i've already told my dad about what they should do with my brother. he didn't say anything about it yet. but i know he'll consider what i said.
i told him, if he wants my brother to be counselled that early, then he should have sent me to the psychiatrist since i was the real kid who never spoke in class. they are so easy to give intervention to my brother. i don't know if they're even aware that maybe they are contributing to the problem too.
Is this fair? I only come here when I'm feeling depressed. And right now, I feel like I can't and won't be able to live normally with other people. And it's so frustrating that I have all the things to live a decent and happy life...everything that I could wish for! Except that the biggest flaw in here is me... just me. I know my potentials. I know I could be somebody who's really great but this effing condition is debilitating me. I can't even buy a burger without hearing the thump thump of my frikkin heartbeat! I can't talk to people without staring at them first so they can repeat what they said because my frikkin brain got wired out due to nervousness. I can't talk to people except for formal meet and greet moments where everything I say is like some film script. But make me meet that person regularly and I'll end up like a mute and the person would think Im a frikkin snob or weirdo.
Confidence. That's the only thing I need and no miracle drug can cure it. Don't frikkin lecture me about achieving confidence by reading self help books, or by just 'doing it'. Yes I can do it, but it will never ever be natural to me. I will never ever be a naturally confident person no matter how many self help books or how long I practice it in my entire life! All of these concludes to one cause and it's frikkin genetics!!!!!
I saw plenty of disabled people, ugly people, deformed people, poor people, stupid people but they lived a fine life. Why? Because they have this most important thing that I don't have. The Big C!
Don't tell me, they weren't born with it. Don't tell me they've learned it or whatever stupid reason you'll say. I know it's not something that'll just pop out in their system and give them that courage. But you see, they have achieved it. They might temporarily had an inferior moment and it's understandable. But I'm sure they wouldn't get scared for petty things like entering a mall or buying some coke at a restaurant. It's because they were just plainly shy and not some nervous wreck like me!!!!!!!
I so hate this, I so hate myself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
Confidence. That's the only thing I need and no miracle drug can cure it. Don't frikkin lecture me about achieving confidence by reading self help books, or by just 'doing it'. Yes I can do it, but it will never ever be natural to me. I will never ever be a naturally confident person no matter how many self help books or how long I practice it in my entire life! All of these concludes to one cause and it's frikkin genetics!!!!!
I saw plenty of disabled people, ugly people, deformed people, poor people, stupid people but they lived a fine life. Why? Because they have this most important thing that I don't have. The Big C!
Don't tell me, they weren't born with it. Don't tell me they've learned it or whatever stupid reason you'll say. I know it's not something that'll just pop out in their system and give them that courage. But you see, they have achieved it. They might temporarily had an inferior moment and it's understandable. But I'm sure they wouldn't get scared for petty things like entering a mall or buying some coke at a restaurant. It's because they were just plainly shy and not some nervous wreck like me!!!!!!!
I so hate this, I so hate myself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
