Ideal partner

So, I've been thinking...

I suppose I have always assumed that the ideal partner for me would be extroverted, someone who could bring me out of my shell, or someone I could hide behind when I couldn't cope.

But realistically is this ideal? I think I've thought this way because I have always felt that my phobias were wrong and needed to be fixed, but maybe I just need to accept who I truly am.

So what do we all think? Do we social phobes match best with others like us or not? Do we learn best from the support of the like minded or pushing from our opposites?

Yes...it's ideal because some times opposites attract. Social phobia is not something you should accept in any case.

i find i tend to be more happy and talkative if the female is extrovert. but theres a girl at work (unfortunately she has a boyfriend-don't they all) who would be my ideal partner, she's very kind, inteligent, not too loud or too quiet and i can be myself around her.

see its kinda daunting when the other person is an extrovert, because then you think that you kinda have to "keep up" or keep them interested by being just as loud or enthusiastic... gets really exhausting. I think an ideal partner would be someone who brings you out of your shell at times, but is also happy to sit at home with you doing nothing really.

Actually, i dont really believe in that physics law that opposites attract...i believe people look for a "similar" person, or else sooner or later the differences will overcome all the rest and its over.

I would like a shy girl to love me and stand behind me no matter what,the rest I dont care.......

Similarities attract. Unfortunately, very often it's not the other way around (as much as we want it to be :? ). But when you think about it, it's better to look for someone you can relate to. If there would be a relationship, there would be less cause for conflict and things would be much smoother.

I definitely prefer a shy and introverted girl. Extroverted people are very very unappealing to me.

Chatty or shy, doesn't bother me, as long as the chemistry is there and we can share fun times and all of that, i dont know i'm pretty independent anyway so it wouldnt take alot to satisfy richey, similar interests and joy are important, joy of being together, i dont want to over-analyze it, because ive done it in the past you just become too superficial .. ..

[/third person speak]

Ideally I pray for someone who can make me feel comofortable even when I'm uncomfortable. Someone who can grasp my hand when I don't think I can do something because he understands(maybe not fully) that it's more better to have someone to lean on. He'll love me for everything I am and can be, encourage me to pursue something I'm passionate about and I'd do it because he gives me hope to succeed and if it doesn't work out, be there to help me pick up the pieces. But mostly I hope that he'll understand my quirks and tell me that I'm the only person for him(not because I need to hear it all the time but when I doubt myself) and really mean it.

I want somebody to call my own too, I wouldn't want anything more than a girl who loves me for who I am and for her to be there for me through thick and thin, smiles and frowns. I don't care if she's extroverted or introverted. I just want somebody to come home to, to help me forget about all the bad things in life when I see her face.

206Raider said:

I want somebody to call my own too, I wouldn't want anything more than a girl who loves me for who I am and for her to be there for me through thick and thin, smiles and frowns. I don't care if she's extroverted or introverted. I just want somebody to come home to, to help me forget about all the bad things in life when I see her face.

Click to expand...

aaaawwww, you sound like such a Sweetie Raider!

I have an extroverted partner. He is..uh..very sociable...he will talk to absolutely anyone on the street - kids, young people, old people, all types - he just does not have a shy bone in his body. And people are just drawn to him and want to be his friend. I like that about him, and I think its good for me, in a way, it gives me perspective, and it does help me get out my shell. When we're out in public together I feel fine, like he is my protector, and even though he may draw alot of attention our way, I feel safe with him. But then of course, alot of times it does the opposite and I can't handle it. Sometimes, when I meet some of the people he knows, I get paranoid that they are thinking how wrong we are together, and that he is 'too good' for me, based on the fact that he comes across as so charismatic and I come across as so quiet and even awkward (though I try not to seem awkward when its people I'll have to see again). But I think for the most part its just paranoia, because most times he tells me that his friends think I'm quite sweet. And if he even gets the slightest whiff that someone doesn't think that I am as amazing as he thinks I am, he no longer regards them as a friend - haha. If I wasn't in these shoes, I wouldn't understand my condition at all, and dont know that I would have much patience for it. But he is amazing and gives me the right balance of support and push in the right direction, and ussually knows when to back off and not push it. I am very lucky and blessed to have such a supportive partner. But back on topic, there would be pros and cons for having either an extroverted or introverted partner...In my case, if I were single, I think having an introverted partner wouldn't be very healthy at all. I believe my SA would get much worse.

In most cases, the main rule would be that old phrase of "birds of a feather, flock together" holds true. However that does not mean that both partners must be so alike that it is incredibly boring, there should be enough differing beliefs and practices in order to keep things interesting. However at a basic level, each person's personalities and certain beliefs being the same does wonders for the relationship, making it easier to sustain and grow. Of course, who you choose is clearly your decision. Who knows, some have been able to succeed with those of the complete opposite personality as them.

Took me ages to think up an answer but looking back on past experiences i can kinda imagine what "EXTREMELY PERFECT" is like- and i realised im damn fussy! Here's the idea.

Call me fussy (I am)
But this is the description of my soulmate!
I'm sure ye can relate to a lot of these....

Shouldnt cut you down or make fun of you.
Should respect that you have a right to free speech without shutting you up and calling you stupid when its not neccessary.
But has to be really straight out and honest no matter what.
Not shallow enough to leave you for someone else.
Not fancy your girl mates or be uneasy about your guy mates.
Irish (charm gets you everywhere) or english.
Not clingy but doesnt flirt with other girls or cheat.
Doesnt dive straight into my pants.
Lives for the moment- doesnt dwell on the past or obsessively plan a future.
Funny.
Goodlooking.
Not afraid to disagree or argue but admits when he's wrong.
Treats me like a human not as a goddess.
Easy to talk to..
A lunatic.
Not a nymphomaniac
Doesnt think hes in love after a few weeks.
Party animal.
Doesnt do drugs.
Doesnt gawp at and comment on every conventionally goodlooking girl he see's.
Doesnt expect me to watch porn..
Doesnt compare me to other girls.
Being bi is no excuse for kissing someone else- either is being drunk. you are aware of what youre doing at the time!
Likes theme parks.
Extreme.
We have something interesting to talk about.
Acts the same whether im around or not.
Entertaining.

In other words....someone who doesnt exist!!!

For me it just has to be someone that I am comfortable around. This has been very hard to come by and does not always stay that way. Usually it is someone who is kind of wierd in some way, always shy though, and I do not feel as threatened.

Lavinia84 said:

So, I've been thinking...

I suppose I have always assumed that the ideal partner for me would be extroverted, someone who could bring me out of my shell, or someone I could hide behind when I couldn't cope.

But realistically is this ideal? I think I've thought this way because I have always felt that my phobias were wrong and needed to be fixed, but maybe I just need to accept who I truly am.

So what do we all think? Do we social phobes match best with others like us or not? Do we learn best from the support of the like minded or pushing from our opposites?

Click to expand...

My hubby is both an extrovert and someone I can "hide behind" when I don't want to talk to people.

I really don't look for very much. First, I want to love and to be loved. I don't see the point of describing a perfect prospect without it.
She has to have pretty eyes. Color doesn't matter. But they must display both intelligence and compassion. Some humor would also be appreciated. She must be reasonably intelligent, caring, and compasionate. She will have a passion for music and the natural world. She'll also get dressed up and dolled up as readily as she'll work in the garden. Her fondness for animals and children may one day lead to a very full and busy household. But most importantly, she will be there for me as I will be there for her.

More than anything I desire a woman I can just be with. Someone I can talk with, hold, see, hear, and smell. She wouldn't necessarily be the most beautiful woman in the world, but I wouldn't change a thing about her. But I've felt so alone for so long, I often wonder if I would be able to feel content, loved, and accepted.

I don't mind really she can be whoever she likes obviously we all have our preferences but as long as she likes me I don't mind.

Did that sound desperate? haha...