TailsAlone
Well-known member
I do. At first it was the only thing I could say for sure. I didn't know what was wrong with me. I'm undiagnosed and fear the idea of going to a therapist, as it would just confirm to everyone I know that something's wrong...but I'm 99% sure I've got AvPD. I found the definition online somehow and it was like reading the story of my life.
When people push me away or criticize me, it's like a dagger in my heart and it ruins my day. I'm afraid to disagree with anyone. I nod or flash a fake nervous smile instead of saying hello. When I have to speak, it's often hesitant and forced. I hate introducing myself to people and wouldn't dream of asking out a girl. I don't try to make friends, don't hang out with anybody and my one serious relationship was over two years ago. I resent the people around me for being able to communicate so much better--and at the same time, squandering that gift by saying so little that is relevant or meaningful. I escape the pain of my life with books, movies, games and fantasies. If I could I would stay at home 23 hours a day talking to myself and buying stuff with my debit card.
Nobody ever seemed to understand. There is almost nothing more annoying than when an attractive, popular person says condescending stuff to me like “everyone is beautiful inside,” “you can do anything if you try,” “just do it, don’t be shy.” You can tell right away that these people don’t get it. Don’t be shy? That’s the best they can do? As if I haven’t spent my whole life telling myself that. As if I knew of any other way to be.
Until last week, I thought I was all alone with these problems, and still don't feel like I really belong anywhere. But now I know there are some people just like me.
Thanks for being here.
When people push me away or criticize me, it's like a dagger in my heart and it ruins my day. I'm afraid to disagree with anyone. I nod or flash a fake nervous smile instead of saying hello. When I have to speak, it's often hesitant and forced. I hate introducing myself to people and wouldn't dream of asking out a girl. I don't try to make friends, don't hang out with anybody and my one serious relationship was over two years ago. I resent the people around me for being able to communicate so much better--and at the same time, squandering that gift by saying so little that is relevant or meaningful. I escape the pain of my life with books, movies, games and fantasies. If I could I would stay at home 23 hours a day talking to myself and buying stuff with my debit card.
Nobody ever seemed to understand. There is almost nothing more annoying than when an attractive, popular person says condescending stuff to me like “everyone is beautiful inside,” “you can do anything if you try,” “just do it, don’t be shy.” You can tell right away that these people don’t get it. Don’t be shy? That’s the best they can do? As if I haven’t spent my whole life telling myself that. As if I knew of any other way to be.
Until last week, I thought I was all alone with these problems, and still don't feel like I really belong anywhere. But now I know there are some people just like me.
Thanks for being here.
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