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Old 05-18-2018
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For me, it's "where did you get that?!" (a chuckle) in gr. 7
In gr. 9 I had a really bad haircut in which the person scraped my hair and it looked damaged so I looked bad and this guy put a paper on my back. I knew he did it and took it off. He said after school a name he made up for me and said "what are you looking at" like I didn't deserve to look at him just b/c I looked bad. People would know that name. Another girl that year I told her, "you look at me like I'm weird" and she said "You are wierd." I asked her in science class, "r you done' b/c I let her borrow my notes. And she rudely, disrespectfully said 'Does it look like I'm done?" I just meant 'r you almost done?' We went on a trip that year and the people in the car including her I don't know who did it hid a vietnamese sandwich I had and that girl said 'woof'. Then it was given back to me. I learned that if I look bad people wouldn't like me but that's not true with everyone.
A chubby guy that year would come to my locker and like lock it and I had to open it all the time and then once he took it and threw it in the empty little garbage can and this cool girl said 'Don't do that.' And then he stopped.
This girl in grade 7 who looked like a witch said "ill, I hate her!" I didn't think anything was wrong w/ me but she did. She was white (greek) and I'm oriental like I posted in the 'Post your picture thread'. It was a Greek dominated school.
She did the rabbit ears quotation mark behind my head and laughed. She always looked at me in a stare like she thinks I'm not good enough and I only saw her do it to me, not anyone else but she was not nice to others too.

cont... I'm just doing this for healing purposes. I recall I was sixteen and started having eye contact problems and talking to my sister about it or something on my bunkbed, it really hurt. I was devastated b/c I was seen as pretty in the oriental elementary school I was in before and I felt it was important to be good-looking and that was in junior high it was a hard time for me especially then.

Last edited by lily; 05-18-2018 at 03:46 AM.
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Old 05-18-2018
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I don't want things to be stuck in my system so I want to let these things out, it's like a therapy that gets toxins out and I think this can help others too.
p.s. this doesn't have to be about school, it can be about other bad things that have been said or done to you too outside or wherever but I'm centering this on school as it has led me to having eye contact difficulty which I want to get rid of.

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Old 05-18-2018
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Quote:
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I don't want things to be stuck in my system so I want to let these things out, it's like a therapy that gets toxins out
Grapevine does a kind of "automatic writing", which she says helps immensely.

For myself, i wouldn't know where to start, as i've been bullied & picked-on my whole life. So i won't write anything here, for now, unless something comes especially to mind.
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Old 05-18-2018
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Ok but if things get loaded with toxins it has to come out too otherwise there's dis-ease.
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Old 05-18-2018
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I recall crying b/c of something and I couldn't get over it and then I told these people and after magically I felt better like I could live my life basically.
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Old 05-18-2018
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I've been hurt a lot, but i've also written a lot. So i think i may have gotten most things "out" either on paper or on the computer. But i still feel "damaged".
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Old 05-18-2018
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I find that the computer is better and easier to write than in writing.
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Old 05-18-2018
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damaged by what? by bullying? I'm sorry you feel damaged. Hope that continually writing will undamage us.
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Damaged by bullying, ignorant, nasty, bad people. That's a big reason why i have social phobia. But in life, i think for all people, shlt happens. It just varies in amount & severity.
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Old 05-18-2018
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The automatic writing thing is a particularly long saga of woes but it does really really help me like Lowest said : )

I think I was lucky I dont recall getting remarked like that at school but I did have other things that traumatised me.

Thats the thing, if these things really still affect how you see yourself than letting them out like this can be helpful. There is also writing letters to people - just don't send them, there is what my therapist calls 'The Chair Work' which can be hilariously difficult at times as its so confronting. You basically sit facing an empty chair and talk as if the person you have trauma or issues with or have had in your past is sitting there. You even alternate between that being that person and being yourself and getting up to sit in the different chairs. Even so, you can be different parts of yourself with another chair as your 'higher self'. It gets pretty intense, esp with a therapist watching. But you can do it alone too.

For what ever people have said about you, for the things we remember that make wounds- I find that for myself remembering those things makes if hard to remember compliments and nice things from people if and when Ive had some. Because remember our brains go in one-way streets and gather up information to secure a thought and then ultimately a belief. Its worth trying to think of nice things too if you can.
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Old 05-18-2018
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Actually i don't have anyomore to say really. After i went to high school and it was a multi-cultural school and nothing happened except there was this girl who would put up her hand to be against me and after i recieved an easter egg at my locker that when i picked it up it said very thinly the word f- you or something like that and it really hurt b/c i thought someone liked me though i heard her say 'don't tell' but i don't know if it was about me, but after she wasn't like that anymore.

The thing is if i do the Chair Work i wouldn't know what the other person would actually say so i don't want to do it but i know the positive things about me or that others have said about me too, thanks.

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if anyone has any support to give I'd appreciate that too.
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Old 05-19-2018
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, Kids used to follow me and call me "monkey man"

I was called a poofta, sexless, backward.

At work a colleague threw me into a file compactus, because I refused to answer to the name "hermsy."

Lables I have been called.


Weirdo, weird, head job, nut, soft, insane, strange, nut case.

Shirtlifter.

These names really shit me because I look at the people saying them and I humbly think I've got more intelligence in my little finger than they have in their whole body.
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Old 05-19-2018
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Shirtlifter.
Shirtlifter?? Whats that about?
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Old 05-19-2018
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Shirtlifter?? Whats that about?
Someone who's excessively proud of their belly hair pattern.








That's what I want it to mean.
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Old 05-19-2018
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School was horrible but the most hurtful things said to me was by my older brother.

He went on to tell me how I'm a loser because I have no friends, no one likes me, that I will never amount to anything, and all I am is a waste of space.

It's one thing to think that about yourself, but when you have your brother confirm all those things, that they are true, is does hurt. Never forgave him. He never said sorry. I got in trouble for saying "**** you" in response.

He said all that shit to me because he was mad that I let the dog inside of our barn.
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Old 05-20-2018
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Shirtlifter?? Whats that about?
i don't know what head job is either..
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Old 05-20-2018
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Anything you can imagine it has been done to me throughout school..
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Old 05-20-2018
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The worst things people said to me or about me were in regards to my looks. I was called ugly in every way you can think of, every slang word.

I once had my face down in my arms on my desk, and when I looked up a boy's face was right there close to mine, and he said, "Hello!" Another boy said to him, "Eurgh, you got close to it!" It. Like a creature, not a girl.

Another time in English class some girls were loudly discussing who the prettiest girls in the year were, and one particularly loathsome girl shouted my name and then cackled.

I had one boy go "eurgh" every time he saw me, girls throw chewing gum at me. Once in P.E/gym I was crying, and when the teacher sent me off to sit with the bad kids by the fence, I was told by one of the bitchy girls sitting there that I shouldn't cry, it makes me weak. I said it's easy for you.

School was terrible. I got outta there early. Problem is I've been scared of being in public since, believing my face is "too ugly" and liable to be insulted. I learned that my face was remarkably ugly.
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Old 05-26-2018
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i used to have insecurities about the way i dressed. i think the clothes i wore as a child didn't seem to always look right as a teenager even when buying from stores for kids age 14 or 16.

Last edited by lily; 05-26-2018 at 10:07 AM.
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