Do you think You really have SA or maybe its not

[popolala]

Just, im hearing people are saying they can put on a good act and appear all confident around others, but i dont understand. If you can be confident around others, how can you say you have social Phobia.

Maybe my definition is different to some people.

To me someone with Social Phobia is as it is written literally, with the Phobia... totally scared and shy to the max, and so nervous, sweating, awkward, low-voice, shaky hands, numb legs, not focus, blush, too shy to smile..

But then there are others who say they have social phobia and say they can put on a good act, so basically they are confident enough to put on an act. which i dont understand. If you have that confident to act, then how can you have that social anxiety. They said they laugh, smile alot, and can seem all confident. But then they isolate themselves and complain about this social phobia which they dont seem to have...

They say their mind go's blank when they communicating with others, but is it really the phobia that is making you blank, are you like panicing inside, worrying too much.. or isit you just have communication problem.. which isnt really social phobia.. its just you are not listening or interested.

Maybe there are degrees of severity, i guess if you are confident enough to put on an act, then thats good thing, and should be on the way to recovery.

This is just my opinion, i could be wrong... i like to hear your understanding of it though.

 

[leave_me_alone]

Being confident doesnt equal act being confident, if that makes any sense. I think thats the main point here.

I try to act confident, but 90% times i fail. Sometimes when i am lucky, i can put up a good act. That still doesnt mean that my heartrate isnt skyrocketing, my mouth is dry, my hands shaking etc.

But yeah, i read some posts when people say stuff like they enjoy public speaking and such, which is one of my worst fears.

 

[SPV]

I can't tell for sure what people on here are like. but I always find it quite rare to meet people who are as full-on social phobic as I am, then again I don't come here a lot.
But may be like you said everyone has it different.

 

[DespairSoul]

Hello Popolala,

Interesting question again

Yes i agree there is really "degrees of severity" if is going about Social phobia.
Let me answer your question:

I think people what can communicate and be confident are just good at acting and is for
them more important don't make fool of them self they are able control the fear and hide
it real feelings inside like something no one can discover i think some people can have
very good self control on theirs body and mind even if they are social phobic and isn't
so much seems on them. U can be "mild" social phobic, also "severe" social phobic.
U can also have just some sings from Social phobia but not all of them.

Edit> I agree with post above "act confident" and "being naturaly confident" is two different things.

U can play role of confident person but u can be miserable while screaming inside.

 

[Mokkat]

You don't really understand SA then. I can be sincerely confident and witty with some of my friends, and then later that day be petrified, with heart pounding, by my door by the thought of meeting anyone when I step out to get the mail.

I wish I was shy honestly, to the point where I would not be able to appear falsely confident and outgoing in groups. Then maybe I wouldnt weird people out with the "confident one moment, mute at the slightest personal moment" - and maybe an outgoing girl would find me interesting

 

[LonelyWonders]

I agree with how Mokkat put it.

I can be sincerely confident and witty with some of my friends, and then later that day be petrified, with heart pounding, by my door by the thought of meeting anyone when I step out to get the mail.

It depends on who you're with and the situation. Some situations aren't that bad and you can fake it. Some are to bad and you get over run with fear and anxiety that you can hardly move.. Situations make the biggest difference, and with the "degrees of severity" thing it works perfectly. As well as for the degree of somebodys SA severity.

 

[Shant]

Basically (for me) I may appear confident to others, but I'm still incredibly tense with anxiety.

I can put on an act but it's like trying to... it's like trying to do homework with a headache. Or playing sports with a broken arm. Possible but very uncomfortable.

Then lying under that is the typical self consciousness, and of course, the feeling of really just wanting to be elsewhere alone.

 

[LazyHermitCrab]

It comes and goes for me, depends on the situation. Sometimes it's unbearable like my brain is filled with soda or something and other times it's ok. When i'm out in public, my voice changes to a lower mumbly tone though, all day at work especially. If i'm with a good friend it's better though. My calm meter I guess you could call it can change fast. For instance one of my friends visited me at work and i acted friendly and the moment she left i couldn't speak straight and felt frusterated again :/ Someone at work called me an airhead because of this....

 

[coyote]

as others have said

I have learned to project confidence outwardly, even though I may be experiencing a great deal of anxiety inwardly

and that's just in the situations that I can't avoid, or haven't given myself the option of avoiding

as my problems grew worse, i found that I simply avoided more and more situations that made me uncomfortable, rather than attempting to bottle up my anxiety and act as though I was confident

so people who only ever see the confident side of me become confused and disappointed when i don't live up to the expectations they have of me

they assume I'm lazy, stupid, incompetent, or uncaring - when I'm really just scared

but I'm even more scared of them knowing that I'm scared

so when they see me, I'm confident, well spoken, and quick to lie, blame, or otherwise make excuses for my failures

the fear is real and it causes problems, regardless of whether I allow anyone to see it

 

[geekyloaner]

Sad part is social phobia and social anxiety are two different things. yes, phobia can bring on anxiety, but it starts with fear of people which grows to become a panic attacks and so forth. I do have social Phobia I avoid people as much as I can were some just have anxiety were people just make them hyper but are still able to talk to people and have a social life. What calms me is not seeing the person physically and realizing that we are all two eyes and a brain thats it our body is just a tool for our brain is the way I have been fighting my phobia. I do have bi polar which doesn't help anxiety. I have had to get over my fear of heights, roller coasters, bugs, animals, and of the dark. Also still a little afraid to sleep. There is a cure it just doesn't work for everyone. Phobias are easy to cure you force yourself to do things you fear. With anxiety it should work with any anxiety pill I have seen unsocial people go from not talking to be an awesome person (they don't talk to me though after that and end up making fun of me and telling my secrets to people because we where friends or so I thought). Like I said before most people are not helped by a pill. Thats just my experience though. It takes a certain type of person or body make up to do well with pills mostly people who were on a lot of pills or growing up I have noticed do really well (I wasn't though and my mother never took me to the doctor I really didn't need it the only time I went was for tonsils). Sadly like me I can't take my bi polar pill that cures it I am allergic to it. Sadly I am not the only one though. Hey I'm not a psychologist ask them this question.

 

[killertubbie]

Hello Popolala,

Interesting question again

Yes i agree there is really "degrees of severity" if is going about Social phobia.
Let me answer your question:

I think people what can communicate and be confident are just good at acting and is for
them more important don't make fool of them self they are able control the fear and hide
it real feelings inside like something no one can discover i think some people can have
very good self control on theirs body and mind even if they are social phobic and isn't
so much seems on them. U can be "mild" social phobic, also "severe" social phobic.
U can also have just some sings from Social phobia but not all of them.

Edit> I agree with post above "act confident" and "being naturaly confident" is two different things.

U can play role of confident person but u can be miserable while screaming inside.

I think that's one of the right explanation to it. For me, there is no black or white and it is grey area in my case. I'm not sure where I stand but I'm pretty sure I have an averageAPD (avoidance personality disorder) more than SA. If I have SA, I'm pretty sure it's mild. Sometimes I'm wondering if I'm wrong being here.

 

[popolala]

Thanks DespairSoul for compliment on my thread

also maybe there is a difference between acting confident and being confident, then the issue is confidence... which is an issue for SA anyways

i know you may not believe there is a social phobic out there like the one i describe, but believe me, there is.. you just havent met me yet.

 

[Hottie]

I have said before many times here that i am a confident person deep down. But i have come to realise from reading thru them responces.......maybe i am just acting confident...I dont know...

But i do believe that if i didnt have social anxiety i would be confident. People do not know that inside i am full of anxiety symptoms. I suffer from blushing and when i blush, then my confidence is shattered becoz people notice my anxities.

when i was younger, i was really confident and so much so that i was able to lead a group. Now because of blushing, i DO NOT want to lead a group, i want to hide away in the backround. But if i didnt have blushing (erythrophobia) i think i wouldnt have social anxiety. My social anxiety comes from the fear that i may blush in public...

(i think this is a good question, and honestly i feel it relates to me alot. I want to reply more but atm my brain is not working properly as i am shattered and need to sleep. I want to think about this more and reply again, so i will do so after i get some well deserved sleep!)

But, final note for now is...i believe for everyone, their situation is different and therefore we each have different personalities...

 

[DespairSoul]

Thanks DespairSoul for compliment on my thread

also maybe there is a difference between acting confident and being confident, then the issue is confidence... which is an issue for SA anyways

i know you may not believe there is a social phobic out there like the one i describe, but believe me, there is.. you just havent met me yet.

U are welcome

Yes it is if i have good day i can play role of confident person. At the moment what i do so i feel unnatural and not being me because i don't have confidence. I dislike pretending i'm confident while i'm not. I like be natural me but i'm scared show true scared me some days then i try pretend i'm ok, i feel fine and free. Those faze i can have by "shortcoming" mostly i give the impression of person which something fear or is nerves. No no i believe that those "social phobic" what u was describing actually exist which are chatty, smiling and give impression of confident person. What is going inside that person u will not discover but believe is a hell i know it. I can be chatty as well and talk only coz i don't want people know something is wrong but my smile is nerves,hands,posture of body(is pretty seems i have issues with communication many times i say stuff which i normal wouldn't ask or say but nerves make good their work). Also i experienced ticks like if i go and no one is around and he/she jump from the corner on me then my body give a tug *sigh sigh* In front of people which i know well i can more relax and too be more confident but still isn't real natural confidence which i will never have always i will play some role which make feeling bad about myself. Pretending and fake behaving is the thing which i dislike from whole heart.

>Edit> About playing be confident if i overact i can look pretty funny coz i try so much that i actually screw up if give this any sense.

 

[killertubbie]

U are welcome

Yes it is if i have good day i can play role of confident person. At the moment what i do so i feel unnatural and not being me because i don't have confidence. I dislike pretending i'm confident while i'm not. I like be natural me but i'm scared show true scared me some days then i try pretend i'm ok, i feel fine and free. Those faze i can have by "shortcoming" mostly i give the impression of person which something fear or is nerves. No no i believe that those "social phobic" what u was describing actually exist which are chatty, smiling and give impression of confident person. What is going inside that person u will not discover but believe is a hell i know it. I can be chatty as well and talk only coz i don't want people know something is wrong but my smile is nerves,hands,posture of body(is pretty seems i have issues with communication many times i say stuff which i normal wouldn't ask or say but nerves make good their work). Also i experienced ticks like if i go and no one is around and he/she jump from the corner on me then my body give a tug *sigh sigh* In front of people which i know well i can more relax and too be more confident but still isn't real natural confidence which i will never have always i will play some role which make feeling bad about myself. Pretending and fake behaving is the thing which i dislike from whole heart.

>Edit> About playing be confident if i overact i can look pretty funny coz i try so much that i actually screw up if give this any sense.

Did you ever wish a world where everyone should befriend with you or us for who we really are instead of acting a certain way so therefore just to be loved and accepted?

I find it sad that we have to pretend to be confident and talkative just to prove that we're interesting. The way you're describing your behaviors, well I kinda feel like I'm not that alone and made me think there's probably a lot of people out there who's faking confidence and has SA and they're probably not conscious about it.

 

[geekyloaner]

Did you ever wish a world where everyone should befriend with you or us for who we really are instead of acting a certain way so therefore just to be loved and accepted?

I find it sad that we have to pretend to be confident and talkative just to prove that we're interesting. The way you're describing your behaviors, well I kinda feel like I'm not that alone and made me think there's probably a lot of people out there who's faking confidence and has SA and they're probably not conscious about it.

You know I have to agree and psychologist say oh you change for them ah no I am a human being and not a follower and I do not work well in anything in a team of more then two people so I have to change for them screw that "I yam what yam and thats all the I yam" -Popeye the sailor man he even says but these psychologist want us to be like everyone else. lets all stick together and say screw you guys we are awesome I am acting right now if I had to say that right now in person I would run so yes you can act confident but being confident is being confident in yourself that is the difference.

 

[killertubbie]

Just, im hearing people are saying they can put on a good act and appear all confident around others, but i dont understand. If you can be confident around others, how can you say you have social Phobia.

Maybe my definition is different to some people.

To me someone with Social Phobia is as it is written literally, with the Phobia... totally scared and shy to the max, and so nervous, sweating, awkward, low-voice, shaky hands, numb legs, not focus, blush, too shy to smile..

But then there are others who say they have social phobia and say they can put on a good act, so basically they are confident enough to put on an act. which i dont understand. If you have that confident to act, then how can you have that social anxiety. They said they laugh, smile alot, and can seem all confident. But then they isolate themselves and complain about this social phobia which they dont seem to have...

They say their mind go's blank when they communicating with others, but is it really the phobia that is making you blank, are you like panicing inside, worrying too much.. or isit you just have communication problem.. which isnt really social phobia.. its just you are not listening or interested.

Maybe there are degrees of severity, i guess if you are confident enough to put on an act, then thats good thing, and should be on the way to recovery.

This is just my opinion, i could be wrong... i like to hear your understanding of it though.

I don't think you're that wrong and I'm also questionning about myself. I don't know about others. As for me, I think I have a personality disorder and I'm not sure what it is precisely. I don't think it is severe because I think I can recover by myself sooner or later. I know I'm not displaying awkwardness, shaky hand, sweating, etc.

There's days I'm feeling incoherent when I talk and trying hard to act cool. Sometimes it's working, sometimes it's a complete failure. Maybe I'm lousy at communicating but still, I hate the feeling of awkwardness, total silence and being embarassed in public...

 

[popolala]

I think its okay to act confident if you able to, me in the other hand cannot do that, because im just so shy. Its better if its natural, im sure you guys are confident inside, just need to have that confident to bring it out. Most likely the problem is self-esteem and finding happiness ....

 

[Feathers]

Hmm there was a thread about whether SA and AvPD are two different things and a discussion whether it's better to think of only one 'fear' or these many things/'disorders'.. I honestly don't know and it seems even psychologists/experts have different opinions on these things..

Different things seem to help different people... And yup, there are degrees of severity and degrees of situation.. the same person can be perfectly okay in one situation, different with other people or a different situation... (and may be okay with speaking informally with not so many people in one setting, hands and voice may shake if speaking up loud before a whole group in the same larger setting..)

So just because someone may look confident in one situation/setting, DON'T assume they are that way in all settings in their lives!! Even a tyrant or nagging boss may for example be afraid of his wife or mother in law... (these are things jokes are made of! ) Usually almost everybody is afraid of or for something, people just have different things they are afraid of... for example, someone may worry about kids and health, another may worry about presentations... it's just different situations and topics of 'worry' or 'fear'...

Oh, and I think everybody is welcome on this forum to learn and explore things, even if you're just interested to find out if you or other people around you might have it... (There are some sub-forums for other things too..) Beware it's addictive tho! And you do need to balance it with real life stuff too.. which is sometimes easier said than done..

 

[DespairSoul]

Did you ever wish a world where everyone should befriend with you or us for who we really are instead of acting a certain way so therefore just to be loved and accepted?

I find it sad that we have to pretend to be confident and talkative just to prove that we're interesting. The way you're describing your behaviors, well I kinda feel like I'm not that alone and made me think there's probably a lot of people out there who's faking confidence and has SA and they're probably not conscious about it.

Killertubbie

Yes i dream about world where everyone should befriend. I know is impossible wish. Logic i know this won't never happened. But i don't understand why not to befriend as enemies? I think is much better. Why not give respect to any human being with nice smile and greeting for example? Why look dirty on others with hate and ridiculing? I don't understand world at all. Yes i find it sad to pretend who i'm not but u know where i'm now? I'm not able pretend anymore. I don't have powers anymore pretend. Well i'm not gonna scream out there "Helloo i have SA ya know" but i just put head down because i can't put my head up and pretend all the time, i'm instead pretending rather escaping from situations. I guess so u are right a lot of people is pretending confidence while they feel miserable. I just don't know who do it so and who not? I never met someone with so severe SA as i have Thank u for your reaction on my message.