the "whatever" journal


Well-known member
I usually have a lot in my mind that I can't even share to others because it might seem pathetic for them. And I was grateful for this site because this is my only "outlet". But then I am tired of making NEW TOPICS everytime I feel like writing my thoughts, and it's all so scattered that I have to browse and browse just to see those previous things that I wrote.
And I sometimes have the feeling that people in here are getting bored and annoyed by my username everytime I post a new topic! (although it was unreasonable for me to think like that... hehe!)
AND SO FROM NOW ON, this would be my own space.... the so-called "whatever" journal!

PS. comments and replies are still welcome, and much appreciated

Feb. 17, 2008

There was a christening celebration in our neighbor's house and I was invited (through a close friend) to have lunch with them.... and i declined. I said that i still have to finish my school project that is due tom. (which is true, except that I'm not really that busy)... and now I feel so guilty because I have to make that lame excuse just to avoid going there. I mean, part of me says that I should come because it's like a "social obligation", and anyway, it wouldn't be that long because I just have to eat with them. But then part of me also says that I don't really like to go because I am not close with that neighbor and... honestly, I don't really feel like having lunch in other people's house. But maybe if my sister was with me, I would have the courage to accept their invitation even just for "NICENESS" sake. (unfortunately, she's in their choir practice). And so there.
I just hope that they would not think that I'm rude.What's just bothering me is that a close friend was the one who invited, and he look dissapointed when i refused. He even said that "you're always like that"...
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Well-known member
Feb. 20, 2008

What is the matter with you w*n*c*a*m?! When will you be contented? Everyday, you always say "This is it! I'll start a brand new life!" and then you'll act energetic and lively... but at the end of the day you'll get bored and dissapointed, and you'll say "Ok, I'll just wait for tomorrow to start again!" and then you go to your room, doing all the laziness without even thinking of finishing your homeworks or your duties for tomorrow... heck! you always do that! You always start but doesn't accomplish anything! And so you always start the following day having high hopes but getting panicky because you have to cram for being such a lazy and crazy dork! I can't even think how you survive these stress that you're making to yourself! I mean, like today... I haven't seen anything that could ruin your day but you still feel uncontented and so you say,"I'll wait for tomorrow AGAIN, and this is it, no doubt"... but it's just a pattern... because I know, you'll get bored AGAIN tomorrow. I don't understand you! What are you looking for anyway? What is a perfect day for you, actually? What could give you the drive to be consistent? So you are here writing all this craziness because you are tired of that life.... but you made that life! Oh! you are really hopeless!!! .... no, I don't really wanna say that... there is still tomorrow... keep up that HOPE! ... or whatever!
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Well-known member
That really made me smile Wingcharm, that monologue is something I can relate to almost perfectly the same. Day after day, some promises, same rollercoaster ride of motivation.

Haha, I really could not put it better myself. Enjoyable read, keep up the craziness. :D


Well-known member

please give me a magic remote control
and let some responsible person control my life even just until i graduate in college! :!: :!: :!:
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you're not crazy - i scare myself sometimes. I feel like i am going to die soon. I am just so convinced that i'm going to have killed myself before i reach twenty five - i feel this so strongly, it's almost as if it's a premonition. Nothing is my life is changing for the better, and i feel trapped too.


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Sometimes i feel that the only solution is to die but i know o will never kill my self, just because i am a coward.
So i go on draging myself trought life waiting that some day something fantastic happens and everything changes. very phatetic i know but its just the way SA makes us feel. Completly powerless at the simple things of life.
I meen, for example i have to make a call at my job to speek to a person i dont know about a subject that is not very complicated, and i have been delaying that call for almost a month. its so ridiculous.


Well-known member
A letterto kami-sama:

Please give me one good chance to start over again
because I don't wanna give up.
Although it feels like I'm always trying in vain,
my stubborn self won't still give up! I won't!
If you'll just give me that chance, maybe I'll do better, maybe
I won't whine anymore, maybe I'll be more tolerant,
maybe I'll be more patient, maybe I'll be satisfied and maybe
I'll be able to accept reality.
You see, I'm still in doubt because I don't want to make any promises.
I am so vulnerable, I might break it again and i don't want to
have a pile of broken promises.
But you see, i am trying to stay. I really do!
So if I ever fail again,please be patient to me and never
hesitate to give me another chance to prove to you that I could
live a real life.
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Well-known member
March 10, 2008

I just woke up and the first thing that came to
my mind is to go here because I feel very anxious these days.
I just ignored this feeling lately hoping that it would
pass by
but now I woke up feeling kind'a panicky. So there.

I'm a college student and I'm going to graduate very soon this March,
It's weird that I may be the only student
who's not even excited on that day.... actually it's the
reason why I am getting anxious day by day. Yes i am kind'a glad
because schooldays are over. But it feels like my life would become more
complicated as soon as I graduate. I don't wanna be specific but you
see, I'll be graduating in a course that I don't even like. No, I was
not forced, but that time when I was still starting in college,
I have chosen a course that I haven't thought about. Now that
I think about it, I have chosen the course to please
my family.(So stupid!)...
It should not be a
big deal for me because I could apply to other jobs that's not in
line with my course as long as I have the qualification... but
then my family are expecting too much from me. They are really sure
to themselves that I'll be following "that" career! Well,
I've told them that I have a different plan, that being in that "career"
is not really for me, and I'll be applying for that chosen job,
that they should not expect that much.... but I don't know if
they took it seriously. They haven't reacted negatively when i said
that so I assume that they understand me, but then they haven't
approved to me also! What's worse is my dad! He'll be coming home before my graduation and when we talk on the phone about it, all he keeps blabbing is my future! It's like my entire plan in life is already
fixed and I just have to follow it! I tried to tell him otherwise
but then he is already in a dreamy state, and he was so
into it that it makes me hesitate to interrupt and tell him "Uhm..
dad... I don't wanna be a ---- !" Oh no! it woudld just break his heart.!

In our conversation before, I've already hinted that i may
not be following that career. But he interprets it differently,
he thought of it as being pessimistic.
Anorther thing is, although I have said my own plan to them, I
don't have a strong stand about it because if Plan A (their plan)
would be compared to plan B (my plan)... plan A is waaaay better than
plan B. in plan A, I would be someone great.. In plan B, I would be
someone ordinary (but atleast I am happy!)...
It would have been less complicated if my chosen career was somewhat
related to my expected career.
But what the heck! Medicine compared to Computer
is sooooo different!
What's making my decision more complicated is this guilt that i am feeling.
It's because they've supported me so much, thinking that I would be choosing plan A. My dad even bought me "something" in preparation for "that" career! And he bought me a gift (that is so expensive and i really really like) while telling me... "This is for the future ----!"
heCK! It gives me more guilt than ever!

I know I should only be the
one to be blamed here because i started it in
the first place. Me, being soooo stupid! But
guess what... i am stubborn also. So I would prefer what
I like, so they better prepare themselves to be heartbroken!
....including myself! (T-T)

But... could i really do it? Oh no!!!!


Well-known member
March 11, 2008

Now my condition is getting worse and I'm getting frustrated already!
I hate waking up in the morning dreading the day of my graduation!
Now I'm actually sick! I am having a sore throat and a headache because
of this STRESS!
And surprises of all surprises, my dad came home yesterday night
and the first thing that he uttered is my graduation! I know he's
just happy for me! but heck! I am now more pressured than ever!!!
He keeps on telling me that I can do it... that he believes in me...
that I am intelligent... heck! i am not a genius for goodness sake!
And when I say to him to stop having great expectations, he just
grins or laughs like it's some kind of a JOKE! Oh please! right now,
i just wanna cry!!!!!! I feel so helpless and trapped and... I don't know!
I can't even cry because they would be all confused and it feels like it's
stupid crying because I would feel more pathetic than ever!
Even our graduation practice makes my stomach roll over!!! This is crazy!!!
What about on the actual day of my graduation??!!! I might faint on
stage!!!! Will somebody do the honor of killing me right now?!!!!


Well-known member
It's always interesting to see people expressing their thoughts on these forums. Its not like you can express them anywhere else, so its always good to see. Kinda lets out some steam if you let your thoughts flow to the people who will understand your plight the most.


Well-known member
March 18, 2008

I just wish that I could be like him someday.

PS I just find it so coincidential because I will
be graduating today!... And Oh! I did smile while
on stage at our graduation practice. :)
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Well-known member
Just a thought:

I know this topic is far from what this site is all about, but just now, I've
read a lot of things about arguments between God and religion.

You see I believe in God, but I am not for Religion. Yes, I still respect religion (It actually serves as a guide for wisdom and morality) but don't expect me to follow all the rituals that the Religion tells me to do. If I want to worship God, I will do it in my own personal way. But heck! Some people are just so close-minded. For them, not following all those rituals will make you a sinner or a shameful person! Does it mean that if i am not a member of their religion and I do this or don't do this, makes me a sinner? What the heck!
And another thing is that some people are so inclined with their religion that they don't even appreciate the other religion! it's not about Jesus, It's not about Allah or Yahweh or Buddha... it's about the philosophies within that religion that people should appreciate and live.
And if in some instance I question some of my religion's beliefs and rituals, why do people react in a way like, just asking or expressing your doubt makes it a horrible attitude? I mean, there is no perfect religion and man is a thinking being. Isn't it much better if you really know what you believe by asking questions than by just believing it because your religion tells you so.


Well-known member
March 30, 2008

I'm going to miss this site... You see, I'll have to stay in our school dorm for 1 month for our review. So it means, no tv's, no mp3's, no computer's, no mall-ing.... no leisure! It really sucks, but they say it's for my future. (whatever!)... Actually, I even asked permission from our school dean to allow me to stay at my home after the review, but she did not allow me... so I have no choice... Actually, after that bad news... I cried!... I cried my heart out in front of my parents and they we're all laughing at me at the same time. and yeah! I laughed too while crying... because i'm 21 years old, and I wept like a crybaby, just because I'll be away from our home and from my room for 1 month! I really felt sad and ridiculuos at that time. Good thing is, my parents are supportive... Anyway... even if you don't know me... all of you people became a part of my life! I'll miss you :)


Well-known member
April 12, 2008
Today is our free day..... and just one week in that dorm is really a hell! I feel like a prison there whose main job is just to study study and study!!! and what really sucks is that our in-house review is extended up to 2 months!!! This is a sabotage!.... I don't hate studying but the idea of staying in a dorm and being obliged to have your review almost 24 hours a day for 2 months is a complete nonsense!... and what i hate most is my perfectionist, bookish, boring, and almost nerdy (if not really nerdy) bestfriend roommate who makes me feel guilty because she always has the drive to review and review!!!... while I am just sleeping! ... plus, my other close friends are just like her!!! .... Yeah! this is for my future... but c'mon! Do I really have to live for two months just facing a book and listening to lectures and eat and sleep? ... even my IPOD doesn't work for me now because I am so distracted with their nerdiness and OC-ness!!!! I can't even sleep well because the light is always on even at night! :evil:


Well-known member
April 15, 2008

I'm supposed to be in school for the resume of our in-house review but
I decided to just go there tomorrow because I feel so tired now.... I just want to relax my mind and extend my resting days... but heck! My celfone keeps on ringing, my classmate is calling me and I don't wanna answer it! I'm afraid that they might convince me to go in school and would give me added guilt for skipping the review class which would probably change my mind of being absent today.... so there! But I'm getting pissed off with that phone, and I don't wanna turn it off to not make it so obvious that I don't wanna talk to them... but sheesh! It's starting to give me anxiety....