Och aye the noo

How d'ye be yer ain best friend...? Just askin' cuz ma family are always get oan ma case regardin' tha amount o' time ah spend on ma ain. They're startin' tae get concerned aboot that fact.
What i mean is it would be good for you if you could "stick up for yourself" against any taunts, ridicules, angry insults, nit-picking, fault-finding, etc, etc.

I think all families are concerned if a child is spending most of their time alone, as i don't think it's that healthy tbh (& i'm a loner). A balance is required i think (all things in moderation); fight the urge to spent TOO much time alone, as that urge might be leading you down the wrong path? Moderation in all things, i say.
 
Originally Posted by theslowesthand
Maybe watch some tv about far away places?

Any recommendations on that, mate?
Nature & other documentaries, in places like deserts, mountain ranges, the ice poles (david attenborugh is one of the best; also bear grylls; "the coast" series). Travel programs (eg michael palin, jen lumley, ben & james in arabian desert, the amaing race (has more "action")). Food-travel programs (eg rick stein in middle east). History doco's on WW1 & WW2, early scottish/british/indian/.. empires. Programs on lavish hotels/palaces (eg richard e grant's hotel secrets, the manor). Reality programs (survivor, fear factor; even big brother is a good escape!).
Then you have all the escapist series & films (eg sci-fi (star trek, the matrix, red dwarf, babylon, earth 2), surrealist/steam-punk/fantastical (charlie & choc factory, wizard of oz, once upon a time). Theres several more good types of escapist tv/films. They can "take you away" from your current reality for a time, so you can "relax", feel at peace, etc.

Is it weird that ah dinnae really huv much concentration for stuff at the minute? Like movies, TV shows or books - like ah'll start reading a book but didnae finish it, unless ah really knuckle doon an' read it withoot too many distractions.
Unfortunately lower focus comes with depression/etc (it seems anyway). I think to focus on sth, you have to be adequately relaxed, which is not easy when you've got depression/etc unfortunately.

Also, ah don't really huv many hobbies, or not as many as ah should. Ah used love drawing an' painting when ah wus younger. But dinnae really huv tha imagination fur it.
Again, the depression saps any enthusiam/interest/joy you used to have in hobbies & such. Once the depression is addressed, usually interest in hobbies returns (for me it does anyway)
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Sometimes ah wonder whit ma life would've bin like if ah'd been normal, y'know? Not tha weird, borin', clumsy bellend ah've let masel' become.
 
Sometimes ah wonder whit ma life would've bin like if ah'd been normal, y'know? Not tha weird, borin', clumsy bellend ah've let masel' become
I can't even imagine what to be normal would be like. I think life might be better, less stressful, more joy, more satisfaction ... but who's to know???
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Huv'nae really been sleepin' much lately, there's been a lot oan ma mind. Though, ah've keep it tae masel' fur the most part, y'know? Keep the peace an' aw that pish. No' startin' arguments. That said ah've never really handled conflict aw that well.

Ah think ma family might huv indirectly contributed tae ma depression. Cuz ah always feel pressure tae live up tae their expectations of how ah should be. But ah cannae really, because ah never felt ah wus on par wi' them intellectually, y'know? No' that am in anyway a brainy bastart or anythin', quite the opposite. Or mibbe that's jist ma perception o' masel'...? :thinking:

Ah don't know... Ah've always felt this overwhelmingly stressful pressure tae fit in and live up tae what ma family expect o' me. An' even then ah feel the need tae apologies fur no' being up tae their standards.

Sorry am jist ramblin' on here... As per usual.
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Ah wonderin' if ma life would've turn oot differently if ah'd been adopted...? :thinking:

Just, y'know...? It hus'nae bin great. Lookin' back oan ma single parent upbringing, ah cun kinda see why ah now struggle wae anxiety an' depression. Being the youngest in tha family, ye were kinda assumed tae be weak, expected tae laugh off every cruel joke an' criticism at yer expense - and just agree with whatever anybuddy said so as no' tae cause a rammie.

Ah mean, as much as ah luv ma mum, ah do wish she'd been less emotionally distant towards me. Mibbe no' projected aw her past relationship experience with men ontae me as a means uh makin' up fur the fact she's never really came term with or moved on fae how she wus treated.

But whit can ye dae...? There's nae gettin' through tae folk who are too set in their ways tae change for the better.

It's also kinda ironic that aw ma good memories were times spent ootside tha family hoose, away somewhere. Free uh that feelin' that ye were under the thumb aw the time, apprehensive tae speak up for fear you'd be telt yer wrong.
 
Ah wonderin' if ma life would've turn oot differently if ah'd been adopted...? :thinking:
Quite possibly, but not too different, as you're still have the same basic personailty, your cerebral-palsy, look the same, etc. You'd just live in a different town (& maybe even country), have different schooling, different friends, maybe different hobbies (but interests might be almost the same), maybe better self-belief (if good foster parents), have different siblings, have different experiences growing up, & if yer lucky have less "hang-ups" about the past, people & what-not. The "nature" would be the same, but the "nurture" would or could be quite different i would say.
(i don't mean ta "burst yer bubble" mate!)

The formative years (up to about 4-5) are incredibly important. Its then that you learn patterns of emotional functioning which you are basically stuck with for life.

But whit can ye dae...? There's nae gettin' through tae folk who are too set in their ways tae change for the better
That's true. My old folks never have wanted or willing to change, perhaps work on some of their personality flaws. Whenever i have ever broached such topics, they tend to get very aggro, enraged in fact, in a passive-aggressive kind of way, spewing out disgusting counter-attack comments, which end up angering or enraging me ... so i have learnt to avoid all that drama.

It's also kinda ironic that aw ma good memories were times spent ootside tha family hoose, away somewhere. Free uh that feelin' that ye were under the thumb aw the time, apprehensive tae speak up for fear you'd be telt yer wrong
Yeah, i can see that you certainly have gotten some "complexes" from all that stuff growing up .. but you're alone in that mate i can assure you...
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Quite possibly, but not too different, as you're still have the same basic personailty, your cerebral-palsy, look the same, etc. You'd just live in a different town (& maybe even country), have different schooling, different friends, maybe different hobbies (but interests might be almost the same), maybe better self-belief (if good foster parents), have different siblings, have different experiences growing up, & if yer lucky have less "hang-ups" about the past, people & what-not. The "nature" would be the same, but the "nurture" would or could be quite different i would say.
(i don't mean ta "burst yer bubble" mate!)

The formative years (up to about 4-5) are incredibly important. Its then that you learn patterns of emotional functioning which you are basically stuck with for life.

Naw, ah know that. Ah didnae mean drastically different, ah jist meant better frae a nurture standpoint. Because growin' up, ma mum wus quite domineerin', y'know? The fact ah cun still recall bein' yelled at tae "walk properly" when she'd walk me tae primary school, give ye an idea uh whit ah hud tae endure from an early age.

That's true. My old folks never have wanted or willing to change, perhaps work on some of their personality flaws. Whenever i have ever broached such topics, they tend to get very aggro, enraged in fact, in a passive-aggressive kind of way, spewing out disgusting counter-attack comments, which end up angering or enraging me ... so i have learnt to avoid all that drama.

That description sounds exactly like my mum whenever ah'd try an' talk to her about relationships. It's fair to say on that topic I got a lotta mixed messages which didnae help me any. And an insight intae how mentally unstable some women are.

Also, growin' up in a household where loud arguments were frequent, you learn quite quickly how to avoid any drama. Keep quiet. Find summit tae distracted yersel' with - either a creative outlet or substance abuse.

Though, ah did get blamed for a lotta stuff that wus'nae really ma fault, but, it wus more convenient than ma mum or older sister's takin' responsibility for their words an' actions, y'know?

Yeah, i can see that you certainly have gotten some "complexes" from all that stuff growing up .. but you're alone in that mate i can assure you...

Ah know, ah know... Oh! And there's a word missin' there, by the way.
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Got some good news the day... Ah finally got ma appointment tae assess ma mobility in a few weeks at a hospital in Edinburgh.

So ah might be gettin' tha orthopedic surgery this year efter aw.
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A step in tha right direction, if you'll excuse tha shitty pun. :bigsmile:
 
Though, ah did get blamed for a lotta stuff that wus'nae really ma fault, but, it wus more convenient than ma mum or older sister's takin' responsibility for their words an' actions, y'know?
Yeah, that really sucks. My parents have always blamed everyone & everything (incl myself), but never themselves. Also in arguments with each other, each refuses to take the blame, so it ends up with one of them walking off in a huff, and then not talking to each other for the rest of the day (ie they never confront or resolve their arguments/issues). Just plain "dumb" people .. VERY poor thinkers.

Ah know, ah know... Oh! And there's a word missin' there, by the way
Well spotted! What a difference one word can make, eh? lol
So here's the intended version for ya...
Yeah, i can see that you certainly have gotten some "complexes" from all that stuff growing up .. but you're not alone in that mate i can assure you...
:thumbup:
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
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Just heard that ma cousin down in London has deleted close 2 family members (my auntie and another cousin) off her Facebook page due to an argument abou the British Royal family. She also slandered the family name. Well, the side of the family from whom I got my first name, sayin' we're all stupid. Which is kinda true, ah mean, am no' tha sharpest knife in tha drawer by any means.

The cousin who got delete did responsed to that insult on the family name by using me as an example of somebuddy in tha family who isn't stupid.
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Rather ironically though I was once described as so-called "The brains of the family" an' "The Sensible Yin". But I'm only smart compared tae those around me, which isnae sayin' much.

Just because ah tend to think before ah speak, huv read a few books an' know tha meanin' uh tha word: "infallible" doesnae mean I'm in any way an intellectual type.

Ah mean ah still dress like a f _ _ kin' NED for goodness sake - tracksuit top an' tha peeking cap. Only difference being the slightly higher IQ and tha fact ah've still maintained ma front teeth. How, in tha name uh sweet Jehovah, um ah still sane...? :kickingmyself:
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Yeah, that really sucks. My parents have always blamed everyone & everything (incl myself), but never themselves. Also in arguments with each other, each refuses to take the blame, so it ends up with one of them walking off in a huff, and then not talking to each other for the rest of the day (ie they never confront or resolve their arguments/issues). Just plain "dumb" people .. VERY poor thinkers.

In ma experience, ah just gave up after awhile. Got fed with constantly being telt ah wus wrong so... Ah just kept an' still a lotta how ah feel tae masel'. Mainly because some in ma family didnae like resolvin' issues, we'd much rather pretend everythin' fine.

Well spotted! What a difference one word can make, eh? lol
So here's the intended version for ya...
Yeah, i can see that you certainly have gotten some "complexes" from all that stuff growing up .. but you're not alone in that mate i can assure you... :thumbup:

Thanks.
ohyeah.gif
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Am startin' tae doubt if things'll ever get better. :sad: Ah feel like ah've done nuthin' with ma life, really.
Feel like ah've missed oot oan a lotta stuff, y'know?
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Not sure how ah should feel lately. Ma hospital appointment seemed tae go well, but ah dinnae ken if ah should git ma hopes up... Since ah might no' get tha recommendation tae huv tha orthopedic surgery. :idontknow: Plus, it's no' like this'll cure aw ma problems. Mibbe ah got to ahead uh masel', thinkin' this surgery might finally be tha catalyst fur aw tha things that ah need tae change in ma life? :confused:
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
It's difficult huvin tae come tae terms wae tha fact, that, with each passing year, am slowly gettin' worse. Physically an' mentally oan tha decline. Made aw tha mair depressin' by tha fact ah dinnae ken how tae cope wae it. :sad:
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
It seems ah huv got tae that age where it's difficult tae maintain any friendship. Though, technically it's been that way ma whole life. :sad: As much as ah want tae change that, ah know deep doon it will'nae happen. Cuz am too messed up, physically an' emotionally. Ah mean, ah cannae even cut tha people outta ma life who've made ma existence utterly miserable - does it really matter that they're family?

Is wrong to not cut them out? Ah mean, how much would put up with? Would ye forgive yer family for collectively an' mercilessly insultin' everythin' about you? Made ye feel like ye don't belong. How about if they constantly made assumption about ye, talk about ye? Would ye forgive yer ain muther fur stabbin' ye in a rage cuz you didnae dae whit she wanted? Would forgive that same parent for projecting her past oan tae you as means of ensure you die alone?
 
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