goodbye earth. *waves*

[ImNotNTheMood]

As I write this I'm sitting in the school restroom skipping class. Again. I really don't know my reason to be living because I know when I'm an adult I'm most likely going to be homeless. My therapist needs me to stay 2 full days at school in class but I can't do that. + my "therapist" sucks. I would try and learn to play guitar a little better but i doubt I'll have much time since i might be called for truancy and locked up. If that happens then I'll off myself the day before. Im forced to do this cause I'm naturally a lazy bum and i won't get anywhere in life. Im tired of my mom and step dad telling me this, it just makes me sad and more suicidal. I definitely won't make it another 3 years in school. I don't know how much longer I'll be around. But when i do off myself I'll send my mom a text before i do it. I've ****ed up my own life and now it's time to end it. I won't leave a mess for anyone to clean up. I cry when i think about how my mom will feel when I'm dead, but id rather be dead then putting her old a$$ thru all of this BS. My zodiac sign is Leo sun and Pisces moon so i care for people to much and I'm to nice. I hate this. Even if someone did something horrible to me and i wooped Their candy a$$ i would feel horribly bad for them afterwards. Hopefully this post doesn't get deleted. -_-

 

[Etbow23]

Okay so I can tell you now I've been in the same situation as you...I've tried suicide three times & each time didn't work. I've run away too but ended up back where I started & worse.

If you kill yourself they say when you come back , you pick up where you left off.

Life's a b & all type of crap gets thrown at us..some more than others honestly. It won't be forever though

 

[sullyS25]

Why dont you try and concentrate on the things that are going great in your life. You can try and respond by saying nothing is great but that is a load of ****. You have a roof over your head, you have access to a computer and the internet, you mentioned your mom would be sad so obviously you have a mother that loves you, you have the resources to see a therapist (even if they do suck) and on and on. If you put all this energy you put into feeling sorry for yourself into trying to do something to change the way you are feeling then you would be in a great place.

I dont mean to be harsh but I am not going to give into this attempt for you to get attention and have people feel sorry for you because it will motivate you to do it some more. I have seen other posts from you that are similar to this and to me it seems like you like the attention you get when you say you want to die. I am not doubting that you are suffering but let's be completely honest here, you like it when people feel sorry for you. This may be conscious or subconscious but there is no doubt you enjoy the attention you get from these cries for help.

I am very sorry you are suffering and I wish there was some magical formula you could drink to make things all better so no one would suffer but that isn't the way it is. You must do something and sitting back and constantly whining just makes things worse and keeps you in the same place. If you dont like your therapist....get another one. Explore other resources of alleviating this pain. Unless deep down inside you are unconsciously attracted to it. I see so many people complain about the way things are yet they never try anything to change it....that makes me believe they really are attracted to those feelings.

I know how you're feeling, I used to be the same way until I realized that constant complaining and living in depression got me no where. It just made my social life worse as well because no one wanted to be around a depressed negative nancy. I researched ways to get out of this hole, I found mentors that have been through it, I read inspirational books, I worked out and on and on...

All I am saying that if you truly want things to change you will go to any length to change the way things are. Constant whining and complaining will get you no where and make things worse....You make the decision....do you want to be happy or continue suffering....I wish you the best....

Much love

 

[coyote]

things don't stay the same forever

in fact, the entire universe is changing every second

you're not the same person you were 10 years ago

what makes you think you'll be the same person ten years from now?

or even tomorrow?

the world around you will also change

the things that are troubling you in your life right now will pass

other things will take their place

some will be bad, but some will be good

if you end it now, you'll miss out on all the good stuff

 

[R3K]

so i've heard so far that you want to be a rapper, or some kind of music artist... and you're only 15 and giving up already::? cmmon man, all the crap you gotta go through now is temporary. just grin and bear it and get through it and focus on your interests/passions. you haven't even begun to experience the awesome things in life yet.

 

[BlackPuma]

Nothing is worse for a parent then loosing their child. While the situation you're in might be difficult for everyone, it'll be a thousand times worse for them when they feel like they failed you. They'll ask themselves ''Why?'' for the rest of their days, without the ability to ever have it answered.

Death is not an alternative to life, it's the opposite of it. No second chances, no coming back, eternally gone. Not just for yourself, but for others too. They might be able to cope, but they'll always feel it.

Rather, try to identify the harmful elements in your life. What makes you happy, and what makes you relaxed. When you've done that make a solid plan to achieve a better life.

Besides, things can change over night sometimes. If you can't handle life, then just handle individual days. Turn it into smaller sections. That's what I did. I couldn't handle things, so I pretended there was a reboot every week. New week, new chances. It helps.

No matter what you've done, no matter what you didn't do, and no matter for how long, there's no possible bigger screw up on a personal level then committing suicide this early in life. See what it has to offer, and then fight for it. Things change, they really do.

 

[MsBuzzkillington]

You are going to hurt your mom A LOT if you kill yourself. You are going to put her through A LOT of pain for the rest of her life if you do this. Parents simply don't ever get over losing a child.

I hope that you can get through this really rough patch to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

 

[MollyBeGood]

Hi again,
I used to feel the exact same way as you in school but I had no therapist to talk to ever(even though you say yours sucks-get another one?). I skipped classes all the time because being in social situations was pure torture to me-I couldn't ever speak-up or raise my hand because the attention would make me want to die. I am really surprised I graduated and I was lucky i found something(horses)that helped me get through those awful years. You are lucky too in more ways than you realize. You have a mom who adores you from the sounds of it... some kids are beaten and abused by their parents and you have a super-loving momma. You have a dream of becoming famous some kids never have any dreams of anything other than a hope of a meal to eat and a warm dry place to sleep. Be grateful for those things you do have. Do some charity work or something to keep your self from feeling so sorry for yourself. Do anything but "off yourself" because that's is one thing that you can never re-do. When it's done it's done and your mom will forever be in pain if you end your life...you won't feel this bad forever I guarantee it. Once you get out of school you will find a place in the world. I did and I was the same messed up person that you were at your age. Trust me things will get better. You have to try and keep fighting. Be tough. You're a good kid. You have a lot of things that are holding you down but what doesn't kill you will make you stronger and you will make it through this. I hope someone gets through to you soon *Hugs* from me.

 

[Iluv]

Hi. I'm sorry to hear about your situation.:: . But please don't kill yourself.
When I was suicidal, I stumbled across this site.
Suicide: Read This First
It has helplines and some good information. I read it whenever I feel like I want to die. You don't have to, it's just something that helped me.

I look at it this way. Suicide doesn't only kill yourself it kills the people around you. Your life is much more than just a piece of paper you can tear away. You will one day find happiness.

 

[OceanMist]

I think a big problem is where you say you are naturally lazy. That sounds like an excuse to not do things like your school work.

Nobody is naturally lazy. Laziness is a choice usually.

It sounds like you are making excuses to avoid doing things that aren't fun. Complaining and making excuses won't get you anywhere like Sully said. You have to work to achieve stuff in this world, sadly enough. I wish it were easier but it isn't.

You are what you think. If you keep thinking you are lazy bum then you'll be just that.

 

[theslowesthand]

Death is not an alternative to life, it's the opposite of it. No second chances, no coming back, eternally gone

Not even that. From my readings, death is just death of the body - the spirit carries on "living" almost as if nothing has happened!. So then, this infers that one CANNOT "totally anihiliate" themselves ever (of course, things change at the spirit level just as on the physical level)

 

[kilojoule]

Suicide ruins a lot more lives than the one life it takes

 

[Feathers]

Hey there!

When I was 16 or so, I was suicidal too!! (for some dumb reason, slightly school-related too yikes!!)
But I'm SOOO glad that I didn't go through with it - I've experienced SOO MANY good things since then!!

School isn't EVERYTHING!! There are many successful people who didn't do well in school!!

Even living on the streets may not be such a horrible thing - especially if you mean to be a rapper/musician?? It can be a Life Lesson you can later sing or rap about!! I think famous singer Jewel was living in a van at a time??
Pink was running away from home and quarrelling A LOT with her parents until she made it BIG too!! (I don't know that much about rappers but I think Eminem rapped about bad home life too?? I think many have been through A LOT!!! And later inspired others with their music!!)

What do you mean by being 'locked up'? at school or at home? I think even being grounded for a few weeks/months could be 'survivable'?? People can survive many difficult things and emerge stronger!!
(And maybe you could even learn guitar online meanwhile? Or just to play chords or tabs, with lyrics.. There are many great sites & YouTube videos or such online!!)
Or you could learn guitar in the summer, in holidays??

Parents can be worried and may use words they might later regret or forget!!
Can you get your therapist to get your mum and stepdad to read this book: How to Talk to Kids by Faber and Mazlish? (There are 2 versions: one for home life and one for school, both are great & it would probably be good if your parents could read them!!) How To Talk So Kids Can Learn says that it's not good to 'label' kids with 'lazy bum' or such - they may start believing it!! (Like you did??)

You are MUCH MORE than that!! That is just ONE ASPECT that mum & stepdad may have seen in you!! (maybe they have a problem with being 'workaholic' or trouble relaxing?? my dad can be like that, yikes!!)

Some of the world's 'greatest inventors' have been 'lazy bum' (honestly do you think anyone would ever invent cars or electric mixers or machines if people wouldn't be 'too lazy' to walk or do everything by hand all the time?)

Do you have any other relatives (grandma, uncles or aunts?) or family friends that you could stay with at least occasionally?

Parents can be worried in this 'economic crisis' about financial things etc and may see 'school' as a way out.. It's better that you're ALIVE tho - you can get school certificates later or enrol in evening class if needed!!
Some people started working and then finished education etc.

It's better if you can stay in school and not skip classes - teachers can sometimes be understanding if you talk to them and make an effort??
It can be difficult, I know... Can you try your best for a few months and then RELAX in holidays??
Can you get transferred to another school maybe, if this one doesn't interest you at all? Or are some classes/teachers okay-ish?

It's GOOD that you are caring & nice!! More people in this world need to be this way!! And the way things are going - we need all the caring people to survive and stay strong!!

Please take care & stay strong!!

 

[theslowesthand]

How's it going ImNotNTheMood?
Actually been playin some (older) rap myself lately, namely Eminem & Cypress Hill - the only rap i've really liked.
And i chanced upon it this page Intense rap about suicide - Think Twice .. thought i'd post the link here, as it seems "right up your alley". It's quite a gem...

 

[Etbow23]

Not even that. From my readings, death is just death of the body - the spirit carries on "living" almost as if nothing has happened!. So then, this infers that one CANNOT "totally anihiliate" themselves ever (of course, things change at the spirit level just as on the physical level)

I guess this is debatable simply because we really don't know what happens after we die. Regardless of what religion or science says, no human really knows.

 

[jonas89]

Don't know if this matter or too late but my Dear Friend. It is my hope that you will find happiness and joy in your life. Hang in there, friend. You live the life you are given, because you are the only one strong enough to live it.