as it almost always is with every single post I make on this forum - I come to conclusions based on how I interpret the world. If I am so wrong, where did I get these conclusions to begin with...? I keep seeing evidence that tells me my conclusions are correct.... there must be some truth to it...generally speaking...surely...?
I dont want to turn this into a "why dont women like nice guys" thread. Been there... turns to crap and everyone feels bad, but I still believe that shyness/confidence is judged more harshly by everybody if you are a male - and its all because of gender roles and identity.
And while we are on the subject of confidence.... what is the difference between confidence and arrogance anyway? People are always telling me to be more confident ... but no one ever defines what confidence means...and why is it so important to begin with? Why is THAT the one thing that matters so much.
Look... I think I should just leave it here... because every sentence I start I have a feeling that I am just going to come across like a complete misogynistic douche... lets just say that for some reason, I am never going to make the grade... because I never do. I dont know why... I feel like I have nothing to offer, and I think the reason is because I dont fit into they typical "strong, secure - I can take care of you" mould. Observable evidence suggests to me that there is always something 'better' if you have the power to attain it.
btw this isnt just about women either - its about men reacting toward other men - I dont have any male friends because I am not a typical guy - guys cant relate to me.... I dont know anything about cars or rugby or drinking beer ... I use please and thank yous and am interested in talking about the way people feel.
This thread is doing my head in because I cant express what I want to say without the risk of coming across like a complete dickhead.
I am not saying that society doesn't view shy guys in a negative light. I mean, they do... the majority does. Sure they are judged more harshly, it is true. But does that mean you are wrong for being shy? No. Does that mean you "fail at being a man"? No. Does not fitting the mold mean you should change? No. You might not fit the mold of what society tells you to be, but that is a GOOD THING.
Not everyone wants what the majority wants.
Confidence is not saying "I am not good enough." Confidence is saying "I am shy and I am worth it. I have good qualities. I am nice and someone is going to see that in me." Confident people don't put themselves down. And why is confidence important? Because who wants to be around someone who is constantly negative about themselves? It isn't fun carrying on a friendship or a conversation with a Negative Nancy/Ned.
Arrogance is when someone is just a complete butthole about it. "I am hot so that means I am better than you." "I make lots of money so if you make less money than me than I am going to judge you for it." That type of thing is arrogance.
I don't think you are coming across like a dickhead at all. You are coming across like you have zero confidence in yourself. You don't seem mean, you seem like a caring guy with a huge heart that just wants to find his place in the world. You are struggling and it shows in here. Nothing in here has made you seem like a jerk at all. You aren't a jerk, I just have to try and find more ways to make it clear. The point I was trying to make in my replies is that the "I am not good enough attitude" is what is hurting you. The fact that you think you have nothing to offer because you are different than the majority of society is what is hurting things.
Everyone has their place. It is like once I went to a BBQ with my mom. It was at one of her co-worker's house. My mom is, not that talk-a-tive, she is NOT one of the popular people. She is fairly shy and quiet, like me. She doesn't really have many friends. But I noticed something while at the BBQ, even if she doesn't have a lot of friends, she does have some and those few that she has are real friends who like her for her. The people at the BBQ really enjoy being around my mom, they have the same kind of interests as her. It is sort of hard to explain I guess, but that was her group, her niche in the world.
Also, I play board games with a couple people that I met online. They are all guys and they are all (no offense at all) VERY nerdy. They like sci-fi, computer games, and they hate sports. They found each other through mutual interests. They also don't like drinking or partying or any of that stuff. Our "parties" include food and board games. I get along with them for the most part because I enjoy board games. I am really, really quiet but they still accept me into their group. They understand I have social problems and they still accept me.
There are other guys out there who don't want to talk about sports or don't know anything about sports and who don't like drinking. There are girls who really enjoy the nice guys who are more quiet and easy going. There are PLENTY of positives for you being the person you are. You are an amazing person with SO MUCH to offer everyone, men and women. Once you see that, others will see that as well. You will find your place in the world, because you aren't a lost cause. There is a place for everyone. I didn't do a great job of explaining with my examples, but just because you haven't found your friend/friends yet who share your interest doesn't mean you won't. You don't need to change, you need to be like "HEY WORLD! I AM SHY AND I AM CARING. I HATE SPORTS AND DRINKING! I WOULD RATHER TALK ABOUT DEEPER ISSUES AND I AM AWESOME!" and the people who are just like you will see that and be like ME TOO! and then you will be friends because the right kind of people found you because you were being you.
I think you're awesome, I do. I really hope that my posts haven't made you feel worse about yourself. I hope that I am not too mean. I think you have so sooo much to offer.
Also, just to kind of reply with the theme of the other replies, short guys are hot. Tall guys are hot too. Medium guys are hot...I just can't decide. But yeah, short is a good thing.
I just had another thought. As far as "seeing the world" and gathering conclusions based on "evidence". Most of what I have been saying... in fact everything I have been saying has been that you shouldn't put yourself down and thinking you aren't good enough is a bad thing. I have also said that some girls prefer shy guys, that being shy isn't always a bad thing. I have never once called you a jerk, no one has. No one has said anything bad about you at all. Yet the one thing that you have gathered and taken from everything is how your posts are making you sound like a jerk who hates women. Now, are your thoughts based on the "evidence" in this thread of "society"? Or is it something that you are forming in your head?
. if your only 5'6 like me and have a case of short man syndrome, you need to get a towering, monstrous, 4x4 
