isolationcansuck
New member
I really want a good friend , just someone nice and sensitive to what I'm going through and who doesn't judge me much when I'm having a hard time and is supportive. What type of friend do you want?
Good friends
- Thread starter isolationcansuck
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MtBikeDude
Well-known member
I want a Labrador Retriever that I can take running, hiking, camping and kayaking. :
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chr1st1llus1on
New member
Someone who will listen to what I have to say and won't ignore me.
pinata
Well-known member
I like the way you put that
StandingJelly
Well-known member
A friend who will stay as a friend forever, someone I can rely to fall back on vice versa. Someone who I'll always feel safe to be with, and I know that he/she will not reject me.
YellowBird
Well-known member
i need someone to feel comfortable with,to laugh and have fun and occasionally have deep conversations,but mostly i want to have a good time,i'm naturally very passionate about life and if it wasn't this freakin' %$(O&$$*^(@# i would be enjoying every minute of it.
OceanMist
Well-known member
I had like 15 friends or so, and none of them fit that profile you just described. Instead, they just complained about my disorder and acted like my SAD was entirely my fault.
They weren't supportive, they were unsupportive. They found ways to make fun of me instead of help me.
I think men have a harder time finding sensitive friends that understand when a guy is going through a rough time. I question whether it's even possible to find a friend that actually cares about me after what I've gone through with the "friends" I've had.
Someone who I have strong chemistry with and is understanding. They also have to be more social than me, definitely. Someone I can share my biggest issues with. And someone who's patient! I find that people want to be friends instantly these days, and if you don't hit it off, they're done with you. So someone who isn't like that.
My Entropy
New member
At uni had lots of friends but I never really felt close to any nor felt i could share the many things i was feeling. It used to really annoy me as i felt this was something everyone else had, and i am a nice person, not undeserving. I wised up to a few things over time:
Firstly i think this desperation to have amazing friendships stemmed from sitcoms such as Friends! They are an impossible bunch to mimic and i learned not to aspire to such an idealised group that all look great, hook up occasionally, and unconditionally like each other and get over any issues.
Secondly looking for everything in one person is almost impossible. So i relate and converse to each persons best quality, i have different friends i go to when i want a laugh, some sympathy, some advice or some intellectual stimulus.
Thirdly so much of my initial yearning for a good friend was to have sympathetic good ear. But sympathy is never really a basis for a friendship, its an incredibly draining thing to provide sympathy to someone. Looking for sympathy is a card you can play every once in a while but you really have to earn it over time. I think most of us wish new great people will just enter our lives to bring us back up to happiness straight away but no true friendships can forge unless you make the other person feel good somehow. I practised a brave face and smile for 6 months before bringing any of my problem feelings into the mix and people were way more willing to lend me their time after that.
Finally meet people in very different places, it was a safe thing to do to cling on to uni friends, but it was a greater thing in the end to have friends in very different places. Join a karate class, piano, painting etc and you will dramatically increase your reach. Its like aiming for 50 friends, making maybe 10 acquaintances and then making 2 good friends.
Firstly i think this desperation to have amazing friendships stemmed from sitcoms such as Friends! They are an impossible bunch to mimic and i learned not to aspire to such an idealised group that all look great, hook up occasionally, and unconditionally like each other and get over any issues.
Secondly looking for everything in one person is almost impossible. So i relate and converse to each persons best quality, i have different friends i go to when i want a laugh, some sympathy, some advice or some intellectual stimulus.
Thirdly so much of my initial yearning for a good friend was to have sympathetic good ear. But sympathy is never really a basis for a friendship, its an incredibly draining thing to provide sympathy to someone. Looking for sympathy is a card you can play every once in a while but you really have to earn it over time. I think most of us wish new great people will just enter our lives to bring us back up to happiness straight away but no true friendships can forge unless you make the other person feel good somehow. I practised a brave face and smile for 6 months before bringing any of my problem feelings into the mix and people were way more willing to lend me their time after that.
Finally meet people in very different places, it was a safe thing to do to cling on to uni friends, but it was a greater thing in the end to have friends in very different places. Join a karate class, piano, painting etc and you will dramatically increase your reach. Its like aiming for 50 friends, making maybe 10 acquaintances and then making 2 good friends.
If I could have any kind of friend I wanted, I would want an invincible alien robot friend. He would disintegrate anything that pissed me off, and if I decided the human race needed to go, he wouldn't mind incinerating the entire planet for me. I think that's what really defines a true friend.
OceanMist
Well-known member
The minute they find out you have SA they immediately put you on the end of the list for people to call when they want to hang out. I'm like the ugly duckling that isn't ugly. All talking is exchanged between them, and then when they try to include me in the conversation it's some negative observation of the way I act (You're so quiet, you need help, he doesn't know anything, you're weird).
Hoppy
Well-known member
I want a Labrador Retriever that I can take running, hiking, camping and kayaking. :
I've got a Labrador retriever that has been my constant companion now for 12 years. She goes to work with me every day and I took her for a walk every night.
When she was younger she was much more active than she is now, and I had to take her to the river to swim and for very long walks. She sit in the front of the car next to me, and been in many shops with me.
It doesn't really make up for the lack of people.
OceanMist
Well-known member
Yes, I'm glad you understand that. That's what a fair amount of people in the world fail to understand. We need people.
I've had people tell me on the internet to "get a dog" or "get hobbies." I have a dog, I have hobbies. Those things can't possibly make up for not having friends or a g/f. They just don't fill that human need for human connection that we all have.
I hate that we have that, but it's there, and when we ignore it and try to avoid people all the time, it spreads into loneliness, which really sucks. I'm struggling with it right now in my life.