Blue Teardrops
Banned
I'm not trying to convince anyone and never was. I appreciate all points of view and can disagree just as well.
Do You Want Kids? Do you already have their names picked out but..
- Thread starter Blue Teardrops
- Start date
I'm not trying to convince anyone and never was. I appreciate all points of view and can disagree just as well.
Pookah
Well-known member
That last post wasn't really pointed at you, but others who I disagreed with on the last page or so.
I was going to add to my last post in an edit "To the original poster, this is only how I feel on the large scale. You have presented yourself as a very well-spoken individual and I would not wish unhappiness on you in any respect. I think you would be a good parent." But I'll place it here.
It is possible to have a general opinion on an issue but on an individual basis feel otherwise.
Blue Teardrops
Banned
I agree, if people have children, there should be a limit, maybe two at most. The Duggar family does not represent my idea of responsible parenting.
Blue Teardrops
Banned
Blue Teardrops
Banned
for some reason, I can't edit my posts because it keeps logging me out. But whatever.
I wanted to add that I also am thinking seriously of adopting. I'd like to have two of my own and adopt two more. It would be nice to give existing children a chance at a good family life.
iamthenra
Well-known member
When the decision is made between two adults to procreate, you are in fact making this decision initially for yourself... SELF!! Right? Baby John Doe or Jane Doe has no say in the matter... You're putting your own needs wants before the future childs wants and needs. What if the child doesn't want to be here? It's the parents, that WANT the child initially... Some want the child just so that they can say they have one... without regard to the childs welfare... My view point is strictly from my own life and experiences. I do not impose my views on others, because who am I to say to anyone else how to live your life. These are just my views on it, mine, my own. If you want a dozen kids, hey go knock yourself out. At least I am being honest... IMO
Selfishness - It is the act of placing one's own needs or desires above the needs or desires of others.
Reiji Moritsugu
Well-known member
I agree with you on that...when YOU want to have kids it is because YOU make the decision, there is nothing like the unborn baby sending "I want to be in this world!!" messages or anything like that, so according to the definition of selfishness you just gave this is not a 100% selfless act...
To stay on topic I don´t want to even think about having kids until I have all or most of my mental issues somewhat fixed or at least alleviated...not only there is the possibility of passing some to them through genetics, but there is also the fact that someone who is as screwed up as I am right now wouldn´t precisely be a good, or even acceptable, parent.
See you around
Nicholas
Well-known member
Same as me. Those three sentences might sum up part of my situation too. I don't have alopecia, but I have generalized hyperhidrosis, which has ruined my life and is limiting everything I would like to do my life.
I also want a life-long relationship with someone who will be my best friend, so that there will be total sincerity and trust.
I also worry that I will never be able to find anyone, since I'm 25, I'm still trying to find a way to be happy without letting my hyperhidrosis kill me, trying to find my way in life, I have no chances to meet new people for now and anyway... Finding a soulmate is very very difficult for normal people, let alone for me... there are few girls who might be compatible with me around, they are rare. So what's the probability my dreams will come true? And my fear is that soon the nice, compatible girls will all be taken (I have noticed the girls I consider "nice" all seem to be taken), and I'll just be alone with my problems.
But unlike you, I don't think of the names of my future kids. I don't even know if I CAN have kids (I wouldn't really care. I can always adopt some... provided my partner doesn't mind not having natural children... and she won't mind only if she has a certain kind of personality... and so it all boils down to finding a certain kind of girl again, which is difficult for everyone, let alone me)... I don't even know when I will find a girl and IF I will ever find ONE who actually likes me, what she'll be like, what I will do in my life... So why dream of the details? Yeah, I daydream, but I don't take the details in my dreams too seriously...
Don't focus on the details... The details never come true. Solve your other problems first... if you can (that is, improve your self-esteem, meet people, guys, etc. All the rest will come later).
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Blue Teardrops
Banned
I am really truly sorry for what you went through, iamthenra. My mother was sexually, emotionally, and physically abused very badly by her mother and step father until she ran away across the US at the age of 15 to live with her father. She had a very troubled life, until she had me, and she considers me and my sister to be the best things that have ever happened to her. She is my best friend, and I do not consider her selfish at all for having me and my sister.
What is selfish is to have children without wanting them in the first place and without desiring and committing your whole heart and soul to giving them the best life possible. I don't want a child just to say I have one. That would be very unfair to my child, and myself. I want to have a child because I feel that, in my point of view, it is the best thing that can happen to a person who is fit to be a parent, and I would ensure that I am not having the child in disregard of his or her own welfare. That would make me a bad parent, and there are way too many of those out there. So, I don't think my mother is selfish and I don't think I am selfish for wanting a child and won't feel guilty when or if I do have one because I know in my heart I would make a good parent.
The sad part for me is, I am one of those women who really want a child, but unfortunately, with my PCOS, I may be doomed never to be able to have one, even if hell freezes over and I finally find Mr. Right.
Pookah
Well-known member
I am sorry to hear you have PCOS, I have it as well and it is a particularly cruel malady for a female. Have you looked into the metformin or cinnamon treatments? When the time comes there are fertility treatments as well that have met with success according to many on the PCOS forums.
Tiercel
Well-known member
I've been keeping an eye on this thread, and I guess I'll finally chime in. Sometimes I think that I'd love to someday have two or three kids if I would meet someone special. But first I need to do some serious work on myself before I think about taking responsibility for anyone else.
But at other times I think we need more war and disease. Plague outbreaks were rather interesting. And I can think of a handful of wars that I could say the same about. In my heart I know it's wrong, but on my worse days I really wish someone would throw a match on the powder keg of humanity.
So for now I compromise. I don't actively seek out a significant other, and I only read about war and disease. I leave it to others to play with matches.
But at other times I think we need more war and disease. Plague outbreaks were rather interesting. And I can think of a handful of wars that I could say the same about. In my heart I know it's wrong, but on my worse days I really wish someone would throw a match on the powder keg of humanity.
So for now I compromise. I don't actively seek out a significant other, and I only read about war and disease. I leave it to others to play with matches.
Blue Teardrops
Banned
I've heard of metformen, but haven't really looked into it. I've mainly been put on a birth control regimen for it. I haven't heard of cinnamon treatments, but I'll look into it. Yeah, PCOS is a b****. Due to all the pelvic pain I have constantly, I also think it's caused endometriosis, where your lining is on the outside of your uterus. Ugh it sucks. I'm sorry you have it too, Maybe one day there will be a cure for us. I'm not a member of that soulcysters website, but I've been meaning to go on there for some possible answers.
Flowers-Of-Bloom
Well-known member
I really don't like babies or children... :| They don't seem to like me either.
Suppose if I were to have a child (more likely I would rather buy a dog, cat, bird or a low maintenance pet) I would call him/her by the name of "Ariel" after the spirit of the same name in Shakespeare's The Tempest. It is unisex, with the meaning "Lion of God."
Such a wonderful name...
Suppose if I were to have a child (more likely I would rather buy a dog, cat, bird or a low maintenance pet) I would call him/her by the name of "Ariel" after the spirit of the same name in Shakespeare's The Tempest. It is unisex, with the meaning "Lion of God."
Such a wonderful name...
scarletlee
Well-known member
Kids... another sore subject. It's properly weird for a guy(?) but I feel like the
lovely Tina Fey in the movie : Baby Mama (2008) !
Of course I don't go around touching and smelling other people's babies ::smile:: but there is this strange mixture of happiness & sadness when I see a cute little baby.
A little story :
Once upon a time in a dentist's waiting room : A little baby girl, age : just before they start crawling, was playing on the floor with her toys. I gave her a little smile and she responded immediately with a smile, which resulted in me giving her a even bigger smile, and she responded immediately again with a even bigger smile. In the end she was smiling from ear to ear and waving her arms around like crazy. Then I suddenly realized; I'm never going to get a beautiful little baby like that, and got very sad. Understandably the parents started looking at me in a weird way, but lucky it was their turn a couple minutes later. When I got home, I just couldn't control my feelings anymore; I cried and cried. Even writing this little story made my eyes watery. ::blushing::
Brian from reading your post i think you have what it takes to make a really great dad oneday, those magic moments are what it's all about..for both parent and bubs! Beautiful.
PennyLane
Well-known member
I'd love to have babies....but I often ask myself if im capable or if I would make have lack of confidence as they learn through example.
I worry that if I had them to satisfy my own urge then I might end up with really unhappy kids, which would be awful. I would not want someone I love to feel the way I do.
I worry that if I had them to satisfy my own urge then I might end up with really unhappy kids, which would be awful. I would not want someone I love to feel the way I do.
FountainandFairfax
in a VAN down by the RIVER
If I did, I always liked the names Eric and Miranda.
This quote made me befriend you. Less than three.
VioletTears
Well-known member
I have one child. He'll be three in another month. When we decided to have him I was much more stable and it seemed like a great decission. I'm a preschool teacher and kids have always been drawn to me, I really thought that a child would be fortunate to have me as their mom. And for the first year it felt good. After that my depression became really intense, so as a result the past two years have been a struggle. Don't get me wrong, I love him more than anything in the world, but when you're barely hanging on it's a lot of responsibility.
I really want to give him a sibling but I don't know if I can handle it. I feel like I need to get better first... and who knows if I ever will.
I don't think I'm a bad mom though. I think I have good and bad qualities just like any other mom. And fortunately my husband is more stable than I am. I think we balance each other out as parents.
I really want to give him a sibling but I don't know if I can handle it. I feel like I need to get better first... and who knows if I ever will.
I don't think I'm a bad mom though. I think I have good and bad qualities just like any other mom. And fortunately my husband is more stable than I am. I think we balance each other out as parents.