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[Silatuyok]

Anyways, I just read Marie's blog post about the Internet and I started to write a response but it was too long for me to post it in her journal, so I'll post it here.

Maybe it's because I'm cynical, but every time someone talks about the Internet, I think of this kind of thing:

Facebook's for middle-aged narcissists, Twitter for young ones.

I don't think it's just facebook, though... online forums like this where people are posting their opinions without really interacting, aren't under any pressure to obey any sort of etiquette and aren't seeing the unspoken reactions suggesting approval or disapproval of their comments and contributions can't be doing us any good.

I also think that Internet friends tend to be thought of as second-rate and ultimately disposable for most people... there's less pressure to maintain those kinds of relationships and I think both parties probably know this... it has also increased our social 'pools' to the point where easily available alternatives effectively devalue any relationship.

I think that communities can come together but without that tangible connection they're always going to feel less valuable. So I guess the key is to not live your entire life online... or to use it to make actual connections in real life.

Thank you for the response. I couldn't agree more that we need to use the internet as a means to make actual connections in our "real" lives. And it is a very good tool for that at times.

 

[Odo]

I'm pretty frustrated right now.

I keep reading all of these career advice articles online and they're incredibly demotivating. I honestly think there is nothing less motivational than a motivational article-- they seem to feature pretty much every aspect of life that I have anxieties and reservations about, as well as painting a pretty horrible portrait of life and work in general. I suppose I've always loathed overly perky, success-obsessed people.

I am still thinking about finding a property... I've found another one in Northern Ontario, also on a lake, within my price range, low taxes, no building permits needed-- AND best of all, there are no discernible problems with pollution. There is mining in the area but it doesn't look that bad, and there's crown land to the south. People are moving away from there because of the economy, but that doesn't bother me because I plan on working online... and if I can't then I'll just go overseas and work towards an early retirement that is more like a transition to fully self-sufficient living.

BUT there is an ongoing fight to keep some sort of soil processor out of the town. These northern towns are more vulnerable to that kind of thing because they don't have money and they're desperate for employment. Still, it's only 3km from a town of just under 10,000 people.

I was looking into strawbale as a building material, and then cob to build a space heater. It seems like people are pretty big on cob as a building material, and there's plenty of farmland up there to get materials from. I could even get stone from an old barn foundation or something.

I would totally be doing this right now if I knew just one other person who would live with me and help me build this house.

 

[Silatuyok]

I would totally be doing this right now if I knew just one other person who would live with me and help me build this house.

Surely there are these type of people out there to be found. Internet forums? Your local gun and knife show? Preppers and survivalists might not be the easiest people to get along with (unless you enjoy comparing conspiracy theories), but finding one to help you in your quest shouldn't be so difficult.

 

[Odo]

I'd prefer to avoid the gun and knife crowd... I know I'll need a rifle but I was thinking it would be better to find a sort of non-drug taking hippie who also has intelligence and a solid grip on reality.

 

[Odo]

The comments section on yahoo news causes me more aggravation and depression than any of my personal issues ever has. These is nothing more sickening than obnoxious conservative loudmouths constantly deflecting, name-calling and lying in order to 'win' the debate game.

I know one of the reasons that some people love the Internet so much is because there are very few rules, but it also means that people end up constantly butting heads and trying to piss each other off instead of reaching anything resembling an understanding.

I am in dire need of an internet detox.

 

[Odo]

^There's something eerily beautiful about this picture.

Since it's really rare to be able to to see an actual sunrise through the smog, the government has built big screens and started televising sunrises in Tiananmen Square.

Also, the other day I got seriously pissed after my mother sent me an email quoting an oil sands worker. He was basically going on and on about about how the oil sands wasn't so dirty and there were all these ways that they were 'managing the damage'. She said something like 'try to keep an open mind' and I lost it.

There are so many reason the oil sands are bad and I'm sick of seeing the tax-funded ads on TV saying they're amazing and Canadian pride and showing fields of weeds saying that everything is fine and it's all good. They're responsible for HALF of the emissions in a country that per capita is the 4th worst greenhouse-gas polluter in the world. Hearing it from my own mother made me rage and I was pretty rude to her... I apologized afterwards but I asked her how she would feel if I sent her e-mails about how God wasn't real... and of course, she thought it was a completely different thing.

But Alberta is one of the worst places in the world for global warming denialism-- they keep spouting all of these ridiculous things about it being responsible for only a small percentage of the global emissions and such... but they're also not taking into account that USING this oil is going to produce more emissions than different fuel types, and also the fact that we should be trying to wean ourselves OFF of this shit, not making more. They're also ignoring the fact that it's set to grow bigger and bigger and that the pipelines are going to cut through the countryside and the government refuses to regulate it in order to meet our 2020 emissions quota.

:thumbdown:

 

[Odo]

Also, apparently people hate feminists and environmentalists:

Haters: why people shun environmentalists, feminists and other activists | U of T News

It seems that they hate them for their 'enthusiasm', of all things. I think the majority just take offense to anyone who threatens their complacency with guilt... I saw a lot of that while teaching-- parents who think they know it all and refuse to hear that their children are bullies, because they don't want to feel guilty.

 

[Opaline]

Jeez, I know this sounds bad, but I forgot what journal this was so I haven't been paying attention lately. There are so many interesting ones and I lose track. I forgot that I really like your thread, Odo. I'll have to go back and get caught up.

 

[Opaline]

Not that you asked or anything, but I wanted to comment on two posts from last week.

I really liked the Venus metaphor. I don't have much more to say about that, that's pretty much it. I guess because... well, we like traits in others that we find in ourselves, and I do the metaphor thing a LOT.

Re: finding talking to Asians easier... I am exactly the same. I was just thinking about that this past summer, and I discussed it with my sister, who is also anxious and feels the same as well. There are always exceptions, but in general I think many Asian cultures tend to be quieter and value introverts more, and they just seem nicer. I know that's generalizing, and I'm not saying they're ALL like that, but there are a lot of Asians where I live and more often than not, I find them to be pleasant, often shy, and easy to talk to. Even the ones who aren't shy are just... more friendly, I guess.

Also, I'm 23, but I feel very similar to you about losing time and lost opportunities and relationships. I know you might laugh at that because I'm "so young", but time goes fast. And although I can't say I know exactly how you feel because I'm not you and I'm much younger, I still found myself nodding along as I read the post because I've had the same feelings.

Ahem. Yeah. That's all I suppose. Keep up the interesting posts. Even the depressing ones are good

 

[Odo]

Thanks for the response, Opaline!

I agree that Asians are more reserved. Asians tend to be from shame-based cultures so they put a lot of emphasis on how they appear to others... and they can hide their emotions a lot better. In the west there tends to be less of a disconnect between what we express and how we feel, and I think it makes us seem more aggressive, especially when we go to the East. I remember reading somewhere that when then Europeans first made contact with the Japanese, they weren't entirely sure that they even had the same emotions that Europeans have.

It's not my place to tell you how you should feel about where you are in your life. I've read your journal too and you seem to have a pretty solid handle on things... probably better than I do! We're probably not so different because I often think that people my age are still struggling with the same issues but trying to convince themselves they've finally become adults... and we look older so there's a better chance that people will give us more credit for things we might not otherwise get credit for. But it would be kind of ironically juvenile for me to say 'you couldn't possibly relate to me'. It's nice to know that someone does.

 

[Odo]

I had a thought today while going for my daily snowshoe, but I can't remember what it was.

Anyways, today I was watching the news and there was a story about how the government dropped tariffs on sporting goods in an attempt to promote sports to kids. But the retailers didn't drop their prices... they just charged the same price and kept the extra money. On sports equipment. For children.

I also thought back to when I went shopping in the sporting goods store and they asked for a donation to buy sports equipment for underprivileged children... and I just flat out asked why the retailers couldn't just give the kids a discount and were framing their soullessness as some sort of charitable action. So yeah, basically you want the struggling middle class to give money to rich retailers and pay full price because they don't want to just drop their prices and admit that most people are no longer able to afford this shit.

This is why I despise the right... they're just completely out of touch with how big business works.

 

[Odo]

Also: I made quite a bit on my investments today... if I could have more days like this, I would feel a lot better about my future.

It's not a huge windfall or anything and yes, it can go down just as easily as it went up... but I really have to wonder how much on average it goes up every month. I'm really not even sure how much I've made.

I guess there are good months and bad months, but I'm so glad I started investing back in 2012... building a portfolio after a recession is one of the best ways for anyone to make money. I'm thinking about getting into day trading... it just seems so easy. You just sort of sit there and watch the money grow... and if it starts to decline to a certain predetermined point, you switch it to something that's going up. Or you set a limit based on its past performance and then when it hits that, switch it to something with more growth potential.

I'm starting to think that I don't even have to really know what I'm doing... I'll just watch the business channel, read the news and choose the safest possible options. The money mostly just gets passed around, it doesn't disappear... you just have to follow it. You don't have to be the first person to get there, either... let the pawns go first. You won't make as much, but your risk level will be much lower. Barring a disaster, it's pretty much a guaranteed win.

If I had more money, I could easily live off of dividends... I know it sounds horrible, but when my parents die I feel like I'll be set. I don't think I would 'retire' per se, it's more like I would just be able to stop worrying about being unemployed or impressing people and networking and all of that stuff that I can't do very well.

If I can set up a website that has a couple thousand coming in every year, then combined with the day trading and some freelance development, an energy-efficient home... I think I could probably do pretty well.

 

[Silatuyok]

The comments section on yahoo news causes me more aggravation and depression than any of my personal issues ever has. These is nothing more sickening than obnoxious conservative loudmouths constantly deflecting, name-calling and lying in order to 'win' the debate game.

I know one of the reasons that some people love the Internet so much is because there are very few rules, but it also means that people end up constantly butting heads and trying to piss each other off instead of reaching anything resembling an understanding.

I am in dire need of an internet detox.

I had to completely block the yahoo homepage because I would get sucked into reading comments and feeling awful about them. I switched to reading the good old-fashioned newspaper that we get at work, and it's surprisingly refreshing to get to the end of the article and not have 10,000 commenters telling you what you should think about it.
I'm all for internet detoxes. I do them off and on throughout the year, sometimes going an entire month without internet, other times I just take a week off and it feels great. I highly recommend it.

 

[Odo]

I had to completely block the yahoo homepage because I would get sucked into reading comments and feeling awful about them. I switched to reading the good old-fashioned newspaper that we get at work, and it's surprisingly refreshing to get to the end of the article and not have 10,000 commenters telling you what you should think about it.
I'm all for internet detoxes. I do them off and on throughout the year, sometimes going an entire month without internet, other times I just take a week off and it feels great. I highly recommend it.

That's great! I don't think I could ever go a month without Internet. The last time I even approached a detox was when I went hiking in the mountains for 10 days... that was probably the first time I felt like I might have a problem with being online, because while I was walking through the tallest, most beautiful mountains on the planet, I had this weird craving for the comfort and familiarity of the usual online bullshit, which isn't something I used to feel at all when traveling.

But I think I spend so much time online because I can't stand going out and being this totally outrageously uptight and paranoid bundle of nerves that can barely even function, always feeling like I'm on the verge of some terrible, unspecified event. I can stay in the comfort of my home and type everything out with the ability to edit or delete my mistakes and not really have to worry about anything because nobody really knows me and there's no pressure to tangibly interact with anyone, and I guess I can keep people at a safe distance.

I do sometimes feel like smashing my computer... I think my off-grid fantasy is a synthesis of my need to do something good, escape other people, think less, do more and detox from the Internet/electromagnetic radiation and such.

 

[Odo]

For the past hour or so I've been procrastinating and reading the articles on this site:

Privilege, Entitlement and Dating | Paging Dr. NerdLove

And even though they're largely taking shots at insecure men like me, I'm finding them oddly empowering. There are the usual men complaining about how women are too demanding/have all the sexual power and women complaining endlessly about the creeps in their lives in the comments section... but I think that ultimately he makes some pretty good points.

I'm finding comfort in the idea of dating/being my age as naturally painful and awkward as opposed to something I just suck at/can't enjoy like normal people. I think because my biggest fear is that I'm a loser who isn't doing it right. It's a lot easier to face something if it's normal and happens to everyone.

I have written myself and everything else off as 'hopeless'... and while I do think there is legitimate cause for alarm with the climate and even to some extent society, it also takes energy to be negative, and then it takes energy to pull myself away from the negativity. So I'm fighting myself, and then fighting the damage I cause to myself.

I suppose there's merit in any sort of change, though... there are some people who don't even fight their way back to zero, and I would say that the tension between self-harm and recovery results also lends itself to a perspective, but it's not a very positive application of energy.

Maybe it's simply a bad habit that I have to break... even though I've been doing it for so long that it's like a security blanket or something.

 

[MikeyC]

Regarding the comments stuff: I feel the same when reading YouTube comments. Everyone's arguing, nobody agrees with anyone, nobody can spell - it's the low point of society right there! I try not to read them but sometimes I get sucked into it.

With the dating stuff, men and women both find that the opposite sex can be difficult to navigate for several reasons, but we all still want to date and find someone who is compatible. I don't think you're "hopeless" - everyone doesn't know how to date when they are first getting into it! Or are you talking about in general?

 

[Odo]

With the dating stuff, men and women both find that the opposite sex can be difficult to navigate for several reasons, but we all still want to date and find someone who is compatible. I don't think you're "hopeless" - everyone doesn't know how to date when they are first getting into it! Or are you talking about in general?

Actually, I was talking about in general... I'm kind of obsessed with the climate and what's going to happen in the future.

I have gone on dates in the past and have had relationships... but it was quite a long time ago... and I had a lot of personality flaws back then that really put people off.

I think I'm better now but I'm also older and it shows... it could always be worse but it's harder because the prospects are slimmer, I'm more demanding/less patient than I used to be, and I think the younger, more-likely-to-be-single girls would probably write me off as a creep if I tried to talk to them.

Living in Korea wasn't psychologically all that great for me either and I was there for far too long so I lost a lot of contacts, and living with my parents isn't helping me to reintegrate into western society.

I think I will get at least some of my confidence back if I can get a decent job and start living on my own...hopefully in a place where there are single people my own age or reasonably younger/older. My parents live in the countryside and the closest town is mostly a retirement community where the only single people were teen pregnancies, married or just not that bright. Most of the people who could escape this place did, and Canadian small towns in general seem to be dying out with the boomers.

I guess I've known people who had relationships while living with their parents but I don't think I could even admit to a potential SO that I was doing it right now. At my age one of the first questions out of someone's mouth is 'what do you do?' and I really can't imagine anyone being too impressed after I tell them that I'm unemployed and living with my parents... they'll probably think I'm a deadbeat loser.

I am working towards something better and I could probably go to China or something and easily find someone and live there forever... but I really don't want to live away from my parents.

 

[MikeyC]

Actually, I was talking about in general... I'm kind of obsessed with the climate and what's going to happen in the future.

A girl I know used to think the same: whenever she'd think about the future, she would get upset and have anxiety attacks. I think that was her future, though, not for the world itself. I think you have justified concerns for climate change, to be honest.

Living in Korea wasn't psychologically all that great for me either and I was there for far too long so I lost a lot of contacts, and living with my parents isn't helping me to reintegrate into western society.

You'll have to forgive me, as I haven't read all of this thread, but I didn't know you lived in Korea for some time. Apart from losing a lot of contacts you had, was Korea a nice place to live? How long were you there?

I think I will get at least some of my confidence back if I can get a decent job and start living on my own.

I think that's a good start, mate. Of course, look for the job first. I know that there's mining places in Canada that are screaming for people, if you're willing to travel, but that's up to you. I hope you find something, so then you can get your own place.

 

[Odo]

A girl I know used to think the same: whenever she'd think about the future, she would get upset and have anxiety attacks. I think that was her future, though, not for the world itself. I think you have justified concerns for climate change, to be honest.

Yeah... I keep reading all of this stuff online and I think I'll need to ease myself into self-sufficiency, just in case. They say Canada is going to fare really, really well in a warmer climate in terms of agriculture and there are going to be climate refugees so land value is probably going to go up... I don't want to get priced out of the market when the rich people from the less fruitful countries get here.

You'll have to forgive me, as I haven't read all of this thread, but I didn't know you lived in Korea for some time. Apart from losing a lot of contacts you had, was Korea a nice place to live? How long were you there?

I've been bouncing around Asia since 2004... and was in Korea for almost 6 years. It was a comfortable lifestyle and I got to travel a lot, but you can never really belong in a country like that, and they go out of their way to let you know it. It wasn't really 'nice', but it had its charms.

I think that's a good start, mate. Of course, look for the job first. I know that there's mining places in Canada that are screaming for people, if you're willing to travel, but that's up to you. I hope you find something, so then you can get your own place.

I have a lot of issues with the mining and the oil sands. They're looking for unskilled labor there so there are jobs, but it's a lot of part-time work which, while paying well, doesn't last. It also means you're working in a place that's responsible for half of the emissions in a country with the fourth worst per capita emissions rate in the world (Australia being number 1)... and the shit they're pulling out of the ground is dirty to use. I can't be a part of that without becoming an enormous hypocrite.

I'm planning on getting into web development/online stuff... and probably doing some day trading to supplement my income. I can always go back to Korea or China or Saudi or something... but I really don't want to. I just need to stick with this and keep studying and building sites and not give up... but until I can get to the point where I know enough to get paid. I could move out now if I wanted, but I feel like I would have a hard time breaking even in this kind of job market.

 

[MikeyC]

Yeah... I keep reading all of this stuff online and I think I'll need to ease myself into self-sufficiency, just in case. They say Canada is going to fare really, really well in a warmer climate in terms of agriculture and there are going to be climate refugees so land value is probably going to go up... I don't want to get priced out of the market when the rich people from the less fruitful countries get here.

Canada will fare well because of your cooler climate, so a few degrees warmer over there will make it a more habitable country to live in. Australia, on the other hand, with our already warm climate, abundant desert, extreme weather patterns, and cities on the coastline, will be one of the worst affected countries in the world. Lucky us, huh? ::

I've been bouncing around Asia since 2004... and was in Korea for almost 6 years. It was a comfortable lifestyle and I got to travel a lot, but you can never really belong in a country like that, and they go out of their way to let you know it. It wasn't really 'nice', but it had its charms.

I can imagine that Korea would be a tough place to live, but you seemed to make it work for six years. I think that's a pretty commendable effort!

I have a lot of issues with the mining and the oil sands. They're looking for unskilled labor there so there are jobs, but it's a lot of part-time work which, while paying well, doesn't last. It also means you're working in a place that's responsible for half of the emissions in a country with the fourth worst per capita emissions rate in the world (Australia being number 1)... and the shit they're pulling out of the ground is dirty to use. I can't be a part of that without becoming an enormous hypocrite.

I knew Australia was number one on that list, which makes no flippin' sense because we're a sunny country...why aren't we harnessing solar power to the extent we can? It's so strange. I can see your reluctance there so I don't blame you for not wanting to work in the mines.