Females Don't Take Initiative because..

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I got married, but my situation is unique.

Originally, i was dating my wife's best friend. I met my current wife through my ex. Me and that girl broke up, but my wife and me stayed friends, and she ended up moving to my city to go to university. At the time we were just good friends, nothing was there feelings wise, but they say proximity breeds that. We discovered we both had ALOT more in common than either of us realized, including that both of us are S/A pretty badly. I realize the odds of this must be 1 in a million. And the whole time, my ex, and her best friends, had been waiting for us to hook up, thinking we were perfect for one another. And we are.

How did we get past the initial fears?. Well, considering weve known eachother going on 10 yrs now and have only been together for 5....yea it took a long long time. Eventually we fumbled our way into a kiss. And that was it for us.

My story most likely wont be very inspiring because of the circumstances surrounding it. And i understand that.

The reality of just how rare this is for someone with S/A makes me cherish her all that much more, and i make sure i always stop, kiss her, tell her i love her, at least once a day. Doesnt matter if im late for work, or whatever is going on.

If i had to start again and find a life partner im really not sure i could.

I know that it's rare for a girl to ask a guy out but it did happen to me on several occasions and they weren't desperate, or maybe they were desperate to get with me I don't know.

But as far as I'm concern I'll never be able to ask a girl who i'm not close friend with. I won't ask even if i'm 99% sure.

I don't think any one get past over their great fears or insecurities, I just think they think or know that the reward out weights the consequences.

Not all women like confident men. I don't. I mean, I don't mind them, ut I wouldn't wanna go out with one. I've always preferred shy, quiet men. Admittedly I might never get anywhere with them as I'm too social phobic to talk to a man let alone ask one out but yeah, I expect the man to make the first move. I'm old-fashioned like that.

Women are surprisingly tolerant. I've only ever had enough courage to ask two women out in my life. They both said yes. Maybe if I'd asked more often, and made better choices in who I directed my romantic interest towards.

Kiwong said:

Women are surprisingly tolerant. I've only ever had enough courage to ask two women out in my life. They both said yes. Maybe if I'd asked more often, and made better choices in who I directed my romantic interest towards.

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I don't know about that. I usually get shot down, or ignored completely. Maybe I'm just hideous or something, though.

powerfulthoughts said:

Very rarely will a female initiate a date with a guy, unless she is extremely desperate?

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I don't think this is true. If a girl likes a guy, she will ask him out. I have had girls ask me out in the past. The ledger is evening out.

powerfulthoughts said:

Are there any guys here who have been successful with women at all? If so, how did you get past your great fears and insecurities to take the risk to ask her out?

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One girl I really liked in 2009 I ended up just psyching myself into asking her out. She said no but I felt better after I did it.

MikeyC said:

One girl I really liked in 2009 I ended up just psyching myself into asking her out. She said no but I felt better after I did it.

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Hell yah, you gotta be like the Terminator. Shoot me down all you want, I'm still coming.

bcsr said:

Hell yah, you gotta be like the Terminator. Shoot me down all you want, I'm still coming.

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I literally had 20 seconds to psych myself into doing it because there was no other time after that, so I managed to do it...somehow. We actually became better friends after that, strangely enough.

Would the Terminator do that, though? He would shoot her in the face if she said no!

If there is a girl I like, I usually can't find the courage to ask her out. I'm a total loser when it comes to that...I get so nervous I can't even make sense of what I'm saying. I know most like confident men, which I'm not however I'm trying to go by this line: Fake it till you make it.

It's hard to fake confidence though and they usually see through it, makes me want to run away and hide when I think they see that I'm not really confident...

powerfulthoughts said:

But I believe this is the rare exception to the rule, though. I know there are women out there who will, but they are a very rare and exceptional breed. I wish there were more.

I don't blame the females who won't initiate, though. Because it is not her "job" to do it. It's sort of an unspoken rule of life. In fact, nature has called males to fulfill this role, I think.

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I don't know, mate. I don't think it's as rare as you're envisioning. Maybe I'm wrong.

Maybe it's not her "job," specifically, but if a girl likes a boy, and she has the confidence to ask people out, I can't imagine she'll let that opportunity slip through her fingers if she can help it.

powerfulthoughts said:

Awesome. Wish I had the courage to do even that, one time. I think I'll eventually get there.. I can sort of see the idea of it becoming less and less painful in my mind, as well as the exaggerated fear.

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I'm still VERY fearful of it...probably more now than I was back then. It's easy to do in theory, and if she's not a basketcase she won't get offended/angry. It's just the issue of putting all your cards out on the table. It's the all-or-nothing play.

MikeyC said:

I literally had 20 seconds to psych myself into doing it because there was no other time after that, so I managed to do it...somehow. We actually became better friends after that, strangely enough.

Would the Terminator do that, though? He would shoot her in the face if she said no!

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Terminators gonna Terminate...

But nah, just take the persistence aspect of the Terminator, not so much the shooting of faces. lol.

powerfulthoughts said:

Trust me, where I am from, it's rare. Guys are very aggressive here, and ask for girls' numbers like nobody's business. Maybe in Australia it's different.

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That happens here, too, but it would happen the opposite way if a girl fancied a guy.

powerfulthoughts said:

Yeah, fear is one of life's worst enemies, afaic.

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Some would argue it's one of life's great motivators.

Well, in the last 10 years, I've had 7 serious relationships (each lasting between 3 months and 4 years) and I had to initiate all of them. I think the reason for that is that I never had female friends, so there was never any foundation for them. All of these relationships I had came about from either drinking at the bars, or from meeting online, with me making all the moves. But I'm not the sort of guy who can approach a whole bunch of women easily. Still, when I think about the success/rejection ratio, I've been really very lucky. So hopefully other guys here aren't put off by having to take initiative, because if you have the guts to do so, you'll quite often get what you want. I'm proof of that. It does make me think though that a lot of women are missing out on a lot of good guys - if I hadn't been so proactive, they would never have got to know me.

Kinetik said:

So hopefully other guys here aren't put off by having to take initiative, because if you have the guts to do so, you'll quite often get what you want. I'm proof of that.

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Well, you look like a good looking fellow. I, however, am definitely not.
My success/fail ratio is horrible.

If only I'd made better choices in who I directed my romantic interest towards. That was my biggest mistake.

well, I also never had a girlfriend or even slightly a chance of it. I also always think that once she knows me, she's gonna dislike me cause what a failure I am.
I have never had the courage/guts to tell a girl that I like her. I remember when I was younger (9-13 , now I'm 19) many girls were interested in me, even the hottest ones, of course I escaped from that and didn't let them come close, till it was too late. I always think , if i only back then experienced some relation with girls, now i wouldn't be so scared about failing.
I posted 2 pictures here and got positive feedback, what i didn't expect. Maybe i will get the courage and in a near future meet/know/speak with a girl i like.

And to all you guys, you shouldn't be afraid to fail, everyone fails, but sometimes we will also succeed, and that succeed will stay in our hearts. I know its easier to say than actually do it. lol

I have found that some girls who like you will take the initiative,this just happened today to me,of course she had help from other people

The last three girls I was with initiated. lol.
I think if any girl's keen enough she'll make a move.

My current girlfriend was the one who asked me out